LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: How sociopaths twist words and actions

Editor’s note: The following was written by the Lovefraud reader “Rochelle.”

As part of the problem with my particular sociopath, the way they interpret behaviors is not like the rest of us. I have a list of examples:

What you do or say and what the sociopath hears

Expressing an opinion or feeling = ranting and anger issues.

Getting angry when he belittles and talks down to me = raging and anger issues.

Doing things for my husband and stepdaughter = I must have an ulterior motive.

Saying I like something in a shop window or magazine = me trying to manipulate him into buying me something.

Crying because I am hurting = drama queen.

Me asking him not to bring up a topic while out with friends = me being controlling.

Taking my husband to the hospital after he filed for divorce behind my back and then taking care of him afterward = me trying to get a better settlement out of him.

Changing my mind on something = hypocrisy.

His unfriending his sisters on Facebook = I can’t stand to hear that I am wrong and will give up my sisters to prove my point.

His being married 4 times = he made the wrong choices and did nothing wrong.

Having a female coworker as his best friend instead of his wife = this woman means more to me than you do.

Direct depositing my own money into my own account = stealing.

Going away for a family wedding and not staying at the hotel with the family because he SWORE I was there = paranoia. I was in another state the entire time.

Not doing things exactly the way he would = me being wrong.

Not liking being controlled by him his female coworker = me being wrong.

Me wanting sex once a week = me being a nymphomaniac.

Me buying a sandwich for lunch = me overspending.

Me loving my husband, washing his clothes, cleaning his house, cooking his meals, being supportive in all aspects of his life = I am beneath him and him not having the ability to show how appreciative he is.

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321 Comments on "LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: How sociopaths twist words and actions"

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The comments are still not loading correctly or perhaps it is my computer? I don’t think so, but…are you still working on it? Thanks for your help.

guys can i write a blog or story? anyway yes, the 2 days i spent with one and hypocrisy was rife. she was an older female of 37, and would pick on my looks whilst in an intimate position, would shout and get angry when i was tired because she wanted sex, ”i want you inside me” she said, then i did not feel comfortable, she belittled me ‘are you 16” ”are you chinese” ”i guess guys dont moan” ”i dont want to get sent to jail and fingered by butch lesbians”, but she would talk about weird borderline illegal activities she had done with girls. spent a whole day talking about her perverted sexual exploits. i was obviously confused by all this garbage been fed but i was away from home, and we had agreed to meet for ages, well she pursued me for ages online, charming as ever and doing nothing out of the ordinary till we met, she would also stay stuff like are you in the SAS or u should join the army, she thought i was unbreakable or something, but i could feel it and it hurt, i just did not show it. also she talked about her previous harmful relationships, she was of course the victim but i know now she most definitely was the abuser. anyway later on we talked online i was still reeling but was a bit hooked, then she would deny what she said, or just say i was not open minded enough and told me to grow up. ”i thought i saw a kindred spirit in you, but obviously i am wrong to trust another crazy guy like you” yes i am too blame?? because i questioned her. always tried to 1 up me at every opportunity when i was telling her about myself. there is a lot more if anyone wants to hear it just pm me.

Recovered what you describe here sounds closer to sexual and emotional abuse than a consentual relationship. The internet is a potentially very dangerous environment to form sexual relationships and you should never meet someone in a place you can’t get away quickly and a place which is not public or far from home. There are many disordered people who use the internet to find targets for abuse and this can be physical emotional sexual abuse and other abusers of trust such as defrauding you of money. We all need to be very aware of this anew behave online in cautious and self protecting ways. I’m sorry to read of your experience with this very unpleasant and exploitative sounding person. Take care.

thanks very much tea light, and i will definitely not be meeting anyone from the internet again that’s for sure.


just saw your writing tonight and wanted to say how beautifully written it was and how it deeply spoke to me to your own experience….saw myself in the words…sad now….but still here…
getting stronger by the day.
thanks again for the wisdom in words it truely touches souls.

Glad you’ve decided against using internet sites to find love.The best way to get to know someone is face-to-face,and taking your time.
If they try to rush the relationship,that’s not a good sign.Could just be a sign of immaturity,but get to know the red flags of dating!
Don’t date someone who doesn’t respect your feelings!Someone mentioned here in one of their posts that one should look at a date and consider if that person would be good enough for your friend.If not,they’re not good enough for you!

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