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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: A sociopath’s power over uninformed humans

Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who calls herself, “Emotionallyraped.”

You meet him (or her). He is charming and kind and exciting. He takes an interest in you and you feel special. He studies you. He learns your likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses. He becomes exactly who you want him to be. He mirrors you. He is a chameleon. He tells you things you want to hear. He is intense. He quickly declares his love for you. He talks about plans for the future. He convinces you that you are meant to be together.

This love is like nothing else you’ve ever experienced. You are high with happiness. You feel sorry for other people who don’t have the love that you two do. He becomes your drug. He’s wedged into your heart. The moment he knows he has you, he changes.

You crave the initial high that this drug gave you. Chasing this high keeps you with him far too long. You can never attain that high again, because none of it was real. It was a set up for your downfall.

Beware the Sociopath

“It” is not hindered with trivial things such as a conscience and knows no limits or boundaries of any nature. It feels no sense of loyalty to anyone but itself. It is a pitiful creature. It must cause havoc and chaos just to feel alive. Its power of persuasion is perfectly mastered.

Humans believe that there is some good in everyone. This is the human’s weakness. Humans cannot fathom pure evil in something that appears human. Something that walks and talks and looks just like them.

The socio tells grand tales so intricately woven with lies, lies, lies. Every action is calculated. It steals and cheats. Everyone it meets is a pawn for its personal entertainment. It creates a circle of people and lies to them all. It plays people against one another. A grand scheme of illusion. Humans are to be used, abused and discarded. The socio is extremely bold with no remorse.

The socio will deplete you and then have the gall to come back with a wild explanation for any damage it has caused. It is persuasive in pursuing forgiveness. It will expel a wet substance from its eyes and make you feel sorry for it. It is much easier to believe the lies than to believe the extent of its evil intentions. You may forgive and then it’s only a matter of time before it comes back to obliterate you.

A once perfectly sane, confident human can be left doubting every aspect of their own being and be left emotionally raped and robbed of dignity.

My story

This was the case for me. I will simplify the events, as there are far too many details to include.

I was married with two children when I met my Socio on April 9th, 2011. I was very unhappy in my 18 year-long marriage. My husband was emotionally and verbally abusive. I was a prime target. Things moved very quickly and within a month of meeting Socio my husband and I had separated. Socio moved in shortly after that, with me and my two girls. This was the relationship I had always dreamed of. My matrimonial home was put up for sale shortly after. Things were good for a time, but after a few short months Socio did some things I was sure I could never forgive him for.

But by October 1, 2011, I had forgiven Socio and we had just moved into a house we rented together. We were putting the past behind us and starting fresh. We were painting and getting things organized. Life was good. I was happy and optimistic. We were planning a life together. The future involved marriage and starting a business together.

Money from house

The proceeds from the sale of my house were held up for a week or so. During that week, socio was acting different. His attitude and the way he treated me was different. His touch felt different. In retrospect, I guess he had had enough of playing this role and was anxious to move on.

Nearing mid October, I had eye surgery scheduled. Socio drove me to the hospital. While waiting for surgery, I found out that my house proceeds had finally been credited to my account. I shared the news with Socio. Huge mistake!

After surgery, the hospital offered to keep me over night because the meds had not worn off and I was still really drowsy. But I went home anyway and crashed. I was thankful that Socio was there to take care of the kids while I rested.

That night, he began executing his plan. He’d take my bank cards and credit cards from my purse during the night, and take cash and cash advances then return the cards to my purse. During the day, he would take my cards, and make large purchases, such as tools at Home Depot, and then sell them. Over a period of a week, he had taken almost everything.

Going to the police

When I found out he was stealing from me, I made a report to the police, but because we were a couple, the officer treated it as a he-said, she-said, domestic dispute. He was not very helpful.

I couldn’t believe this was happening. The police could not arrest him because they had no proof of what I was saying. He was able to walk free while I suffered. I met with the bank manager to inform him. He treated me with skepticism. I was so desperate at this point, I must’ve appeared insane to everyone.

Later, as I was sitting on my porch, Socio came back to the house and boldly tried to enter the house like nothing had happened. I actually got the house key from him and I told him to leave. He laughed and said, “did I scare you?” and then left. It was so creepy.

Stealing more

Then to add salt to my wounds, he later called to say he was sorry, that he wanted to pay back some of the money and to meet him at the bank. While I went to the bank, he broke into my house and stole all my valuables. Jewelry, tools, computer, etc.

Again, I phoned the police to make a report and again they told me I have no proof that it was him. He stole cheques out of my mailbox and cashed them. Then, even after notifying the bank, he was still able to call the bank phone line and have them transfer $300 from my Visa to my bank account and then transfer every last cent from my account to a third party account.

