A few weeks ago, Lovefraud published a letter from “Kay” —This was all about him and all about what he needed. Kay has written again, with Part 2 of her story.
It’s Kay, I am back with more memories I uncovered which were hidden in my subconscious about this sociopath. I hope this helps Lovefraud readers once again. I have taken the time to re-read some of his emails, all of them actually, trying to piece together an otherwise really, really Long Lie which consumed one-and-a-half years of my life.
Here is one of his emails where he LIES about everything he feels… WARNING — There are TRIGGERS here. I am sure you some of you have heard some or all of this before….
Like I told you the other day I don’t know what it is about you that drives me crazy.. And I don’t want to know.. I just never want it to end.. I love the way you make me feel.. You bring happiness to my life and peace to my soul.. In you I have found my destiny.. My joy.. My love of my life… My bestfriend.. My lover.. My everything.. Your love makes me feel like I’m on top of the world… You are like a drug to me… I can’t get enough of you and your love… I now understand why you sometimes acted the way you did with me.. Baby I am sorry from the bottom of my heart.. That I did that to us.. I will never take you for granted ever again.. Your my world.. Your my everything… And I live you with all my heart… Your an amazing woman and mother… And you’ll be an amazing wife… And I want to be everything that you need and want and desire in your life for ever and ever… I wouldn’t change anything in my life because it has lead me to you…
I love you baby…
Please note ALL THE ABOVE IS A LIE. There was no veracity to anything said in the above e-mail to me. This was his way of “voicing” what he knew I wanted to hear. I was never his best friend, the love of his life, he apologizes only to do it again, he says he will never take me for granted, he left me three weeks after this email was written. He left me once his ex-wife started to suspect something was going on. He quickly flew the coop. He had no intentions of staying with me ever. I was a pawn in his chess game. Only I was smarter than he counted on. I called him on it.
It has come to surface that he was, in fact, leading his ex-wife and me on at the same time. One of my friends casually drove by his home only to see his former wife’s car there just one week after our relationship was over. She was warned. We took the time to warn her. Anonymously, but we did. She is well aware of this behavior and continues to return to this relationship. He is her problem now. I have moved on but continue to heal from this lie. It was a really long lie that I believed. The whole relationship was a lie. I have always taken great pride in my intelligence but I was fooled.
The longer you stay, the longer the lie lives. Delete yourself from the lie.
I share this with you because strength comes with knowledge of the damage these sociopaths can cause. We believe the lies. I believed everything he said to me. Everything.
Dear Henry,
You made my eyes water you big booby! I used to have naked ladies, we called them, in my yard and when you mentioned them, and then Lily, I had soo many emotions run across my brain all at once my eyes started dripping! I am such a weepy old b1atch! You’d almost think I was a pushover instead of a skillet wielding old broad! Sigh! If nothing else in this life I hope and PRAY there is not another one of the LF peeps that lays on their deathbed waiting for their ungrateful psychopathic kids to come hold them in their arms! Or waiting for their psychopathic parents or siblings, or which ever the relationship is, to change and come offer them an apology. Lily was a sweet lady and she didn’t deserve to die old and alone and sick and it breaks my heart that as hard as she tried, she just couldn’t quite give up on those monsters she gave birth to.
Reality sucks sometimes, but like we all say, Henry, “the truth will set you free, but first it will pith you off.” As painful as it is sometimes, truth WILL set us free, but no matter how painful truth is, DENIAL and self DECEPTION is always worse.
I think I’m gonna go over to “people of walmart dot com” and make myself feel better about myself—oh, they did a rerun of Law and Order, SVU tonight, the o ne with Ann MArgaret with all her horrible plastic surgery and that made me feel better about myself, I’m sooooo glad I didn’t ever have enough money or courage to get plastic surgery, I hope she sued the guy, she looks AWFUL!
Hey, guys and gals, take my advice, when you feel bad about yourself, take a trip to wal mart (or wm dot com) you will realize just how BEAUTIFUL you really are and what great taste in clothes you have!
I’m gonna go blow my nose now and quit sniveling, see you guys later. Love Oxy
Witty:
That is a night I too remember! It was pretty cool!
I think of hens everytime I see a cool moon in the sky!
🙂
I just got off the pnone with the executive office of my Mtg. Lender.
I have been in loan modification for over a year and a half….RIDICULOUS!
At first the lady was kinda kurt……and when she asked me about ‘why’ I am in hardship…..I let loose…..what exactly do you want to know…
The strokes,,,the cancer…..the kidnapping, the business destruction, OR the sociopath???
We spoke about my situation for over an hour….she sure ‘turned around’ quick…..she was flabergasted!
