By | March 15, 2013 33 Comments

Murder from both sides

Jessica Witt, right, was murdered in 1992 by Patrick Alexander.

If you’ve been visiting Lovefraud for awhile, you probably know that Lovefraud author and member Joyce Alexander, who comments as “Ox Drover,” is protesting the parole of her son, Patrick Alexander.

Patrick Alexander was convicted of murdering 17-year-old Jessica Witt in January, 1992. Then, in 2007, while still in prison, Patrick sent a man to kill his mother, Joyce. She believes that if Patrick were paroled, he would come after her again.

Joyce has expressed the sorrow that she feels for the family of Jessica Witt, whose life her son ended. Now we can understand what that family endured. Jessica Witt’s aunt, MaryHellen Cuellar, has posted about the experience on a website called “Story of My Life.” It is truly heartbreaking.

On behalf of Lovefraud, I send our sincere condolences to the family of Jessica Witt. No one should have to experience such a tragedy.

“Jessica’s Story” by MaryHelen Cuellar, on



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Donna, thank you for posting this terrible recollection.

I had a difficult time reading this for a couple of reasons. The post, itself, had no paragraphs and it was probably due to the server-host parameters.

Then, the realization that this poor aunt was speaking about her loss and the loss of a human being because of the actions of another human being. It wasn’t some random natural disaster that took this young woman’s life, but a premeditated and deliberate act.

Then, I associated Joyce’s experiences to how this article might cause her to feel even more pain – she has experienced what NO parent ever should, and she’s worked tirelessly and feverishly to accept and recover from her experiences.

I just really don’t know how to respond to this article, on any level – I’m feeling a rush of emotions that I’m unable to sort out, right now.


Truthspeak, I agree. I have read many postings from OxDrover which have helped me immensely. she has had to and has overcome so many hardships. The continual pain and betray is heartbreaking-

I was just on another site looking for help and guidance into psychopathy and was HORRIFIED!!! It was a forum of psychopaths! They have their own “support” groups and I have to say that I felt even more upset after reading their own words. In this particular blog they were referring to the test by Hare and how each rated themselves. Reading their own rankings using the assessment and the reasonings behind giving themselves the numbers they earned- OMG FRIGHTENING.


Ox Drover

Discovering, if you would like to HELP KEEP PATRICK IN JAIL, you can still send a letter to the parole board…. here is the link to the article Donna put up with the instructions on how to address the letter and where to send it (my attorney) ANY letter will be a help, the more the better.

I had in the past Googled Jessica’s name and nothing came up. I DID find one article from the Dallas Morning News archives which I had to pay to get to see, and then on the 20th anniversary of Jessica’s death there was a paid memorial notice in the obits section of DMN saying how her mother still cried for her every day. Then the other night I decided to google it again and this story came up and I about shiat when I read it. I cried and I cried. I had imagined the pain the family must have felt, and God knows I felt my own pain that MY SON had by his own CHOICE “lost” his own life too. This article brought the family’s pain–not only her parents’ pain, but the pain of the rest of the family as well. I had heard rumors that her grandfather had died not long after Jessica, but this article told me WHY he died.

There IS a real syndrome known as the “broken heart syndrome” where people ACTUALLY DIE of a “broken heart” I just read a medical research article the other day explaining how this happens medically, and after reading her aunt’s story I honestly believe that is how Jessica’s grandfather died

Jessica was “rebellious” and did quit school and move out on her own to have some “fun” that staying in school and living at home would not have provided her, but she had NO IDEAL what she was dealing with where Patrick was concerned. That attraction so many young people have for the “bad boy/girl” and the “fast lane” life style lures so many young people into big trouble. But Jessica did NOT deserve to die for being naive.

God knows I was a rebellious teenager in the 1960s after excitement and ran with some “bad boys” and could easily have been found dead somewhere, but some how I survived, returned to sanity and lived what most folks would say is a “normal” life trying to raise my kids, work productively and contribute to society. Jessica didn’t get the chance to grow up.

I didn’t know until I read her aunt’s story that Jessica was an only child.

