A few weeks ago, Lovefraud published a letter from “Kay” —This was all about him and all about what he needed. Kay has written again, with Part 2 of her story.
It’s Kay, I am back with more memories I uncovered which were hidden in my subconscious about this sociopath. I hope this helps Lovefraud readers once again. I have taken the time to re-read some of his emails, all of them actually, trying to piece together an otherwise really, really Long Lie which consumed one-and-a-half years of my life.
Here is one of his emails where he LIES about everything he feels… WARNING — There are TRIGGERS here. I am sure you some of you have heard some or all of this before….
Like I told you the other day I don’t know what it is about you that drives me crazy.. And I don’t want to know.. I just never want it to end.. I love the way you make me feel.. You bring happiness to my life and peace to my soul.. In you I have found my destiny.. My joy.. My love of my life… My bestfriend.. My lover.. My everything.. Your love makes me feel like I’m on top of the world… You are like a drug to me… I can’t get enough of you and your love… I now understand why you sometimes acted the way you did with me.. Baby I am sorry from the bottom of my heart.. That I did that to us.. I will never take you for granted ever again.. Your my world.. Your my everything… And I live you with all my heart… Your an amazing woman and mother… And you’ll be an amazing wife… And I want to be everything that you need and want and desire in your life for ever and ever… I wouldn’t change anything in my life because it has lead me to you…
I love you baby…
Please note ALL THE ABOVE IS A LIE. There was no veracity to anything said in the above e-mail to me. This was his way of “voicing” what he knew I wanted to hear. I was never his best friend, the love of his life, he apologizes only to do it again, he says he will never take me for granted, he left me three weeks after this email was written. He left me once his ex-wife started to suspect something was going on. He quickly flew the coop. He had no intentions of staying with me ever. I was a pawn in his chess game. Only I was smarter than he counted on. I called him on it.
It has come to surface that he was, in fact, leading his ex-wife and me on at the same time. One of my friends casually drove by his home only to see his former wife’s car there just one week after our relationship was over. She was warned. We took the time to warn her. Anonymously, but we did. She is well aware of this behavior and continues to return to this relationship. He is her problem now. I have moved on but continue to heal from this lie. It was a really long lie that I believed. The whole relationship was a lie. I have always taken great pride in my intelligence but I was fooled.
The longer you stay, the longer the lie lives. Delete yourself from the lie.
I share this with you because strength comes with knowledge of the damage these sociopaths can cause. We believe the lies. I believed everything he said to me. Everything.
learning
Southernman – I left you a message!
Wow! Tears and smiles are what flowed out of me when I went to that link. Just beautiful and inspiring. The photos, the music and the words. Thank you for re-inspiring me on my healing journey, with the thoughts I shared with you. 🙂
erin1972
Henry-We love you so much and I will be so sad if you go off of here. I have threatened to go off here a lot and I just don’t. You are the most amazing guy. It’s so great that you responded to the married guy the way you did. I just hate that on-line shit though. It’s danger and I don’t want you to find guys who want to use you. You are gay and you can’t be anything but and that is just fine. We are all in the same boat though. I am a 38 year old beautiful woman with crappy self esteem who has a lot to offer but I don’t go out. I don’t feel comfortable going shopping for fat girl clothes to wear when I can sit home in scrubs reading a book. We both need to be out doing things. I think you are SO great and any guy would be so damn lucky to have you!!!!
hens
Learning..Toby lives in a mansion just down the road about 5 miles, close enuff for me to call him a neighbor, but he doesnt know me.. I think what he means in that song Is he ‘cant’ go all nite long like he used too but he can still go…thats what I take from it anywho..
hens
E72 Your so sweet thanks for the kind words – I waffle back and forth about my internet addiction.. I play canasta online late at nite sometimes and have met peeps from all over the world, just like here at Lf, I guess cyber friends are ok cause I can sit here in my boxers and not have to clean house for company…hugs
erin1972
hens-that is a good thing about on-line friends. That’s why I have kept coming back here. I don’t family here where I live except a cousin who is married with her own kids. My dad and stepmom live away. It gets hard to make friends when you’re older and don’t have good self esteem. It is nice to be able to sit around in your underwear and still talk to people. 🙂 🙂 I hope you feel better!
