Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader whom we’ll call “Veronica.” She fears for her granddaughter’s life, and it appears that she has reason to.
I’m desperate and very afraid. I hope you can help and help quickly.
My daughter was married to a man, who by all accounts, appeared to be the most wonderful guy in the world. It wasn’t until after she left him that she finally confided in me as to the truth of their relationship and I was horrified. I know he is definitely a sociopath.
For 5 years he made her life a living hell. The only reason she stayed with him she said was because it was the only way to protect her daughter. She left him over a year ago, and filed for divorce in May of this year. She was also given an order of protection (which he has violated numerous times), as he threatened my daughter and told her he was going to take my grandchild out of the country. We even showed the judge a video this man had made using his cell phone of himself badgering and pushing my granddaughter when she was only 18 months old. He cried when he saw the video. He told the judge my daughter made him do that. He said that’s the method they were using to potty train her. I sat there stunned when he said that, but I thought the judge would see through such an obvious lie! They lived with me during that time, and none of that happened. My daughter asked the judge to let me testify and he said no.
In the end, the judge saw in him a loving father and would not give her sole custody without any contact with the father. This has proven to be a grievous mistake on the judge’s part.
Injuries and threats
Twice we have had to call the police because my 4-year-old granddaughter came home injured. The first time he kicked her. They took pictures, they talked to him and of course he said he had no idea how it happened. Then he started sneaking into my daughter’s yard at night. Parking two doors down at the abandoned house. Each time we tried to get a picture, all we got was his back or a blur as he ran away. The police said that proves nothing. I’ve seen him several drive real slow in front of my daughter’s house with the dome light on, giving us the finger or a sinister smile. He’s gone by the time the police get there. He drives different cars, a black 4 door sedan, a tan Camry, a red Aveo and a dark small truck.
On the 3rd of October he had visitation. When my daughter when to pick up my grandchild, my grandchild ran away and said she didn’t want to go with my daughter. “Daddy” picked her up and put her in my daughter’s car. When they were on the way home, my daughter asked my granddaughter why she acted that way and was told “daddy said if I didn’t do that he wouldn’t play with me anymore, but if I did, he would play with me every day.” My daughter called me and told me about the incident. Unfortunately, I got mad and called him. I asked him to stop using her as a pawn. Naturally he denied it. “I would never do that.” He kept yelling so I hung up. He called back and started yelling again. I said “Look, I just called to ask you to stop playing these games with her.” He said “You think this is a game?! I will show you the kinds of games I can play and you won’t survive.” He yelled, “Leave me alone” and hung up.
A few minutes later he sent me a text message. “You guys need to tell her if she continues to say things that aren’t true she’s gonna get in trouble. And apparently you need to think REALLY hard before you open your mouth about anything.” I know from past experience that was a threat to me and my grandchild. As it was a Sunday, I went early the next morning to court to get a protection order for myself. It was granted. However, it took almost 3 weeks to serve it as he kept avoiding the Constable.
Cigarette burn
On the 16th of October he again had visitation. When my daughter picked up my granddaughter in the evening and got her home, it was about bed time. As my daughter was helping her get her pajamas on, she saw blood and a sore in the middle of her back slightly larger than the diameter of a pencil. She asked how it happened.
“Daddy poked me.”
“Why did daddy poke you?”
“I don’t know, he said it was fair, but it wasn’t.”
“Why did daddy say it was fair?”
“I think he thought I poked him, but I didn’t. I kissed him on the cheek.”
“What were you doing when daddy poked you?”
“I was rolling the ball to (her half-sister).”
“Show me how daddy poked you”
She got up and took her index finger and poked my daughter as hard as she could in the back and moved her finger in a manner like you’d use to crush out a cigarette.
I was in the room and looked at the injury. Something didn’t look right so I went and got a magnifying glass. I said, this doesn’t look like a “poke” this looks like a burn. Because the local police had told us before not to call them, but to contact the police in the city where the incident occurred, we bundled her up and drove to my house and called the police from there. They came out and talked to all three of us. My granddaughter again showed the policeman how the injury occurred and they took pictures.
