A few weeks ago, Lovefraud published a letter from “Kay” —This was all about him and all about what he needed. Kay has written again, with Part 2 of her story.
It’s Kay, I am back with more memories I uncovered which were hidden in my subconscious about this sociopath. I hope this helps Lovefraud readers once again. I have taken the time to re-read some of his emails, all of them actually, trying to piece together an otherwise really, really Long Lie which consumed one-and-a-half years of my life.
Here is one of his emails where he LIES about everything he feels… WARNING — There are TRIGGERS here. I am sure you some of you have heard some or all of this before….
Like I told you the other day I don’t know what it is about you that drives me crazy.. And I don’t want to know.. I just never want it to end.. I love the way you make me feel.. You bring happiness to my life and peace to my soul.. In you I have found my destiny.. My joy.. My love of my life… My bestfriend.. My lover.. My everything.. Your love makes me feel like I’m on top of the world… You are like a drug to me… I can’t get enough of you and your love… I now understand why you sometimes acted the way you did with me.. Baby I am sorry from the bottom of my heart.. That I did that to us.. I will never take you for granted ever again.. Your my world.. Your my everything… And I live you with all my heart… Your an amazing woman and mother… And you’ll be an amazing wife… And I want to be everything that you need and want and desire in your life for ever and ever… I wouldn’t change anything in my life because it has lead me to you…
I love you baby…
Please note ALL THE ABOVE IS A LIE. There was no veracity to anything said in the above e-mail to me. This was his way of “voicing” what he knew I wanted to hear. I was never his best friend, the love of his life, he apologizes only to do it again, he says he will never take me for granted, he left me three weeks after this email was written. He left me once his ex-wife started to suspect something was going on. He quickly flew the coop. He had no intentions of staying with me ever. I was a pawn in his chess game. Only I was smarter than he counted on. I called him on it.
It has come to surface that he was, in fact, leading his ex-wife and me on at the same time. One of my friends casually drove by his home only to see his former wife’s car there just one week after our relationship was over. She was warned. We took the time to warn her. Anonymously, but we did. She is well aware of this behavior and continues to return to this relationship. He is her problem now. I have moved on but continue to heal from this lie. It was a really long lie that I believed. The whole relationship was a lie. I have always taken great pride in my intelligence but I was fooled.
The longer you stay, the longer the lie lives. Delete yourself from the lie.
I share this with you because strength comes with knowledge of the damage these sociopaths can cause. We believe the lies. I believed everything he said to me. Everything.
bluejay, sleep well with magical dreams. x
behind_blue_eyes
A very honest post, it REALLY rings true, I’m so glad you shared this…because in a truly sinister way there is MORE to be learnt about these creatures, by stalking them you get to witness it enough to be reviled and disgusted…instead of building a fantasy that he is sitting somewhere on his own… miserable….because without the explanation as tink says:
“the hardest thing is their refusal to allow any debrief. That would be liberating. Just any explanation of their action…”
Without this we fumble around agonising over what is real…and if following him on line to find helps break the denial…the Romantic sleep we are in then it serves a very important service…
and as Wini so aptly put it what we find is their whoring around happily…not a bother in the world!! it’s impossible to get the head around it because he swore this, and said that and was my WHOLE WORLD….and now you finally see he is nothing but a psychopath whore who would have sex with anyone….
To all the new people here dealing with disbelief and looking so hard for answers and asking questions that seem so futile please please take the time to order this very inexspensive book by Richard Skerritt called MEANING FROM MADNESS yes meaning from madness~! I think its less than 15 bucks and it helped me so much, the title alone says so much… it is about understanding the hidden patterns that motivate abusers: Narcissist, Borderlines, and Sociopaths…
Bulletproof
one of the most difficult things is acceptance….maybe a bit like the father christmas situation. … what a lovely world this would be if we all thought the same way. But then maybe we would not be able to appreciate the greatness if evil did not exist.
In the trojan moments the NO CONTACT rule is so easy…..then that little gremlin takes over. Hope this eases as my soul knows this is the route to myself once more. Two tiny words after years of analysing and beating myself to a pulp. Such a ridiculously simple answer but will only work if give up need for reason.
Dear EB ,
Wellllll, glad you finally got some action!
In a deal where one party refuses to sign, isn’t there some way a judge can “sign for him”?
I know here in Arkansas when someone who is a party to a deed etc. is “unlocatable” you can advertise in the paper for a “quieting of the deed” in other words, take their name off it.
Or a judge can “sign for” them. Check it out.
Behind Blue eyes,
You write so well, and you make perfect sense. Sometimes I think that we attribute our problems to “being gay” or “being old” or “being fat” (or whatever) but in reality they are being HUMAN, not related to some sub-set of being human.
Good for you!@....... Confronting our own dysfunctional behavior and thinking is the best thing we can do—-recognizing it and naming it and then doing something about it WORKS. Just laying down and sucking our thumbs and feeling sorry for ourselves isn’t gonna work very well. It never has and I can’t see that changing.
It is easy for us to say to ourselves “Oh, if i was just straight” (or had two legs, or was younger, or not so poor, etc etc) how wonderful life would be and I would have X, y or Z and be happy and fulfilled…..but none of those things are true. Our unhappiness, depression, loneliness or whatever is unhappy about our lives isn’t because of being gay, fat, old, or whatever is our “problem”…it is because we don’t recognize that we CAN do something about the unhappiness even if we can’t change having only one leg, or being gay, or being old, or whatever we are attributing our problem to.
We can’t fix them, but we can fix our attitude about ourselves!
tink3010,
I had to go do some errands. Yes, an explanation of their actions would be helpful, but unlikely to occur. Instead, you end up anlyzing the person and their actions ad nauseum, throwing up your hands, realizing that it’s pointless, having better things to do with your time. I’ve decided that I need to do good things for myself this evening, attempting to override what I’ve gone through today. I hope things get easier for you.
Erin72 I almost missed your post about leaving your city.. I can post something in the morning and by evening it is waaayyy up the thread..I still think changing views is gonna be good for you..change is good..and I think the best medicine for depression is hard work and a new man. And now with our new awareness and boundaries you will find a better man, and if not oh well keep tryin…It is my personal opinion a failed relationship in the future will never do us in like the last one..Besides your young and maybe we need to focus on us more, for awhile anyway.. I will never get involved in another mess like this last one but dont mean I cant still dance…I am doing better except I got stung by 3 wasp this morning while tearing english ivy off the side of a house.. By noon my hand and arm were swollen like a ballon so I came home and just chilled in the cool ac…just now feeling a little better……
hens – be careful with the wasp stings. i am not allergic, but have blown up due to the infection caused by bacteria from the wasps. they ‘chew’ all kinds of crap.
Hens–OMG that is horrible about the wasps. I am terrified of them, just like those big giant cockroaches. I’m glad you’re not allergic.
I totally agree with what you said about our futures. My city is dead and I can’t try to become a police officer here. NOLA is listed in the 5 worst PDs in the country and just this morning two more officers were arrested for civil rights violations and are going to court. That’s like 12 cops in the last 6 months. It breaks my heart. I am very seriously considering North Carolina. It’s still the south. It’s pretty there and life is good for cops there. Pay is much better than here and cost of living is pretty decent. I’m just not interested in making myself miserable worrying about money. I want a PD where they pay for our gear instead of me paying for it.
I will be turning 38 in September and I would just as soon not even date until I turn 40-that is my goal and to be done with the police academy before I do it.