teacher123
Hens,
Depression sucks don’t go there. Who cares what this Mike loser thinks? What you think about yourself is ultimately more important. What I know of P’ s is that they mirror your good traits, so if you look at it that way the good you were seeing was all you. I think we should think better of ourselves than psychopaths do of themselves minus the selfishness. I don’t know much about Toby Keith, but Uncle Kracker has a line from one of his songs we should repeat- Damn it feels good to be me.
one/joy_step_at_a_time
HENS – i haven’t read all the posts. i am a bit tired, but i got the gist of it.
i think you are on the verge of a break through. you can’t live in the skin you are in (which is psychological); you are considering a runner; and that isn’t going to work for you either. you are in the dying to be reborn place.
🙂
talk baby talk.
keep talking.
and talk some more.
XXXXXXXXXXX one step
teacher123
Ok about to go overboard, but this one goes out to anyone who is down on themselves. It is a video clip from Cool Runnings. In it Jr. Bevill is down on himself because his father views him as less than what he is-an Olympic athlete. His friend Yul Brenner gives him a lesson in self confidence in front of the mirror. He tells him to look in the mirror and tell me what you see. Jr. resonds, I see Jr. Yul Brenner says I see Pride, I see Power, I see a bad ass mother who don’t take no crap off of no one. Jr. says-you really see that? And Yul responds yes, but it is not about what I see it is about what you see. In life sometimes you have to kick some ass even if it is only in your mind.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLPCNmWNAg8
Ox Drover
Hey Henry, depression DOES suck…and that’s whyI takes me MEDS!!!!! MED-I-KAY-TON, MED-I-KAAAA-TON! OHHHHHH IT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD! ta da!!!!! (hear the music)
There is not a damn thing worng with taking medication for depression, any more than there is in taking insulin or pills for diabetes or drugs for high blood pressure….it takes care of a problem that CAN BE FIXED.
It doesn’t make you “stronger” or “better” to not take medicine for depression or PTSD or anything else. You just need to make sure that your prescriber is not an idiot!
My son C refuses to take medication for his depression and/or his ADHD and there is a drug that works pretty good for both, one pill twice a day, reasonable price, low side effects and he refuses “don’t want to take a pill” but let him get a MIGRAINE and he’s got his hand out! So you know, Henry I know in the past you took medication when you were really down and it helped. You might reconsider it again.
I have no doubt I will be on AD medication the rest of my life and hey, that’s OKY-DOE-KAY WITH ME! It doesn’t make me “high” but it sure keeps me from sinking into the pits right down there by the BPwell.
FightAnotherDay
Do they all use “…”?
Mine did.
SO did his new victim, the adulteress.
Source of supply:
I think She is his best source of supply. She has tons more money than I, I just had more than his family. She is much younger, and although I waffle between pitying her, and and waiting for her just-dessert, I think she is not as bright, and worse; has a lower self esteem. I caught onto his cheating within a year and once I did, I knew I was worth more than that.
Depression:
I suffer from a lot less depression that I did when I was with the Spath. I feel our depression is telling us something is amiss. I took antidepressants, but I felt counseling was the best way to go.
For any newbies here:
The above is why we can NOT go back. We can NOT even give an ear to their BS. It has been over 9 months since I last had “open” communication with my son’s Spath father, but I still fear the risk of believing his lies if I did.
GET AWAY. Sanity and security will come in time. Then STAY AWAY. do not give them yourselves.
PS: My insecurities have been creeping up too. I have bee officially single since spath last left over a year ago. It’s one of the longest stretches of time I have been single. It has been good actually, but I have had a nagging thought that Spath’s new victim my be “better” than me.
Was I hard to live with? Was I a Nag? Will I ever find someone who will stay with me?
Weren’t we all nags? Are all Spaths passive aggressive? Mine never helped around the house and would play video games for hours. I was so desperate to settle the angst in the house that I would take any suggestion from my psychologist. I would take many different approaches to get him to help out. It never worked.