How in the hell was he able to do that?!

I couldn’t even afford a loaf of bread. But what I really wanted was a pack of smokes.

I had a bad breakdown at that point. Something just snapped. I wailed from the pit of my gut. Primal screams. I really was temporarily insane. I was broken.

Police don’t take me seriously

He was such a master, that he was also able to steal thousands more from my 13 year old daughter, my mother and my ex husband.

The police did not take me seriously until the Socio was found impersonating my ex at the bank and they found my Home Depot card on him. He was trying to withdraw $500 from my ex’s account. He was actually successful at withdrawing $500 on four separate occasions, previous to his arrest. He only did 30 days jail time for that.

I found out that a police officer said to my ex-husband, “your ex-wife must be retarded to have been with this guy or she is an accomplice”. The police thought I was crazy and were looking at me as a suspect! That certainly confirmed their attitude towards me.

Because the police didn’t take me seriously, they didn’t act fast enough to get any video footage of socio using my cards at different locations. When socio was finally arrested, the court ordered a restraining order.

After socio’s release from jail, I would see him walking near my house regularly. He knew my schedule and would also turn up where he knew I would be. I would call the police but they would say, “Well, we can’t stop him from walking on the street, ma’am”. I would hear knocks on my windows at night. I would see shadows in the windows. I was afraid.

Hookers and hotels

I found out so many disturbing things through mutual acquaintances and after reviewing credit card statements and phone records.

Socio was seeing hookers. He was staying in hotels and taking cabs with my credit cards. Socio was making crack in my basement. Socio told everyone that I stole from him and left him homeless. He borrowed money from everyone who knew us…such as restaurant staff, our landlord, my babysitter, people he had worked with, my old neighbours, church people, just EVERYONE! So Bold.

And within two weeks of being out of jail he was engaged to someone else. (I did try to warn her but….).

He would fake illnesses and use ambulances as a taxi service and hospitals as a hotel. He would lie to police and have them come to my house where I was forced to defend myself. He was a police informant and sent police on wild goose chases.

I found out that his common-law wife and two young children had not died in a car accident. In fact they were alive and well and he had destroyed them financially as well. He had done this to countless other women. Surprise surprise!

I found out that email conversations I was having with his sister were just him all along using a fake email address. Ugh. The list just goes on and on……lies lies lies. Such deception. By Halloween I was a walking zombie. How appropriate.

Damage lingers

So, obviously, the socio causes damage when it is present in someone’s life. But even if there is no longer any contact with the socio, damage lingers long after the socio is gone. A victim is often left bankrupt, both financially and emotionally. Many times the victim is also left alone to navigate a system not set up for the destruction caused by a sociopath.

My two young daughters were also greatly affected. I was so depressed, I was barely able to get up out of bed. I felt guilty that I had exposed them to such a monster.

Then it struck me. If he was able to do such unconscionable things, might he have abused my youngest daughter who has special needs? I guess I’ll never know for sure.

I found out my eldest was cutting herself. I felt so much shame. I had little energy to fight for myself and nobody understood and some didn’t believe me.

Diagnosed with PTSD

I was diagnosed with PTSD. I was occasionally suicidal. I had to be tested for STDs. My girls and I needed therapy. I had to seek financial assistance. I ran up a lot of debt, living off credit cards and paying for a house I couldn’t afford. I had to wait for my lease to run out and then I had to move. I eventually claimed bankruptcy.

There is so much to the story but the point is he left me annihilated in every way. He also took much pleasure from it all. That is a scary realization.

Very few people “get it” unless they themselves have been a victim. The victim is then victimized again and again by society leaving them feeling isolated which causes further damage.

The aftermath of the Socio’s destruction becomes a financial burden for society while the socio moves on to it’s next target, rarely suffering any consequences. It would be interesting to see just how much socios cost society in services for the victim.

Improvement, but ”¦

It is now 2015. Things have improved quite a bit. I’m financially stable. My girls and I are doing relatively well. But I am still triggered at times and still sleep with a hatchet by my bed. I do feel he’s not done with me yet and fear that he will try to hurt me in someway.

Months ago, I found out that my mother had been targeted by someone on Facebook. She friended him and a relationship soon escalated to her falling in love with this person.

She divorced her husband of 15 years. I, of course, warned her of what to look out for and she assured me that she was no idiot and that just because something bad happened to me doesn’t mean it’s going to happen to her.

