A few weeks ago, Lovefraud published a letter from “Kay” —This was all about him and all about what he needed. Kay has written again, with Part 2 of her story.
It’s Kay, I am back with more memories I uncovered which were hidden in my subconscious about this sociopath. I hope this helps Lovefraud readers once again. I have taken the time to re-read some of his emails, all of them actually, trying to piece together an otherwise really, really Long Lie which consumed one-and-a-half years of my life.
Here is one of his emails where he LIES about everything he feels… WARNING — There are TRIGGERS here. I am sure you some of you have heard some or all of this before….
Like I told you the other day I don’t know what it is about you that drives me crazy.. And I don’t want to know.. I just never want it to end.. I love the way you make me feel.. You bring happiness to my life and peace to my soul.. In you I have found my destiny.. My joy.. My love of my life… My bestfriend.. My lover.. My everything.. Your love makes me feel like I’m on top of the world… You are like a drug to me… I can’t get enough of you and your love… I now understand why you sometimes acted the way you did with me.. Baby I am sorry from the bottom of my heart.. That I did that to us.. I will never take you for granted ever again.. Your my world.. Your my everything… And I live you with all my heart… Your an amazing woman and mother… And you’ll be an amazing wife… And I want to be everything that you need and want and desire in your life for ever and ever… I wouldn’t change anything in my life because it has lead me to you…
I love you baby…
Please note ALL THE ABOVE IS A LIE. There was no veracity to anything said in the above e-mail to me. This was his way of “voicing” what he knew I wanted to hear. I was never his best friend, the love of his life, he apologizes only to do it again, he says he will never take me for granted, he left me three weeks after this email was written. He left me once his ex-wife started to suspect something was going on. He quickly flew the coop. He had no intentions of staying with me ever. I was a pawn in his chess game. Only I was smarter than he counted on. I called him on it.
It has come to surface that he was, in fact, leading his ex-wife and me on at the same time. One of my friends casually drove by his home only to see his former wife’s car there just one week after our relationship was over. She was warned. We took the time to warn her. Anonymously, but we did. She is well aware of this behavior and continues to return to this relationship. He is her problem now. I have moved on but continue to heal from this lie. It was a really long lie that I believed. The whole relationship was a lie. I have always taken great pride in my intelligence but I was fooled.
The longer you stay, the longer the lie lives. Delete yourself from the lie.
I share this with you because strength comes with knowledge of the damage these sociopaths can cause. We believe the lies. I believed everything he said to me. Everything.
erin1972;
Same here. I bet you all of Jon’s coworkers find him pleasant.
I saw Jekyll and Hyde in a week. One day, he has me thinking soul mate. 6 days later, he only wants to be friends.
Funny, now I wish I had not deleted his “just friends email.”
I was thinking about posting the whole thing because it reeks of the shallow effect. Especially the second part, where he talks about all the things he would do for me while I was sick in bed but could not because he was not in New York.
I believe mine is truly dangerous. If he hadn’t got the wife to take him back, I believe he would have killed me and maybe her too for humiliating him. He was going over the edge in a rage because she had filed for divorce.
BehindBlueEyes, I know a Spath that uses the dating sites on line that has 100s of his profiles. Each profile is listed from a different angle, different states, different towns/cities and of course different zip codes when he signs on (e.g. nice guy, bad biker guy, owns his own business, unemployed, educated, dropped out of HS etc.). You name it, this freak has multiple sites going, not only on one dating site, but other dating sites. I used to goof on his multiple profiles years after I met him. Telling him off no matter what name he used, I’d write back “I KNOW IT’S YOU BLANK”. Of course he’d write back and said, that he wasn’t BLANK. I always knew what profiles was his because of certain things he listed in his hobby list. It was always the same.
LOL.
Dear BBE,
The “not sleeping for six days” says to me that you have some depression, PTSD or other problem going on. Maybe a bit of bi-polar even(???)
I seriously think that you should go see a psychiatrist and talk to them about some of your symptoms like pretty serious insomnia.
I know that you have some serious cardiac problems and believe it or not, they can be EVEN MORE serious with severe stress from emotional problems/trauma/events/losses and actually cause the “broken heart syndrome” which is DEATH.
I know I am “hard on you” but at the same time BBE, you knowI care and I am CONCERNED that the way you are being “OCD” about his looks and your looks and how you look younger than he does, and so on, makes me think that “the lady protesteth too much” and that you are feeling kind of “down” on yourself and concerned more about yourself being “not worthy” than with him. If that makes any sense.
