A few weeks ago, Lovefraud published a letter from “Kay” —This was all about him and all about what he needed. Kay has written again, with Part 2 of her story.
It’s Kay, I am back with more memories I uncovered which were hidden in my subconscious about this sociopath. I hope this helps Lovefraud readers once again. I have taken the time to re-read some of his emails, all of them actually, trying to piece together an otherwise really, really Long Lie which consumed one-and-a-half years of my life.
Here is one of his emails where he LIES about everything he feels… WARNING — There are TRIGGERS here. I am sure you some of you have heard some or all of this before….
Like I told you the other day I don’t know what it is about you that drives me crazy.. And I don’t want to know.. I just never want it to end.. I love the way you make me feel.. You bring happiness to my life and peace to my soul.. In you I have found my destiny.. My joy.. My love of my life… My bestfriend.. My lover.. My everything.. Your love makes me feel like I’m on top of the world… You are like a drug to me… I can’t get enough of you and your love… I now understand why you sometimes acted the way you did with me.. Baby I am sorry from the bottom of my heart.. That I did that to us.. I will never take you for granted ever again.. Your my world.. Your my everything… And I live you with all my heart… Your an amazing woman and mother… And you’ll be an amazing wife… And I want to be everything that you need and want and desire in your life for ever and ever… I wouldn’t change anything in my life because it has lead me to you…
I love you baby…
Please note ALL THE ABOVE IS A LIE. There was no veracity to anything said in the above e-mail to me. This was his way of “voicing” what he knew I wanted to hear. I was never his best friend, the love of his life, he apologizes only to do it again, he says he will never take me for granted, he left me three weeks after this email was written. He left me once his ex-wife started to suspect something was going on. He quickly flew the coop. He had no intentions of staying with me ever. I was a pawn in his chess game. Only I was smarter than he counted on. I called him on it.
It has come to surface that he was, in fact, leading his ex-wife and me on at the same time. One of my friends casually drove by his home only to see his former wife’s car there just one week after our relationship was over. She was warned. We took the time to warn her. Anonymously, but we did. She is well aware of this behavior and continues to return to this relationship. He is her problem now. I have moved on but continue to heal from this lie. It was a really long lie that I believed. The whole relationship was a lie. I have always taken great pride in my intelligence but I was fooled.
The longer you stay, the longer the lie lives. Delete yourself from the lie.
I share this with you because strength comes with knowledge of the damage these sociopaths can cause. We believe the lies. I believed everything he said to me. Everything.
Yes Erin – mine are filed in date order in a manila folder with a clip thingy binding them. It really is horrific to see how suckered in I was by those sweet sweet words. I wonder if I’ll always be doubtful towards romantic language now. I suspect I’ll always be thinking “Oh yeah but anyone can SAY that!”
PS I’m not bitter lol
I know….but WE MUSTN”T BE HARDENED!
I have a breakfast date tomorrow am….and my eldest said to me….you need to be really excited mom!
This guy is from my gf’s airfield where she keeps her airplane…..she thought we were perfect for each other….(YIKES)….. I’ve been talking to him for a few weeks……
He’s cute and seems really nice….and my gf said he’s a great guy…..(yeah….that’s what peeps thought of the spath).
But the Jr is getting anxious for me to ‘hook up’…..and someone tell me WHY it’s any of his concern???
I’ve had a few good and mostly bad dates…….so I’m just really, really cautious now…..and it’s hard to be excited like jr wants me to be.
People are so flakey……..and the ones who aren’t flakey…..are SPATHS!
Who knows……all I know is 8:30 is WAY early for EB to be looking like she’s awake….. 🙂
Tonight I did the nails and self tanner……(hopefully NOT to wake up orange tomorrow!)….waxed the eyebrows and did the pretty me up stuff……
I’ll curl the hair in the am……and hopefully be awake enough to bouncy it up…….and just maybe, this guy will be all he’s ‘cracked’ up to be. If not……NEXT!
I’ve got to learn how to be ‘soft’ at the right times…..and not so heavy and hard hitting……it’s my ‘onguard’ lingering from a spath.
Bitter? Naw!
Oxy-I’m feeling better this morning. I think it’s always worse at night. It’s just hard to lump my ex guy in with all the others because of his behavior. He is very conservative in the bedroom and he’s pretty old school. He was 52 to my 36. I can’t really describe too much because it’s too personal and I can’t talk about that with anyone other than him. I am confused because his behavior in the bedroom didn’t jive with what people on here discuss about their spaths. I feel confused about it now because the way he was with me. I know that they fake and fraud but he behaved like someone who was completely head over heels in love with me. His wife, back when we were talking, was convinced that he was in love with me and that’s why she said she hated me. His earlier other affairs were all with people she knew he didn’t love. She said that I was different. She was totally threatened by me and then BEGAN to threaten me.
I don’t really want to talk it anymore this morning though. I hope I don’t start feeling bad again this evening. I want to have a good day. I have lots to accomplish around here and I don’t intend on having him invading my head and heart all day long. It bothers me to have him there. This all started because I was watching a woman getting married on TV. It was Sookie’s wedding on Gilmore Girls.