Two weeks later the detectives finally called him in for questioning. But naturally, he was shocked, he cried, he demanded to know who did it. He even brought in his other two daughters who said they had no idea she had been hurt. Even though my granddaughter had told the officers her older sister had kissed the owie to try to make her feel better. Obviously, he’s threatening her half sisters, too. The detective knew it was a cigarette burn, but here is what appears to be a loving father, so they let him go.
“Make us disappear”
Saturday, October 30th he saw my grandchild again. When she came home she told my mom and my daughter, “Daddy said if I tell the truth, he will kill us all and make us disappear.” We have no idea what to do. The police are starting to think we’re the crazy ones, so we didn’t call to report it.
Last night I got an urgent call from my daughter at 11:30 pm. She said he had been there messing with the outside electrical main box. She said first the back yard light went off, then came on, then various house lights went off and back on. She ran to the back of the house to look through the window at the junction box, but all she saw was him running away.
I went over and we looked at the box. It was obvious it had been opened. We got a padlock and locked it up, then spent most of the night awake with fear. The dogs went wild with barking at 2:30 in the morning. We couldn’t see anything outside, though. We have no idea what he has in mind, but we do believe he is planning to make good on his threat to make us disappear.
My daughter says she regrets divorcing him because now she can’t ensure my granddaughter’s safety. She said she would gladly put up with the abuse if it meant she could be sure her daughter was safe. I told her there would have come a time when not even living with the man would guarantee the safety of my grandchild. No one is safe from a sociopath, and I know it’s the hardest illness in the world to prove.
We don’t have money for security cameras or even a video camera. My mom who lives with my daughter is on Social Security, my daughter has been looking for work for a year and all she’s been able to do is sell cosmetics, and I don’t make enough to provide much support to them. We’re living in fear every day. After last night I don’t feel safe going home, as I live alone. There doesn’t seem to be any way to stop him and nobody is listening to us. Please, if you can help us. Tell us what to do now. We are all out of ideas and he’s got visitation again on November 12th. I fear most for my granddaughter’s life.
veronica,
that’s excellent advice from oxy to make secret video tapes. Keep them as last minute trump cards.
Make sure that you don’t encourage your GD to say bad things but when she asks you how to stop Daddy from hurting her, tell her to be loving to him and to hug and kiss him no matter what, because that might help protect her. and get all that on tape. Do you get my drift? Make sure the tape is about protecting her, not about gathering evidence on him.
Dear Milo,
Oh, my dear, it is just too unbelievable a story—HOW COULD SOMETHING THIS CRAZY BE TRUE? I wish it weren’t, But I am glad that you were able to reach come kind of deal with your psychopathic daughter that you and more importantly the child can live with. I can only wish and hope that the GAL is inflicted with the fleas of a thousand camels in her arm pits and the crabs of a thousand “sex workers” in her crotch, and the jungle toe rot of 1000 viet Nam soldiers, and the sand of a hundred dunes in her eyes, and….well, you get the idea….LOL WTF???? UN-believable!!!!
That is the kind of thing that labels US “liars” with people at large because NO ONE COULD BELIEVE THIS SORT OF CARP!
Well, today I got the FINAL bound version of the report my attorney turned in to the parole board on P-son, and it had some documents in there that I had never seen before….police reports from the time the girl was reported missing to when they found her body 2 weeks later, as well as the description of the crime and finding the gun under P son’s bed, and so on.
Reading it didn’t upset me or trigger me, more than anything just made me sigh with relief that it is over and done with, and whatever happens, happens. The attorney put the presentation together well. He probably earned $500 an hour and I did the majority of the 150 hours to pick out the letters to send and so on, but it is done…and I think will be successful. I just hope they actually read it.
I also got part of his medical records in there where he is diagnosed an Anti-social personality disorder and then some stuff pulled out of the DSM-IV with what that means—so maybe it worked out to be a teaching moment for the board.
Skylar, good advice. Good way to slant the tapes so it looks like the family is ENCOURAGING her to love her daddy, but actually that might protect her some. OHHHHHH What we have to do to protect our kids! (head shaking here) Sigh
Oxy,
I will be hoping and praying that the parole board takes the time to read AND understand the report you are turning in. ALL parole boards, everywhere need to understand anti-social personality disorders and rule accordingly. Maybe a panel, made up of everyday people like our friends on LF could travel the country on a teaching mission.