Phony Facebook

I checked out his Facebook page and all his friends and details and quickly realized this was a phony Facebook account with phony pictures. There is much to say about this story as well. Just trust me when I tell you I’ve come to KNOW it is my Socio that is targeting my mom. He must be getting so much gratification from this.

My mother won’t listen to reason. I certainly know what that is all about. I have gone to the police, with the evidence that I have, to prove that it is him and they will not do anything. They just tell me to tell my mom to not talk to him. Yeah right. I guess all I can do is be there for her when everything comes to a head. This has really stirred up a lot of triggers and I feel so very helpless.

A Socio’s power over uninformed humans is unimaginable.

Socios are present in every neighbourhood. They appear perfectly human but are fraudulent, empty shells. Be armed with knowledge of their tactics. Only then may you be spared inevitable abuse and heartache.

Peace and Hugs to all Lovefraud readers. If it wasn’t for Lovefraud I really can’t say if I would be writing this today. Lovefraud was very instrumental in saving my life.

Signed,

Emotionallyraped


Comment on this article

59 Comments on "LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: A sociopath’s power over uninformed humans"

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Emotionallyraped – I am so sorry for your experience. The sociopath’s behavior was utterly calculated to exploit you. What a nightmare.

Thank you for sharing.

Emotionallyraped, my gosh this man is on a whole new level of pure pure evil sociopathic craziness. He has done his con so many times that it’s just clock work to him now. I am so sorry that this evil man came into your life and your children’s lives. I am so sorry that you had a break down. This is what they do they push their victims to the edge then shove them completely over the edge. Like a cat playing with a mouse. Hugs to you!

Society does not understand their level of craziness, I too was one who didn’t fully get it. In the past I would have said how could someone fall for their con game…how? Well guess what I too was sucked into my ex h web of lies even though my first impression of him was he a tornado and my second was he was crazy.

How do they con people? they have been conning people since they were children…conning their parents to teachers to the kids in their neighborhood…everyone. And if one or both of their parents are sociopath (which is a high probability) then they learned how to lie and con from their own parents.

My ex sucked me in by being fun & then he soon switched to pity play to get money & smear campaign of others around him if he knew they would for warn me of his con game. Of course I did not buy my ex’s con game at first but he is sooo masterful at pushing everyones limits to get what he wants including mine. Throw in the love bombing and you can see how people get sucked into to their crazy sick & twist world.

Like this guy my ex borrowed money from everyone even when he made 6 figures. He never took a loan out from the bank accept for his house primary mortgage but for any big toy he wanted second home, cars, etc he borrowed money that way he could skip month of paying and have control over people and he could work his con game which he loved and spin their heads away from them being upset that he did not pay that months payment. He loves to lie…he loved this….he loved to have total control over everyone… he loves to take over peoples self thinking…he loves to screw with peoples minds to push them over their emotional limits.

Your story is a perfect example of the original term for sociopath/psychopath = Morally insane.
Which I think Morally insane should be the term now because it explains everything about their crazy evil behavior.

I think you should check with the FBI about your case, I believe the local police do nothing about credit card/bank fraud as it falls under the jurisdiction of the FBI. There is no doubt that this guy has run his same con dozens of times if not hundreds of times and has current victims in his grips.

As for your mother I would go into her facebook page and block this sob, Im with you I think it is him just by his behavior that you posted…even if it is not him he, someone is conning your mom and they need to be stopped. Dr Phil has had countless show on woman getting conned by internet con artist so you might ask her to watch the shows so she learns about the dangers of the internet.

I am truly sorry that you endured this man’s hell. My heart broke reading your story. I am glad that you and your children are doing better. It’s a long process to heal emotional and financially.

Wishing you all the best for your bright future.

Here is the Dept of Justice website with info about cc theft. You also might want to make a appointment with your local prosecutors office to sit down and ask for the steps to get this guy prosecuted for what he has done. Ask the prosecutors office who’s jurisdiction does your case fall under. For CC thefts the police dept are suppose to give you a form to file out but it does not go far but just that form may stop him in future crimes which would help future victims.

http://www.justice.gov/criminal/fraud/websites/idtheft.html

Thank you Jan7 for taking the time to comment on my post. You obviously get it :). I appreciate the website links. I will check them out, but I live in Canada. As for my mom, I am not able to access her profile on Facebook to block him. But even if I could, he’s on his fourth profile. He just keeps changing his name and birthdate to pursue her. She has already blocked him once, but of course he has his hooks in her. I realize I must tread softly with my mom as to not have her turn on me. It’s a tough situation. I have reported each one of his profiles but Facebook doesn’t do anything. It’s only a matter of time and then I’ll be there for her.

Thank you for assuming my future will be bright.
Hugs to you

ER
That’s an unusually skilled socio – more than a lot are.

