A few weeks ago, Lovefraud published a letter from “Kay” —This was all about him and all about what he needed. Kay has written again, with Part 2 of her story.
It’s Kay, I am back with more memories I uncovered which were hidden in my subconscious about this sociopath. I hope this helps Lovefraud readers once again. I have taken the time to re-read some of his emails, all of them actually, trying to piece together an otherwise really, really Long Lie which consumed one-and-a-half years of my life.
Here is one of his emails where he LIES about everything he feels… WARNING — There are TRIGGERS here. I am sure you some of you have heard some or all of this before….
Like I told you the other day I don’t know what it is about you that drives me crazy.. And I don’t want to know.. I just never want it to end.. I love the way you make me feel.. You bring happiness to my life and peace to my soul.. In you I have found my destiny.. My joy.. My love of my life… My bestfriend.. My lover.. My everything.. Your love makes me feel like I’m on top of the world… You are like a drug to me… I can’t get enough of you and your love… I now understand why you sometimes acted the way you did with me.. Baby I am sorry from the bottom of my heart.. That I did that to us.. I will never take you for granted ever again.. Your my world.. Your my everything… And I live you with all my heart… Your an amazing woman and mother… And you’ll be an amazing wife… And I want to be everything that you need and want and desire in your life for ever and ever… I wouldn’t change anything in my life because it has lead me to you…
I love you baby…
Please note ALL THE ABOVE IS A LIE. There was no veracity to anything said in the above e-mail to me. This was his way of “voicing” what he knew I wanted to hear. I was never his best friend, the love of his life, he apologizes only to do it again, he says he will never take me for granted, he left me three weeks after this email was written. He left me once his ex-wife started to suspect something was going on. He quickly flew the coop. He had no intentions of staying with me ever. I was a pawn in his chess game. Only I was smarter than he counted on. I called him on it.
It has come to surface that he was, in fact, leading his ex-wife and me on at the same time. One of my friends casually drove by his home only to see his former wife’s car there just one week after our relationship was over. She was warned. We took the time to warn her. Anonymously, but we did. She is well aware of this behavior and continues to return to this relationship. He is her problem now. I have moved on but continue to heal from this lie. It was a really long lie that I believed. The whole relationship was a lie. I have always taken great pride in my intelligence but I was fooled.
The longer you stay, the longer the lie lives. Delete yourself from the lie.
I share this with you because strength comes with knowledge of the damage these sociopaths can cause. We believe the lies. I believed everything he said to me. Everything.
Hi Verity
I hope you come back to LF when you’re ready. It’s good that you got back to Sageegirl’s comments – but don’t beat yourself up too much or feel ‘unsafe’ to come back. I’ve learned that there’s alot of tolerance here on LF overall.
Sometimes when we’re in pain we do things and say things that we wouldn’t otherwise – I remember you saying you haven’t been sleeping and that can’t help.
It’s hard to feel ‘trust’ again – even in the relative anonymity and safety of LF. I think it’s a ‘symptom’ of your experiences with the Spath in your life.
Also after my devalue and discard – frankly I became like an S myself all the pain I’d experienced in my life kind of ‘welled up’ in me into a dirty black hole. I started to see the world in shades of grey and was murderously, coldly, brutally enraged. I just wanted to KILL my ex and even had a pretty good plan worked out! I have never before or since had such cause for anger or to ‘find the evil inside myself’. I looked into the face of my shadow-side and she sure is an ugly and bitter creature!!!
Some lightbulb went on in my head from somewhere tho’ and I went to therapy instead of committing murder and ‘losing my own soul’ – much less disruptive ha, ha, ha! The therapist was a bit scared I was actually going to do something I think – ‘cos he had ‘that look’ i.e. wondering whether to break client/patient confidentiality! Bit embarrassing now really and seems very remote – the anger has all gone. But there you go. My exN is just lucky we don’t live in a country with guns! LOL
So I doubt that you are as ‘bad’ as I was for a bit. I don’t want to scare anyone on LF whose still vulnerable BTW. The therapy and LF really helped and I’m ‘walking in the light’ again!! I’m not an S N or P – thank god, though I teetered on the brink of losing my humanity for awhile! It was the abuse (all the abuse in my life) talking and needing to be expelled.
But yes – getting some sleep, some good food, long relaxing walks, stroking a pet – all these good ‘grounding things’ will help you alongside LF.
Bright Blessings
Delta 1
Bulletproof, thank you. I came to see if anybody had replied and I am grateful to you for doing so. I need strokes, that can’t be denied. But I also have a responsibility to be responsible!
Can’t get angry with spath because he has to be dead. Only angry with him in my head but not real life. I would kill him, same as you. He nearly killed me and didn’t care. I love Kathleen’s writings and refer to them a lot. Yes, the rage has to go somewhere but I realised, thinking about it while getting my hair cut just now, that I think I am dissociating in the anger too. Now I am calmer I can’t believe I posted. So … behind_blue triggers me. So who cares? Shut up Verity! It didn’t need saying. Somebody triggers me and I dissociate and don’t speak from adult, but from hurt child. Not an excuse, but I believe it to be true.
