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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: He will not let me go

Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we’ll call “Gloria.” She’s from Australia, and “pokies” are slot machine parlors. She would like some advice.

I am a lady that had both hips replaced, my back fused in 2 places, and my neck also fused in 2 places. I met my love fraud when going through a court case, on my hip. My son has a mental illness.

Met him at the pokies. I thought I met a wonderful man, he helped me out with my son, totally looked after me through a hip op. Told me he would look after me even if I was in a wheel chair, and even be my carer. I met his family and his parents, got engaged, was on cloud 9. If I won my court case we would get married straight away. If not, we had a back up plan, he was going to sell his unit, he is still paying off. He moved in with me within 2 months.

We were happy until I lost my court case, then he went moody, wouldn’t talk, started to blame me for every thing. I asked him to leave; it was so hard as I still loved him. Then he said he was sorry that he was so fu## up that no one would want him, and I thought we were making up. Then I didn’t hear from him, went around to his place, and he went off his head. Told me, “Did you ever think I was going to ever sell my place and be with you?” I left crying.

Later I got a message from another woman from his mobile telling me to leave them alone, she was having a relationship with him and adores him.

I didn’t see him for 6 months. Crisco food you pay off for xmas came, I had three months of his food, far too much to store, so I sms him I would leave his part on his door step, 5 mins before he got home, so he didnt have to have anything to do with me. He sms back that I have saved his life, he was totally broke, due to his work going into liquidation. That I know was bull, it was because he spent too much money at the pokies, but gave him an extra $150 of food on top.

I felt sorry for him as he has an addicted personality, first drugs, then gambling, long story ”¦ but since then, he has been saying again he’s sorry, never say never, we might get back together again, that he is not in it for the long run with her ”¦ blah blah ”¦ Any how sucked me in for 6 months. I gave him an ultimatum, her or me, and if he was to come back, get help.

Seen him out guess were? Pokies. Tapped him on the shoulder, he said, “Am only paying a little bit of money.” Asked him has he been thinking, his reply, dad ill, maybe dying, haven’t had time to think, and me and **** his partner, well 2 weeks ago we have been having big arguments over you. That told me he rubbished me again, and is not having any intentions of coming back, so I said, “Well you know what you want!” He said, “No, I still don’t know what I want.”

I left, I didn’t even make it back home, and he sms to me, “I can come and see you if you like.”

He has got us both loving him so much, she knows about me, and I know totally about her, I am trying my hardest to not give into him any more, as he lies to us both. She’s there, for money and support, and sex; I am there for sex, and when he needs someone. We women are both suckers to him. She thinks I got him into money problems, and thinks am a real bitch, when I am not, I feel for the both of us, she must be hurting too. What do you think I should do?

I cannot sleep, I cry all the time, I have lost weight. Seen the doctor, now on depression tablets. Need help, see a counselor every month. With my next part of my life, all I have done for 1 year is cry. Out of that 1 year he has been with her, he has been also seeing me for 7 months of it and still wants to. He will not let me go.

 


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120 Comments on "LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: He will not let me go"

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coping:

So sorry to hear about the bottles burning. That could have been really bad. I understand it though…you were exhausted! Good luck today!

Dear Coping,

I understand about burning things, I’ve burned food and more food, and left water running and flooded things…it is tiredness, distraction and just mental and physical fatigue and a response to stress of what is going on in your life. Don’t beat yourself up about it. It happens….stuff happens. ((((hugs)))) and God bless.

Coping – think like a spath, anticipate like a spath, ‘become’ a spath. Be one step ahead. He will use your child to gain contact if you let him. The child is a pawn to him. Something to be used to his advantage. He will not play fair.

I had 3 kids and would like to reassure you (from experience) that they do get these illnesses, so do not fret. If you are fretting then your child will too.