Her aunt’s story did answer me one question though….as his trial approached, Patriick requested we send him a suit and tie to wear to the triial instead of jail clothes. We did.

He told us the DATE the trial would start and we had all planned to go down for the trial, but then about a week BEFORE the date of the “planned” trial, he called and said it was OVER.

I called his attorney who told me the evidence presented at trial, and II knew then he was WITHOUT A DOUBT GUILTY and figured he didn’t want us to HEAR THE EVIDENCE (he was still claiming to us that he was INNOCENT) The aunt said his “defense” was his pitiful abused childhood…LOL ROTFLMAO Yea he was “abused”—I made him learn how to clean house, cook, wash clothes and fix cars, learn to fly an airplane, learn to work on an airplane, ride his horse, take care of his cats and dogs and other pets…yep, I was mean to him, and I spanked him twice that I can remember….once when he was four or so for trying to play with a gun, and then when he was 11 or stealing and lying about it after being presented with evidence that he had done it….and oh, yea, I forced him to go to a private school because he was bored in public school, and borrowed the money because I couldn’t afford the tuition, because he needed the extra education the public schools where we lived didn’t provide brighter than average kids.

And oh, I also made him travel the US in the summer times, living in a tent and fishing and going to museums and the grand canyon. Yep, he was really really abused, poor darling….

Actually, when he first started robbing on a felony level, I did turn him in to the police….Just like Jessica did. So I guess I DID abuse him and betray him, poor darling. And worst of all, I protested his parole and stopped sending commissary money. Gosh, I’m gonna have to reassess my parenting with this new information. No wonder he didn’t want his family there at the trial. I guess my biggest regret is I didn’t find out for myself the date of the trial instead of taking his word for it.


OxD, oh, god……..((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))) I am so, so, so sorry for you, dear heart. Jessica’s family had support because she had been murdered – as they SHOULD have had support through that tragedy.

You, on the other hand, had no one to extend even a tenuous hand of support. You had to experience what NO parent ever, ever, EVER wants to.

Discovery, write a letter to keep Patrick in prison where he belongs. It wont’ take a minute.

Brightest and most supportive blessings


I think everyone on this site should write a letter-

I especially feel this since, as I mentioned earlier, I had been on a site that was definetly psycho friendly. These postings were the real deal- scared the %$#* out of me and sent me into a serious set back.

I’ve been reading and reaching out to all of my support people since that accidental encounter.

I am a level headed person,(unemployed) teacher and mother – always considered myself strong. But that spath blog, and yourstory and what you have gone through OxD have just about ruined my belief in human “kind”.

I also wanted to mention the other thread that has been posted that seemed to contain inappropriate content- please encourage it to be removed. It does not seem legit to me.

Tea Light

Oxy, I’m so sorry for what you’ve lived through. It would break many of us. Love to you, I’m writing a letter and hope your efforts result in his continuing incarceration.

Ox Drover

TL, Truthy and Discovering, I appreciate your comments and your empathy, it has been a long hard road, and unfortunately I made it much harder for myself by staying “supportive” of my psychopathic son even though I “should have been wiser” as a mental health professional. When I came to LF and found Dr. Leedom’s story I knew I was in a place that would help me and that I was not stupid, just human.

I actually think the mothers and fathers here who are trying to co-parent with a P and wondering if their baby is going to turn out like the P parent. Having to let Jr. “visit” with the P, endless court battles…at least I know what mine is and have finally accepted it.

Discovering, WHAT other thread?



I was referring to the comments by Rov77 on the thread titled; relationships after the sociopath


Discovering, when Joyce first put the word out asking for support to protest Patrick’s parole, my feeling was this: how many times have we, as survivors of spaths/ppaths, felt and believed that we were POWERLESS and HELPLESS to affect some type of accountability or consequence?

For me, writing a letter of protest was my personal opportunity to actually “DO” something. I still believe this, with my heart of hearts. Supporting Joyce’s efforts only takes a few moments and the cost of a stamp. But, it’s the opportunity to actually become involved in something when, before, any protests fell onto deaf ears (custody/visitation hearings).

