A few weeks ago, Lovefraud published a letter from “Kay” —This was all about him and all about what he needed. Kay has written again, with Part 2 of her story.
It’s Kay, I am back with more memories I uncovered which were hidden in my subconscious about this sociopath. I hope this helps Lovefraud readers once again. I have taken the time to re-read some of his emails, all of them actually, trying to piece together an otherwise really, really Long Lie which consumed one-and-a-half years of my life.
Here is one of his emails where he LIES about everything he feels… WARNING — There are TRIGGERS here. I am sure you some of you have heard some or all of this before….
Like I told you the other day I don’t know what it is about you that drives me crazy.. And I don’t want to know.. I just never want it to end.. I love the way you make me feel.. You bring happiness to my life and peace to my soul.. In you I have found my destiny.. My joy.. My love of my life… My bestfriend.. My lover.. My everything.. Your love makes me feel like I’m on top of the world… You are like a drug to me… I can’t get enough of you and your love… I now understand why you sometimes acted the way you did with me.. Baby I am sorry from the bottom of my heart.. That I did that to us.. I will never take you for granted ever again.. Your my world.. Your my everything… And I live you with all my heart… Your an amazing woman and mother… And you’ll be an amazing wife… And I want to be everything that you need and want and desire in your life for ever and ever… I wouldn’t change anything in my life because it has lead me to you…
I love you baby…
Please note ALL THE ABOVE IS A LIE. There was no veracity to anything said in the above e-mail to me. This was his way of “voicing” what he knew I wanted to hear. I was never his best friend, the love of his life, he apologizes only to do it again, he says he will never take me for granted, he left me three weeks after this email was written. He left me once his ex-wife started to suspect something was going on. He quickly flew the coop. He had no intentions of staying with me ever. I was a pawn in his chess game. Only I was smarter than he counted on. I called him on it.
It has come to surface that he was, in fact, leading his ex-wife and me on at the same time. One of my friends casually drove by his home only to see his former wife’s car there just one week after our relationship was over. She was warned. We took the time to warn her. Anonymously, but we did. She is well aware of this behavior and continues to return to this relationship. He is her problem now. I have moved on but continue to heal from this lie. It was a really long lie that I believed. The whole relationship was a lie. I have always taken great pride in my intelligence but I was fooled.
The longer you stay, the longer the lie lives. Delete yourself from the lie.
I share this with you because strength comes with knowledge of the damage these sociopaths can cause. We believe the lies. I believed everything he said to me. Everything.
Verity- you are forgiven ((hugs)). I don’t hold grudges. In fact, I never get angry with people… but something about the way you “hit and ran” set me off last night.
Maybe it was the fact that I have been angry with my S/P. In fact, I broke the NC rule and texted him to tell him that I wanted my money back. He said he would get it to me as soon as he could… That’s a tiny bit of progress… But I still have that urge to smash all his truck windows when I see it parked at the store. And I have been doing my damnedest to avoid him…
Or maybe it was the fact that the police were here yesterday about the stalking case (the S/P’s ex was stalking me for a year). The DA said that there were two options: 1) Talk to her and tell her that if she does it again, she will be charged with a felony. 2) Charge her with the misdemeanor and sit down with a mediator with her and talk… I told him that I would be willing to have him call her and set up a meeting for the two of us…I really want to know why she was calling me… after coming here, I realize that she may have been trying to warn me…
Or maybe it is the fact that I was charged by a mother bear twice last year, and when I saw your post, I was mirroring her behavior and going into protection-mode!!! LOL!!! JK… Seriously, though, that did affect me… I went online after the episodes and watched these macho guys with harpoons and cameras and guns and all sorts of weapons when they were charged by bears… they all screamed and ran… I wasn’t even wearing a belt, and the bear came about 35 feet from me—and I turned and ran- but never uttered a sound… I felt so “Macho” LOL!
Maybe you should get angry with your spath. I’m not sure I understand this- is he really dead- or are you just telling yourself that to not think about him? Because if he is alive, then that is a good place to focus your anger- after all, isn’t that one of the reasons you ARE angry?
Perhaps the twitching you felt was something that the spath triggered in you…and you felt it in those posts that irritated you. The same way that your hit and run approach triggered the response in me… It was similar to the approach that my S/P uses to discard me.
OK AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!! Now, I hope we all feel better….maybe we need to have a purging thread…
Delta,
This is my first time meeting you and it has been a pleasure.
Thank you so much for the advice, and the wake-up especially.
The gaslighting is still hard for me to see though I’ve been here for over a year.
I took our son to the Lab. this morning. So I had to write back to the ****wit. Kept it short and simple.
PS his number is in my phone as “ignore”. LOL just a friendly reminder for me.
Thanks again,
Fight
One of my favorite mood-lifters:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsM2eFJO8J0
Yay Shana 31 – you go girl. F***ing brilliant luv.
Blessings
Delta 1
Hiya FAD
It was my pleasure! I hate these kind of ‘rubbish’ communications from power mad Cluster B’s. I have to deal with them alot for ‘work’ (Child Protection Social Worker) – I find repeating bland, unemotional statements of fact works really well to just get them to give up eventually.
