A few weeks ago, Lovefraud published a letter from “Kay” —This was all about him and all about what he needed. Kay has written again, with Part 2 of her story.
It’s Kay, I am back with more memories I uncovered which were hidden in my subconscious about this sociopath. I hope this helps Lovefraud readers once again. I have taken the time to re-read some of his emails, all of them actually, trying to piece together an otherwise really, really Long Lie which consumed one-and-a-half years of my life.
Here is one of his emails where he LIES about everything he feels… WARNING — There are TRIGGERS here. I am sure you some of you have heard some or all of this before….
Like I told you the other day I don’t know what it is about you that drives me crazy.. And I don’t want to know.. I just never want it to end.. I love the way you make me feel.. You bring happiness to my life and peace to my soul.. In you I have found my destiny.. My joy.. My love of my life… My bestfriend.. My lover.. My everything.. Your love makes me feel like I’m on top of the world… You are like a drug to me… I can’t get enough of you and your love… I now understand why you sometimes acted the way you did with me.. Baby I am sorry from the bottom of my heart.. That I did that to us.. I will never take you for granted ever again.. Your my world.. Your my everything… And I live you with all my heart… Your an amazing woman and mother… And you’ll be an amazing wife… And I want to be everything that you need and want and desire in your life for ever and ever… I wouldn’t change anything in my life because it has lead me to you…
I love you baby…
Please note ALL THE ABOVE IS A LIE. There was no veracity to anything said in the above e-mail to me. This was his way of “voicing” what he knew I wanted to hear. I was never his best friend, the love of his life, he apologizes only to do it again, he says he will never take me for granted, he left me three weeks after this email was written. He left me once his ex-wife started to suspect something was going on. He quickly flew the coop. He had no intentions of staying with me ever. I was a pawn in his chess game. Only I was smarter than he counted on. I called him on it.
It has come to surface that he was, in fact, leading his ex-wife and me on at the same time. One of my friends casually drove by his home only to see his former wife’s car there just one week after our relationship was over. She was warned. We took the time to warn her. Anonymously, but we did. She is well aware of this behavior and continues to return to this relationship. He is her problem now. I have moved on but continue to heal from this lie. It was a really long lie that I believed. The whole relationship was a lie. I have always taken great pride in my intelligence but I was fooled.
The longer you stay, the longer the lie lives. Delete yourself from the lie.
I share this with you because strength comes with knowledge of the damage these sociopaths can cause. We believe the lies. I believed everything he said to me. Everything.
Dear Kay,
Thank you for sharing this e mail, it is so typical of how they tell us what we want to hear…whether the relationship is man/woman, parent/child, friend/friend…doesn’t matter. They know what we want to hear and say it.
You are so right, DELETE, DELETE, DELETE!!!!!
Thank you Kay for sharing this…it’s lower than low…it’s so low..it sneaks along undetected…getting ready to poison…there is no preparation, no way of processing the trauma… My body froze and I went into shock for at least 6 months after It began to dawn on me, the extent of the lie that was the P and the extent I beleived him….so many lies…so much damage.
I think that is a very strong visual…to see in my minds eye the mess, the toxic crap all around the memory of him, the lies, then picture myself standing in it all, then I select myself and cut my image
cut and paste to here and now….where there is freedom to be myself, in my integrity once again. In peace, serenity looking back but not for long I hope….preventing new damage by No contact…house on the market now…up for sale….new phase beginning…
HE is the one I want to delete, cut cords with, get away from forever…but for now the memories swirl around and cause deep disturbance….I must release myself from each image, find a window I can climb through…out of the ptsd and back into my life
They always use the “you are like a drug to me…” line with everyone.
You know, one of the first things I ever did was delete all the emails she ever sent me. I am sorry now I did as they would make facinating reading in light of what I have learned on this blog and others since.
Kay,
During our better years, my h-spath would give me wonderful cards (that expressed his love), but that ended once our lives went downhill, me being rammed by so many unpleasant (and unnecessary) experiences ( brought on by the h-spath). What is so sad is that they could avoid a lot of troubles in life if they would just follow “the rules” (like everyone else), being honest and upfront about themselves, just doing what you gotta do in life. Their mental illness makes them always need to look good to the other guy, being incapable of disclosing the actual reality of their lives, being bizarre to the rest of us. It gets old and tiring.
Kay, thank you SO much for sharing this – it comes at a very, VERY odd time. Today, out of the proverbial blue, I received a card in the mail from the ex-sister-in-spath asking for my forgiveness! LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!
She said that she knew that she had treated me “unkindly” and was making “amends.” ROTFLMAOTMNR!!!!!!!!!
SO…..I read her self-serving message, promptly got furious because I had told her twice 5 years ago that I she was NOT welcome to contact me, under any circumstances, and here she goes, again!
This message is going straight into the burn pit in about 5 minutes – releasing the negativity and ridding myself of it, entirely. Then, I’m going to take a quiet walk. Then, I’m going to work in my studio. And, if she ever sends another card or letter, it will be marked, “Return to Sender,” unopened and not entertained. NO CONTACT. And, wasn’t I all prepared to fire off a response? YOU BET I WAS!!! But, this old gal “got it” after a little while, and I’m not responding or replying – I am not REACTING to her self-serving gesture.
Yes, yes, yes………it’s all about THEM, isn’t it? Jayzus criminy crissmass!
Kay, God bless you on your healing path. Thank goodness you GOT OUT – this is something to be grateful for, each and every day. You chose to lose the lie. You chose life over living hell. You made the choice to save your Self – your soul. Thank you, again, for sharing your experience. Your healing helps me to heal and to remember to DELETE, RETURN TO SENDER, or do whatever is necessary to never, ever, EVER have contact with these soul-suckers, again.
Brightest blessings!
Another red flag for me in weeding out the good seeds from the bad seeds is declaration of “self employed” — Esp. on the social networking sites and just in general.
Most people who are self employed dont go around disclosing and proclaiming that fact.
Its the ones who say that they are – that causes me to be extra careful – because in my experience they have been the ones who either cant keep a job, or are way too above working a 9-5 job or are simply LYING. This has been my experience.
Learning,, that is a good one really, the WAY they say “I’m SELF employed” like that is some kind of badge—TRANSLATION: “I can’t hold a job” LOL
Buttons: you did great GF in burning that missive and not replying to it. You know not getting an answer leaves them curious about it all. “How did she react?” Maybe I’ll hear from her next week. Etc. LOL
I hope you didn’t breathe any of the smoke, it was probably POISON.
OxD……..LOL, definitely poison!!!! And, by the way…Buttons is self-employed! ROTFLMAOTMNR!!!
Yea, my late husband was usually “self employed” as well, or employed by ME—“Hey, boy, you better get that huney-dew list done and fast! ”
Son D says he is “ranch four-men” because he has to do the work of four men! LOL
I used to tell the physician I worked with that I wished I was a doctor instead of a nurse practitioner so I could FARM on a better scale. LOL
The way you tell a REAL FARMER is by what kind of jobs he and his wife have in town!
A stock broker , a banker and a farmer were fishing and talking about the lotto. The stock broker said “If I won it I would invest it in the stock market and double it in 4 years” (this was before the recession) and the banker said, “I’d invest it in CDs and double it in 8 years” and the FARMER said “I think I would just farm it AS LONG AS IT LASTED! LOL
That’s about the truth we call this place “Deficit acres”
Seriously though, Buttons, I am glad you are getting your head on right about this deal with Mike….I’ve learned to keep my EXPECTATIONS realistic. That’s a hard thing with me too. The problems in life are when REALITY is not up to EXPECTATIONS.