A few weeks ago, Lovefraud published a letter from “Kay” —This was all about him and all about what he needed. Kay has written again, with Part 2 of her story.
It’s Kay, I am back with more memories I uncovered which were hidden in my subconscious about this sociopath. I hope this helps Lovefraud readers once again. I have taken the time to re-read some of his emails, all of them actually, trying to piece together an otherwise really, really Long Lie which consumed one-and-a-half years of my life.
Here is one of his emails where he LIES about everything he feels… WARNING — There are TRIGGERS here. I am sure you some of you have heard some or all of this before….
Like I told you the other day I don’t know what it is about you that drives me crazy.. And I don’t want to know.. I just never want it to end.. I love the way you make me feel.. You bring happiness to my life and peace to my soul.. In you I have found my destiny.. My joy.. My love of my life… My bestfriend.. My lover.. My everything.. Your love makes me feel like I’m on top of the world… You are like a drug to me… I can’t get enough of you and your love… I now understand why you sometimes acted the way you did with me.. Baby I am sorry from the bottom of my heart.. That I did that to us.. I will never take you for granted ever again.. Your my world.. Your my everything… And I live you with all my heart… Your an amazing woman and mother… And you’ll be an amazing wife… And I want to be everything that you need and want and desire in your life for ever and ever… I wouldn’t change anything in my life because it has lead me to you…
I love you baby…
Please note ALL THE ABOVE IS A LIE. There was no veracity to anything said in the above e-mail to me. This was his way of “voicing” what he knew I wanted to hear. I was never his best friend, the love of his life, he apologizes only to do it again, he says he will never take me for granted, he left me three weeks after this email was written. He left me once his ex-wife started to suspect something was going on. He quickly flew the coop. He had no intentions of staying with me ever. I was a pawn in his chess game. Only I was smarter than he counted on. I called him on it.
It has come to surface that he was, in fact, leading his ex-wife and me on at the same time. One of my friends casually drove by his home only to see his former wife’s car there just one week after our relationship was over. She was warned. We took the time to warn her. Anonymously, but we did. She is well aware of this behavior and continues to return to this relationship. He is her problem now. I have moved on but continue to heal from this lie. It was a really long lie that I believed. The whole relationship was a lie. I have always taken great pride in my intelligence but I was fooled.
The longer you stay, the longer the lie lives. Delete yourself from the lie.
I share this with you because strength comes with knowledge of the damage these sociopaths can cause. We believe the lies. I believed everything he said to me. Everything.
hens…I don’t really know you… but my best friend is a lesbian, my brother is gay and I’m a hetrosexual who dallied with the Devil…now please can we all calm down and have a discussion please….
you say:
.why is it so fuckin hard for me to make this decision..why do I feel like I am losing my best friend if I turn it off? I did fine with out it before”.
I will tell you why..it’s the oldest most common ailment of all time and it is called….LONLINESS…you want to be loved, you deserve to be loved, you are a beautiful guy…I can pick it up even from here…do not feel you do not belong!!
please don’t disconnect the internet because of a gay meat market that makes you feel like shit…hah! it’s just another part of this whole agonising situation but at least HERE we all get the fact that it is more…much more than that…and the darkest hour is usually just before dawn…
I’m very fond of you…don’t give up…keep talking and keep walking …you are a beautiful human being and dare to feel what that’s like…. THEN… go down to the gay bar…. or don’t..love will find a man like you…I can feel it in my bones….love, light and blessings a plenty xx
I need physical friendships. Not sexual friends with benifits. I ‘am’ running from something Erin..I am almost in tears because I think it is me I am running from..all your kind words from all of you help me make it to the next day sometimes. This website has become my source of companionship and helps with the lonliness. I can be witty, funny, sarcastic and sometimes helpfel here, but in real life I find it hard to speak to anyone other than my small family and clients, I just dont connect, I feel like I am in a bubble and no body can here me or see me and I am trying so hard to get out but sometime I cant breathe and I just come home to my dogs and lovefraud..
I’m kind of in the same boat, Hen’s.
My family is pretty much my entire social net-work, and my best friends are cats.
I never go out anymore, and sometimes feel like I don’t fit either.
I feel the same way about the whole friends with benefits game…it’s usually played by someone who has no real desire to connect with you, who just wants to take advantage of your desire for him, and he will exploit your feelings, your lonliness and anything else thatmakes you easy prey….
I have a motto, “I don’t f%#k my friends” and that pretty much says it in a nut shell.
hens- coming home to your dogs and lovefraud is actually okay!!!this is a process, a transition, a journey …it’s not always going to be like this…you need to speak MORE here…let the fucking stuff out and I for one will be able for it, seriously just let it out…you need to express the bitterness…we all have it so it’s what we are about…and the cant breathe thing? that may be grief..it’s the natural body response to LOSS and it’s a really good thing to be feeling as it moves you towards more energy etc. it’s tearful and expressive and just please share it with the wonderful friends you have here…you are coming close to the person you are meant to be…it’s painful but it’s healing…stay with it…stay with us…talk about it here…with us xxxx
Hens, what your feeling is what I feel.
I look at peeps on FB with 10million friends…..and ladies who are out every evening with ‘friends’……and I think……well….I could ‘fake’ it……
But…..I dont want to fake it! I want to be me…..and by being Me…authentic me….means I hold a few friends and a few family……and maybe more if I made a bigger effort!
But…..I don’t think I would trade me…..for 10million fb friends and that fake feeling of being loved by all.
We need to conquor our fears and find a place we are comfortable OUT of our comfort zone….ya know.