This might just make a good scoop for a news reporter, or news magazine. They could really sink into this. From there, police and prosecutors can get pressured. There must be a tremendous trail he’s left, if the prosecution takes a look.

Can you find a crime victim’s advocate go’vt organization, or sit down with a public relations person at the police … and figure out which policepersons might be helpful? If you get lucky, you’ll find a way to get through to this police dept.

You said
“did some things I was sure I could never forgive him for”

I’m very curious about those. It’s the early hooks that we all (society) need to learn to spot. These might be a clue — and do you know the even earlier hooks?

For instance, the hook is generally more than “seeming so good” — there’s also a way they raise doubt about oneself and then present themselves as able to answer that doubt — and with all that somewhere will be a subtle threat if you leave, something emotional that makes it feel like you CAN’T leave. I’m still trying to figure it out in my case – but it’s the part of the pattern of abuse.

“He also took much pleasure from it all. That is a scary realization.”

That is the part that’s hard to grasp and then to deal with. It’s not just lack of compassion, it’s anti-compassion.

I don’t personally think these people are devoid of emotion. I suspect most have been so badly damaged in their own lives, that they’ve lost their ability to connect with others. So instead they “connect” by overpowering and manipulating to prevent you from leaving (to them that’s connection)… and rob in efforts to fill up a gaping hole in their sole. A hole that gets bigger with every theft (in the same way that normal people heal with every act of compassion.) They look for their victim to squirm because that tells them they “have a connection” that’s filled with their own power.

There seems to be more of these than society knows about. It would be fantastic if someday you are at a point where you can track the financial damage from even a subset. Those numbers could be used to effect much better legislation, or at a minimum, training for police and court systems. It would even cause more therapists to be aware — and maybe help stop those therapists that are sociopaths.

You seem to be coming together and handling this day by day. It will continue to get better. I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with someone like this.
Curls

Curls, you are right! Hopefully some day I will find the strength to “go big” in informing people. For now all I do is inform the people I meet. I’m continually trying to think of ideas to let more of the masses know about Socios, so those were terrific suggestions. I believe it is our responsibility to keep informing people about the knowledge we now have as victims. I’m seriously thinking about going to the school board and presenting the idea that they teach about socios in schools. But I haven’t done anything yet. I don’t tend to have the energy and drive that I used to.

Thank you for your comments and suggestions.

typo, I meant
“and do you know the even earlier hoods?

To all of you who have commented, thank you for your feedback. I am feeling the love and compassion from you all. XO
My hope is that all of us will reach a place in our lives where we will have healed enough to trust in our ability to spot those who are not worthy of our trust. I have come to realize these people do not have to be sociopaths, necessarily. I have had to reevaluate ALL my relationships. Personal boundaries are essential to weed them out. Moving forward, we must all ask ourselves what type of behavior we are willing to accept from others? At least we now know that all sociopaths operate from the same handbook and now we are armed with that same handbook. Those behaviors should present themselves fairly quickly. It is inevitable that we will run into sociopaths again and again, no doubt we always have. I don’t believe anybody is a magnet for a sociopath, per se. They are just not armed with information and personal boundaries. I was always one to believe people at face value and now I’m a little more skeptical. It is a shame that we cannot live as carefree as we maybe once did. But ignorance is bliss and we are not ignorant anymore.
I consider lovefraud to be a family of sorts. It is amazing to me that we can find a place where we feel safe enough to share and people are nonjudgmental and so very supportive. Thank you Donna for creating this website where we are all able to come together.

Emotional,

Very very accurate description of their evil; and also accurate use of the pronoun ‘it.’ They don’t have gender as humans do.

You sound like a very strong person to survive this as well as you did. Your children are blessed to have you as their mom. Children are amazingly resilient and forgiving – my son has been.

One can report fake facebook accounts to facebook. In my experience, facebook is quick to investigate and to take down fake accounts. On the bottom right of the banner of the fake account click on the line of dots and then report.

Wishing you the best, prayers for your continued recovery. I have found that things keep getting better for me, even though not quite great yet, my life keeps going in the right direction.

That’s all we can do, is go in the right direction. 😉

I wasn’t robbed of money, just my soul. I deactivated my facebook account and even instagram. I don’t even want to see the mutual aquaintences on there that we have. Obviously they don’t know the real him, they are all female and some have been with him many years ago. I could have asked around to find stuff out but you know, I just don’t even want to know at this point. I am trying to emotionally recover. A mutual friend in the beginning even said via facebook message, he is Amazing! Wow. Unbelieveable.