If your Spath doesn’t like what you have to say – don’t get involved in the detail too much or argue the toss. I often use “I refer you back to my statement made on DATE ” until the person concerned just gives up. I save this for hardcore abusers who are trying to lank my chain personally or professionally and to try to make me their ‘b**tch’ just because I am professionally/legally bound to engage with them to some degree. It’s pure boundary setting. I also tell abusers when and where I will agree to communicate with them i.e – you can have 1 hour of my time once per week via email- you can discuss 3 issues with me and not more. Etc etc. Really shows em who’s boss. I’m doing that person a favour really by teaching them some manners!
I state – if there’s an emergency contact this number and I will consider whether I am available to return the call it as soon as I pick up the message.
This gives you the power to ignore every contact that doesn’t fit your definition of an ’emergency’ – also to clearly state. I did not get back because I do not view this matter as urgent/an emergency. Really slays em – be prepared for fireworks the 1st time or two – there’s usually a massive tantrum. Quite useful to record and use in evidence later. A normal person would not react with a tantrum to a normal setting of boundaries or by violating your boundaries – so I don’t consider this unethical. Oh yes back Spath em’ I say.
The only downside is they’ll try another tack and probably take it out on your child. However – short term pain, long-term gain as the child will begin to see them for what they are hopefully.
I have never found that standing up to bullying backfires too badly if you really mean it.
Blessings
Delta 1
Thanks OxD and Delta1!!
I may have pitched some good stuff with the bad, but if I had stuck around to dissect it all, I may not have done it. I’ll just chalk it up to computer virus or a natural disaster, hmmm it’s got a name but I won’t post it. 🙂
from my favorite movie…”The things you own, end up owning you.”
Verity you have given me an idea for a range of luxury bath products called ‘psychopath’ ….a new range from Poolicious….by Red Flag
yes….beautiful packaging….gorgeous…enticing… scents, fabulous..irresistably designed bottles….
but when you go to put some in your bath you find there is nothing in the actual bottle… thinking there is some mistake you go to customer services to get your money back…the company policy will be that it is YOUR fault for buying a product that never once said anywhere there was anything IN the bottle….
when you protest but why would you sell an empty bottle…company policy will say because people are fools…….you will say in disbelief…but how could you do that don’t you care about people and ripping them off…..No No No Customer services shall say on behalf of Poolicious… we don’t care in the slightest
You learn a valuable lesson and we get your money that really you are too stupid to own in the first place…..I think I will turn it into a short story for children…ha ha …and make it essential reading
Brilliant BP… would make a great short story for grown ups too:)
Verity;
I hold nothing against you. More important, I am sorry that I trigger you.
Think of this, if I was able to trigger you, think of what he did to me. He triggered issues in me that were gone for over 20 years.
A year ago, a was in an argument with the friend I was with. “Why are you hung up on this guy. You are so much better than him, he is trash…” Of course I defended the x-spath and stopped talking to that friend for the rest of the year.
Last night, I was at the Heart concert. Some of the comments by Ann Wilson, and some of the songs, especially the new song “WTF” really got me thinking. After the show, I walked around Chelsea thinking how good I felt about myself, my life and my future.
I am so glad now that last month happened to me. Only though that darkness, I was able to see the light.
Wow this email is like reading one that my brother’s partner sent after another one of their arguments. Since their last blow up I’ve suspected she might be spath. The first time she saw me after they had reconciled, she stared me down in my own parents kitchen when he was out of the room! She was brazen, aggressive. Didn’t say a word but I felt like I was being sized up. I felt so intimidated – you know how you can feel someone’s eyes upon you burning into you? The atmosphere could be cut with a knife. It was WEIRD! I think she was sizing me up to see how far she could push it. She doesn’t know I think this about her or how much personal reading I’ve done on this subject. I’m not going to tell her lol. But her other personality traits include physical and verbal abuse towards my brother, alcoholism, chronic lack of money, willingness to rip people off eg by not disclosing the full truth sometimes about items she is selling online to name but a few. Funnily enough about what Franklee Speaking has said about them being psychic – she always seems to text when you think iof her, even my mum has thought it weird. She certainly seems to have a psychic connection thing going on – must be all that crazy energy they give off. My mum ascribes positive supernatural reasons for it because she looks like a deceased but much loved aunt of hers. I say this is part of the manipulation- just because she looks like her on the outside doesn’t mean she is as nice as our family member on the inside!
My brother told me she stared me down like she did because she was embarrassed. Nah – that wasn’t an embarrassed humble girl six years my junior in my parent’s home, it was a brazen aggressive tyrant who was determined to show me who was boss! I’ve said no more on the subject but my god do I now have my reservations about her.
It’s very hard for me to be around her now, I actually feel sick around her because of what passed between us in that kitchen. Yet nobody is taking me seriously…. The only thing I can hope for is that they break up one day. They’re not married, just cohabiting. I really don’t think I can cope with her for a sister in law after that kitchen episode….And that email wow! Everyone was taken in by it – my mum ‘oh she’s truly sorry bless her’ WTF??!!! Thank you for the validation of my suspicions I so truly needed! xx
bp – i laughed ALOUD THROUGH YOUR WHOLE POOLICIOUS POST! 🙂 🙂
i think you could add someting like – company policy states that it was your responsibility to ask whether or not their was anything in the bottle…
make sure EB sees this. she’ll pee her pants!