A few weeks ago, Lovefraud published a letter from “Kay” —This was all about him and all about what he needed. Kay has written again, with Part 2 of her story.
It’s Kay, I am back with more memories I uncovered which were hidden in my subconscious about this sociopath. I hope this helps Lovefraud readers once again. I have taken the time to re-read some of his emails, all of them actually, trying to piece together an otherwise really, really Long Lie which consumed one-and-a-half years of my life.
Here is one of his emails where he LIES about everything he feels… WARNING — There are TRIGGERS here. I am sure you some of you have heard some or all of this before….
Like I told you the other day I don’t know what it is about you that drives me crazy.. And I don’t want to know.. I just never want it to end.. I love the way you make me feel.. You bring happiness to my life and peace to my soul.. In you I have found my destiny.. My joy.. My love of my life… My bestfriend.. My lover.. My everything.. Your love makes me feel like I’m on top of the world… You are like a drug to me… I can’t get enough of you and your love… I now understand why you sometimes acted the way you did with me.. Baby I am sorry from the bottom of my heart.. That I did that to us.. I will never take you for granted ever again.. Your my world.. Your my everything… And I live you with all my heart… Your an amazing woman and mother… And you’ll be an amazing wife… And I want to be everything that you need and want and desire in your life for ever and ever… I wouldn’t change anything in my life because it has lead me to you…
I love you baby…
Please note ALL THE ABOVE IS A LIE. There was no veracity to anything said in the above e-mail to me. This was his way of “voicing” what he knew I wanted to hear. I was never his best friend, the love of his life, he apologizes only to do it again, he says he will never take me for granted, he left me three weeks after this email was written. He left me once his ex-wife started to suspect something was going on. He quickly flew the coop. He had no intentions of staying with me ever. I was a pawn in his chess game. Only I was smarter than he counted on. I called him on it.
It has come to surface that he was, in fact, leading his ex-wife and me on at the same time. One of my friends casually drove by his home only to see his former wife’s car there just one week after our relationship was over. She was warned. We took the time to warn her. Anonymously, but we did. She is well aware of this behavior and continues to return to this relationship. He is her problem now. I have moved on but continue to heal from this lie. It was a really long lie that I believed. The whole relationship was a lie. I have always taken great pride in my intelligence but I was fooled.
The longer you stay, the longer the lie lives. Delete yourself from the lie.
I share this with you because strength comes with knowledge of the damage these sociopaths can cause. We believe the lies. I believed everything he said to me. Everything.
behind_blue_eyes – okay you explained the first one…go on…this is suspiciously intriguing… I gotta get out more!!
shabbychic;
That one in a billion thing is crazy. And those others. Now you see why I need to get it all out, honestly, and why all this has been particularly hard.
J6 is his picture from the mainstream dating profile. At first, even I did not recognize him. Obviously, an older one, and probably touched-up too, as Jamie once worked professionally in digital media. So, there is reason #1 why he looks so different, it is the only current picture of his.
It made me sad not only because he looks so sad, but he does not have to pose an online fraud. He was 35 when J1 was taken, he looks his age yes, a bit drawn, but not bad. I was attracted to him. It also made me sad because I am essentially in it, looking over his shoulder.
I will say this, both j1 and j6 really show his “stare” don’t they… I will put another current picture of him next to j6 and you can barely see the resemblance. In this picture, the lines around Jamie’s face are very visible, he looks even more drawn. Last summer, I had an eerie conversation with this guy named Jamie (of course) that would flash me back to a conversation I had with Jamie an this picture. That conversation so affected me I also emailed him that evening.
J2 and j3 look the closest I think. At least j3 is happy looking.
But, more to come…
PS I wish he would change his Facebook profile picture to something other than the one the day we met, but I think there is a reason he keeps it, obviously has nothing to do with me.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/boyblue29/
I am sorry, not to imply anything about you, but that is the face and the body language of a Gay man. I am not putting down gays or implying being gay is wrong – but these photos sets my Gardar off. I have a lot of Gay friends who have photos of their boyfriends and they are all in poses like this.
I do not know how anyone can not look at these images and not see the obvious homoerotic nature of them. There is in fact nothing hetro in these images.
Then again there have been many posts on this board about sociopaths are really a-sexual.
Even the moniker “blueboy” should be a bit of a giveaway!
Dear Behind Blue Eyes,
Can you tell me in what way is this helping or hurting your healing process? I am trying to understand. Truly. I am.