Although I have read that he attempted to “reach out and touch you” from prison, at least it is harder than if he were on the streets. You can rest at night knowing he can’t hurt anyone else and he himself is relatively safe. I am so sorry, but give you so much credit for standing up to be heard.
As for the GAL, next time Grand threatens to punch her (he has several times) I don’t think I will be looking.
MiLo
Dear Milo,
Thanks for that validation!
I am sorry that your Grand has to feel threatened by such a person as the GAL. That is just UNbelievable! I wish I thought you were “just making this up” I wish it were NOT true! I wish I were just making this story up, but it is worse than our worst nightmare could be! It is so bad that your Grandson has to worry about being jerked out of his secure and loving home by this D of yours (I won’t say “his mother”) because she is NOT his mother, only his egg donor! The GAL is in the thing for HER own power trip, sounds to me like she is so into power and control that she might qualify as a Narcissistic PD herself.
Sometimes that is the only Part of that “iceberg” of Dysfunction that sticks up above the water line, that NARCISSISTIC CONTROL…but there is always MORE UNDER THE WATER LINE out of sight, but that is what sinks lives just like an iceberg sinks ships. You don’t see it until you hit it!
Oxy,
I sure wish I was “just making this up”, but as you know you just could not make this kind of stuff up, if you tried.
There is more – GAL’s bill is now up to over $10,000 and the way it works is BOTH parties pay the entire $10,000 and then half is returned when BOTH parties have paid. Now, figure the odds the daughter paying ANYTHING, so figure the odds of us getting half our money back. In other words we are paying this woman to sh** all over us.
Oh, and the visiting judge, I googled his name and up popped up all these sites complaining about him, some families have had cases pending for up to 9 years without even having a full blown hearing and GAL bills in the SIX FIGURES. Who could possibly make this stuff up???
Sometimes I feel like that kid in the movie “I see dead people”, except I am saying “I see P’s” That is no way to live, like you I am just a country girl, honest and hardworking who just wants to live out the rest of my life in PEACE. Ofcourse, then I read other people stories and know I have nothing to complain about, not really. Grand is upstairs in his bed safe and sound.
Love – MiLo
Dear MiLo,
Yep, that is what it is all about! If the GAL settles, she doesn’t get as much $$$$$$. Follow the money! That is such a great line and so true.
Well, you might as well shell out the bucks and forget it, because there is no way you will get “blood out of a stone” or a turnip for that matter. That is the thing that we have to understand about the attorneys and the GALS and the other people who have a vested interest in this sort of thing….it is just money to them and the longer it is drawn out the more money they get.
Justice is no longer available to “regular” people because even a “simple” legal case requires thousands of dollars in legal fees.
I was fortunate to find an attorney that is honest! With this deal with the parole hearing. He is actually the guy my egg donor hired last time to try to GET HIM OUT…but my Attorney knows what a psychopath is and he refuses to work for one. He took the $1500 to “investigate” the case, but when he found out what my son was, he “declined” to take the case any further. Turned down our money!!! Get that, TURNED DOWN our money for the rest of the case.
Then, she hired another one who WOULD take the case.
Okay, so fast forward 4 years from last time….and I called Mr. Smith (the attorney) and told him my story and that egg donor had paid him last time and that because he is THE BEST (best record) of winning cases FOR parole I wanted him…but if my egg donor was the client then it would be a conflict of interest for him to represent me, but as it turned out, though egg donor had PAID HIM, I was the client last time, so he gave me credit for the $1500 on the bill from 4 years ago.
When I first talked to him on the phone and was telling him about my son’s behavior and the whole sordid story I could tell he wasn’t sure about me, didn’t know whether to believe this tale or not, but AFTER I sent him the letters the P son had written to the Trojan horse P etc. he called me back and said “WOW, this man is dangerous!” HE GOT IT!!!
I also sent him a copy of the book, “snakes in suits” as well, but he KNOWS what a psychopath is. REALLY knows! Makes me want to jump up and down and shout for joy!” A LAWYER WHO KNOWS!!!
I wish he was a judge—but alas, I imagine he makes more money as a private attorney and with the kind of clients he has makes a good enough living without being a judge…but would be nice actually! I don’t have much faith in most judges that are on the bench. Wish I did.
