Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who calls herself, “Emotionallyraped.”
You meet him (or her). He is charming and kind and exciting. He takes an interest in you and you feel special. He studies you. He learns your likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses. He becomes exactly who you want him to be. He mirrors you. He is a chameleon. He tells you things you want to hear. He is intense. He quickly declares his love for you. He talks about plans for the future. He convinces you that you are meant to be together.
This love is like nothing else you’ve ever experienced. You are high with happiness. You feel sorry for other people who don’t have the love that you two do. He becomes your drug. He’s wedged into your heart. The moment he knows he has you, he changes.
You crave the initial high that this drug gave you. Chasing this high keeps you with him far too long. You can never attain that high again, because none of it was real. It was a set up for your downfall.
Beware the Sociopath
“It” is not hindered with trivial things such as a conscience and knows no limits or boundaries of any nature. It feels no sense of loyalty to anyone but itself. It is a pitiful creature. It must cause havoc and chaos just to feel alive. Its power of persuasion is perfectly mastered.
Humans believe that there is some good in everyone. This is the human’s weakness. Humans cannot fathom pure evil in something that appears human. Something that walks and talks and looks just like them.
The socio tells grand tales so intricately woven with lies, lies, lies. Every action is calculated. It steals and cheats. Everyone it meets is a pawn for its personal entertainment. It creates a circle of people and lies to them all. It plays people against one another. A grand scheme of illusion. Humans are to be used, abused and discarded. The socio is extremely bold with no remorse.
The socio will deplete you and then have the gall to come back with a wild explanation for any damage it has caused. It is persuasive in pursuing forgiveness. It will expel a wet substance from its eyes and make you feel sorry for it. It is much easier to believe the lies than to believe the extent of its evil intentions. You may forgive and then it’s only a matter of time before it comes back to obliterate you.
A once perfectly sane, confident human can be left doubting every aspect of their own being and be left emotionally raped and robbed of dignity.
This was the case for me. I will simplify the events, as there are far too many details to include.
I was married with two children when I met my Socio on April 9th, 2011. I was very unhappy in my 18 year-long marriage. My husband was emotionally and verbally abusive. I was a prime target. Things moved very quickly and within a month of meeting Socio my husband and I had separated. Socio moved in shortly after that, with me and my two girls. This was the relationship I had always dreamed of. My matrimonial home was put up for sale shortly after. Things were good for a time, but after a few short months Socio did some things I was sure I could never forgive him for.
But by October 1, 2011, I had forgiven Socio and we had just moved into a house we rented together. We were putting the past behind us and starting fresh. We were painting and getting things organized. Life was good. I was happy and optimistic. We were planning a life together. The future involved marriage and starting a business together.
Money from house
The proceeds from the sale of my house were held up for a week or so. During that week, socio was acting different. His attitude and the way he treated me was different. His touch felt different. In retrospect, I guess he had had enough of playing this role and was anxious to move on.
Nearing mid October, I had eye surgery scheduled. Socio drove me to the hospital. While waiting for surgery, I found out that my house proceeds had finally been credited to my account. I shared the news with Socio. Huge mistake!
After surgery, the hospital offered to keep me over night because the meds had not worn off and I was still really drowsy. But I went home anyway and crashed. I was thankful that Socio was there to take care of the kids while I rested.
That night, he began executing his plan. He’d take my bank cards and credit cards from my purse during the night, and take cash and cash advances then return the cards to my purse. During the day, he would take my cards, and make large purchases, such as tools at Home Depot, and then sell them. Over a period of a week, he had taken almost everything.
Going to the police
When I found out he was stealing from me, I made a report to the police, but because we were a couple, the officer treated it as a he-said, she-said, domestic dispute. He was not very helpful.
I couldn’t believe this was happening. The police could not arrest him because they had no proof of what I was saying. He was able to walk free while I suffered. I met with the bank manager to inform him. He treated me with skepticism. I was so desperate at this point, I must’ve appeared insane to everyone.
Later, as I was sitting on my porch, Socio came back to the house and boldly tried to enter the house like nothing had happened. I actually got the house key from him and I told him to leave. He laughed and said, “did I scare you?” and then left. It was so creepy.
Then to add salt to my wounds, he later called to say he was sorry, that he wanted to pay back some of the money and to meet him at the bank. While I went to the bank, he broke into my house and stole all my valuables. Jewelry, tools, computer, etc.
Again, I phoned the police to make a report and again they told me I have no proof that it was him. He stole cheques out of my mailbox and cashed them. Then, even after notifying the bank, he was still able to call the bank phone line and have them transfer $300 from my Visa to my bank account and then transfer every last cent from my account to a third party account.
How in the hell was he able to do that?!
I couldn’t even afford a loaf of bread. But what I really wanted was a pack of smokes.
I had a bad breakdown at that point. Something just snapped. I wailed from the pit of my gut. Primal screams. I really was temporarily insane. I was broken.
Police don’t take me seriously
He was such a master, that he was also able to steal thousands more from my 13 year old daughter, my mother and my ex husband.
