Editor’s Note. Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a woman who we’ll call “Ursula.” Nine times, Ursula has filed a restraining order against her husband. Eight times she dropped it. She is due in court within a couple of weeks on the ninth order. He is pressing her to drop it, and she is wavering.
It has been 8 long years, 9 restraining orders and a child and marriage together. From the first date he brought 2 roses, one because I was beautiful, the second in I was worth it at the end of the date, go figure. Then he let me into the passenger’s side of the car and he came into through the drivier’s side and said I failed because I didn’t reach over and unlock his door before he got in.
Well, from there it became deep and full of drama, blamed, shamed, thrown out of cars pregnant, pitting wars between his family and I, lying about me to everyone so I would look bad and not him, lied about the abuse, told me to “shut the fuck up” on a daily basis, diabolical whore, devil woman, slut, stupid bitch, etc. Made me cry and then beg him to forgive me, for what I have no idea, I never knew how to love him right or be a good wife, mother, etc.
Nine Final Restraining orders that I dropped, except for this last one. He is telling me to do the right thing and vindicate him and clear his name because he is not an abuser, and I need to lie and say I committed perjury! Do the right thing, he says, and then HE will consider coming back to me after I build the bridge! Says he never abused me, I am psycho, crazy, turned his whole family against me and my own.
I feel totally alone and he has left us in financial ruin, and has no remorse, it’s all about him and his needs. He took everything I had, where do I go from here when I am so depressed and brainwashed?? DO i drop it again?? Or do I stay alone devastated and totally mind-screwed.
EB – i am so sorry that you are being harassed, again.
your kids are awesome.
did they take him in for questioning….noooo?
maybe holly should get a rotty friend and they could sleep outdoors. maybe you need an outdoor motion alarm system aimed at shoulder height.
won’t suggest my other ideas, but you know my fave saying, ‘can’t live with them, can’t kill them with impunity.’
Good luck today – although I doubt you’ll need it. Take it easy and all best wishes.
one step
Dear EB,
Isn’t it a coincidence that the date of the person being in your yard WAITING FOR A CAB!!!!! ROTFLMAO was about when you were going back to court!
Good girl, Holly!
Just take care of yourself EB, I know it is a constant irritation (at BEST) to have this crap happen over and over and over.
I’ve actually been doing pretty well with son D gone for the summer as I don’t go anywhere “alone”—even out to feed the dogs, but there has been like zilch, zip, zero activity from anyone out this way, even the “Crazy Bob” nieghbor.
My dogts let me know if there is anything unusual, even a critter out and about that is not supposed to be here. But they have a human bark and a critter bark so I can tell pretty much by how they bark what is going on and the little Jack Russel Terrier has a heck of a set of ears! He can detect people on the place a long time before I can see them or they are even in range of eye sight. I had some oil rig workers walking the woods a while back and he told me they were there a full 15 minutes before they got to where I could see them, and which direction they were coming from. None of them spoke English very well, but they did UNDERSTAND ” OLD WOMAN WITH A BIG GUN” standing there and their eyes got BIG when they popped out of the woods and saw me standing there because they were NOT expecting what they saw.
I finally got it across to the oil and gas drilling folks that they should CALL BEFORE sending a crew out and the next time any of their workers cuts a fence to get in that there will be legal hell to pay. So I don’t have much problem any more and usually they are in big groups of from 5-10 of them so it isn’t like I am worried or think they are coming for ME in particular but if only 1 or 2 show up, I will hold them til the sheriff gets here to clear up any misunderstandings.
It doesn’t look like yours is going to “give up” and really in truly go away any time soon, unless he goes to prison, and maybe not even then. If you just hadn’t been such a b1atch to him, he would have been nice to you, I know. LOL ROTFLAMO
What has gone on with “Adult” son’s desire to buy a car over the internet? LOL I know you would hate to see him get taken for 5$K but they are soooooo arrrogant at that age. I shudder to think how much I thought I knew at that age! LOL Actually it might be a CHEAP lesson at twice the price for tuition for the U. of Hard Knocks. Might also make him see that mommie is not the idiot he thinks she is or that he is not the rocket scientist he thinks he is! LOL
Well, hope you don’t have any more trouble tonight. Give Holly a bone for me and tell her that Auntie Oxy thinks she is a fineee doggie!
Hi guys….well another spath no show in court!