We all have pictures of the disordered one we were with. And if we choose to go to their FB profile page or Myspace profile page or dating site we could get recent photos or possibly see a photo in their albums from the time we were with them, or even one of us cropped out of the picture now…Im trying to understand what the meaning is to what you are doing. I am not being rude or judgemental, I am honestly trying to understand – I hope you receive this in that manner.
For example when you say I wish he would change his profile picture…I feel you should be focusing on the fact that you are even going to his profile —
Or when you talk about the pictures — you are focusing on whether he is happy or sad in the photo, or that you feel sad that he looks sad…etc… or the amount of wrinkles, etc. etc. etc.
I think its good to share whatever we feel necessary to share…but at some point it becomes “keeping the story alive” rather than “moving away, moving, on, focusing less and less on the things you are still focusing on.
You shared you were involved with him for one month. Im concerned that this is less and less about Jamie and becoming more about you needing help and tools to deal with the obsession. (Many of us have needed help with that).
So please dont be upset with me for sharing this with you. I know what its like to be in one place and receive comments that arent supportive of where you are. I do support you on your healing journey – but Im concerned and confused about the meaning of the direction you are going in with this…what is it about posting his pictures, analyzing them, pondering his mood in them, and wishing he would change his profile,etc… what is it about this (as you say getting it all out) but Im not sure what that means? getting out the coincidences, his photos, or the fact that the relationship is over and you are unable to make sense of that. What exactly makes it particularly hard?
Yes its unusual that the naked guy on the computer was him… but odd things happen all the time in life. It doesnt mean you were destined to be with him or he is the be all end all. With Jamie, you seem to innerconnect anything and everything to go back to, or be about, or have meaning to HIM. If you stop doing that, it may help you heal. In other words, if you allow yourself to change the way you are thinking or resorting to finding connections (a pict of your apt behind him in the photo — that has no real meaning… its just a fact).
I hope you can receive this as its intended, when can enough be enough FOR YOU. When can you start to assess whether you need to focus on a possible obsession and trouble healing from his rejection vs focusing on more and more about Jamie or things about Jamie or places about Jamie or websites about Jamie.
shabbychic;
The reward thing is the service concept central to 12-step programs. Honestly, although when depressed I sulk about what could have been, I have many rewards and when healthy a pretty interesting and exciting life. Many people in the programs don’t have much in their lives, but it amazing to see how good simple things like cleaning a room or even chairing a meeting make people feel.
My service, is me. Me being open, honesty and emotional. In a meeting when I opened up about my recent summer-related depression problems, half the people told similar stories. In addition, I have been told yet sometimes find this hard to believe, that I often inject an unusual level of optimism and eagerness to even difficult situations, which makes people feel good.
One friend told me, and “Poshboy,” “Jimboy,” or whatever other “boy” Jamie refers to himself as would be jealous, that I have a youthful aura that is very refreshing. I guess when I am in a good mood.
But everyone brings something with them. IF THEY GET OUT. If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for others. Even a catchy name like “shabbychic” has a positive effect.
Dear Behind blue eyes,
May I make a suggestion? My opinion only, but I think that by continually going over these photos you are “breaking NC” emotionally if not physically
What DIFFERENCE does it make if it is his willie or not, or if he puts up old photos instead of new ones on his many sex-trolling profiles?
As long as you are renting him space in your head you are still letting HIM control your life and your thinking.
So OK, he is an airline waiter/bartender who is gay and has HIV, wow, low paying job but has lots of “glamor” and change for variety in partners….he is obviously NOT looking for a real relationship, just another tally on the bed post. Not a very great life if you ask me because as he gets sicker he won’t be able to keep the job he has and with his life style there most likely won’t be a lot of friends and loved ones lined up to help take care of him in his declining years.
While all of this is a pitiful state for anyone to be in, it is the result of HIS CHOICES in life and relationships. In other words, the consequences of his bad decisions.
I’m just glad you didn’t step in that bear trap—and I imagine you are as well. You can’t change his facebook profile, but you CAN quit looking at it.
Learning;
You are dead on right. Actually, this last month was a set-back due to my summer depression. I was surprised that I found myself back to being so obsessive, but one reason is that I never really let on to how much i was affected by this guy. I was embarrassed because it was such a short relationship. But I know others are in the same boat and I need to feel I am not alone. I just want to get it all out for once, then trash all the pictures, go back to NC and give an explanation for it all, to help me and maybe somebody else.
“Frank Lee:”
Glad you gaydar is os good. I have been upfront about BOTH of us being gay since day one.
Oxdrover;
I promise you, and I never break promises, after this weekend, I will never again look at his pictures, Facebook page or anything else.
I also need to be slapped upside the head. Thank you for doing so.