Please get an evaluation by a mental health medical professional and see if you might need medication or a change in medication besides some counseling.
I also realize that validation is helpful, etc. and we can do that, but I think maybe you are going over the top a bit with this. While I think LF is wonderful (NO doubt about that) I also think that there are some needs that LF can’t solve and right now you may have one of those needs. My prayers and blessings BBE ((((Hugs)))))
OxDrover;
Thanks. Last night, I did get six hours sleep and feel much better. I agree I had a cycle of depression followed by hypomania, but that is gone. It is not my normal state.
The looks thing did not come out right.
While the primary factor in posting pictures was the show hard problem I face trying to forget somebody who looks like me, another was a dig at him as I feel the current Jon is the least attractive person and that matters to him, being so superficial yet a fraud, pretending to be much younger than he is. It is helping me put all this behind.
While he “may” have rejected me because I am not a “boy,” I am not obsessing that if I looked better he would not have rejected me. He rejected me because he was following his normal, predatory sociopathic path.
There was nothing wrong with me. In fact, I take it a compliment that such a superficial, youth-targeting predator found me an “attractive” target.
I trashed the three little momentous I have from him. I should have done that the day I was dumped. There is nothing left.
BehindBlueEyes, you need to focus on pampering yourself. You are at the beginning of the horror story. Finding out your partner was nothing but a shadow and a lie. The trauma and stress caused when our minds try to figure out the where, when, whys and what the heck happened here, is incredible. It’s natural to obsess about “them” and we ALL slowly have to learn that focusing on them is futile. We learn to start focusing on ourselves in order to start the healing process. I used to take long hot bubble baths. I’d sit in the tub and soak for hours on end … with my favorite music playing in the background. Of course at first, the only music I listened to was jazz. After a few months of soaking in bubble baths and listening to jazz, I then started playing all the different types of music I liked. Jazz was still included (SMILE).
Do you remember what it is that relaxes you? What made you totally calm and serene? What it is that only you can do for yourself to make you feel great, loved, cherished by yourself, for yourself?
Think about yourself right now. Get away from the websites that you know your phantom is on. You should make it a point … not to care or think about him at this point in time. That’s what NO CONTACT is all about. No thinking about him. No looking for his sites on line. No phone calls to him or anyone that knows him. No driving by where he lives. NO CONTACT … Especially since you have to put your energy and focus on your lawsuit and your health issues.
Peace to your heart and soul as you heal.
Dear BBE,
While the hypomania may not be your “normal” state, it is sure not something that is good for you in any way! That coupled with the depression (or alternating) is something that I strongly advise you to have assessed. Actually a hypomania is one of the more difficult types of bi-polar to diagnose but I’m not sure that essentially staying awake for 6 days is “hypo” mania.
In any case, I really do strongly advise you to seek some professional mental health medical evaluation on this….it will be better for your physical and cardiac health as well and given that you already have a significant problem cardiac wise it might actually save or prolong your life in a meaningful way.
Believe me when I tell you that it was VERY DIFFICULT for me to be on the “wrong side of the clipboard” when I put myself under care for the PTSD. I kept trying to convince myself that I could “handle” things because I was a “professional” but you know, even we are HUMANS first. LOL
Medical personnel make the WORST patients after all. LOL Fortunately, I have a great internist who listens to me, but doesn’t obey me!~ ROTFLMAO Blessings!
One last thing about the superficiality / looks thing. Yes, low-self esteem was an issue at one point in my life. I was a chubby kid and in my early 20s I was drinking too much beer and about 20 pounds over-weight. A big 20 pounds. It was a huge issue for me then not because I was depressed. Yes, I had a concern about my appearance when I met Jamie because I was too thin, but not obsessing about it.
Jon’s overt online superficiality triggered me a bit in that I was once there. It was a reason why I wasn’t getting into any relationships. I was so superficial I was not giving the person the chance. Once I started giving the person the chance at least I got to “dating.” Better than overnighters..
When I met him, I was proud that I found a guy kinda cute but the real attraction came from the person. Little did I know it was all fraud and mirroring. When I unmasked him but still felt for him, I wanted to slap him in the head for being so superficial. Not for me but for him.
Now my attitude is if you live by the sword you die by the sword and I do not feel sorry he is dying by the sword. I just hope he does not hurt too many people along the way.