By | August 7, 2014 12 Comments

LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: saved me from a sociopath

Editor’s Note: This letter to Lovefraud was submitted by a Lovefraud reader whom we’ll call Jennette.

Dear Donna,

I saved myself from a sociopath thanks to your Thank you very much, I can tell you now that you saved my life!

You see, I was unlucky…

He was my first boyfriend when I was 18 yrs old. He made me trust him with insane lies. He knew my weakness was not trusting people so easily. I was very vulnerable, kind, romantic and insecure. I broke up with him — although I loved him — because he cheated on me and my parents forced me to do this for my own good.

He had haunted my dreams and mind for 10 years .The bond he had created couldn’t break no matter how hard I tried. I wasn’t enjoying life for years.

I’m in my 30s now, and I have become a much stronger person. I went to a therapist to get more help on my confidence issues. She unlocked my hidden passion for him and my desperate love.

I decided to find him and make a last effort to see if he changed and if he ever felt about me the way I felt about him. How romantic!

If only I knew he was a sociopath

He started treating me the exact same awful way, playing with me and lying We only texted each other for a year. He was wishy- washy and totally confusing! I started losing my confidence again and fell into his trap. I just couldn’t  see through his lies!

When he contacted me again I decided to make a last effort and tell him honestly how I feel about him and what I seek from him (for example, to not be hot and cold towards me.)

He said that he was flattered and suddenly started texting me, at late hours, drunk, that I’m the love of his life, that he wants to be with me, he wants to tell me everything about his life etc.

Thanks to my hesitation I asked him not to rush so much. He got angry! He emotionally blackmailed me to date him, or else he would never speak to me again!

I felt devastated, and confused. I started to Google the word selfish, then passive aggressive, then manipulative and finally I found emotional abuse. I was lucky to find Lovefraud and shocked as I read through the blog as everything seemed to describe him! I knew nothing about sociopaths before. I finally got my answers.

Everything he said was a fraud

I have maintained No Contact for three months now, and I feel peaceful inside. I will move on and I will never talk to this evil person again. I don’t feel anger for him. I don’t blame myself for believing his lies! I was one of his victims, but not anymore. I am a survivor. He infatuated me to trust him, but I finally saw the truth and I’m free; I’m not bound to him anymore. Now the focus is on me at last, not on him. The spotlight is on my life, on my happiness, not his.

That was a great lesson for me — to not trust so easily, to not be so naive and insecure, to not blame myself so much about something not going the way I wanted it, not opening my heart so easily and not giving in to emotions and things so impulsively. Love is not pain. Love is happiness.

A big thank you Donna!

Keep up informing people about sociopaths, you do a great job!

I wish you the best.


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Thankyou Jennette! I am so glad that Lovefraud was able to help you.


I personally here am reading all these letters and I can actually feel the exact same thing and know what all of these persons are talking about it is the worst thing I have ever experienced I wish to post my story to hopefully help some one going through something so horrible as this it feels good to know what is the best way to get revenge and that reminds me of a program I ised to watch as a kid called The Six Million Dollar Man They rebuilt him stronger faster better. After reading all these letters I felt that way and I do not like to pay evil for evil. I could not bear the thought of the person I loved more than anything in this world being in jail because I avenged myself my conscience would not let me be. But I like that idea to make it a mission to make a better life and that will destroy them. My ex is still not done we have custody visitation an support courts due next couple months. I was the victim in my case. I called the police on my wife 7 times in past 3 years and would not file restraining orders on her because she is not legal here in the USA and did not want her to go to jail due to she would get deported. Well the last incident in June 3 2014 she went and filed restraining orders on me and I was the one that called police on her no crime civil case she put reason for request was because I called police on her. Judge denied request and demanded evidence of resent abuse. She went out and refiled immediately and this time put I punched her and knocked her out then that I kicked her many times while she was. Unconteous. No arrest no crime. We went to court and she was on the witness stand judge questioned her then he asked me to question her and I did I asked her who called the police she said me her husband and then I told her is it true you came violently at my face and she answered yes then the judge stepped in and told her she lied under oath that she stated she feared for her life and that she went up to my face she said yes judge told her then you are not scared of him she stated the truth no he us a good husband has a good heart and a good father and man then we went to second trial she brought an attorney and that’s when they did not let me present some evidence and they did not even document the evidence I showed the attorney and take her the evidence to have her read it they ignored it. My daughters testified in her behalf and I cross examined them and they admitted to seeing her head bud me and knocked herself out and she stated I had not slept with her for a year and I had text messages that I put as evidence and they denied for me to read them they were a little xx rated where she was telling me how she wanted it the next night. O asked for her to get evaluated because she tried to jump out of my truck at 70 mph on the freeway in front of our daughters and I also submitted evidence that she was molested by 2 of her mothers brothers and a brother in law. They still gave her the protective order and ask me to vacate the house I bought for us and custody. All those lies just made me feel like a maggot like nothing I ever felt before and i am almost over it in a couple weeks already but little after shocks come and go and its a very ugly feeling but I do not wish bad for her because she is my daughters mother and the person I loved and true love does not do that. Thank you all for your letters it is a healing experience.