It is probably best not to know.
Good luck in your recovery.

Sorry, I posted a comment that I wanted everyone to see under “curls”. Please read it if you didn’t see it.

Here’s a poem I wrote to remind us what real love looks like.

Authentic Love

Some may feign the words
Simply to gain rewards

Not all who say it mean it
Careful not to be deceived

If you are loved you will know
Love’s byproduct will show

You will be a priority
And talked to honestly

Treated with respect
With promises kept

Love will not judge
Or hold a grudge

Love is a connection
Void of ill intention

Love will accept the faults in you
That’s how you know love is true

There is nothing more comforting
And little more rewarding

Than feeling love from someone who
Loves the very core of you

Emotionally
Thank you for sharing that.:)

You are welcome 🙂

Emotionallyraped,

Due to extensive experience, I get it. I completely understand what you’ve gone through.

I’m glad you have survived and are doing well. I’m worried about your mother though. If you can’t convince her to stay away from him, at least give her the advice to protect all account numbers, credit cards etc. so he doesn’t ruin her financially too.

I still have to fight people in the judicial system who are not supportive of me, even though he just got out of prison for crimes he committed against my family. I don’t put up with their lack of support, and I don’t worry about who gets mad at me for standing up for my right to live in peace. Every time someone new is assigned to this case I have to go through the process of making them realize this is real all over again. It’s maddening but I won’t give up.

I can tell you are a very strong person to have survived all that you have. Never give up.

The system is so very frustrating isn’t it? It is so exhausting to tell your story over and over and to not only explain it but have to convince them that you’re telling the truth.

As for my mom she simply won’t listen to me. But I know that all her accounts are secure from the first time my Socio stole from her. I don’t think it would even matter. If he wanted to steal from her, he probably has the knowhow, no matter how many safeguards are in place. He’s that good….or should I say that bad.

It is frustrating and can be dangerous for the victim. When someone is believing his story they tend to be careless about keeping close watch on him, which puts the victim’s family in danger.

It’s also frustrating to try to warn someone and nave them ignore you. Especially when it’s family.

He once told me he had a photographic memory and I believe it to be true.

Obviously he does too.

Oops. I need new glasses. I thought I read that he told you that YOU have a photographic memory, lol.

Lol

Emotionally, the audio version book The sociopath next door by Harvard Professor Dr Martha Stout is on you tube for free. Maybe you can convince your mother to listen to the book. It will open her eyes to not only why you are trying to protect her but also so that she can fully understand what you have been through yourself. Just a thought.

Thank you for the valuable information

I found it. Thank you. I also watched this bbc documentary which is very informative for anyone to watch.

http://youtu.be/stG2gd9_JUg

Thank you for sharing this. It’s spine chilling to read and I really feel for you. I like you have been left emotionally and financially bankrupt by a person with identical traits. I really feel more needs to be done to warm people of the dangers of these people. Until I read lovefraud I had no idea at all, to be forewarned is to be forearmed!
I wish you well, in solidarity Liz xx

Oh I’m so glad to hear that someone on this site is armed with information BEFORE being exploited. I think they should teach about sociopaths in school.
Thank you for your kind words.

The Gift of Fear is an excellent book about listening to your instincts. The author, Gavin DeBecker, uses real life examples of people who were victimized. He interviews them afterwards and there is almost always something they say that was their instinct trying to tell them that they are in danger.

An example is when you are walking down the street and someone is walking behind you and you get an uneasy feeling that something isn’t right. He may be following you or may not. That uneasy feeling is your inner instinct trying to tell you that you may be in danger.

Unfortunately, I read the book BEFORE I met the psychopath who has stalked me since 2008, and I completely ignored what my instincts were telling me about him. I had this creepy, uneasy feeling, but he was love bombing me and cancelled out my instincts.

When I realized the kind of person I was dealing with and was starting the delicate process of getting myself and my children out of his life, it was interesting to see people who met him for the first time and already had that feeling. I could immediately see that they were uneasy and would have nothing to do with him. I witnessed it many times. The really interesting thing about it is that he hadn’t done anything out of the ordinary. They were introduced and normal introduction words exchanged, but I could see the look of uneasiness on their face. They immediately felt it for no apparent reason.

The reason I said that leaving him was a delicate process is because you have to be very careful when you leave a relationship like this. It can be, and in my case was (and still is), a very dangerous time. You have to be very keen to his attitude and behavior and be very careful how you do it.

It’s frightening how the stories of people who get involved with sociopaths are so similar. And in my case as well, the police said they don’t get involved with “Domestic disputes” and it was my fault that I gave him my credit cards and money. They are not different from any other criminal, yet they get away with their crimes with no consequences.