So, yeah…….it’s a chance to actually do something.

Brightest blessings


Truthspeak- Yup, letter’s getting sent tomorrow-

Best to you OxDrover- You’re a strong woman who has inspired many here. It’s our turn to support you-let’s get those letters out!

Ox Drover

Thank you Discovering, and BTW when you find something offensive here at LF (and I agree that those GRAPHIC descriptions of rape were not necessary and would be triggering) use the “report abusive comment” link and let Donna know. SHE WILL take you seriously.

Donna can’t be here 24.7 so it is up to US to watch and keep LF a safe and supportive place.

It was so sad to read Jessica’s story as written by her aunt.I was glad they received the support they got.It was also sad to read of how Jessica’s grandfather died.But I couldn’t help but think of you as I was reading.Patrick destroyed TWO families.((( Hugs )))

Ox Drover

Blossom, yes he did and in reality he killed himself at the same time, only he doesn’t even realize it. He is so arrogant, believe it or not, that he thinks he is a BIG SUCCESS. Maybe in the prison he is a “success” in that he puts one over on the guards, but in the first 15 years he was in, he got slammed into solitary 19 times, and transferred to another prison several times.

I still find out new things about him from time to time, like the story about Jessica told me what “defense” he used, and I think he is so arrogant that he actually thought it would work. LOL

The arrogance he has is beyond belief…he is almost a clone of my P sperm donor–except he at least got away with the murders he did.

I am just grateful to God that I am alive to protest his release and knowing that Jessica’s family IS PROTESTING and will continue to protest as long as there is a member of the family left alive, as will my sons and I will protest as long as we live. He most likely WILL get out at some time, my attorney says when he gets too old and sick that his medical bills are high enough that the prison system doesn’t want to pay them any more but hopefully by then he will no longer be a danger to us.

Until yesterday when I found that story I had no way of knowing that her family was protesting because the parole process is secret on who testifies or writes letters. There is no way anyone, especially Patrick, can find out. I pray that Jessica’s family finds peace and that Patrick breathes his last in prison.


Ox Drover,

I’m so sorry for you to have to relive this over and over- it truly will never be over for you. I feel the same right now with my spath wanting to poison and stalk me. Scary stuff to have to deal with.

No wonder you have so much insight and knowledge to share with others- it is a reflection of the immense amount of pain you have had to heal from- I’m sorry about that.

I hope that you get the results you need from the parole board- you’ll be in my prayers.


I will write as well.

I found this video which is now my new favorite band. but the video is very affecting. Five sailers meet with an (i would say) an angel who follows them on a perilous journey through a dangerous world. Here there are terrible monsters and they struggle along and the angels fights along with them as they navigate through the dangers of a fearsome world.

they fall thrugh ice and more monsters and drown but the sky opens up and a magnificent great creature, i would still say an angel (because really, who says angels look like men with wings anyway? they’ve been described as magnificant looking. i think it’s vanity of men that made them all look like humans but with wings. anyway the sailors look up in awe and are raised up into the sky and the great ox like beautiful angel spreads its wings and raises them all up to heaven… anyway that’s how i interpreted it.

Of Monsters and Men Little Talks:

i need to visualize something to “feel” the story of the family, it’s the way i learn to take things into myself… the lyrics sings of loss and reunion…

“…You’re gone, gone, gone away,
I watched you disappear.
All that’s left is a ghost of you.
Now we’re torn, torn, torn apart,
there’s nothing we can do,
Just let me go, we’ll meet again soon…”

Mincheff Joyce

From one Joyce to another-

Our names aren’t all we have in common. We both had psychopathic mates and psychopathic sons.

I consider myself fortunate that mine just lies, steals, is heartless and cruel.

I knew exactly what you felt in your comment about spanking your son. I took a belt to mine once. I was so desperate to find a solution for his deplorable behavior, I did what I’d promised myself I’d never do. He was too big and I was too small for it to have any affect. He laughed……and he never let me forget it! I was that horrid, terrible mother

I saw an episode of Southland a couple of months back. A little boy called the police because his mother spanked him with a strap. The officer asked the mother, “What did he do?” Then he told her, “If he ever does it again, call me!” Then he turned to the little boy and said, “You should be thankful that your mother loves you enough to spank you.”

