A few weeks ago, Lovefraud published a letter from “Kay” —This was all about him and all about what he needed. Kay has written again, with Part 2 of her story.
It’s Kay, I am back with more memories I uncovered which were hidden in my subconscious about this sociopath. I hope this helps Lovefraud readers once again. I have taken the time to re-read some of his emails, all of them actually, trying to piece together an otherwise really, really Long Lie which consumed one-and-a-half years of my life.
Here is one of his emails where he LIES about everything he feels… WARNING — There are TRIGGERS here. I am sure you some of you have heard some or all of this before….
Like I told you the other day I don’t know what it is about you that drives me crazy.. And I don’t want to know.. I just never want it to end.. I love the way you make me feel.. You bring happiness to my life and peace to my soul.. In you I have found my destiny.. My joy.. My love of my life… My bestfriend.. My lover.. My everything.. Your love makes me feel like I’m on top of the world… You are like a drug to me… I can’t get enough of you and your love… I now understand why you sometimes acted the way you did with me.. Baby I am sorry from the bottom of my heart.. That I did that to us.. I will never take you for granted ever again.. Your my world.. Your my everything… And I live you with all my heart… Your an amazing woman and mother… And you’ll be an amazing wife… And I want to be everything that you need and want and desire in your life for ever and ever… I wouldn’t change anything in my life because it has lead me to you…
I love you baby…
Please note ALL THE ABOVE IS A LIE. There was no veracity to anything said in the above e-mail to me. This was his way of “voicing” what he knew I wanted to hear. I was never his best friend, the love of his life, he apologizes only to do it again, he says he will never take me for granted, he left me three weeks after this email was written. He left me once his ex-wife started to suspect something was going on. He quickly flew the coop. He had no intentions of staying with me ever. I was a pawn in his chess game. Only I was smarter than he counted on. I called him on it.
It has come to surface that he was, in fact, leading his ex-wife and me on at the same time. One of my friends casually drove by his home only to see his former wife’s car there just one week after our relationship was over. She was warned. We took the time to warn her. Anonymously, but we did. She is well aware of this behavior and continues to return to this relationship. He is her problem now. I have moved on but continue to heal from this lie. It was a really long lie that I believed. The whole relationship was a lie. I have always taken great pride in my intelligence but I was fooled.
The longer you stay, the longer the lie lives. Delete yourself from the lie.
I share this with you because strength comes with knowledge of the damage these sociopaths can cause. We believe the lies. I believed everything he said to me. Everything.
Purewaters,
When the spaths pour out all this sick twisted, hateful garbage, and dump it on us, whats really happening is that they hate themselves. In their hearts{whats left of one!} they KNOW what worthless pieces of shit they really are, and in order to be able to live with this, they vomit and spew all this self hatred in torrents onto us, their so-called”loved ones’
Really they are pathologically jealous of us, because in their twisted souls they know we have the light of truth within us, and thay CANT STAND IT!! They have to try to extinguish our light, because it dazzles their eyes.They envy it, but they fear it too.THATS why they had to kill Christ, he was good and true and honest and humble SO HE HAD TO DIE
They are the lie from Hello to Goodbye.All of the insults they heap on us, speak volumes about THEM.
Love, Mamagem.
purewaters3
I hear you when you say you had taken on “the “karma” repair work of all his lies, his mistakes…..” I really felt that too, and by staying by him, even going after him I was “helping him” this thought began to repulse me, and part of the joy of NO CONTACT is that he no longer has the benefits of my being helping him through the darkness…when he ignored me, when he abruptly left me it was all for maximum pain…they love it…but when I left, and decided to really delete self from the lie…He is lost in the blackness…I constantly say to myself ‘I want nothing to do with his karma contract only my own’
I, too, deleted myself from the lie. I so admire so many who get it long before I ever did. I knew we were living a lie but I was helpless to prove it. My husband always had this way of denying and blaming. It’s so hard to fight an opinion. Covert abuse but in public, adoring. loving husband and father. Behind closed doors insidious mental abuse. Him wanting to punish me but yet laying the anger aside to have sex with me, then picking it back up and screaming about his lot in life.
