LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: He painted a future, telling me how we were going to make this work

Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we’ll call “Gabriela.” She lives outside of the United States.

My heart is aching because of what happened to me. I met a guy, I don´t know if he´s a sociopath, but he betrayed me.

I met him once in at the pool area in a casino hotel in the U.S. I was traveling there with some family, I´m from another country. We had this great chemistry since that day that we met. We spoke for hours, invited me to go out but I couldn’t.

Then I came back to my country but kept that in love feeling that I had never felt before. I couldn´t even understand it because we only saw each other for those few hours, but still I searched him on facebook and immediately he responded to my friend request and spoke to me. He couldn´t believe that I found him and he was so sweet and charming.

We started our relationship through fb, skype. I had never done something like that, never even imagine, but every message, every call seemed so true and real. I had doubts of course but I liked him so much.

See each other again

We started to plan to see each other again. At this time the red flags came. He left me talking by my self sometimes, or stopped talking to me for days, weeks. He always appeared again like nothing happened and I just said nothing. I only wanted him, I was sure he was the one.

Finally after months some friends and my brother invited me to go to the U.S. with them. I told him that if he wanted to see if he could get there, and he said yes.

Like 3 weeks before the trip he fell and broke his knee so he wasn´t able to travel to see me so he convinced me to go to him for a couple of days. And I did.

I went, he treated me great, he was a gentleman, he even introduced me with his mother, family and friends. No one has ever treated my like that before.

But also he told me some issues that he had. Since the beginning he told me that he was divorced and had 2 girls. He´s 12 years older than me. But now he told me that he was in a paternity issue with some ex girlfriend and that he wanted to tell me the truth.

He painted a future, telling me that he was coming to my country in a of couple of months and how we were going make this work, that I could live there and eventually he would come to live in my country, blah, blah.

One day he stopped answering

I returned home, and at first he was still great, until one day he stop answering me. I gave him some days without doing nothing, then a week later I was suffering so much, I left him messages, called him, and he just didn´t answer. I stop calling, then 3 days later I wrote my last text with my goodbye. He answered, told me that he had big problems, and that he needed to focus in his priorities the ones he told me about and that I will be better without him. That´s it we broke up.

3 months later, I was so stupid to send him a text, which he responded like one minute after, being all charming again. We talked a few times, but I got to see lots of his new FB girlfriends, and I stupidly stalked one of them, she was from another country just like me, she had pictures from the same places that I went with him, she is the new victim. And him and I have now gone like 2 months without speaking. How can he get away with this and continue making love fraud?

What to do? The best person turned to be the worst. I just can´t believe it and I can´t let it go. I really felt for him, but I think of all the women that are still being played and I haven´t said lots of things that I would love to tell him.

Donna Andersen comments

Gabriela,

I am so sorry for your experience. I don’t know if this man is a sociopath, but he is certainly a player, someone who doesn’t truly care about the feelings of his romantic partner.

Your story is an example of how it’s easy to fall in love quickly and deeply. It also shows how love can easily become addiction.

All romantic love is addictive. But when your romantic partner dumps you, the addiction becomes even stronger. That’s just the way our brains work.

To get over this experience, treat it like recovering from an addiction. Get rid of the addictive substance by having no contact with him. None at all not even visiting his Facebook page.

Then, take it one day at a time. Promise yourself that you’ll stay away for one day. Then another day. Then another. Each day that you’re away from him, you’ll feel a little better.