Where was that officer when we were bringing up our boys?

I’ve written a book that I’ll be releasing soon about my journey along a predator’s path. I have a few poems in it and wanted to share this one with you…

On Being a Mother

You storm, my son, and scream contempt, so this I say to you,
I hope that you can understand, and know each word is true:

I’m not a perfect person, there was no perfect plan.
And you were hardly perfect, love, but I did all I can.

The closest to apology, the best you’ll get from me,
For being there, for molding you, to the man you ought to be.

For I was foe to alcohol, to stealing and to drugs,
I stayed your side and through it all, I never held back hugs.

The right, the wrong, there was no guide, there was no path sublime.
No matter what the mountain holds, there’s loads of steep decline.

All mothers are just people who, came in this life like you.
And pray God gives us wisdom to do the best that we can do.

The saddest part of having a disordered child is that we need to accept that their moral reasoning is unlikely to ever develop, and that there is nothing that we can do about it. Hopefully, through this website and recent literature, parents will comprehend how to spot the signs of low empathy in a child and attempt interventions early enough to develop that skill.

Your contributions on this site help to curb the spread of psychopathy. By disclosing the perils of association with psychopaths and sociopaths, you help others recover or develop the awareness that can keep them from harm.

My letter goes in the mail tomorrow.

Yours truly,
Joyce Mincheff


This video had an unknown and open ending. It’s hopeful but ends sad. because its still unresolved.. One escaped and another didn’t make it.

I thought of Onebody’s post in another thread about being separated from her children. I needed to internalize that feeling of loss somehow. Another Aspie once wrote that it’s our/as in (us aspies) responsibility to make a deliberate effort of the mind and of the will to identify with other people, until we see things as they see them, and feel things as they feel them. This is empathy in the literal sense of the word, he says,: Empathy is derived from two Greek words, en, which means in, and paschein which means to experience or to suffer. Empathy means experiencing things in other people, literally going through what they are going through as if we were them going through it ourselves…”

The ending of the video stung but it got to me. But i was able to take that feeling of loss into myself and the limbo of things as of yet unresolved… that sense of still waiting for that reunion that some still have to wait for… idk it’s the best way i can feel something and take it into myself. i have to visualize it and become that person. i don’t know how you guys will take it but i feel this video is a lovely magical piece of visual story telling…

I love this icelandic group and the lyrics are also very affecting.

King and Lionheart by Of Monsters and Men

Ox Drover

Thank you Joyce, for your understanding and your poem, I’m also a “poet” of sorts and have written many for my children.

The sorrow at losing a child to death is horrible, I lost a step son to a car wreck and a foster son to suicide (many years after e left my care) but to lose one to the prison door, and realize that he still BLAMES ME that he killed Jessica.

Now I can almost laugh about him claiming abuse, but you know, I half think he half BELIEVES his lies about being abused.


Dear Oxy, dearest heart: As a mother of an only son that is “not normal”… my heart-felt empathies are for you, Jessica, her family as well. As a mother, i have tried to put myself in your stead, how i would feel, and that is difficult beyond what i am able to imagine. If Patrick wete my son, i too, would fight to my last breath to see to it that he stays beyond the light of day. I cant say, i know this must be difficult, because i cant imagine. Thank you for your heart of conpassion, that you have remained here at LF, and that out of your pain and heartache, you bring and give healing and hope to sooooo many. Bless you, dearest heart… Sincerely, Radar <3


I don’t understand why they didn’t let the aunt who was closest to her know that she had moved out of her home and into an apt. Why the hell didn’t they tell her? She MAYBE could have talked some sense into her. Not to blame or anything..just..jezus!

Oxy, I cried too when I read this. YOU are not to blame. Patrick even lied about when his trial would be because he knew he was guilty. Lawyer was a con too. set Patrick up to say this so you wouldnt’ be in court to counteract…the mother is not there to defend herself. What a scum that lawyer was..Oh, well he got convicted nevertheless.

