By | June 4, 2012 10 Comments

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: A thank you note to my sociopath

Editor’s note: The following article was submitted by the Lovefraud reader “Adelle.”

To the sociopath: I just want to thank you for all the things you do that keep me away from you! Had you not done those things or continue to do them ”¦ I may have thought you’d changed. You know we here at Lovefraud sometimes give you sociopaths too much credit! You guys are not as bright and slick as we think you are. You keep doing the things that confirm who and what you are. If you would just walk away”¦ respect and accept the fact that you have been dumped, maybe you could fool us again into thinking you have an ounce of dignity. Instead you do what you do ”¦ stalk, harass, annoy … confirming who and what you are!

The fact that you have a Facebook profile with pictures of nothing but us and you act as if we are still together is sick, but frankly I could care less! I used to care so much what people thought about me ”¦ but I no longer feel that way; I have you to thank for that ”¦ again thank you! Through this experience with you I have learned that it is most important what I think of myself, not what others think of me!

In the past I would have been so angry about that FB profile, I may have even called you to express my anger or pounded my head about it ”¦ not anymore!

Thanks for stalking me and texting me that you will soon arrive at the location I am. I used to jump with fear and look around when you would do that. You where never really there; I was so predictable to you ”¦ you knew I would leave and miss out on the fun I had planned. I would go home and be scared, lonely and depressed, just the way you wanted me to be so that I would not have a social life. I guess you thought I’d be so lonely I’d end up calling you. I no longer jump like that; you are a bully and bullies are cowards disguised as monsters!

Thanks for trying to poison my dog. I don’t know what result you expected from that; maybe you thought I would call you crying to tell you that my dog was sick, or I’d ask you for money to take him to the vet.  As odd as it sounds ”¦ I thank you for that as well! Thank you for showing me that you would stoop that low ”¦ what I think of you is no longer an opinion ”¦ you confirmed it. You care about nothing and no one but yourself ”¦ you are evil ”¦ you have come to KILL, STEAL ”¦ and DESTROY!

Thank you for trying to be me ”¦ I laugh as I write this! You try to act as if you do all the things I do ”¦ you are now a Christian ”¦ LMAO! You work out; you shop where I shop, you support the causes I support ”¦ wow ”¦ the movie “Single White Female” comes to mind! Honestly ”¦ I think people laugh at you ”¦ actually ”¦ I know they do, I’ve been told.

Thanks for all you did and continue to do ”¦ just confirms to me that I did the right thing and will continue to do so in staying no contact with you!

You used to tell me that you would kill yourself if I did not return to you; funny how you do nothing to harm yourself ”¦ but much to try and harm me!

But then again what else should I expect from you?

Thanks for being so transparent ”¦ had you not been, I might have thought you’d changed.

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This touches upon many things that my P sister did to me.

She mimicked me on many levels, but rejected me on others, such as getting therapy and help through Al-Anon. Both of those things required looking at herself. Maybe she was too afraid of what she would find if she did that? My guess is she didn’t want to admit that I might be right about so much.

The most confusing thing that she did was put me and my son in her church bulletin for prayers. (I just found this out.) This was after we had gotten the restraining order on her and the court threw her case out.

Somebody pointed out that it was probably all about her. People would come up to her, sympathize, and ask what was wrong with her sister and nephew. Then she’d get to spew her poison all over again and gain a lot of attention and sympathy in the process.

The bottom line is that as much as she tried to imitate me, run me down, or take away from me the things that she valued, she still ended up being friendless.

Adelle, you could not have said it better, “I used to care so much what people thought about me ” but I no longer feel that way; I have you to thank for that ” again thank you! Through this experience with you I have learned that it is most important what I think of myself, not what others think of me!”

This is a great piece. Thanks.



This was an arrow, straight to the truth! And, what a relief when we start seeing them with clarity, and finding strength in that.