We were a poster family for dysfunction. I was a transplant in the community and he was a lifer. They knew him but not me. No one would have believed me. For me, my only help came from divine intervention. I was committed and realize now I should have been for putting up with it! But I’m someone who likes to finish what I started so it was very difficult to realize that what was started, was just all playacting. A cover for who he really was but no knew but me and our children.
It was such a mess. Duplicitous living. Going to church every Sunday, him teaching Sunday School every Sunday, participating in all church activities, but him hating me, our life, etc. We had all the ingredients for the American dream, but it was a nightmare. Granted not like some, but we were to be different, as we were supposed to be Christian, living truth. It was all a lie. I felt for so many years that I’d soon explode if something didn’t happen. Trouble was I went from one lie to another and had to go through another insidious mental endurance test with a man who I believed was my reward for my prior living, to find out he was just a test too. The good of it is that I’m finally living truth as I see it. I’m no longer at the mercy of a disordered mindset that just needed an outlet for the aggression and hatred inside this person who masquerades himself as a real man.
geminigirl,
I think you’re right. I thought so many nights about the things he said, trying to determine if the things he said that piercing, nasty anger were true. But, recently, I started to realize those things were absolutely things HE felt about HIMSELF.
What a realization!
I agree that they envy our spiritual connection to God; to love and happiness – and they want to steal it from us.
That’s a big fear of mine. Did I lose a piece of my soul? Will I always feel this indigestion in my heart? Like there’s something taken from me. I get angry most about that, really.
Here’s a piece of the lie:
“May God bless you with a productive day! Here’s what may last chat message was. I ment everything I said about you not to get you in courtship but to see someone trying to be right in a world like this is beautiful so I encourage women like that to never give up even if another brother wins the prize I will be happy for you both! What’s your fear is maybe you will go into detail if you are ready.
But let me tell you this nothing will happen that you wont allow to happen!!! So if I get wrong toward you than I have stop being a believer but I respect you will protect you care for you die and kill for you!!! And for all of my sisters and brothers as long as they are right! So look and listen for God in your man and listen for God’s words when he speaks. And remember God said that he came to guide us that we may be successful, well that goes for us as well we have been given guidedess on how to go about seeking a helpmate
settle down to a good choice. So settle for nothing less from me or no other man!!! This is all out of love you are a beautiful sister because of the God in you hope it’s real and not fake! But time will tell. If it were not for your prays Allah would not care for you so ask of him he will give it in his good time!!!”
I mean this dude deserves an Oscar!!! I believed every last word he said. But this is what he says, which is a far cry from what he DOES. He underestimated my belief in God and overestimated his ability to overcome that belief because “he was just that irresistible”. He used my belief that marriage was until death til us part as assurance that I would take whatever came down the pike! NOT!!
He talked about “raping” me because he couldn’t wait to make love. I thought he was just excited. I let it pass. He would send me pornographic materials that involved acts prohibited by our faith. I would question him about it and he would say he was focused on the actual position, but that he didn’t need porn. He said he had a previous partner that loved to have him abuse her while having sex. It wasn’t long before I noticed a frightening pattern developing. I was like you need help. He of course said he was doing nothing wrong. I brought up our faith laws and he couldn’t get around it. That’s when I came here to lovefraud. I initially focused on the porn being THE problem and then I realized when a friend said something about him possibly being a spath, that there was something much bigger going on.
I got out before he moved in with us. I was afraid for my children and myself. I think I just scratched the surface of who he was, and that was enough for me! I not only deleted myself from the lie. I deleted the lie!!
