A Lovefraud reader who goes by the name “new_day” knows the next target her sociopathic ex has lined up.
New_day and the sociopath divorced when their son was one year old. He then left the next girlfriend before their baby’s first birthday. He just proposed to the current girlfriend.
It really bothers new_day to sit back and watch. She wants to warn the woman, but doesn’t dare, because then she will be back in the drama.
Here’s what new_day would like to say to her ex-husband’s next target:
Do you catch yourself wondering why he tells those little white lies; I mean about things that aren’t even worth lying about? Or why he is so secretive about things that aren’t even worth lying about? Or why he is so secretive about his friends, his plans, his day, his family, his phone or his computer? You tell him everything about yourself and he just doesn’t have much to share.
Then, just when you have a moment of doubt cross your mind, he sweeps you off your feet and showers you with affection. He makes you feel like your relationship together is so unique and special. It is more meaningful than any he’d been in before he met you. Finally, you found love!! You found the one!!!
Those past relationships of his probably didn’t work out because they weren’t the right woman for him, but You are!
He promises you the world!
He is not actively parenting those kids of his due to no fault of his own.
The credit card debt? The financial obligations? Those aren’t nearly as important as the next big purchase, the next cruise, or even the next good time. Life is a party and no woman or child will ever keep him from his life of adventure.
If you do become boring in his eyes, or no longer useful to him, you will be discarded like yesterday’s news. He will make you realize that you were being used your entire time together.
You will find out that he wasn’t even faithful to you since day one. The pain in your heart and that sucker punch of betrayal will be unbearable. The more you try to understand what has happened to your life, the more you learn that you were the victim of his game.
He never loved you. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself. All he does is lie, cheat and steal from those who are closest to him, or complete strangers. It doesn’t matter who you are. If there is an opportunity to benefit himself in some way, he will take it.
He has no emotions.
I’m sorry that you had to cross his path. I wish someone would have warned me but they didn’t.
Get out now.
Let him move on to the next one.
She’s probably already lined up.
What do you think?
Excellent letter! You could ask a disinterested third party to deliver it, such as clergy, an attorney or a private investigator. That person could explain to the new victim that concerned friends have found out about him and are concerned for her.
Another thing you might do in the letter is change “I” to “we” so that the recipient knows that it’s not just one person with a grudge venting. The sociopath has hurt many and it’s a subtle way to let the new victim know.
Possibly, but it may be received better by the recipient if it’s given personally, and not anonymously. Someone in a relationship with a spath doesn’t need more mysteries, secrets, hints, intrigue.
“past relationships of his probably didn’t work out because they weren’t the right woman for him, but You are!”
“no woman or child will ever keep him from his life of adventure.”
“you were being used your entire time together.”
“he wasn’t even faithful to you since day one.”
“If there is an opportunity to benefit himself in some way, he will take it.”
“sorry that you had to cross his path. I wish someone would have warned me”
AMEN and AMEN.
even simpler….just send a anonymous letter stating:
“Are you dating a sociopath? You need to look at the website Lovefraud. com and read the book Red Flags of Love Fraud 10 signs you’re dating a sociopath, by Donna Andersen because it appears you are dating a sociopath and I am worry for your safety. Please know that experts believe that 1 in 25 people mainly men are sociopaths, these evil people are everywhere and it appears you are dating one.”
Had someone send me a anonymous letter like this I would have looked at this site…I might not have connected the dots right away but I would have gone back to Lovefraud every time my ex did something that did not make sense. I think it is very important if you do send a letter 1) that you are in a safe place so that if the sociopath puts it together that you sent a letter he can not harm you 2) that you use the word sociopath and give a direction where the person can read to understand what that means exactly since most people are not aware of the true definition of a sociopath and how common they are in our society.
Thank you to Donna and all of the supportive, and wonderful people who have bonded on this site. I know I am not alone when I say that LoveFraud.com is an amazing healer. Knowledge really is power.
My ex’s current interest “target” is a great person….just like the rest of us victims. I know what her life is like right now because I have lived it. She has recently reached out to me with questions and frustration about her relationship with the Spath. I am risking waking up the sleeping monster by communicating with her but that’s ok. Today I sent her a message telling her to check out this website. I hope she is able to do her own research and get out of a bad place. Prayers to her, and any of you, who are still “stuck”. May you find clarity in your minds and peace in your hearts!
Great people are what they look for. Thoughtful, caring people. new_day’s ex seems to lose interest when he has to share his target’s full attention with a child, so the new target should be alerted to this as well.
Keep in mind, the person you are speaking about is a sociopath. Here are a couple of good reasons why sending a letter may not be such a great idea….
1. They have no conscience, and can come after you if they think you are getting in their way.
2. The person who is currently involved with them will be unable to hear you just as you would have been if one of his exes had reached out to you.
So the likelihood is great that your letter will do nothing to deter the sociopath, will serve to enrage them, and will fall on deaf ears.
The most I’d encourage anyone to say to the next victim is “if you’d like to talk, here’s my number. I wish you the best.”
Joyce
I can tell you from experience, it is a waste of your time. I was so hurt, I sent a letter, copies of his previous 4 marriages, his arrest record for previous Stalking.
It didn’t do anything but make HER mad, until after she got burned by him.
The spath is so manipulative you will look like the crazy one.
Your experience resembles the reaction of the next victim when Christie Brinkley tried to enlighten her. You’re right…. it will get you nothing but a slap in your face.
When the conduct bites them in the butt, they’ll get it, but not until they’ve experienced the same heartache you faced.
Hopefully, by creating laws against this conduct, and providing a list of offenders, we can hope to raise awareness…. which is why I’ve undertaken the effort to do both.
Post the name of the offender who harmed you. It’s free. http://www.RapeByFraud.com.
Joyce
Here’s another thing women should do. When you meet a possible dating interest that could potentially turn in to something more….GOOGLE HIM. You can find out a
lot by googling a person. The one I was with is right there on google since I put him there. It’s amazing to me the number of women I talk to who are dating a guy and haven’t googled him.
Kmiller-
Absolutely!
When I met my ex, there was no internet. People could hide everything in their past with ease. Today, we have wonderful tools to get information, although it’s no fool proof.
To this day, my ex has no facebook page or internet presence. I think I’d be real concerned about someone who distinctly avoided all social media!
Joyce
Yes, I completely agree with you, Joyce. It’s not fool proof. My ex also has no facebook page and his only internet presence is some sports stats for his running. And to top it off, his name is so common that there seems to be hundreds with the same name. So, if someone were to look him up, they’d really have some searching to do to not mistake him for someone else.
If his victimization of you included sexual assault by fraud, by all means put him on the CAD list. It doesn’t give out a great deal of information but it, at least, identifies the state and city where they live. That’ll narrow the field somewhat. And listing him is anonymous.
Hello JM,
What is the CAD list? I am planning my breakup with a sociopath (live in Canada) and want to tell everyone I know she is in contact with about what she has done. I have my own social media plans for this.
If there is a list somewhere, I will “happily” put the name on, why not?
It is incumbent upon the those who have been through this nightmare to warn others! Otherwise we are just as guilty as the perpetrators, when a person KNOWS about this type of behavior, withholding information is just as guilty as the behavior and committing the crime!