She softened up and gave me some insight on what to do once I receive the paperwork and how to ‘sign’ for the spath and what paragraph to refer to in the signiture page etc….
She said she has seen multiple loans held up becuase of a divorce and one spouse was awarded the property being modified but wont sign……
Well…..do I expect the spath to sign…..UH, yeah…..NOT!
Never did….this is how I landed in foreclosure. He wants me to lose everything.
So…..not holding my breath for him to sign anything!
She was a GEM! She said she was going to wrtie to the underwriter and make sure this case get’s handled efficiently and understood how deserving I am of a modification.
She said…..somehow, from our conversation…..You’ll be one of our success stories and well never see your file again!
She said she never speaks to peeps so intimately as she has with me…..
We discussed sociopathic behaviors and what she has lived in her life……she seemed to ‘get it’.
I encouraged her to google sociopaths and learn more…..
SO…..HOPEFULLY….i’ll get my loan…….and knock that stress of my plate…..and hopefully, she will never become a victim or at least be able to recognize the red flags…….
Good conversation…….on multiple levels!!!!
Hens;
I feel as if we have much in common. For a long part of my life, I resigned myself to the fact that there was nobody “special” out there for me, so much so I stopped looking for real intimacy.
When I met Alex, I realized how much I was missing without having an intimate relationship. When that ended, I was very, very sad, but happy that I had at least found the ability to connect with somebody.
Then came Jamie the sociopath. Funny, I actually thought I loved Alex from the start; I never felt that way about Jamie. However, when the Jamie disaster happened, I was truly crushed as I felt that I met my soulmate, a term I never used.
Its been a 1 1/2 years and I still can’t get him out of my head. I made some progress, but then regressed, mostly due to isolation and a changing mood. When you are recovering from major surgery and not working, there is a lot of time to think.
As my depression returned, i found my self more consumed with Jamie again, culminated with an incident of cyber-stalking I mentioned in another tread.
Despite all the evidence that he is a sociopath, all the red flags I ignored, and his general unthankful treatment of me, I still felt “connected” and yearned for another chance to make it right.
Once my mood changed over the last few days, I began to see things clearly again. I reached out to friends and decided that no matter what, I would not remain isolated.
In addition, I am telling myself to be patient and go back to my healing plan, which includes sobriety from alcohol and leveraging any all support mechanisms.
I am embarrassed to talk about the cyber-stalking but I know why I did it — to fill a void of time and perhaps to get a “fix” of a drug that is very, very bad for me.
Part of my own healing plan is that by opening up again, I hope to help others.
Tonight, I told a friend that Jamie is the only person in my life I wish I had never met, but I cannot change that.
What I can do is take something positive from an otherwise painful experience. Jamie forced me to confront issues that I long ignored and in the long run I will be better for it. At least I know that I can care for somebody, even if that person did not deserve such caring.
More important, I learned that those things that made me feel connected to him, are really extensions of voids in my life: loneliness, insecurity and of course real interpersonal relationship issues. At least I am tackling mine.
I share your frustrations with the gay world, but as others point out, loneliness exists in the straight world as well. I cannot change that I am gay, what I can change is how I present myself. This is where the concept of rigorous honesty comes in. I have held in so much for so long, it is easy for me to allude to issues but not reveal the depth of the problem, especially regarding the issues of loneliness and insecurity.
Thus, this evening I went to a SLAA meeting. Not because I have any real sexual compulsion issues, but I have the classic problem of being attracted to those who are unavailable to me. More important, it is another forum for support, just like here.
Hiya Hens!In Scotland, where I come from originally,” Hen” is an affectionate term for a woman. In England, its “Ducks”!
Just wanted to ask how your feeling now?And to give you my love, and a HUGE HUMUNGOUS HUG!!
If you give your email add. to Donna, I can send you some pics of David and I, with our new Iranian family, and our Poodle, Bobby.Id LOVE to see pics of you with your dachshunds, I love them and used to have one called Bentley.
Hang in there! At least we HAVE real emotions, which the spaths can never have.
Lotsa love,
Gem.XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxXXXXXXXXXX
I remember the night we went and looked
at the moon, and I still think of you peeps
when the moon is full….
hooooowwwwwwwwwllllllllllllllllll !!
gem, so in oz… are you a sheila? is that right?
or maybe that’s not an affectionate term… ?
maybe it’s offensive? OMG! i don’t know.
Hens, i relate more to you than you would even imagine!
sometimes it freaks me out that you write exactly
what i am feeling.
I’m here by myself, aaarrrggghhh!!
EB, great phone conversation you had with the lender!
Good for you! You know how to talk to people
and gain their trust! It’s a gift!
You’re gonna get that loan, so exciting!!