No harm in Sageegirl posting either, as you say. She was protecting herself and BBE and the group. We’re all in high self-protect mode. In my case that’s my ptsd and I will learn to drop the protective barrier and breeze on through, I hope. I know I didn’t do an evil thing but I am disappointed in myself now I am back in myself, if you see what I mean. Thanks for sharing some of your story with me, I don’t know everybody’s yet. But we all go through the same stuff, I know, in our healing. *hug*I won’t post for a bit though, until I feel more sure that I am posting from a place I want to post from — the wiser part of me. I’ll keep reading. It helps me a lot.
Thank you Delta, very much.
My itchy trigger-finger. It will be sorted and then I will return! It heartens me to read people whowanted to kill their spaths like you and BP did. I know others did too. I’ve never been angry before that I can remember. I didn’t know how to find my anger at all. I have found it now!!! I can only afford therapy once a month now but I’ve just started back after a longish break. It will help. 🙂
Back to reading and healing and not reacting for a while. Thanks both! xx
If you do want to know more about my ‘story’ search for ‘tag team’ – I wrote out my story of the last relationship with my ex N there – mainly there on the thread “Sociopaths drag their families into the con”. Not at extreme as some stories – but was kind of the end of a long line of ‘cr**py hands’ in relationships. LOL
Delta1
Verity….Well for what it’s worth…I think waiting until you are in a “wiser” frame of mind is sending yourself a message you can’t be angry here, can’t make mistakes, put your foot in it, feel like a complete idiot…But you know best and I respect your need for a break from posting….dont wait too long and please don’t become too wise…I kinda like you the way you are! swanning off for your self righteous bubble bath…snort
Bwahahaha! What am I like?? ‘New, Self-Righteous by Radox: for those moments when you just want to hit … and run.’ 😉
I can’t ignore posts so stop talking to me, hehe. I’ll look like I’m just attention-seeking *whistles, scrapes shoe from side to side innocently*
I won’t be away long. It’s been a rough few days, for one reason and another. I still believe he found me on the healing forum elsewhere and has read all my thoughts on all of it. Heavy bummer. Never mind. See ya later! x
Delta, thanks, I will find it.
Any advice on how to answer this one?
PS the DR. called at 4pm that day.
FightAnotherDay,
Per your email below you said son needed to get additional blood work to confirm if he did in fact have anemia. Did you already take him for the additional blood work, or do you want me to?
I know at his 2 year check up they prescribed him to get the last routine lead test per your e-mail on June 2, 2010. You did not inform me when you were going to take him and that you took him for the blood work on July 26, 2010. I would like to be informed of any and all of his appointments, blood work, tests etc, when you take him, and all results as soon as you get them back and not 9pm at night.
Spath
Hi FAD
Erm WORD SALAD city and gaslight alert.
I would ‘ignore’ other than to keep on with your usual frequency/style of communication. In your next ‘usual’ communication – refer breifly that you noted his request DATE and will naturally continue to updating him of relevant information about ‘child’s names’ medical needs as appropriate.
I would give forwarning of upcoming medical appointments by email, even routine ones if this man has legal Parental Responsibility. Or ask the surgery to send copies of app letter to both of you.. Then you can blame the surgery if they don’t do it!
I would keep a record of medical appointments attended & when and reasons for any missed appointments. If you’re in a custody battle he could be angling to make some daft statement that you’re neglecting your child’s medical needs. YAWN. Let him – and watch him get blown out of the water by your clear and documented log.
His comment about knowing results before 9pm is plainly outrageous – would only apply if your son has critical and immediate threat to his life or very seriously ill.
That little cracker is only there to annoy you and try and try to be controlling. I would just laugh at his transparent if pathetic attempts to assert control where he hasn’t got any – and wouldn’t bother to reply. The first statement covers this point anyway.
Is there anyway of communicating via a 3rd party (lawyer, family member, mediator) so as to go NO CONTACT with this a**clown and stop him using gaslighting techniques in his contacts with you ostensibly about the child.
Blessings
Delta 1
I did it. Can’t really believe that in reality it has taken me so long, when I have been bouncing it around in my head for months. Probably the main reason I bookmarked this page, I knew the day would finally come when I would go to that Yahoo account, delete every letter we have ever exchanged, along with every bit of helpful info I had cut and pasted in my quest to make sense of the betrayal, lies and deceit. Serial daters, losers, sex addicts, psychopaths, sociopaths, you name it, I have read it. I felt a momentary twinge of sadness, but when it was done, I felt a sense of freedom inside me and the almost maniacal laugh that bubbled up should do me good. 🙂
The longer you stay, the longer the lie lives. Thank you, Kay!!
DEar Shana31,
GOOD FOR YOU!!!!
FAD: Delta is right 100% “not at 9 at night” LOL ROTFLMAO