Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we’ll call “Gloria.” She’s from Australia, and “pokies” are slot machine parlors. She would like some advice.
I am a lady that had both hips replaced, my back fused in 2 places, and my neck also fused in 2 places. I met my love fraud when going through a court case, on my hip. My son has a mental illness.
Met him at the pokies. I thought I met a wonderful man, he helped me out with my son, totally looked after me through a hip op. Told me he would look after me even if I was in a wheel chair, and even be my carer. I met his family and his parents, got engaged, was on cloud 9. If I won my court case we would get married straight away. If not, we had a back up plan, he was going to sell his unit, he is still paying off. He moved in with me within 2 months.
We were happy until I lost my court case, then he went moody, wouldn’t talk, started to blame me for every thing. I asked him to leave; it was so hard as I still loved him. Then he said he was sorry that he was so fu## up that no one would want him, and I thought we were making up. Then I didn’t hear from him, went around to his place, and he went off his head. Told me, “Did you ever think I was going to ever sell my place and be with you?” I left crying.
Later I got a message from another woman from his mobile telling me to leave them alone, she was having a relationship with him and adores him.
I didn’t see him for 6 months. Crisco food you pay off for xmas came, I had three months of his food, far too much to store, so I sms him I would leave his part on his door step, 5 mins before he got home, so he didnt have to have anything to do with me. He sms back that I have saved his life, he was totally broke, due to his work going into liquidation. That I know was bull, it was because he spent too much money at the pokies, but gave him an extra $150 of food on top.
I felt sorry for him as he has an addicted personality, first drugs, then gambling, long story ”¦ but since then, he has been saying again he’s sorry, never say never, we might get back together again, that he is not in it for the long run with her ”¦ blah blah ”¦ Any how sucked me in for 6 months. I gave him an ultimatum, her or me, and if he was to come back, get help.
Seen him out guess were? Pokies. Tapped him on the shoulder, he said, “Am only paying a little bit of money.” Asked him has he been thinking, his reply, dad ill, maybe dying, haven’t had time to think, and me and **** his partner, well 2 weeks ago we have been having big arguments over you. That told me he rubbished me again, and is not having any intentions of coming back, so I said, “Well you know what you want!” He said, “No, I still don’t know what I want.”
I left, I didn’t even make it back home, and he sms to me, “I can come and see you if you like.”
He has got us both loving him so much, she knows about me, and I know totally about her, I am trying my hardest to not give into him any more, as he lies to us both. She’s there, for money and support, and sex; I am there for sex, and when he needs someone. We women are both suckers to him. She thinks I got him into money problems, and thinks am a real bitch, when I am not, I feel for the both of us, she must be hurting too. What do you think I should do?
I cannot sleep, I cry all the time, I have lost weight. Seen the doctor, now on depression tablets. Need help, see a counselor every month. With my next part of my life, all I have done for 1 year is cry. Out of that 1 year he has been with her, he has been also seeing me for 7 months of it and still wants to. He will not let me go.
Back_from_the_edge
He just does this stuff to get a reaction from me. It’s so ‘old hat’ anymore, I just ignore it. It is important to ignore it and not let it set you off, I have noticed. They don’t care if it’s negative or positive attention, as long as it’s attention. And that is something it is NEVER going to get from ME in THIS LIFETIME, ever again. It can have all of my attention after I am gone. Duped will make real sure of that. 😉
As long as we refuse to participate they have no power over us.
As long as we ignore them, they will move onto the next victim.
As long as we enforce NC they will eventually just go away.
They don’t know what real ‘love’ is. They throw it around like another one of their tools. They have no sense of honor, dignity or values, like normal people do because they are soul less beings.
Louise
I know that when you ignore them, they do go away and onto the next victim.
I hope you have a good day today!
Ox Drover
Louise, SOME of them go away and go on to the next victim, some STALK the escaped victim in order to “punish” them. NOT ALL psychopaths or dysfunctional people play by the same script.
coping
Louise,
I agree with Ox on this one. If you are lucky they go away…even though it hurts.