One step at a time. Plan the next hour, the next day, the next week. Baby steps. It WILL get better.

blondblueeyes here, I know I havent been in touch for awhile, but he got to me again, he made arrangments to see me, then let me down, did this 3 times, till I went off my head, then after doing that he couldnt even face me, he seen me down my street so he veered off down another. That was it. he had used me not once, not twice, but now 3 times with his sorrys, and this time making promises he wasnt keeping and had moved in with another woman. So he was using the two of us, I went and put a letter on her car, ( now I will say first I was 120kl at one stage so I know what its like to be big) he always told me he didnt like big woman, well she is very big, so he is using her very badly. anyway told her everything, all it done was him to threaten me with killing me and he would end up in jail, and to make my life upside down with friends family, and anything he could, she if she came down, I was told if I proved anything to her he will carry out his threat, as he was still in the ok books with her, unless I proved to her the truth. He though cannot use me anymore, as this is the last thing he expected me to do. He is so caught up in his pokie addiction, that he has had to stay with a woman thats looking after his needs.When arguing with him, I asked how can you stay with a woman you dont love and respect, he said that was his business, yep it is, she pays him to stay, and he takes payment and stays thats a business alright. I went to get help as one of you girls told me too, as I still love him, and she said he will go down that spirl and reach rock bottom again, and even with all this thats happened, he will be back, as am an attractive woman, with no pokie problems, and he will only meet woman he really doenst want, and they will be pokie woman, but you are not, so one day cos he knows you love him he will most likely be back, and its only to use you again, he only cares about him self. so this lady am seeing is going to help me to try and get the love out of my heart, so that when this day comes I hopefully can tell him to f### off. I cannot understand why am so stupied, why do I continuely take him back, why can I just not let him go, when he comes back, I cannot even understand myself.

He will not let me go either.

Blondeblueeyes-you are not a fool HE is. Although he is cunning and evil he is still a fool. We get brainwashed they are fools. “How do you boil a frog? You put it in warm water and turn up the heat.” They may be smart enough to figure that out but still fools for wanting only to boil those they “love”. You said your dad was way worse to your mom then he is to you…I shruddered. Comparing him to anyone else is such a dangerous thing. It’s like saying vomit with corn in it is worse the vomit with bread in it…it’s all vomit. I made that mistake myself always saying through my tears he’s better then…… . He would always tell me that too, in hindsight lol. Funny how he never said I am as good as so and so (nor did I). If you really want to compare him to someone compare him to the best guy you know and except nothing less.

one/joy_step_at_a_time

blondblueeyes – he’s just messing with you for fun. get the book the betrayal bond and read it. then you will understand why you are playing this very dangerous game with your own life and sanity.

lf is a resoucre – use it! read and post and people here will help you to understand how to stay away from him.

one/joy_step_at_a_time

Panther – difference is YOU are not holding on, you see him. Now it’s about you and what you do to ignore him, keep yourself safe and ultimately move on. I sent a note to Donna asking her to give you my email if you want me to connect you with some people in germany.

Thank you one/joy. Yes, I would like to be in contact with you if possible about what I could do here. So far, the police and the German embassy was a dead end. I just reported him to a cyberstalking help website.

He sent me a mail today claiming to have seen my cat in the streets looking skinny and really scared. He really knows exactly where my deepest weaknesses are. This is emotional terrorism at this point, if anything.

I’ll email Donna and tell her that I’d like to be in contact with you as well.

Thanks girls, I will buy the book.
I had a thought last night which has helpen me so much,
when we got engaged, I said yes for real love, I was in love, and that love is still in my heart, ok we split, but to say sorry after 2 months,then split again, then back for the third time, to say sorry, and promises, than treat me like a doormat again, well he could have never have loved me, used me from dayone for the money. else he wouldnt have never have done what he did do. I know your problery saying dur… but I honestly thought he was just mixed up, but he not, never has been, its took me along time, but the guy is a spath, he goes from one woman to another after money, now I just have to get over the betrail and hurt, of being blind

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