A few weeks ago, Lovefraud published a letter from “Kay” —This was all about him and all about what he needed. Kay has written again, with Part 2 of her story.
It’s Kay, I am back with more memories I uncovered which were hidden in my subconscious about this sociopath. I hope this helps Lovefraud readers once again. I have taken the time to re-read some of his emails, all of them actually, trying to piece together an otherwise really, really Long Lie which consumed one-and-a-half years of my life.
Here is one of his emails where he LIES about everything he feels… WARNING — There are TRIGGERS here. I am sure you some of you have heard some or all of this before….
Like I told you the other day I don’t know what it is about you that drives me crazy.. And I don’t want to know.. I just never want it to end.. I love the way you make me feel.. You bring happiness to my life and peace to my soul.. In you I have found my destiny.. My joy.. My love of my life… My bestfriend.. My lover.. My everything.. Your love makes me feel like I’m on top of the world… You are like a drug to me… I can’t get enough of you and your love… I now understand why you sometimes acted the way you did with me.. Baby I am sorry from the bottom of my heart.. That I did that to us.. I will never take you for granted ever again.. Your my world.. Your my everything… And I live you with all my heart… Your an amazing woman and mother… And you’ll be an amazing wife… And I want to be everything that you need and want and desire in your life for ever and ever… I wouldn’t change anything in my life because it has lead me to you…
I love you baby…
Please note ALL THE ABOVE IS A LIE. There was no veracity to anything said in the above e-mail to me. This was his way of “voicing” what he knew I wanted to hear. I was never his best friend, the love of his life, he apologizes only to do it again, he says he will never take me for granted, he left me three weeks after this email was written. He left me once his ex-wife started to suspect something was going on. He quickly flew the coop. He had no intentions of staying with me ever. I was a pawn in his chess game. Only I was smarter than he counted on. I called him on it.
It has come to surface that he was, in fact, leading his ex-wife and me on at the same time. One of my friends casually drove by his home only to see his former wife’s car there just one week after our relationship was over. She was warned. We took the time to warn her. Anonymously, but we did. She is well aware of this behavior and continues to return to this relationship. He is her problem now. I have moved on but continue to heal from this lie. It was a really long lie that I believed. The whole relationship was a lie. I have always taken great pride in my intelligence but I was fooled.
The longer you stay, the longer the lie lives. Delete yourself from the lie.
I share this with you because strength comes with knowledge of the damage these sociopaths can cause. We believe the lies. I believed everything he said to me. Everything.
I dont watch porn – but I have to wade through it sometimes to visit a gay oreinted website. Really Onestep I am so over sex and porn..been there done that..I aint no angel..thats why I wear sunglasses at the rodeo..~!
i tried 2 x’s to send you a little smiley face but wordpress says i already smiled once tonight and it isn’t putting up with no ‘duplicate’ smiling.
grinnin like a possum eating peanutbutter ;0
Hens,
You have some awesome insight in some small paragraphs. You can say the right thing, hit the nail on the head, with so few words. It’s a gift. But yep, those spaths show us fantasy island and we fall for it, buy a condo there. Pretty soon, the fantasy becomes a nightmare and we just want to find a way home. Anyway to get back to sanity where we aren’t questioning every part of the relationship. Healthy partners don’t leave us feeling this way, like losers.
Glad you’re not into porn, it’s over rated and I’m sick and tired of men and women being looked at as freaking objects cuz we aren’t.
hens and onestep-I do feel like crying tonight but I really could hardly do it. It bothers me that when I see HER at work, I don’t feel anger. I feel hurt and pain and sadness. That really bothers me. I also feel really small and I can’t stand that. I need that empowered I wanna kick some ass feeling.
I really want to move away. I have a connection in Atlanta. One of the renowned trauma surgeons that I worked with in STL is there now. I facebooked him this morning and asked him about the city. He loves it there and is excited about it. He sent me another message this evening asking me to email him my resume. I just need to research the city. I am afraid to move because of the economy.
Hmmm Erin72 She is a victim of his, of course you dont feel anger at her, I wanted to feel anger at my X’s X…and his current … but duh..it takes awhile to sink in – but I still think you should have a good cry and stop trying to be so tuff – we wont tell anybody.
Sorry;
My story confused things but isn’t that what you get when dealing with a sociopath?