RBecerra – Welcome to Lovefraud. What a shocking experience, but unfortunately, many Lovefraud readers have had similar experiences. I hope you continue to find Lovefraud to be healing.


I used to catch her lying these past couple years but did not think anything I just thought I was a little demanding and she was just nervous that I would get upset because I was a little temperamental
about 20yrs ago but God a domestic violence I did on my ex and classes helped change to the humble man I am now no violence is worth going to jail and God says to love our enemy and that vengeance is his.


New to this site but have learnt so much this evening. Thank you for the You Tube footage.
17.5 years ago I left, what I now realise is a sociopathic ex. I took my 1 year old daughter with me. She has developed into a stunning 18 year old daughter. Well balanced and dreaming of her future. Her father is now showing sociopathic controlling behaviour towards her and it is breaking my heart. This was normally aimed at me directly but now she is 18.
She has just finished school and is looking forward to her new university life. Her father spoils every single happy moment for her. She had her graduation ball last night and he has yet again acted out the day after the event when she is on a high of happiness. He just tries to crush her spirit at every opportunity. This time he is demanding that she go on a short 4 day break with him at 7am tomorrow morning. He won’t travel the 7 miles to pick her up. If she is not at his house by 8.45 he says he will leave without her. If I get involved he is going to thrive on the fact that he put me out. My poor child is studying bus timetables and connections to see how she can arrive on time. No bus will get her to his home town before 8.45 . She can make it for 9am and he says he will not wait. She feels she should go on this break with him but doesn’t want to if he is in angry form. (I am going to drive her there but am keeping this from him)

I left him 17.5 years ago and I took my daughter with me. He has had weekend access and midweek access all these years. He treated me so badly with all the lies, denials, and cognitive dissonance behaviour. I am shocked that he can treat his own beautiful daughter the same way. I wasn’t ready for this.

The LoveFraud site appears to deal with the marital partner and the small kids. Has anyone any advice as to how I can coach my daughter to sadly have to be a step ahead of her Dad to help keep her safe and happy.

keep up the good work. I am finding your site most helpful.


I got divorced after 23 years and raised 5 outstanding children. However, now as adults, their father’s psychological traits have surfaced and I have had to go NC with all 5 of them. I tried and ultimately failed so all I can do is wish you luck with your wonderful daughter.

Appaloosa – your daughter is now an adult and can choose to eliminate the man from her life. If he is providing financial support, you and she may decide it’s not worth it and figure out a way to pay for university on your own.

Yes, sociopaths treat their children as badly as they treat everyone else. He will never change, so you might as well just walk away.


Eighteen’s a great age to try to enlighten her about what sociopaths really are. Just like he played with your confidence, and indulged himself in crazy-making manipulation, he’s playing the same game with your daughter.

Now’s a great time to give her a few books on the subject… Donna’s, mine (Carnal Abuse by Deceit,) Robert Hare’s on Psychopathy, Paul Zak’s on Oxytocin, and Lianne Leedom’s, “Just Like His Father,” would head my list!

Wishing you all the best in your efforts toward enlightenment.



I would tell your daughter what you suspect about her father (that he is a sociopath), educating her (over time) about disorder. Your ex is a narcissist, so you can help your daughter learn (for her own good) about setting boundaries (via books, internet, etc.) for herself, how to deal with self-centered, demanding people. Sociopaths create stressful situations for us (they operate according to their malformed brains, being influenced by this organ). Let her know that he is the way he is, not being able to change. If she wants to have a relationship with him (and that is her choice), she’ll have to figure out ways (with your help and on her own) to work around her father’s disorder (without coming unhinged herself). Your daughter can remain a healthy, happy individual – she needs to learn about narcissistic people and how to handle them, not letting them destroy her beautiful personality. I wish you both success in dealing with your ex.


This letter is a total WIN!

Education and information are critical to avoiding/healing from abusive and exploitive LoveFrauds.

So glad I stopped by and saw this this morning!



My attempts at trying to somewhat “educate” my 5 children were ultimately fruitless. Although they all graduated college and beyond as ideal young adults, in their 40’s and 50’s, their inherited psychopathic genes have surfaced and completely overcome them all. Inherited psychopathic genes may be too powerful to compete. At 76, alone and disabled, this has unfortunately been my tragic experience! My advice- save yourself but this is difficult if children are involved; what loving mother could abandon her poor, abused children?


Speaking as a parent with a BPD son, I know the heartbreak of losing a child to character disorder. I wish I’d known what I was dealing with as he developed. Had I read Lianne Leedom’s book back then, I think I could have at least had a better sense of what I was dealing with and more realistic expectations for his development.

I wholeheartedly believe that some children are better able to absorb enlightenment about psychopathic parents than others. And those children could be better spared the heartache and turmoil their demonic parent puts them through. It never hurts to try.

We can’t save all children from becoming character disordered, but we can spare some from the pain that lack of awareness creates. Once they’re in their 20’s, however, if they are character disordered, there is virtually nothing a parent can do about it except attempt to protect ourselves from the fallout.


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