We must fulfill ourselves with what we need……
I has helped my lonliness getting a roommate….and my finances….I don’t see em much at all…..but I know they are here.
Sometimes we have to fake it till we make it……I’m sure no one would think i’m so funny, sarcastic and witty in person if they met me either……but if that’s what I like about myslef….then i have to make attempts at being that in person more…..you know!
I don’t connect outside either……I don’t think it’s abnormal…..
I think the lonliness is the first thing to address…..If your not happy with it….change it!!!!
Get out there…….
Your friend moving from Ohio will open up avenues for you….getting out……make sure of it!
XXOO
EB
HENRY!!!!!!
OKay, look here my man!!!!! I don’t like being a fat, wrinkled old woman either, cause there is NOTHING BUT 80 year old guys with limp willies that are interested in me. and I’m not looking for my next stroke patient to take care of 24 hours a day 7 days a week.
Okay, it sucks to get old and not have a partner. Gay or straight! But you know….it ain’t just about getting our ashes hauled. Cause basically we can take matters in hand and haul our own! It’s about companionship. and caring and that is what FRIENDS are for. And I don’t mean “with benefits” either. Just FRIENDS who care about us and with whom we can TALK about what is bugging us.
So you can turn off internet and home phone and save money, or you can keep computer and spend $100 a month.
There are also ways you can go to wi-fi places and hook up as well and still get on line sometimes (not at home) and save the money.
Or you can get an air card (probably verizon for $60 a month and they give you the air card, and save 40 cause you can get rid of the home phone. Or you can change to a cheaper carrier.
Lots of options.
I will BOINK you for getting on the online slut lines though! You know better than that! Especially on the gay sites they are just looking for HOOK UPS—you can go to the dark park on the interstate and get that, but I have a feeling that is now what you want! You are wanting a RELATIONSHIP and you ain’t gonna find that on a gay hook up site. Even on straight “dating” sites I think the chance of finding a relationship are between bad and none.
Going to a BAR to find a partner is almost as good as the dark park—gay or straight!
I’ve said this before and I’m gonna say it again, I can get laid/married tonight if I set my sights low enough—by going down to the wino shelter and picking me out a wino, and you can go to the gay-guys wino shelter and pick you out another Mike, but I have a pretty good feeling you don’t want another clone of him any more than I want my own wino partner!
So kwit yer beefing and do something positive for yourself. Your GF is coming back to town go somewhere with her, do something with your kids or grandkids. You know we love you, so if you don’t start loving yourself you will require me to beat you into a pulp and it is wayyyyy too hot to swing that skillet! ((((hugs))))))
Now,
Henry – What about you do you feel like you are running from? Try to go where you are brought to tears… get in there and put your heels firmly in the ground and stop running. Figure it out. One step at a time. If you leave Lovefraud/go off line I will be so angry at you for coming this far – SO FAR – only to shut down.
You come home to yourself – are you are NOT ok with that? Is that what you are running from…figure out why you are not ok w/being ALL alone. Its one thing to be all alone and say youre ok with being alone – buts its another to deep down inside not be ok with being alone with yourself. What are the fears about that…what are the negatives and the positives. Henry – my challenge is being ok with being myself with others. What is your challenge?
You dont have to answer this…its loving food for thought…A place to firmly plant yourself and dig your heels in and stop running and start being ok with coming home to yourself , your precious dogs and your friends at LF…until you figure out how to let more air and space and others into your world. Its all ok…you are human – connecting, disconnecting and reconnecting as you go. This is a bump in the road…you can run and make it an impossible mountain or you can dig your heels in it and flatten it out by dealing with what you are going through. DONT RUN. Walk through it with so many of us…we wont let you fall Henry. But if you do, we will pick you up, like you have picked up so many of us along the way… xoxo
Thank you All for the Love..When I am out and about in the city at work with all the traffic and peeps driving fast to get somewhere, all the peeps walkin around lookin down and on their cell phones, all this is overwhelming for me sometimes. I just cant wait to get home to my peace and serenity. I think I want someone to share this with, my simple way of life with out drama. But maybe that is selfish on my part. I think when Mike was here he kinda became my clone for awhile, thats what they do, but at the same time I miss that. I would fix dinner and then we would go for a drive with the dogs hangin out the window, he would hold my hand, say I love you , lite my cigs, talk to my dogs like children, I miss that. We would go fishing, camping, I did everything to keep him intertained as best I could because he was not good at just hangin out, he had to be busy..but soon he became bored with me and I kept trying to do better, do the things he wanted to do, go to the places he wanted to go, to the point of letting my life fall behind…Ok here goes- I miss him so much even after all the pain.. there is nothing real in his soul but I miss his physical presence..he was a tall skinny hill billy with a cute way of talkin, walkin– just a simple country bumpkin like me – I thought…I think Mike is capable of loving someone and being in a comitted relationship, just not with me, but he did let me pick him up and dust him off and help get his troubled life in order just to move on to someone younger with more excitement..if thats the case then so be it..just wish he had never fooled me the way he did..I would of helped him regardless – I still hurt so deep and I know I should have moved on long ago..truth be told I dont want anybody but him and that is sick…cause I cant believe anything that comes out of his mouth,,,as much as he cheated and lied I still think it was me that was just not good enuff for him…
Oh Oxy I’m in a heap of laughter after reading your post…love you so much! I agree with what you so beautifully said:
” I’m not looking for my next stroke patient to take care of 24 hours a day 7 days a week.”
I agree, I agree……ha ha ha
Hens….go easy on OXY……she sounds like she’s searching for limp willies in wine bars.
XXOO
EB