When I realized I needed protection I told the sheriff’s deputy that I thought I needed and Order of Protection after one of the first incidents. He replied that they don’t just hand them out. Well, I didn’t expect that he could just write one up like a traffic ticket. I had never dealt with this before and needed advice. His reply was the extent of my advice.

Women are usually taught not to be assertive because they don’t want to be seen as pushy or *itchy. They are usually taught that their own needs are secondary to anyone else’s, especially a man’s needs. That’s what makes so many women excellent targets for sociopaths, and why it is so hard for so many women to get the help they need to escape. I bet a female deputy would have told you where to go to file for a protective order. Domestic violence programs are well-versed in how to file protective orders. That is one reason why their help is so essential in communities, because often women’s problems are dismissed without second thought by the powers that be.

Unfortunately not, in my situation. I received no further support from the 2 female sheriff’s deputies I dealt with. When the first one asked if we lived together and I said no, she then asked if he gets his mail at my house, to which I replied again, no.

Yet they all spread rumors that I continued to call him and we were continuing a behind-the-scenes relationship. This is what the stalker would tell them each time he was arrested, and they went along with it. It was just their excuse for failing to protect me from him.

Also, one female deputy put her arm around the stalker’s mom and comforted her when I went to get my things out of the stalker’s camper. It was obvious his mom portrayed stalker as the victim. I was furious and later, at my home, confronted the sheriff’s deputy, asking her when stalker’s family became the victims. She then gave me a hug as if to show me she supports me. She had no clue how to handle the situation.

Wow. I just cannot believe how unprofessional those deputies and other prison workers were to you. It is appalling how they seem to foolishly take what this stalker says about you at face value, and believe him without any questioning whatsoever.

I’m no expert on law enforcement, but surely there must be a way they can get concrete proof whether or not you’ve been calling him; by contacting the phone company and verifying your alleged calls to him, or by simply having you and him give them copies of your phone bill statements from that time frame?

The police needs serious reform; in more ways than one.

Please know you have all my support and then some.

What an insensitive jerk that deputy was. Our local police provided me with a pamphlet of information about domestic violence resources, and told me I could get an order and how to do it. They gave me their card in case I wanted more info from them. I got so much positive support in the course of my victimization; I don’t know what would have happened to me if I hadn’t – I guess I would have lost a lot more and been a lot more damaged.

You are so lucky to have that support. I received none from the county sheriff’s office. Luckily the small town I lived in had a local police officer. He was my lifeline and support throughout. I sold my home and moved out of the county. The police officer has now retired and the county sheriff’s office now polices the town. Glad I’m gone.

Sellenna,

Believe it or not, when they told me he said I text him and invite him over, I told them to get my text messages. They did, and the supportive police officer in my town got back to me. He told me there were no text messages from me to him inviting him over, which I knew. There were text messages where I told him to leave me alone or I was calling the police, the opposite of what he was claiming. I thought for sure this would help me build credibility and it did, but only with the one who was supportive of me. There is corruption in the sheriff’s office and I believe it’s because they don’t have a clue how to do their job.

Now that he is out of prison and I am once again dealing with members of law enforcement who are not supportive of me, I’m giving up on them. I now consider myself to be in charge of keeping my family safe since the people my taxes pay to keep us safe are not doing their job. It’s a true outrage and if anything does happen to us, they will all have blood on their hands.

That is an excellent article and very well written. I like how your refer to the Socio as it. I do too. They are not human and do not even have the instinctual social senses of an animal. It was the most frightening thing I have ever encountered in my life and when I thought it was finally over, my children were grown and I was free at last, it took my daughter away from me using his fake charm, pity, lies and deceit. They are pure evil.

Thank you Delores. So sorry about your daughter.

Hi ER’ed
First, I wanted to tell you, in case you hadn’t found it, that there is an excellent book called “The Emotional Rape Syndrome.” I found it when I was in the post-psycho fog, trying to figure out what the h*ll had happened to me… before I found and embraced the concept of psycho/socio and began to get support from lovefraud, Sandra Brown, etc.

I completely connect with your experience. I wanted to build a case against the psycho who embezzled funds from me during our 10 year relationship to use for young prostitutes and porn. Why didn’t I pursue the case? Because the attorney was not encouraging. As a couple you can only sue (this is in Calif) for the final 12 months of “missapropiated funds.” You will need to be able to produce a paper trail which was a challenge as the psycho was using cash (Actually I saw on the bank statements that the idiot did pay prostitutes with a credit card occasionally, but mostly cash.).

