Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we’ll call “Gloria.” She’s from Australia, and “pokies” are slot machine parlors. She would like some advice.
I am a lady that had both hips replaced, my back fused in 2 places, and my neck also fused in 2 places. I met my love fraud when going through a court case, on my hip. My son has a mental illness.
Met him at the pokies. I thought I met a wonderful man, he helped me out with my son, totally looked after me through a hip op. Told me he would look after me even if I was in a wheel chair, and even be my carer. I met his family and his parents, got engaged, was on cloud 9. If I won my court case we would get married straight away. If not, we had a back up plan, he was going to sell his unit, he is still paying off. He moved in with me within 2 months.
We were happy until I lost my court case, then he went moody, wouldn’t talk, started to blame me for every thing. I asked him to leave; it was so hard as I still loved him. Then he said he was sorry that he was so fu## up that no one would want him, and I thought we were making up. Then I didn’t hear from him, went around to his place, and he went off his head. Told me, “Did you ever think I was going to ever sell my place and be with you?” I left crying.
Later I got a message from another woman from his mobile telling me to leave them alone, she was having a relationship with him and adores him.
I didn’t see him for 6 months. Crisco food you pay off for xmas came, I had three months of his food, far too much to store, so I sms him I would leave his part on his door step, 5 mins before he got home, so he didnt have to have anything to do with me. He sms back that I have saved his life, he was totally broke, due to his work going into liquidation. That I know was bull, it was because he spent too much money at the pokies, but gave him an extra $150 of food on top.
I felt sorry for him as he has an addicted personality, first drugs, then gambling, long story ”¦ but since then, he has been saying again he’s sorry, never say never, we might get back together again, that he is not in it for the long run with her ”¦ blah blah ”¦ Any how sucked me in for 6 months. I gave him an ultimatum, her or me, and if he was to come back, get help.
Seen him out guess were? Pokies. Tapped him on the shoulder, he said, “Am only paying a little bit of money.” Asked him has he been thinking, his reply, dad ill, maybe dying, haven’t had time to think, and me and **** his partner, well 2 weeks ago we have been having big arguments over you. That told me he rubbished me again, and is not having any intentions of coming back, so I said, “Well you know what you want!” He said, “No, I still don’t know what I want.”
I left, I didn’t even make it back home, and he sms to me, “I can come and see you if you like.”
He has got us both loving him so much, she knows about me, and I know totally about her, I am trying my hardest to not give into him any more, as he lies to us both. She’s there, for money and support, and sex; I am there for sex, and when he needs someone. We women are both suckers to him. She thinks I got him into money problems, and thinks am a real bitch, when I am not, I feel for the both of us, she must be hurting too. What do you think I should do?
I cannot sleep, I cry all the time, I have lost weight. Seen the doctor, now on depression tablets. Need help, see a counselor every month. With my next part of my life, all I have done for 1 year is cry. Out of that 1 year he has been with her, he has been also seeing me for 7 months of it and still wants to. He will not let me go.
DUPED:
Well, we were close too until I realized she was LYING to me!!! And feel blessed that you were never geographically close to one another. This girl sat 100 feet away from me in another cubicle! It was a nightmare! She would flaunt around (HUGE showoff whereas I am not) and show off her body to everyone all the while telling me that she had told him it was OVER and here the whole time she was relentlessly pursuing him…asked him to go to Florida with her (they are both married…he didn’t go), texting him constantly, texting him pictures of her in a bikini at the pool…on and on. But she was telling me that she hadn’t heard from him, blah, blah, blah. Sooooo…I felt the same…that her and I were both taken by this sociopath, that we were both hurt, etc., and that is true to a certain extent, but when I realized she was lying to me, it all changed. I no longer saw her as a victim even though she was. But I do NOT feel one iota of pity for her. She was married with a small little girl…shame on her. Hey, he was married so I have no room to talk, but at least I am single. UGGGHHH. I can get really fired up about it. She is also EXTREMELY manipulative. I have never met anyone as manipulative as her. She is so manipulative that I saw HER manipulating the X spath!!! Hahahaha!!! That’s how bad it was. Geez. Sigh.
ha: sounds like the new OW my spath now has. WHAT TROUBLE! No doubt it’s because she is such a ditz. Easy prey. You and I are a little harder to work for. We required too much effort. They don’t like women who are strong and capable…they want the ditz’s because they are easier to manipulate.