At least I know I am not crazy when I sometimes see him in my reflection as I demonstrated. I got some great advice on that, but I wish people could really understand how really, really hard that has been for me. Wish I was a pop star. Anyway, as promised the pictures and account are deleted.
Seems like the more I try to explain, the more I am misunderstood.
The rest, I was just trying to show the irony how in me, the older guy who looks young but is not superficial, who was looking for somebody close to his age, meeting a predator who online uses profile names, photographs and wording to appear young solely to attract young guys. We are named John and Jonathan. We look very similar. We have very similar likes in many things, except I hate being called “John Boy.” My relatives still call me that. He preys using the name “jonboy.”
Everything was done as promised. Emails trashed. Photos trashed. Momentous trashed.
Maybe a will grow more facial hair…
I also got a very touching email from this guy I was seeing last summer:
“You were next to me when I needed someone to speak with and to share my emotions with. I spend very beautiful time with you, you gave me some good energy too without knowing, and I am glad I met you.
I think you are unique and I dont think I will ever find a person like you. I had a 5 month relation with a canadian guy when you left, by it was not like yours.”
You’re right Sageegirl. It was passive-aggressive of me, or something, to apologise and walk away. I have a tendency to do that – be a little passive-aggressive. And I hated it in the spath too! As if apologising before doing something makes it okay.
I should not have voiced my own paranoia. I did sound spathy. Learning to keep my mouth shut is one of the changes I want to make as I am in this period of healing anyway.
I had to apologise to style1 last week for reacting to her links. Not a good idea to come and post when I’m in the middle of the anger stage. I won’t pretend that BBE hasn’t got me twitching (sorry to talk about you in third person BBE) but that doesn’t mean there’s anything suspicious going on at all. That just means … I’m twitching!
I won’t post for a bit. Being online isn’t good for me. It’s where the spath ‘lives’, because it is where we had most of our relationship. I switch automatically into panic mode when I come on here and I am on too much. Real life is a little … weird, but it won’t get any less weird if I don’t go and face it a bit more.
Edit, ‘cos I had to come back and say something, having thought about it some more. It was a pointless lashing out. There are lots of posts on here that get me going but I allowed myself to do it here to BBE. Like a little dog with a bone I was. Lesson learned.
Verity the anger is also okay as far as I’m concerned..it has to be…just because you are angry, expressing it is really okay. If everyone responded with wisdom and insight I’d hate it here. …let’s keep it real and being a perfectly “nice” person all the time is WEIRD
Anger is part of the process….it’s important you express it not go away feeling bad…. Human beings get angry…it’s not a sign of a spath…not my one anyway. He was gorgeous, you’d all love him here, thinking he was a really nice guy, what a great sense of humour, so loving….but underneath the act he is the Devil….
Verity you may be passive aggressive and rather than supress all the anger. be more direct with it…and put it where it really belongs…which is probably with the spath in your life.
Kathleen Hawk is brilliant on the anger stuff and reading her astonishing articles has helped me so much. She really understands the anger and came to my rescue one day as I grappled with my own angry tantrum with a poster who I ‘sensed’ was ignoring me….and it’s so funny because even though this is all just words and we can’t see eachother we pick up on so much! I wanted to throttle the person…but had a good talk with myself and realised I was triggered….the P ignored me as I desperately tried to get some of my money back…important documents…alone in a strange country…he ignored me and I nearly died of grief…then anger kicked in and I hired a car and chased him down and got every document and some items back…he knew I had turned crazy and thought it was funny…it was the most frightening experience…I was trembling, stuttering, crying, walloping pillows in hotels, pacing the floor, running up a massive phone bill as I talked to friends for ages for support! but I completed what I set out to do…
that rage is still inside me..it’s a rage that actually if he cornered me, threatened me or attacked me I’d kill him stone dead with it…. it’s a biological fact ….now where does the rage go?? now that he is gone with a truck load of my money after a million lies…off to trawl for his next fresh healthy victim who he will leave in a similar trembling babbling hair torn out state!!
I don’t think it’s unusual to be triggered here with eachother, I think it’s inevitable and expression needs to be ‘okay’…including Sageegirl responding..it’s great…really caring to respond with honesty and directness instead of rolling out the party line….or deciding to post around someone!! that’s passive aggressive…you can really feel it but nothing was done or said!!!
the covert “f you” by and large we come back around and learn how to co exist….just one opinion