But the main reason that I did not pursue the case is that the attorney I consulted told me to think about the fact that the psycho and his attorney would try to convince the judge or jury that I must have known about and approved of his sexual deviance. They might claim that I was a participant somehow.

I knew that the attorney was correct, that anyone uninformed about psychos would desperately want to believe that I must have known… It protects their fragile view of their own world where they believe that they are knowing and connecting with the humans around them. They don’t want to believe that they themselves could be victim to a psycho so they blame the victim. I knew what a good liar the psycho was. I had believed in him for ten years.

I could not tolerate the evil disgusting thought that a court could rule that I was complicit in using my hard earned money for what I consider human sex slavery.

As I had no children, and had lost everything, I instead plotted to bring the psycho down in every way I could while still remaining out of the legal system myself (nothing violent, I just wanted to destroy his career and reputation so that he could not target other women or earn an easy living to enslave young women caught in prostitution).

I was successful to a point. The psycho has never been able to entrap another woman (all she has to do is Google and she’ll find the trail to follow) and he was laid off and, in the following five years, has never held another job with a reputable company. I informed his entire industry about his true nature. He’s getting older so I doubt he would ever climb back up to where he was. He’s not the powerful charismatic type of psycho, he’s the covert type that fools others through total deception.

I am not on here recommending revenge. If you have anything to lose be ready to lose it.

I wish I had found another path at that time but I did not. Considering I did not see any other paths from that post-psycho-vantage point, I am very glad that I pursued revenge as I believe that it kept me alive temporarily when I did not see any reason to live. I am now at a place where I can explore other ways of relating to the world.

You may have protected some victims from him by going to the trouble to take action. I had an opportunity to intervene and get some information to a new victim my ex spath was grooming. She got away before loosing any more than she had, and I am thankful for her sake. She was recently out of a long abusive marriage, she’d suffered enough.

Thank goodness you were able to put your energies into something to keep you occupied. I don’t know what I would have done without my daughters to keep me going.
You got a few points for Team Human.

The first time the police came to our house, the 911 operator had heard on the phone what was going on and they were ready to take him away if it had happened before. It had, but I was so scared and minimized the little bruise on my leg as just a fight. So they knew I was withholding, they had talked to him, escorted him out of the home telling him to go someplace else for the night, and told me to go have an affair on him since he was so forthcoming in telling me he could sleep with anybody he wanted and I would never know… they did not file a report, although years later the detective was able to locate the call had come in and been responded to. If I had only known the damage he would cause after that night… so many times, too small or vague an injury to do anything about… I think one reason I was getting support after the last assault (2 1/2 yrs after the first 911 call I just talked about) was because the extent of my injuries… the other reason, which I will never know the full story of, is the altercation between him and the arresting officer… when I was “safe” at my friends house that night, he came by after putting my ex in jail and said, he had found “cause” which he emphasized in tone, and then my lawyer told me that there was some aggression… He has no idea what he is, he tells himself he is the victim in every incident he gets into.

Sleeping with protection next to you, I hadn’t thought of that. With my luck, if he ever found me and broke in, he would find the weapon and use it on me… I now have a permanent PO Box! SO Unless Im being followed, I shouldnt be found.

Peace.

I just thought I’d update you all concerning my mom being targeted by my sociopath on Facebook.
The first few times I complained to Facebook saying it was a fake account, they said there was nothing they could do. They said that he was following all the rules of Facebook. But then his profile disappeared so I guess they ended up closing the account anyway.
Everyday, I check my mom’s “friend list” and when she adds him as a friend, I complain about his profile being fake. (He quickly creates new accounts by slightly changing his name or birthdate or place of residency)
I complained about him yesterday and within a short amount of time they had deleted him. Again just now I complained about him. Within minutes his portfolio was gone. He didn’t even have a profile picture up yet. LOL
Yay!
I’m sure this won’t stop them from communicating, but it must be frustrating to him.

I guess I was “lucky” as the arresting officer was so moved, he made sure to appear in court even though he was not being called as a witness. I think he will always remember the terror in my eyes when he first walked into the hospital room… he was so unprepared for how bad the injuries were and how strong my reaction was to him entering the room, he left and my friend spoke with him in the hallway. She later told me his eyes were holding back tears…

Wow. I’m sorry you went through that. I’m glad you had someone in law enforcement who cared about your safety.

OMG this is the most amazing story I read on here. I, too, had my bank account and assets stolen by my husband, so perhps I can relate. But I think this story should be made into a movie. At least a book. Do try to sell your story. You shouldn’t have had to suffer all this in vain.
And the public needs to be made aware.
Perhaps, one day, we will all be able to spot them.
Good luck.