Funny, how he was calling the courts a few weeks ago, wanting to talk or see or write kids a letter…..and today he had the prime opportunity to see a kid…..and NO SHOW!
Hmmmmmm Actions vs words…..
I’m damn glad he didn’t show up…..as I was sitting there I realized I didn’t bring the file I had JUST been working on to give him for $$ owed and the car registration that I cancelled and deed, etc….I had a file all put togethrer to present to him in person….and get that deed signed off….and dang it…..I forgot the file….what a dipshiat!
Never mind….he didn’t show up….so I will just have to mail it to him.
We were granted another year. Judge said I can try to have him served via his drug attorney or at his drug hearing…if he keeps hiding from service. Judge said the order is VALID and in place without him being served this notification and he made specific writings in the order to state such.
He said still try and have him served but he understood how slippery this one is, and the order is binding without service.
So gang…..another year. Let’s see how it unfolds.
Thank god i’ve got my Holly golly.
ErinBrock, you always take my breath away. You do have stamina, I have to give you that. The “no show” is their typical MO when they don’t have control over a situation. I hope he slithered back under the rock he came from.
Celebrate, it’s a great 4th week for you!
Ursula- my heart goes out to you, just be with what you feel, and say what you think. I really hear you when you say:
“DO i drop it again?? Or do I stay alone devastated and totally mind-screwed!.
and my answer is…yes you stay alone, devastated and totally mind screwed.
just stay with all the horrible feelings, and know that whatever you do it is understandable, an impossible situation, but please put one word in front of the other and stay in with the interaction here on LF
I believe YOU have the answers, you know what you have to do…so when you are ready just ask yourself what it is you WANT to do and then, talk about that, write it out …bounce it off us folk here , rant and rave …begin to express it outwards, so that it is
what it is…..YOU are the one that will know what to do..tell me about it, that’s all you need to do for now….blessings and love
TOWANDA!!!!!! EB!!!!
Looks like you have a great judge who has the P figured out! What a blessing!!!!
And you know, NOT having to look at his smarmy face is probably a blessing too! Especially when he finds out that even without being served the order is GOOD! I bett-ya he thinks because he sliped away from service it is no good any more!! OH BOY!!!! wait til he finds out the hard way it is still good!
Too bad he didn’t visit with Jr. when Jr. got his own restraining order! LOL hee hee bawhhhhhaaa ha ha
Erin Brock:
I think we should devise some booby traps for this late night prowler who keeps coming into your yard.
Something that screams “Surprise!”…and NOT in a good way.
I think you know what I mean.
Anyway, let’s brainstorm.
peacocks are very good warning systems. screech like hell.
Problem with peacocks is keeping them in (they can fly well) and they are expensive. Geese however are fairly cheap and are great guard dogs, and your neighbors wouldn’t hate you if they heard them, but the peacocks are LOUD and awful.
I don’t know how your yard is…fenced? open? wooded? How about some TRIP WIRES like Viet Nam? Electric fence? Be hard to spot even in day time and TRIP them up at night when they get their feet hung in them.
Can’t put out anything that would really do some harm, like the shot gun one man put out and shot the burglar that kept coming back. The jury did let him off though and he didn’t get any jail time….only in Arkansas, or maybe Texas, Mississippi or Kentucky….oh, well, it’ls still a valid defensxe here that “he just needed killin’ ” LOL My kinda state!
How do peacocks do in the winter? 🙂
Like I told the cop last night….I’ve installed more sensor lights.
I talked to the kids about looking at the lights and which ones are ‘on’ if they see anything weird. We are pretty forested, so the lights are easy to tell if someone has been in a certain area around property. And they stay on for 5 min.
It just seems crazy that this is STILL going on. Damn, we’ve been separated for 3 years.
I think his thug uncles will appear next. He’s got some hard core mexican, old time gang bangers in his extended family.
Bring em on….I ain’t afraid on them either……They’ve never met a smart, pissed off white chic on a mission! (With security cameras, wasp spray and peacocks!).
Rosa…..what do ya think of those misters that spray water….I could have a trip line set up to set off misters hung around perimiter of property filled with wasp spray?
I guess I could offer the police a training site on my property…..graveyard shift only! If they can shoot dogs and bears in my area……i’m sure a spath wouldn’t be off limits!
I still need to do some diggen in the yard. There is SOMETHING out there for sure!!!! I’m still convinced this is why these appearances are being made.
I don’t think it’s to get a glimpse of the kids watching tv at 1:30 in the morning.