The police did not take me seriously until the Socio was found impersonating my ex at the bank and they found my Home Depot card on him. He was trying to withdraw $500 from my ex’s account. He was actually successful at withdrawing $500 on four separate occasions, previous to his arrest. He only did 30 days jail time for that.
I found out that a police officer said to my ex-husband, “your ex-wife must be retarded to have been with this guy or she is an accomplice”. The police thought I was crazy and were looking at me as a suspect! That certainly confirmed their attitude towards me.
Because the police didn’t take me seriously, they didn’t act fast enough to get any video footage of socio using my cards at different locations. When socio was finally arrested, the court ordered a restraining order.
After socio’s release from jail, I would see him walking near my house regularly. He knew my schedule and would also turn up where he knew I would be. I would call the police but they would say, “Well, we can’t stop him from walking on the street, ma’am”. I would hear knocks on my windows at night. I would see shadows in the windows. I was afraid.
Hookers and hotels
I found out so many disturbing things through mutual acquaintances and after reviewing credit card statements and phone records.
Socio was seeing hookers. He was staying in hotels and taking cabs with my credit cards. Socio was making crack in my basement. Socio told everyone that I stole from him and left him homeless. He borrowed money from everyone who knew us…such as restaurant staff, our landlord, my babysitter, people he had worked with, my old neighbours, church people, just EVERYONE! So Bold.
And within two weeks of being out of jail he was engaged to someone else. (I did try to warn her but….).
He would fake illnesses and use ambulances as a taxi service and hospitals as a hotel. He would lie to police and have them come to my house where I was forced to defend myself. He was a police informant and sent police on wild goose chases.
I found out that his common-law wife and two young children had not died in a car accident. In fact they were alive and well and he had destroyed them financially as well. He had done this to countless other women. Surprise surprise!
I found out that email conversations I was having with his sister were just him all along using a fake email address. Ugh. The list just goes on and on……lies lies lies. Such deception. By Halloween I was a walking zombie. How appropriate.
So, obviously, the socio causes damage when it is present in someone’s life. But even if there is no longer any contact with the socio, damage lingers long after the socio is gone. A victim is often left bankrupt, both financially and emotionally. Many times the victim is also left alone to navigate a system not set up for the destruction caused by a sociopath.
My two young daughters were also greatly affected. I was so depressed, I was barely able to get up out of bed. I felt guilty that I had exposed them to such a monster.
Then it struck me. If he was able to do such unconscionable things, might he have abused my youngest daughter who has special needs? I guess I’ll never know for sure.
I found out my eldest was cutting herself. I felt so much shame. I had little energy to fight for myself and nobody understood and some didn’t believe me.
Diagnosed with PTSD
I was diagnosed with PTSD. I was occasionally suicidal. I had to be tested for STDs. My girls and I needed therapy. I had to seek financial assistance. I ran up a lot of debt, living off credit cards and paying for a house I couldn’t afford. I had to wait for my lease to run out and then I had to move. I eventually claimed bankruptcy.
There is so much to the story but the point is he left me annihilated in every way. He also took much pleasure from it all. That is a scary realization.
Very few people “get it” unless they themselves have been a victim. The victim is then victimized again and again by society leaving them feeling isolated which causes further damage.
The aftermath of the Socio’s destruction becomes a financial burden for society while the socio moves on to it’s next target, rarely suffering any consequences. It would be interesting to see just how much socios cost society in services for the victim.
Improvement, but ”¦
It is now 2015. Things have improved quite a bit. I’m financially stable. My girls and I are doing relatively well. But I am still triggered at times and still sleep with a hatchet by my bed. I do feel he’s not done with me yet and fear that he will try to hurt me in someway.
Months ago, I found out that my mother had been targeted by someone on Facebook. She friended him and a relationship soon escalated to her falling in love with this person.
She divorced her husband of 15 years. I, of course, warned her of what to look out for and she assured me that she was no idiot and that just because something bad happened to me doesn’t mean it’s going to happen to her.
I checked out his Facebook page and all his friends and details and quickly realized this was a phony Facebook account with phony pictures. There is much to say about this story as well. Just trust me when I tell you I’ve come to KNOW it is my Socio that is targeting my mom. He must be getting so much gratification from this.
My mother won’t listen to reason. I certainly know what that is all about. I have gone to the police, with the evidence that I have, to prove that it is him and they will not do anything. They just tell me to tell my mom to not talk to him. Yeah right. I guess all I can do is be there for her when everything comes to a head. This has really stirred up a lot of triggers and I feel so very helpless.
A Socio’s power over uninformed humans is unimaginable.
Socios are present in every neighbourhood. They appear perfectly human but are fraudulent, empty shells. Be armed with knowledge of their tactics. Only then may you be spared inevitable abuse and heartache.
Peace and Hugs to all Lovefraud readers. If it wasn’t for Lovefraud I really can’t say if I would be writing this today. Lovefraud was very instrumental in saving my life.