Infinity, you are right. I’d love to write a book about my experience but it is just so convoluted and so many details, I don’t even know where I would begin. And honestly I don’t think I’m ready emotionally. I thought that the little bit that I shared with Lovefraud, would be a healing purge for me, but it brought out quite a bit of emotion and has set me back somewhat. Maybe in years to come ….who knows? But not now.

Consider collaborating with an experienced author – one who helps with the writing part of telling your story.

Emotionallyraped:

Its curious that within minutes of your complaints the profiles are gone. Pls make sure whatever computer or IP address etc you use isnt hacked by this man. I got rid of all my computers I had with my ex, he knew how to get into the “layers” of computer systems and I was freaked out that he could possibly have put spyware… it only takes a few seconds and if you have the same system as when you were together… literally the same computer even if you have had it serviced of wiped, pls consider trying to do a complaint from another unknown computer and see if the profile goes away as quickly. Just a thought. Be wise and prepared.

IAFraud:

It is what it is… It was a beautiful romance with the “perfect man” for 2 1/2 yrs which turned overnight after the marriage into living in hell for 2 1/2 yrs.

Emotionally Raped:

My post was written so quickly I hope it was understandable. The main point is if you have the same computer as when you were with him, he could have put spyware which reads your keystrokes, anytime you type. If you have a different computer, and he found out your IP address somehow, Im sure there is a way he could track your keystrokes or messages sent to Facebook. If you have a friend who is computer tech savvy, ask him about how easy it is to watch someones computer actions. Facebook actually has an area that shows “active usage” in the privacy section. Curious, I went on there only to find my FB account was active in 3 places that I have never logged into my account from. It also showed the devices I do log in from and current login location.

Good luck, as it just sounds like its not a coincidence his account closes just after you complain to them.

You can get someone’s computer’s IP address from an email you receive from them; but there is limited info one can get from an IP address. My understanding is that knowing the IP address won’t allow someone to get into a computer if the computer is protected with a good firewall. I think of the IP address kind of like a physical street and house number address. Knowing where I live doesn’t mean they can (easily) get in if my doors are locked.

Also, I agree it’s very good advice to get a new computer, and a different car also. Car’s can be tracked and the devices can be hard to find. Driving a different car can prevent the ex spath from as easily noticing where you are parked or seeing you drive around, due to recognizing your car.

S2012…you just reminded me that I did come across the “active sessions” area in Facebook once before and I did notice all kinds of active sessions In cities I had not travelled to. It freaked me out and got me really paranoid. Especially since they were places closer to where I had last known socio to be. I closed out the sessions, as Facebook says to do. But then I asked my daughter to check out hers and a few other people that I know to check out theirs….it turns out they all had outstanding sessions. I don’t know how common this is or why it happens but I dismissed it at that time believing that I was over reacting. I checked it another time a while later and again, more active sessions that I deleted. I just checked it now and there’s only the one session that I’m on.
Thanks for reminding me of that feature.

Anyway, as for my computer, he stole that The only thing I have is my phone and it’s new as well. 🙂

Thank you for your concern.

Er,
Thank you…

Dearest Lovefraud readers, the following blog post was written about my sociopath. I was able to equate my feelings for him with addiction very early on. I continue to espouse my theory. I love him. Unconditionally. I have outed him as a sociopath, he did not run, he did hide, he did not deny. He has never stolen from me, never laughed at my pain, never dragged me down, and the probable reason for that is that I keep him at arm’s length and use the positive aspects of his personality to further my own agenda. I can not see myself ever walking away completely, just as I cannot see letting him in completely. This has worked for me for two years:
http://art.deannalynnarzola.com/2013/10/the-object-of-my-affection-deanna-lynn.html

EricaA dear, I am wondering what is the point? How do you know for sure this person has never laughed about you or stolen from you? It’s a bit creepy to think you are intoxicated by this person and yet it seems as though there is no real love between you. Real love is amazing; psycho/sociopath/narcissistic love is fake.

Dear Emotionallyraped. I have not been on LF for a long while. The main reason I don’t come here is because devastating experience’s like your’s trigger memories of my experience. He has been out of my life 8 years this spring. I have recovered and moved on. I think of the encounter with the socio as a Life Lesson. The lesson taught me what I needed to know about him, but more importantly what I needed to know about me. I will never forget, it was to big of a lesson, if I had failed that lesson I would probably still be repeating the same pattern’s. As for the telling your story, only those that have encountered a socio will understand, everyone else just will not get it until it happen’s to them. Your mother needs to learn this lesson the way we did.
thanks for sharing your story. And on a personal note I just don’t understand why people are on facebook…

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