Erin, if your eyes cause you stumble, close them. If watching certain things causes you to be down and sad, don’t watch them. I used to watch wedding shows, dress shows, TLC basically and it always made me sad that it wasn’t me getting married because I’m too young and don’t have someone. So I stopped watching it. Now, I’m over that and can watch the shows again. It just takes a little more time somtetimes. You’re strong. You choose your attitdue every day, you choose your reaction to every thing. Choose to push this aside and have a good day. only you have that power in your life.
butterfly-that is exactly what I’m going to do. I am not choosing to let it get in my way today. I do have to say that I really will feel better when I can leave this job where the wife is and move on to my new one. Her being around is triggering me even though I try as hard as I can to not let it happen. She can’t do anything to me but I just don’t feel as good as I want to feel having her around. I just keep thinking OK-I can put my job applications in after the first of the year. Hopefully it won’t take too many months after January for me to get in somewhere-whether it be here or out of state. Once I can leave this building and start a police academy, there will be minimal triggers around me. It could possibly be even better if I get accepted out of state because then I will have no chance of ever running into him. Here and now, it could happen anytime-especially with her at work.
This morning I’m just glad that the tropical depression has moved through and it is SO beautiful here today. I need to get out to do something outside too-in addition to housecleaning.
Erin1972, bless your heart. I think that we put so much emphasis upon sex as being a “sharing” thing that it really causes confusion for most of us. Although I’ve engaged in casual sex, I’m at the point in my life where it’s not that important.
When I met the ex spath, I had completely confused myself into believing that sex = love. And, it doesn’t. By the time I left the ex spath, I believed that sex = humiliation/degradation/perversion. Today, I am touched by the emotional bonds more intensely than sex ever provided, oxytocin be dammed. I get more intense emotional feelings by just “being” in a quiet surrounding without a bunch of gibberish in the background.
EB….I hope that you enjoy your breakfast date! Jr’s anxious because he believes that you “deserve” some happiness – unfortunately, our society STILL believes that we can’t be truly happy unless we have a partner…..
Brightest blessings!!!
Buttons-I don’t confuse sex with love. They are not equal. I just know I can’t have it with someone I don’t love. I’m not built like that. Prior to my spath I had done it without love and it made me feel horrible. There is just such a huge betrayal now that is associated with it. It hurts REALLY BAD. I have very little sexual experience. He knew that and he was incredible to me. He knew about how painful my first experience was and he took care of me.
Bottom line-I have to lay off the movies and TV show that trigger me during this time because it triggers me SO bad. I was doing so awesome and now this! Words can’t express how betrayed I feel with the trust that he broke. He knew that the only way he could deal with his feelings was to be cruel to me on that last day. I am SO freakin tired of feeling all this crap that I can’t stand it!!
Erin1972 – this, too, shall pass. The pain is something that I believe that everyone experiences and it’s just a part of the healing process. Yeah, it’s important to acknowledge that pain, but it can become overwhelming if we dwell on it. I think it’s a very wise idea to avoid the romantic triggers and get some slapstick comedy in for a while! Nothing new – but, the way-old stuff from back in the ’40’s because everything was much more wholesome, I think.
In time, words will express the betrayal you felt – in time. Right now, it’s still a shock, it’s still incredible, it’s still very, very raw. That’s the applicable term: raw. It’s like taking a tumble from a motocycle onto asphalt (which I’ve done!) and suffering a road-rash. Don’t touch it! Don’t look at it! Don’t try to soothe it, because it is just too frigging RAW for that, just yet! {{{Gentle hugs}}} You’re going to be just fine – you’re on your healing path and that’s a very good place to be. Think of the alternative! Where would you have been had you stayed?
Atta girl – you’ll be okay, in time.
Brightest blessings.
I found the cure for what ails me today! Going to the range and firing off 200 rounds with my .40 caliber glock 27!!
sadness + PMS = 200 rounds dead center in the middle of 7 different targets. I have never shot that GOOD in my whole entire life!!!
TOWANDA!!!!!!!!
Dear Erin72, I have PMS and a gun, any questions? LOL
I know you WANT to think that he cared for you that he was making love to you in the Bed room, but THAT IS NOT SO….it can’t be so. That is like trying to expect someone who is brain dead to talk, it isn’t possible. It is not possible for them to do anything except ACT LIKE and say things about “loving”—they can’t feel it.
Ok, another example. Let’s say he was color blind, and you were a painter. He might stand there and say things about your painting that he had memorized from hearing someone else describe your painting, but he could NOT SEE the colors, just say the words he memorized. Same with a psychopath, they memorize the “way you’re supposed to act” with different sets of words, but they can’t FEEL the feelings that go along withh them.
Sure, we want to think they felt something special for us, but baby cakes, that’s denial and delusion! Write this 5600 times and turn it in HE IS THE LIE. EVERY WORD HE SAID IS A LIE. (((((hugs)))))) and then go blow it away on the shooting range.