A few weeks ago, Lovefraud published a letter from “Kay” —This was all about him and all about what he needed. Kay has written again, with Part 2 of her story.
It’s Kay, I am back with more memories I uncovered which were hidden in my subconscious about this sociopath. I hope this helps Lovefraud readers once again. I have taken the time to re-read some of his emails, all of them actually, trying to piece together an otherwise really, really Long Lie which consumed one-and-a-half years of my life.
Here is one of his emails where he LIES about everything he feels… WARNING — There are TRIGGERS here. I am sure you some of you have heard some or all of this before….
Like I told you the other day I don’t know what it is about you that drives me crazy.. And I don’t want to know.. I just never want it to end.. I love the way you make me feel.. You bring happiness to my life and peace to my soul.. In you I have found my destiny.. My joy.. My love of my life… My bestfriend.. My lover.. My everything.. Your love makes me feel like I’m on top of the world… You are like a drug to me… I can’t get enough of you and your love… I now understand why you sometimes acted the way you did with me.. Baby I am sorry from the bottom of my heart.. That I did that to us.. I will never take you for granted ever again.. Your my world.. Your my everything… And I live you with all my heart… Your an amazing woman and mother… And you’ll be an amazing wife… And I want to be everything that you need and want and desire in your life for ever and ever… I wouldn’t change anything in my life because it has lead me to you…
I love you baby…
Please note ALL THE ABOVE IS A LIE. There was no veracity to anything said in the above e-mail to me. This was his way of “voicing” what he knew I wanted to hear. I was never his best friend, the love of his life, he apologizes only to do it again, he says he will never take me for granted, he left me three weeks after this email was written. He left me once his ex-wife started to suspect something was going on. He quickly flew the coop. He had no intentions of staying with me ever. I was a pawn in his chess game. Only I was smarter than he counted on. I called him on it.
It has come to surface that he was, in fact, leading his ex-wife and me on at the same time. One of my friends casually drove by his home only to see his former wife’s car there just one week after our relationship was over. She was warned. We took the time to warn her. Anonymously, but we did. She is well aware of this behavior and continues to return to this relationship. He is her problem now. I have moved on but continue to heal from this lie. It was a really long lie that I believed. The whole relationship was a lie. I have always taken great pride in my intelligence but I was fooled.
The longer you stay, the longer the lie lives. Delete yourself from the lie.
I share this with you because strength comes with knowledge of the damage these sociopaths can cause. We believe the lies. I believed everything he said to me. Everything.
EB, ROFLMAO.
Thank you for your letter, I am in the middle of recovering from a trauma with a sociopath from 8 months ago. Your story helps.
Hi annieflo. I hope you stick around and recover right along with the rest of us…it helps to be in good company with people who understand what you’re going through.
Gladyou spoke up. Keep coming back!
Kimmie…..I think i was your GD 38 years ago.
I just wanted someone…..anyone to pay me attention, but I didn’t know what kind or how.
I remember feeling alot of regrets and guilt as a child.
I was the middle child.
One situation I clearly remember was my Aunt and Uncle wanted to take me home with them for a week.
I had asked to go……
After they agreed, I was sweating it out…..crying in my room…..I really didn’t want to go….I was scared….(don’t know why) and I was the one who ASKED!!!
I didn’t know how to tell them I didn’t want ot go……and the adults saw my sadness….and it came out…..and they all tried to talk me into the fun I was going to have…I was impossible….and I bet frustrating for the adults….
My brother ended up going instead….and had a fantastic time…….for a week.
The whole week, I was so relieved I didn’t have to go and never regretted or was jelous of my brother going……
It was a really weird situation….
From that point forward…..my ‘favorite’ uncle punished me- until his death.
I think there is something to be said for the ‘middle’ child deal.
I am disgusted with being gay. Have put a few ads in some gaywebsites and I get responses from ‘bois’ looking to prey on me or old farts with gross body parts..Any interaction with some one soon turns into a sexual discussion about my size and position. The number of married men that are lookin for quick blow and go is disgusting. I put in my profile ‘no married men’ and one guy asked why no married men we can do it just as good as anyone – I responded.’I am sure you can but it’s your wife i respect.’ there is something wrong with me, I just dont fit in anywhere..So I am giving up..dont want to go to a gay bar ever again..nothing but losers and users lookin for their next piece of meat..I honestly dont need the internet for business or any other reason, just here, and I feel like a misfit here also..if i disconnect internet I can also disconnect landline and just use cell phone and save about 100 bucks a month..and if I do need to get online I can go to my sons..why is it so fuckin hard for me to make this decision..why do I feel like I am losing my best friend if I turn it off? I did fine with out it before….
Annieflo:
I second Kim’s welcome.
There is so much good information of LF to learn and empower us.
Your in good company!
Hens, if you turn it off you turn us off too. If you are lonely and feeling isolated, we are at least some company…and weneedyou, too. Please stay here with us.
I have never been gay, but from my hetero point of view, we are all dealing with the same issue. We want relationship, intimacy, companionship, and everywhere we look, we find shallow, superficial game-playing, ego-stroking exploititive sexuality. We see cheaters and users, liars, abusers, etc. etc. etc.
It5’s for exactly that reason that I’ve pretty much resigned myself to celebacy. I’m ok with it…it’s far better than the alternative, at least at this point.
But that doesn’t mean YOU should give up hope…maybe you’re just looking in the wrong places…I wish for your sweetest dreams to come true, Dear Hens.
Hens:
Don’t base your whole self worth on one situation.
Your gay…..so what! What would be different if you were straight….would you have never met a spath…..Uh…..no!
You know what to expect on the sites…..so why bother.
You need to get out in the ‘world’ (like us all) and put yourself out there…..in a grocery store, plant store, home depot, the gas station…….take a college class…..volunteer at a shelter to do landscaping……NETWORK in a healthy way!
Decide on ‘what’ your looking for in a partner…….and put yourself in those places that those peeps hang out……and NO…not a bar.
Your getting discouraged looking in the wrong places for companionship…….
You got your sons neighbor guy…..who was batting his eyelashes at you……DUDE….shake it up and bat back!!!!
Life ain’t no better on the hetro side……I feel the same way as far as the dating scene.
Hens, your a great guy….a gentleman……THANK you for denying the marrieds and being vocal about it….your respect for those wives (formerly ME) is awesome!!!
I for one would miss you terribly if you couldn’t get on LF.
If it’s the money….you gotta do what ya gotta do……if it’s running from something……Stop and evaluate ‘why’.
Thanks for your middle child experience. I do apreciate it, EB.
I do try to “understand” what is motivating her…I have to admit that fear never crossed my mind.
She’s a very observant and smart child, and I feel like she sees right into me…scary thought.
She certainly has had the effect of making me look at myself.
She is absolutely beautiful, too….Oh Lord, heaven help us. LOL.
……there are lessons everywhere!!!!
Even in the form of a 5 year old!
🙂