The presentation he presented is a good one, but an inch thick, and I hope they will actually READ it. He said he knows the secretary and that OUR presentation will be on the TOP of the stack, so whatever they read from my P son’s parole attorney that I am sure mom hired won’t be the FIRST thing they see. It will be that this convict’s MOTHER AND TWO BROTHERS HIRED AN ATTORNEY TO KEEP HIM FROM GETTING A PAROLE BECAUSE THEY THINK HE IS DANGEROUS.
My attorney said he had never even heard of anyone hiring an attorney to fight the parole of anyone—not even the victim’s family. But the victim’s family will be there I hope. So that should help.
I did get to see some police reports that I hadn’t seen before that the attorney found, and they were interesting. The witnesses that my P son had told he INTENDED to kill this girl all stated that they were AFRAID of him before he killed the girl. Also the girl’s room mate had told the police that my P son had told her he intended to kill the girl, and then confessed he HAD killed her when he gave her jewelry and purse back to the room mate. WTF??? Confessing to the killing like he was confessing to eating the last piece of cake? DUH!? This is a kid with an IQ off the charts, but NO SENSE AT ALL. No fear of consequences. (head shaking here) Just doesn’t make any sense whatsoever, except that he is a psychopath.
Oxy,
Our attorney, this round, seems like a pretty good guy. While we have the choice, he always warns us of the cost and actually tries to save us some money. He also “gets it” where the P is concerned. He is himself a GAL, actually helped start the GAL program in this county over 30 years ago. He says he has NEVER run into another one like this in the 30 years. I hope he remembers her name and does a lot of backroom “gossip”. We should have known, we went to the clerk’s office to pick up some records when the case first started. We asked for a motion the GAL had filed, clerk saw the name on the motion and replied, Oh you got that bit** For a clerk of the court to respond that way – well.
Understand – the P daughter has an IQ at near genius level also. Something that has always amazed/confused me is how she never just does the evil deed, whatever it might be at the moment, she makes sure you find out about it, almost brag – just like your son. Many times she could have been home free, but that never is satisfying to her. I think that may be what she wants now. When I went No Contact, there was no one that cared what she did, no one to tell. CRAZY
Dear MiLo,
My son seems to need an AUDIENCE for his performances. It isn’t just what he does but he wants ATTENTION and admiration from others and FEAR as well. He loves to have people afraid of him.
The police report I read For the first time talked about how other ex-convict associates of his were AFRAID of him. With good reason I expect.
The presentation we put forward looks good and I hope to goodness that they READ it…the attorney says he will Also get a chance to give them oral arguments as well, and I hope the girl’s parents will be there to speak as well, they are the ONLY ones who have the RIGHT to speak at the parole hearing.
After this parole hearing I intend to contact them, I have not done so until now, but will do so through the attorney and see if I can team up with them next time he comes up for parole as well. I want to make sure he NEVER gets out of prison if at all possible and THEY DO HAVE THE RIGHT to speak or send a representative to every parole hearing he has for as long as he lives, so I want to make sure (if I can) that they DO just that!
I hope that your Grand can overcome the rough start he has had with your D as his egg donor. She will probably always pop up in his life like a bad penny, but possibly he can learn to cope with it when he is an adult by having had love and care from you.
My attorney pointed out in his presentation how P-son had told the warden to “stick it up his Mexican ass” and his referring to blacks by the N word (and WORSE believe it or not!) and one of the guys on the parole board is black and another Hispanic so hopefully that won’t buy P son any points either.
*The heart of a child*
Whatever you write on the heart of a child
No water can wash away.
The sand may be shifted when billows are wild
And the efforts of time may decay.
Some stories may perish, some songs may be forgot
But this graven record-time changes it not.
Whatever you write on the heart of a child.
A story of gladness or care
That heaven has blessed or earth has defiled,
Will linger unchangeabley there.
-Unknown
I just found this in the spaths great grandmothers bible.
Funny how she tore this page out from somewhere…..and how sad, but true it is.
She would be MORTIFIED at how the spath turned out.
She passed about 10 years ago…..when she was 99 years old.
She was a lovely woman.
🙂