Editor’s note: Lovefraud has received another question from Andrea, who wrote in a month ago. If you have any suggestions for her, please share them.
I am looking for some strong advice on how to help my children deal with their father ”¦ my ex ”¦ who is a sociopath. We have been divorced for 4 years and I have been terrified of this man. Not so much physically, but more just afraid of his bullying and threats. Even though people have told me that his threats are just words and he cannot follow through on them, it is still hard when he is so confident that he is so right and I am so wrong. I have tried very hard to take the high road through all of this and he falls in this gray area between legal and illegal, but suffers no consequences. I have been told that once I stop letting him get to me, he will get bored and move on to someone else.
Recently, I have broken free of his hold and I don’t care anymore. I’ve started living my life and doing what I want. I’ve met a new man who was in the Marines and is an avid hunter. My son has expressed interest in hunting and went with him one day. My ex found out about it the night before and went insane. He told my son that he forbade him to go, but I told my son that he was with me and I was allowing it. My ex started calling the house at 1:15 in the morning and called for about an hour. I tried to talk with him one time, but it was ridiculous. He told me he would stop paying child support and would fight for sole custody if I let him go. (Wish I had that all on tape). Anyway, I let him go because there was no danger, he had an apprentice hunting license, and he was with me that weekend. Now my ex has decided to bully my son. It has been horrible. He is now threatening him and scaring him with things that he can’t possible do. Even though I try to explain to my son what he’s doing, it’s too hard for a 12 year old to comprehend. My son is withdrawn, angry and scared. He won’t talk to me very much, so I don’t exactly know what he’s thinking or how to help him.
How can I help my son (and daughter eventually) not suffer? Has anyone had any similar experiences? My biggest fear is that my son will just give in to my ex and do what he says to keep the peace ”¦ to get positive attention from his dad. The worst case scenario would be my son moving in with him when he’s 14 (something that my ex is working on because he knows it will hurt me). How much should I tell my children? How can I help them? We already have a pact that anything that happens at our house stays between us ”¦ terrible, I know ”¦ but it’s the only way to keep them safe (emotionally).
Thanks for any advice I can get.
Not sure if I understand compartmentalization, but if it means they rationalize and justify every bad thing they do so as not to feel responsible or guilty then yes they do that too.
Henry, I saw your comment on another thread about needing a boinking (can’t remember which thread CRS!) but yes you do need one, can’t do it now though, the skillets (all of them) are full at the moment as I am baking today while it is cool outside and rainy! Don’t turn the house into an oven that way, just open the doors and windows! So, you get off this time, but will do it TWICE next time with the “cyber IRON SKILLET” YOU BETTER STAY IN LINE, GUY! LOL I baked two cakes, and two mexican corn breads (a kind of meat pie with corn bread instead of flour) YUM! Baking will be over for a while now that the weather is turning warm, back to the top of the stove and the grill and the crock pot!
Henry:
I remember my last p took some viagra once, (he was an alcoholic on anti depressants and sleeping tablets….and i was still with him!!), anyway, I was washing up in the kitchen early one morning. Suddenly I heard the P yelling “honey come here quick!” I raced in – like a good little victim, and he was lying there holding it up in the air saying, “Im ready!” I said to him, “OMG even a dog would run away from that!” and went back to washing up. My, what a great sex life we had.
Tilly – You crack me up – do you know the generic name for viagra? MYCOXAFLOPIN – your x sounds like a real weiner!!~~!!
I break the compartmentalized ideal down to a simple thought.
TUPPERWARE !
Picture that. You know tupperware has the burp seals that don’t leak.
The S’s keep every part of their being in seperate tupperware containers, the smells don’t blend, he flavors don’t touch, you must open one at a time…..the contents never mix, feel or taste whats in the other containers….
This is my analogy of compartmentalization.
They mess with you and stick you in tupperware. they never choose to open that container again….until it suits their needs.
They make another ‘dish’ and place it in another container…..again saving it for later, or opening it as they have the apetite and know it will ‘taste’ good.
Because all ‘dishes’ are seperate……they are not reminded of them like a ‘normal’ thinker is.
Even if the contents in the containers ‘spoil’…..they are not aware, because they are sealed up tight…..only upon opening the container, do they smell the ‘spoilage’ (us not playing the game with them anymore)….and the contents (us) are discarded quick.
Just my own way of picturing it! 🙂
tupperware – do they still make that stuff and have tupperware partys? i like your explanation tho – I agree they are very simple minded creatures…
Do you think it would be safe to visit that skillet yeilding ole bat in arkansas? I have been thinkin about it….what do you think gang?
its summertime..the worst that can happen is your head will be grilled or crockpotted….cuz skillets get retired in the summertime on the farm! Go, but wear a helmut!
Tilly,
““OMG even a dog would run away from that!” and went back to washing up. My, what a great sex life we had.”
LMFAO! Really too funny!!! 🙂 Never lose that sense of humor!
Erin, Tupperware, I love the analogy. Good points from all about how they just go for whatever works for them. Period. At any given moment. Makes me also think of them like a television, switch to this channel, then that one, depending on the mood.
A recurring fantasy of mine is to put them all on a smallish island for punishment. Give them just enough to live comfortably in harmony. Then stand back and watch. Wouldn’t it be hilarious to see what would happen when their only possible targets are also SPN’s?
I am pretty sure it would be a greed/me first fest. Or maybe just like a typical episode of Survivor. And Oxy, we could outfitt them each with a skillet. Oh the boinking that would go on. Oh..and they should all get free Viagra just to keep it interesting. How about some “Wake-up” in the water, so they couldn’t sleep, just deal with all P’s 24/7.