Yah, I would ditch that ‘babe’ too. She is just a by product of his sickness, Louise. Don’t let it rock your boat. Consider the source. When the OW got up in my face, I tried to warn her…she didn’t believe me. I wonder how many years down the road it will take HER before SHE finally gets a grip on the REAL situation. He has already beaten her twice, that I know of….just think: THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME! I could tell by the way she was talking to me, he has her REALLY DUPED. Even more than me! Only, they ARE devouring each other and I can’t legally say ‘how’ but they are. They will keep the gene pool down by staying together. *Ex wife’s take as well as mine* 😉
I am going to move on with my life now. I look at it like this: at least I still have SOME of my life left to live. I can choose to live it like the heathen it was trying to turn me into or I can REGAIN my power and self worth and just roll right over “IT”. I chose the latter. 🙂
Hang in there Louise and don’t let it all get to you.
Laugh it away because that is all it’s worth.
xxoo
DUPED:
Yep, she is/was easy. I was much harder to work for and he knows it.
I am trying to laugh; trying to see it for what it all really was.
Thanks…you have a great day in CA! 🙂
Hey Louise: Yah, they like the ‘easy’ ones; the ones with no class and a shortage of brains. Don’t TRY to laugh, Louise: DO LAUGH! They are a sight to behold; aren’t they?
It was STALKING me for the longest time. Now it’s kind of quiet and it sure had better stay that way. I am NO MOOD for any more CRAP in my life! 🙂
YOU have a great day Louise…it’s hotter than hell out here! 🙂
Love ~ Duped
Hey Duped:
No class and a shortage of brains…that’s her alright! But she tried to act like she had class, but she showed her true self sooner or later.
I am glad yours is quiet now. Hopefully IT stays that way.
It’s hotter than hell here also! It’s been weeks like this. I love the hot weather though…I will take this anyday over the winters we get.
Take care! 🙂
Hi Louise: COOKIN!
I felt that bitterness and jealousy too…imagine that: married man, with 14 different mistresses and “I” was feeling bitterness and jealousy? I thought: “Duped, what in the world is WRONG with your looking and thinking units!?” 🙂
I mean, truly: how could you continue caring about someone like that?! It is IMPOSSIBLE. They usually end up killing ANY feelings you EVER had for them in the first place because of their vileness, so what is the point agonizing over something that was garbage in the first place?! 🙂 Is that too harsh? hahahaha
I didn’t let those emotions eat me up for too long before I threw THEM in the garbage right along with “IT”. The whole kitten kabootle can go right in the trash. Because me and the ex wife said so and that’s all there is to it. Over. Period. Finished.
It IS quiet right now BUT I don’t expect that to last too much longer before IT tries to do something to me somehow or another. I think I told you once before, that sometimes it comes and leaves things at my doorstep to let me know it has gotten that close. Like a lurking predator outside my door. If it ever gets caught, it will go to jail. Period. I am having video cams installed in my outside area that will constantly record. How “Hannibal” is that? 🙂
Flick that fly off my shoulder….
Okay, Louise, this winter, YOU send ME some coolness and “I” will send you some rays; how’s that? xxoo
DUPED:
So what does he leave on your doorstep if I may ask?
I would LOVE to swap some weather this winter! 🙂
He will leave little ‘trinkets’ such as a special coin or a flower just any little thing to let me know it was him. Something specific to our relationship at one point or another that only he and I would recognize as such. Now, you tell me, how chilling is that? The more I think about it, the more chilling it becomes.
Come on out to Cali, Louise! 🙂
It’s never below 65 in the winter…unless you are in the mountains. I even heard yesterday, there is actually people still skiing up in the northern mountains here. There was still just enough snow up there for this past weekend but they expected it to finally melt.
Wow: that’s a scarey thought: skiing: wow….with my luck, I would probably break every bone in my body. 🙂
“IT” also changes identities and personalities on the internet and will try to strike up conversations with me. I find it quite amusing but that is the intent. Lovebombing. To which I never offer a response. IT deserves NO RESPONSE. Not ever again. Least not from me. Block/delete….that’s what those buttons are made for…
DUPED:
Hmmmm, interesting. It is chilling the more I think about it. Creepy.
I would love to come to CA. I think I am a CA type girl…free spirit in a way. I would love having 65 degree winters. I hate winter and have always lived in cold winter climates. I live for summer!
I can see why you would never want to see or talk to your IT ever again. He sounds like a huge LOSER!
Yah, at first I thought: “Oh how lovely, it’s thinking of me…” Then the more I caught onto it, the more chilling it really became. Yah, creepy chilling.
Oh that would be ‘right on’, as they say out here in Cali…if you came to visit or even to stay! 65 degree winters were just the ticket for me, coming from the east coast! 🙂 I AM NEVER LEAVING UNLESS IT IS TO THE TROPICS! Nothing ‘free’ about living in CALI! 😉
I DONT want to talk to “IT” ever again; nor see it nor be in the same zip code. He is MORE than a huge loser. He is dangerous. I don’t know what to do about that. All I can do is take care of myself at this point. God save the rest.