Bulletproof,
About the “karma” repair. At first, I minimalized his “black hole” of a heart, thinking I could just fill it up with a little bit of love. But, “it” was never satisfied…
He just took, and took, and took, until there was almost nothing more to take. And, I kept doing my little jig back and forth trying to fix and compensate for the idiot.
My socio did things for that maximum pain effect, too – to break me; make me doubt myself and my resolve. It was like being “stunned”.
healingfast19,
You were smart to get out! That sounds very disturbing, and I’m sure he was trying to “brainwash” you into accepting the kind of torture he had waiting in his heart for you.
Thanks pure! What concerns me is that he also is a armed security guard. I have to be careful about pulling the covers off of him. He’s had this cover for 13 years. I do not know the full scope of his demonic nature. So I dont want to set off a set of events that I have no idea what to expect.
Fellow Lovefrauders-I mean no disrespect but I’m so glad you all experienced what I did! I really thought I was going crazy and getting ready for a nervous breakdown. After all the years with my husband and his love/hate on an every day basis, to meet a gorgeous man who noticed me, had left me with so much self doubt. But to find so many others who have gone down that same path, brings me comfort. We all can’t be wrong about the same thing.
This man I met, who proclaimed us to be “best buds”, almost drove me to the point of total defeat. He had so many secrets and me, being an open and honest person, couldn’t understand why he wanted to know about me but wouldn’t tell me about himself. It’s because his life is built on lies and he sucks everyone into that vortex in his mind and it’s so difficult getting out. He was in Vietnam and told me one time that he had a trunk full of Viet Cong ears in a trunk in his storage along with a trunk full of A-K47’s. But he said the rats probably ate the ears. And this from a man who took such good care of the outside. I was naive enough to think if one took care of the outside they must take care of the inside. Boy was I wrong.
And now at this age, I am quite glad to be alone. No more dealing with half truths which are whole lies, no more dancing to a tune that is out of tune. Lots of men I meet, tenants, can’t understand why I prefer being alone. If they only knew. I’ve raised my children, and they all moved away, and I’m left with no one but me. This was all a spiritual awakening for me. I know that brings a scoff from many but that’s what it was for me. I’ve had my eyes opened wide to evil and I’m on the alert for it. God was my redeeming factor. He brought the truth I so desperately crave.
It ended with this friend, with me finding out that along with playing his mind games with me, exploiting me out of thousands of dollars, he really was out doing the same thing elsewhere. He’s a sexual pervert, not in the least interested in a real relationship. He has been having a sexual affair with one of the local attorney’s wives, along with gay guys and just anyone he can draw into his web of lies. He got involved with a local gay couple and I know these guys but he didn’t know that. He was bragging to them about me, telling them that I wanted to “jump his bones”.
The one half of the gay couple came to me because he suspected my friend was having an affair with his friend. Found out through several happenings this is most likely so, and when I confronted my friend, through a text msg., he took my msg to the cops and lied and made it look like I was stalking him. He told the cops I was to stay away from him. I asked the cops if he told them how he ran in and out of my life for 15 years and bilked me out of all that money. He shoved me around my office when I threatened him. The cop asked why I didn’t file charges and I said I just wanted my money back.
That was about 1 1/2 yrs., ago, and he’s been driving past my office all this time. There’s a $store beside my office and he’s seen there all the time, looking up at the office, wanting me to notice him. That’s what he did before. It worked then. Doesn’t now. These psychopaths need new material.
When he went to the cops, he proved I was right. But he shot himself in the face when he aimed the gun at me. He lost his “best bud” that was an outlet for his sick mind. I’m onto him and he can keep trucking with all the ones who tried to take down all the ones represented here. Couldn’t we get a petition to have them sent to, say, Alcatraz, then they can drive each other crazy.
purewaters- you said: ‘I’m sure he was trying to “brainwash” you into accepting the kind of torture he had waiting in his heart for you. ‘
…..the kind of torture he had waiting in his heart for you. whoa. reading that just took me someplace else for a couple of minutes.
well said.