A few weeks ago, Lovefraud published a letter from “Kay” —This was all about him and all about what he needed. Kay has written again, with Part 2 of her story.
It’s Kay, I am back with more memories I uncovered which were hidden in my subconscious about this sociopath. I hope this helps Lovefraud readers once again. I have taken the time to re-read some of his emails, all of them actually, trying to piece together an otherwise really, really Long Lie which consumed one-and-a-half years of my life.
Here is one of his emails where he LIES about everything he feels… WARNING — There are TRIGGERS here. I am sure you some of you have heard some or all of this before….
Like I told you the other day I don’t know what it is about you that drives me crazy.. And I don’t want to know.. I just never want it to end.. I love the way you make me feel.. You bring happiness to my life and peace to my soul.. In you I have found my destiny.. My joy.. My love of my life… My bestfriend.. My lover.. My everything.. Your love makes me feel like I’m on top of the world… You are like a drug to me… I can’t get enough of you and your love… I now understand why you sometimes acted the way you did with me.. Baby I am sorry from the bottom of my heart.. That I did that to us.. I will never take you for granted ever again.. Your my world.. Your my everything… And I live you with all my heart… Your an amazing woman and mother… And you’ll be an amazing wife… And I want to be everything that you need and want and desire in your life for ever and ever… I wouldn’t change anything in my life because it has lead me to you…
I love you baby…
Please note ALL THE ABOVE IS A LIE. There was no veracity to anything said in the above e-mail to me. This was his way of “voicing” what he knew I wanted to hear. I was never his best friend, the love of his life, he apologizes only to do it again, he says he will never take me for granted, he left me three weeks after this email was written. He left me once his ex-wife started to suspect something was going on. He quickly flew the coop. He had no intentions of staying with me ever. I was a pawn in his chess game. Only I was smarter than he counted on. I called him on it.
It has come to surface that he was, in fact, leading his ex-wife and me on at the same time. One of my friends casually drove by his home only to see his former wife’s car there just one week after our relationship was over. She was warned. We took the time to warn her. Anonymously, but we did. She is well aware of this behavior and continues to return to this relationship. He is her problem now. I have moved on but continue to heal from this lie. It was a really long lie that I believed. The whole relationship was a lie. I have always taken great pride in my intelligence but I was fooled.
The longer you stay, the longer the lie lives. Delete yourself from the lie.
I share this with you because strength comes with knowledge of the damage these sociopaths can cause. We believe the lies. I believed everything he said to me. Everything.
Buttons….what is TMNR at the end of ROTHFLMAO -? – it took me an entire day to decode GMAB! LOL…
Thanks, OxD – you know, “other people” would suggest that I give the kid a break, and that’s okay in theory. But, coddling someone and hoping and wishing does NOT teach them anything. In fact, nothing can “teach” unless they’re willing to learn.
Learning:
ROTFLMAOTMNR = rolling on the floor, laughing my arse off ’til my nose runs……..I made that up when I was an AOL Chat Host, many years ago – do they still even HAVE chat hosts? LOLOL
Then, there was ROTFLMAOTIBCOMM which = rolling on the floor, laughing my arse off ’til I blow coffee on my monitor
😀
Dear Buttons,
Spew coke (as in soda pop) out my nose!!! Oh gosh how that hurts!
Well, if you invented ROTFLMAO, and Al Gore invented the internet, I wonder who invented” LOL?” Now I am spewing coke out my nose! LOL
I’m done by the way (BTW) with giving people a “break”—if someone is trying to jack me around or any form of dishonesty, out the door!
Oh, I didn’t invent ROTFLMAO……..I just made up the TMNR and TIBCOMM! LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Carbonated beverages and nasal passages do not work well, together!! {GUFFAWING MIGHTILY}
That’s right, OxD…….dishonesty is verbal diarrhea, and I won’t tolerate it, either!
{{{{hearty, laughing hugs}}}}
I deleted myself from the lie. I was about 7 months pregnant, when I changed my phone number (for the last time – the time before the socio actually threatened to harm a mutual friend unless he got it).
It was in early in the morning, and I hadn’t slept much. I called as soon as my phone company opened.
My mind was reeling over the prior night, how he had looked at me with such disgust. He looked at my stomach and said, “He’s not mine. I bet he’s black.” How his eyes gleamed in hatred when he looked me up and down, and told me that I was lazy and worthless…
I can’t explain the feeling of that. I had devoted so much to this black hole of a person. I’d lost jobs, credibility, my footing in college, even my relationship with my daugher was becomming stressed because of his endless demands for attention; his drama.
I had taken on the “karma” repair work of all his lies, his mistakes, his drama, his 5 year old son, and now this unborn child… on top of my life. My life was nothing like it used to be. I’d lost so much hard work.
And, now… I was lazy and worthless… my son – his son – meant NOTHING. My sacrifices to him, my losses, my hardwork for him and everything else meant nothing. I was worth less than dirt. In his eyes, I could see a twisted, false, shameful reflection of me – a pregnant, nasty, fat, lazy, worthless cow…
He was good at breaking me, manipulating through the “No Contact”. His 20th, 25th – 100th “emotional” text or call had a way of breaking me down again, and toying with me.
And I WAS breaking. I’d reached the brink of something, weak, rejected, condemned, with so much loss (school, job, relationships… eventually more)… 3 months away from giving birth.
But, there was some “voice” urging me on, like a shadow or an angel, warning that if went back again, he would destroy me completely. There was no doubt, anymore. There would be no more of me. No more happiness, joy, faith, hope, or love. I would break. Like a toothpick.
I would literally emotionally and spiritually die.
I couldn’t handle one more word out of his mouth. Not a single word expressing anything – not pretend guilt, selfishness, anger, or resentment. One word could literally make me crumble.
On the morning of April 23rd, 2009, the phone was turned off. At 37 weeks pregnant, I drove 2,000 miles across country with my 5-year-old daugher, to give birth. There were friends there waiting.
My son was born on the 4th of July, 2009. It was quite an independence day 😉
Purewaters3, you’re one hell of a courageous woman – GOD BLESS YOU, dear heart! Yes………Independence Day, indeed.
Towanda!!!!!!!!!
Thx buttons 🙂
“Kay”
That is a horrible manipulation, there. Really soulless and empty that they can throw around words like that, and mean none of it.
Glad you “Deleted yourself from the lie”.
Dear Purewater,
You are indeed a strong woman!!! I am glad that you had your independence from this monster. I am also glad that he is out of your life and your son is FREE of the sperm donor. That is the BEST gift he could have given you!!!! To deny the parenthood.
I do suggest though that you go to Dr. Leedom’s site “Raising the At risk child” and read her book “Just like his father” both will help you as you parent your children. I am glad that they have such a strong and wise mother!!! ((((hugs))))) and my prayers.
Thanks, OxDrover for the compliments and reminding me about those books. I’m going to look them up online, now.