Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we’ll call “Gloria.” She’s from Australia, and “pokies” are slot machine parlors. She would like some advice.
I am a lady that had both hips replaced, my back fused in 2 places, and my neck also fused in 2 places. I met my love fraud when going through a court case, on my hip. My son has a mental illness.
Met him at the pokies. I thought I met a wonderful man, he helped me out with my son, totally looked after me through a hip op. Told me he would look after me even if I was in a wheel chair, and even be my carer. I met his family and his parents, got engaged, was on cloud 9. If I won my court case we would get married straight away. If not, we had a back up plan, he was going to sell his unit, he is still paying off. He moved in with me within 2 months.
We were happy until I lost my court case, then he went moody, wouldn’t talk, started to blame me for every thing. I asked him to leave; it was so hard as I still loved him. Then he said he was sorry that he was so fu## up that no one would want him, and I thought we were making up. Then I didn’t hear from him, went around to his place, and he went off his head. Told me, “Did you ever think I was going to ever sell my place and be with you?” I left crying.
Later I got a message from another woman from his mobile telling me to leave them alone, she was having a relationship with him and adores him.
I didn’t see him for 6 months. Crisco food you pay off for xmas came, I had three months of his food, far too much to store, so I sms him I would leave his part on his door step, 5 mins before he got home, so he didnt have to have anything to do with me. He sms back that I have saved his life, he was totally broke, due to his work going into liquidation. That I know was bull, it was because he spent too much money at the pokies, but gave him an extra $150 of food on top.
I felt sorry for him as he has an addicted personality, first drugs, then gambling, long story ”¦ but since then, he has been saying again he’s sorry, never say never, we might get back together again, that he is not in it for the long run with her ”¦ blah blah ”¦ Any how sucked me in for 6 months. I gave him an ultimatum, her or me, and if he was to come back, get help.
Seen him out guess were? Pokies. Tapped him on the shoulder, he said, “Am only paying a little bit of money.” Asked him has he been thinking, his reply, dad ill, maybe dying, haven’t had time to think, and me and **** his partner, well 2 weeks ago we have been having big arguments over you. That told me he rubbished me again, and is not having any intentions of coming back, so I said, “Well you know what you want!” He said, “No, I still don’t know what I want.”
I left, I didn’t even make it back home, and he sms to me, “I can come and see you if you like.”
He has got us both loving him so much, she knows about me, and I know totally about her, I am trying my hardest to not give into him any more, as he lies to us both. She’s there, for money and support, and sex; I am there for sex, and when he needs someone. We women are both suckers to him. She thinks I got him into money problems, and thinks am a real bitch, when I am not, I feel for the both of us, she must be hurting too. What do you think I should do?
I cannot sleep, I cry all the time, I have lost weight. Seen the doctor, now on depression tablets. Need help, see a counselor every month. With my next part of my life, all I have done for 1 year is cry. Out of that 1 year he has been with her, he has been also seeing me for 7 months of it and still wants to. He will not let me go.
I can’t believe I’m considering calling him. That would destroy all I have worked for. I guess right now I’m thinking if I play nice and he sees this maybe he will not fight. The truth is he would fight harder.. The power would enable his sick ways.
Coping I am so sorry your feeling so desperate. Try to get some rest tonight and deal with this tomorrow or the next day.. it will get better I promise..
Dear Coping ~ Hang in there. You don’t really want to enable him. Hens is right. It WILL get better. Try to get yourself calm and relaxed tonight. Get some good rest. Things will be brighter in the morning. Take care of YOU.
h2h
(((((((((dearest coping, stand still. do nothing if you can. take care of your son. you must step back a bit and focus on regaining some perspective.)))))))))))
it isn’t easy, none of it is. but only one day at a time and you have support here. sleep, take care of your son.
Dear Coping things will get better for sure, no contact from him. He using the both of you, I know you realize this so stop hurting yourself any longer, and move forward and keep going…. One day you will be with a good man one who wants you and loves you for who you are and is not a user. Someone who only wants to be with you and is for real….Once you find the right man it will be like a huge light has shown you, wow what a difference.I should of never done any of this what a waste of my time and effort and heart to the wrong…….one…The wrong one is a fake and user….. Best wishes to you take care of you and your son…
Just want to add one more thing USERS ALL SUCK….. God bless
Well today is a new day and things aren’t looking better. Last night I fell asleep at some point only to awake to the smell of burning plastic. I was so exhausted I guess I left some baby bottles boiling. They melted down to a crisp. It’s a mracle I even woke up at all. Terrible toxic smell in the house. At around 5:00 this morning I opened all the windows trying to get rid of the fumes. My son managed to take 4 oz so perhaps this virus has passed. If he is able to take down another 6 oz by 10:00 without vomitting I think he should be ok for daycare for a few hours so I can keep to my appointment today. I don’t know. I’m worried about the chemical fumes.. I hope I haven’t caused health damage to either of us. As for the spath I did not call and will force myself not to think of anything about custody or injustice until tomorrow once rested.
coping – have thought of you most of the night, and want t let you know that we have all been at the end of our wits, patience, sleep dep and worry with our situations. we have to roll through it the best we can – asking for help along the way, and recognizing that we can only do so much.
good morning coping – get out of the house for an hour with your child. is he well enough for that? you do want to get some fresh air into your lungs to help mitigate the effect of the plastics.
One joy- thank you. Yes. I just gave him his bottle and plan on being out of here within the hour if he holds it down. (I think he will). Regardless I am making a dr. Appt for him tomorrow. He may have just had a little virus but I want him checked out. He’s got this strange little rash on his face that hasn’t gone away.. Ironically it started after the 2nd court visitation. Can’t freak myself out about it. He has no fever but is not 100 percent. Yes.. We need to get out of the house.