Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we’ll call “Gloria.” She’s from Australia, and “pokies” are slot machine parlors. She would like some advice.
I am a lady that had both hips replaced, my back fused in 2 places, and my neck also fused in 2 places. I met my love fraud when going through a court case, on my hip. My son has a mental illness.
Met him at the pokies. I thought I met a wonderful man, he helped me out with my son, totally looked after me through a hip op. Told me he would look after me even if I was in a wheel chair, and even be my carer. I met his family and his parents, got engaged, was on cloud 9. If I won my court case we would get married straight away. If not, we had a back up plan, he was going to sell his unit, he is still paying off. He moved in with me within 2 months.
We were happy until I lost my court case, then he went moody, wouldn’t talk, started to blame me for every thing. I asked him to leave; it was so hard as I still loved him. Then he said he was sorry that he was so fu## up that no one would want him, and I thought we were making up. Then I didn’t hear from him, went around to his place, and he went off his head. Told me, “Did you ever think I was going to ever sell my place and be with you?” I left crying.
Later I got a message from another woman from his mobile telling me to leave them alone, she was having a relationship with him and adores him.
I didn’t see him for 6 months. Crisco food you pay off for xmas came, I had three months of his food, far too much to store, so I sms him I would leave his part on his door step, 5 mins before he got home, so he didnt have to have anything to do with me. He sms back that I have saved his life, he was totally broke, due to his work going into liquidation. That I know was bull, it was because he spent too much money at the pokies, but gave him an extra $150 of food on top.
I felt sorry for him as he has an addicted personality, first drugs, then gambling, long story ”¦ but since then, he has been saying again he’s sorry, never say never, we might get back together again, that he is not in it for the long run with her ”¦ blah blah ”¦ Any how sucked me in for 6 months. I gave him an ultimatum, her or me, and if he was to come back, get help.
Seen him out guess were? Pokies. Tapped him on the shoulder, he said, “Am only paying a little bit of money.” Asked him has he been thinking, his reply, dad ill, maybe dying, haven’t had time to think, and me and **** his partner, well 2 weeks ago we have been having big arguments over you. That told me he rubbished me again, and is not having any intentions of coming back, so I said, “Well you know what you want!” He said, “No, I still don’t know what I want.”
I left, I didn’t even make it back home, and he sms to me, “I can come and see you if you like.”
He has got us both loving him so much, she knows about me, and I know totally about her, I am trying my hardest to not give into him any more, as he lies to us both. She’s there, for money and support, and sex; I am there for sex, and when he needs someone. We women are both suckers to him. She thinks I got him into money problems, and thinks am a real bitch, when I am not, I feel for the both of us, she must be hurting too. What do you think I should do?
I cannot sleep, I cry all the time, I have lost weight. Seen the doctor, now on depression tablets. Need help, see a counselor every month. With my next part of my life, all I have done for 1 year is cry. Out of that 1 year he has been with her, he has been also seeing me for 7 months of it and still wants to. He will not let me go.
The good thing about a sociopath is that they distract us from really important issues.
BBE:
Good point…true!
behind_blue_eyes says:
“The good thing about a sociopath is that they distract us from really important issues.”
Yah; that’s right: distraction is what it is.
Something sort of like having THE PLAGUE!!!!!
Duped
telling me, they distract us from really important issues, when I read louises blog about her mother, for once, I stopped and thought how self centrered I had become, people have worse problems to deal with, but they really do distract us, he had made a pain that was in my heart so so painful, any hwo enough of him, louise I thought a 45min drive was a long way. All I can say, your doing a good job, your doing your best, and if she had her wits about her, even just a dot, she will know that, and understand its all for the best, my heart is with you. Gloria
Louise, Dear: My heart goes out to you about your Mom. I am so sorry. Ox’s advice was excellent and I wouldn’t hesitate taking it NOT FOR A MOMENT.
I am so sorry for you that you have to come through all of this.
Just know my thoughts, love and prayers are with you…
DUPED
Gloria:
Thanks so much. I had talked about this last week I think where I mentioned that when stressful things happen to me, I tend to think about the X spath MORE. It almost seems like I use him as a crutch; to forget about the current hurt I am going through. It doesn’t make sense to me. Maybe it’s just because I still hurt so badly over what he did to me that I would rather just think about that than deal with the current hurts. I don’t know.
Yeah, it’s a 6 1/2 hour drive (at best) so it’s tough. I go about four times per year and call her everyday. I still haven’t decided exactly what I am going to do.
Don’t feel bad about focusing on your pain. We all do it and it’s part of healing. We all tend to get hung up with what is happening to us. Hang in there…we will all be better some day.
DUPED:
Thanks, Duped. Oxy’s advice is excellent and spot on and I will definitely heed it. I just haven’t made a move yet. It’s hard to make a decision when they are bad, but not bad enough that they are totally incapacitated. Sigh. I know I need to do something though.
You will be alright Louise. You are a bright, wonderful, caring, mindful woman and I will remember you always in my thoughts and prayers. xxoo
DUPED:
Thanks. I guess that’s why it hurts even more about the X spath. I am so caring and giving and that he could treat me that way just rips my heart out. But we are all the same…we are all caring and empathetic and have had our hearts tramped on. We will survive.
They chose us because of our hearts and our caring and empathy. More than trampled on. Just vile what they have done to us. But that is the mark of the devil: to defile all that is pure and holy. Right? They are the ultimate losers in all this and once you look at it that way, it all makes sense and Karma really does fit in.
I am just like you, Louise: soft hearted; caring to a fault; unconditionally…they don’t deserve either one of us. We are going to be alright and come through all this because we are the ones who have the heart and the goodness inside, where they don’t. All they have are empty lives filled with lies and deceptions. They will never come to know what ‘love’ is.
That is what I told it when I saw it last, 3 months ago, when I threw its head into the curb: “Don’t speak to me of love; because you do not have a clue what that word means.” And it’s true and was true and is true. They will never come to know the depth of which we love and care, Louise. They will never have that in their lives and they despise us for having that ‘extra something’ that they will never have.
That is why they chose us.
And why we are choosing to send them packing!!!!! 🙂
*Hugs Louise*
Have a good night of peaceful, blissful dreams…
duh-duh-duh-dupedster