I thought mine would go away…but that hasn’t happened yet.
I believe “punish” is a correct word. Beware and consider that…don’t let your defenses down. 🙂
coping
I meant :(.
Louise
Oxy and coping:
Thanks so much for your words of caution. I know you are right now that I REALLY think about it. I think they just go into dormant stages for awhile (like my grass) and they pop up down the road for whatever reason…whenever they need you for something whatever that may be.
Thanks!
Back_from_the_edge
Oh yes Louise: now you are catching on. 🙂
Time limit on mine is usually 3 months and that is on Monday. Let’s see what happens. Last 3 month NC anniversary, I got a request to speak with PSYCHO KILLER. Seriously and truly. It thinks it is amusing. I find no amusement in it. Neither does law enforcement.
I expect it to jump the line between smartness and obscurity at any moment. And whatever it brings, I am ready for it this time. Because NO MORE MEANS NO MORE.
Gotta run – medical appointment.
Have a good day you guys: remember: any day away from spath is an awesome day! Hugs and Smiles to you all…
DUPED
Louise
DUPED:
Yep, finally catching on.
I hope yours does NOT contact you as it seems like it is getting close to that time.
I hope the medical appointment goes OK.
Talk to you later. Going out to dinner tonight with a girlfriend.
blondblueeyes
Hi there, family. I havent wrote about my feelings for awhile, I was ok for awhile, but over the last two days I have been having a hard time again, no I havent been in touch, just crying about how he has treated me, my head thinks even still now, is he a spath? fighting with my self, he just coulnt deal with I have a metally ill son, and he seen mt pain, and was going to marrie me, he just couldnt deal with it all.Thats why after all this time thats gone he as realised he did love me, and now wants to maybe come back, but he knows what he will be marrying, in time to come a person that will be relying on his help, and he doesnt know if he could be there for me that much, so he has to think about what he really wants. Then there is his voice I hear, I would look after you even if you were in a wheel chair, to later I cannot look after you if you were in a wheel chair, what if I got sick as well how could we look after each other, So all this has been going through my head, and I just get so up set. So mixed up. I havent spoken to him, he did sms me, for a chat, but not much later, sms again to say sorry daughter needs me, will be in touch. So nothings happened. It wasnt that long ago, he said, how was I supossed to have knewen you would have got so well with your legs again, I told him, it takes time after operations to heal, at the moment am at my best, but its no good lying I will always need more ops,You can meet a person thats got full health in everyway. Next you hear they died,or had a terrable car accedent. You just cannot run away from a person as soon as there showing signs of any kind of sickness. Is he just affraid, or …..
Back_from_the_edge
right: is he just afraid, OR?
In the meantime you are all wound up in a tizzy and can’t catch your breath, nor your thoughts, so I am going to share something with you that WILL help if you try it. Something for ALL OF YOU. I hope you will at least give it a shot because it works for me…
Copy of an email I received this morning from my therapist, regarding PTSD symptoms I have been having like constantly tapping my leg and confusing thoughts. I have done these things stress relieving exercises and am doing them now and they help a lot by merely using the natural chemicals we have in our own bodies!! 🙂
Hope you will find this helpful…..
“When you start to get those twitches just alternately begin tapping your knees or your shoulders – just right-left-right-left for a minute or so – that the bilateral stimulation that emdr offers. It will help release.
Also, remember tapping? We did that together right? Go to tapping.com or eft/universe.com for instructions and a picture of the points – just focus on your head and face and collarbone. Also, don’t forget the “set-up” with the karate chop point: say: “Even though I have this ____________ (state problem), I still deeply love and appreciate myself.” Do this 3 times. Then do the tapping stating the problem only, and tap around 7x each point. It uses acupuncture points and the energy meridians. Its like magic!”
*Instant stress relief* 🙂
Dupedster