I knew a spath (met online), who I dated for a VERY short 3 months. Once I got a good whiff of him I cut him off.

Now he tells his friends he was ‘lured’ to my city by a ‘seductive narcissistic sociopath’ (me, ha! ha! ha!) and that his stalking (cards, letters, gifts, volunteering at my work, anonymous giftcards, etc….) are all because he LOVES me so much, and wants to help me heal. He also bought the car my father owns, moved into some apartments I once said were ‘cool’, and changed his entire manner of dress to something I said I liked very much.

It’s a total 180 degree lie. And, like G1S and yourself, I no longer care what others think of me. I care what I KNOW about myself.

Wonderful insights, Adelle…..


Ox Drover

Great article, Adelle! I agree with G1S that where you said “i used to care what others thought of me, now I care about what I think of me”!!!!!

It is amazing!

Thanks for a great article! Keep on writing!


I have often refered to my xspath as a “Life Lesson” I needed. I did learn alot about myself and other character’s like him. I even realized some of my own family had motive’s like his.
It was because I thought so low of myself and what other’s thought of me, instead of owning that know I am a good person. However I do still care what other’s think of me, so it is important what I think of myself.
PS. I am not going to hunt down the xspath and thank him, he would just say ‘your welcome..’



Thank you for this article. As everyone else is zeroing in on this:

“Through this experience with you I have learned that it is most important what I think of myself, not what others think of me!”

I have to do the same. It is a very simple, very true statement, but it hit me right between the eyes, somehow. This was EXACTLY what I needed to hear today, as I was dwelling, once again, on the pain and trauma of the abusive CPS investigation (and being frustrated and impatient that I have these lingering feelings… I just want to get over it somehow, but haven’t been able to figure it out).

Well — your words suddenly cut through a lot of that, and now I am feeling a lot better. It’s like magic. Perhaps I still have residual pain to release, but your very simple truth cut through a lot of the fog.

Thank you….. 🙂

Hens… what Adelle’s statement said to me is, I will no longer care what sociopathic people think of me (because their thinking is distorted, disordered, false, warped, malevolent…); however, I will care what *normal* people of good will think of me. So… somehow my mind suddenly saw the difference. If I keep this in mind and see things more clearly, then the expressed negative opinions of me — the slime — can’t have the same power over me.


I say thank you to my EX boyfriend/stalker for showing me his true colors and letting my deep intution take over and do what I had to do to get him out of my life and arrested /imprisoned. Mine was not bright or slick at all and did keep doing the same old stuff over and over that let me know who he really was and that I neded to get away. Thank you Ex boyfriend/stalker for showing me how ignorant you are that you thought you could harass and stalk me and do the cruel things you did to me and that I would actually come back to you after that??? Thank you for being so ignorant and bad and worthless that I no londer wanted you.


Experiences with sociopaths/narcissists/psychopaths make us stronger, surer and less likely to care what anyone thinks about us any more. And there’s nothing bad about having healthy self-confidence, self-respect and self-esteem!


Lovefraud has opened my eyes to a lot of things about the man I now believe is definitely a sociopath. I was tricked into loving him, I once considered myself a strong independent woman before he chose me has his next victim. It has only been recently that I have decided to have no contact and cut him off for good. Although I know he will start calling again to play his sick games I plan on recreating self to make myself stronger so that i am nolonger fooled or tricked into falling into his evil trap. As sorry as I feel for his next victim, i just hope he finds her soon and stays out of my life forever. Thanks everyone on lovefraud for your articles and letters that helped me to know that i am not the crazy one and see this man for what he truely is…Evil!


Hello, I am writing because I am struggling with what may be the end of a long time relationship with a man I believe to be, if not sociopathic, then definitely narcissistic.

(Reposted this on another thread that is Active).


I have been reading through this blog for a while now. . .
This particular post is actually quite depressing to me. A person who would do all the ridiculous things described in this post to get back with or at their ex must be a very lonely, miserable human being.

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