I’m glad I wrote a letter for you. It’s funny…I was expecting a letter from your lawyer saying: thank you for your protest letter, LOLOL! can we say duh???

Ox Drover

Dear Ana,

At the low (almost pro bono) price this great attorney is charging me for handling my case, I doubt that he is going to be able to do that…this guy though is THE TOP Parole attorney in Texas and apparerntly he has received 100s of letters of protest from not only LF bloggers but from the Citizens Against Homicide group, Parents of Murdered Children and other groups that I have approached about writing letters so I am sure it would have been impossible for him to send individual thank you letters. This attorney GETS what a psychopath is and refuses to work FOR one’s parole.

I am THRILLED to know that Jessica’s family are fighting the paroles as they are the ONLY group allowed by law to SPEAK in person before the board.

I do VERY MUCH APPRECIATE every letter that has been sent by every person and though I do not at this point have the name and address of everyone who has sent a letter when the final parole packet is prepared I will have and II will personally thank every person who wrote.

For quite a while there I allowed myself to slip back into the TERROR mode….NC is so important but I felt and still feel that I had to break it in order to fight him possibly getting out for both my own safety and that f my other sons. But believe me, it TOOK A TOLL on me mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically.

The support that Donna and the LF community has given me has helped me survive.

It is “odd” but people I have known well, that knew patrick all his life and know my life may depend on him staying in prison, people I considered CLOSE friends refused to write letters. Out of fear? I don’t know why, but it got to the point I had to quit asking people because I could not stand the pain of being turned down by “friends.”

Some of the best and most heartfelt letters I have are written by hand on notebook paper. I pray for Jessica’s family and I pray thanks to God for my lovefraud friends and supporters.

My egg donor hired Patrick an attorney for his parole hearing. He had a public defender for his trial because I refused to spend the tens of thousands of dollars to hire him an attorney
for any of his crimes.


Please come to Boston, I swear I don’t have six fingers.

Ox Drover

Ana, my step father was born with 6 fingers and his mother had 6 as well, but she had the doctor snip them off the day he was born. It is apparently a dominant gene. LOL

I would love to come to Boston and lots of other places as well, but unfortunately early retirement and the expenses of hiding from the man patrick sent to kill me have left me without the financial ability to travel like I had planned to do after I retired. I’m fortunate to have a paid for roof over my head and plenty to eat and wear, but travel is pretty well off the table. I tried to get Donna to have a LF convention here in Arkansas which is centrally located but she hasn’t taken me up on my offer. Maybe some day there will be a LF convention and we can all meet each other. Unfortunately I think there ate a lot of us who have been left poor by the Ps in our lives.


OxD, no parent wants to ever be in your shoes, or the shoes of others who have been convicted of terrible crimes. Taking the leap into the Land Where Denial Is Not Allowed is a courageous and, often, lonely place to go.

I’m grateful that the terror and the anxiety has somewhat abated for you. I’ve experienced my own anxiety, and I cannot imagine how it has been for you.

Brightest and most supportive blessings


I’m glad you are feeling a bit better.

I was refering to Boston Harbor Jones, the man with six fingers in the book you recommended!

I’ll keep praying for you. Happy St. Paddy’s Day!


i’m sorry about what you are going through. i sympathize but i am unable to attempt to process and internalize it quite yet. it’s just too much and i do other things and when i come back on to LF all the posts are too overwhelming. Most of the time i’m completely clueless as to what people are saying or how to respond. thankfully there are others that can say more supportive things and even relate to what you are going through, than i can begin to fathom… that in itself is sad as well. but it’s too much for me to internalize… little by little.

because of the bullying aspects that autistics in particular are having a great problem of, i can maybe ask one of the many groups i belong to in that arena to see if maybe folks can meet up at a autism convention/conference???

one great fear parents of autistics have is how to protect their loved ones. Autistics are even more naive than the regular population. speaking on maybe how to keep them safe?? a talk at one of our very many conventions maybe? there isn’t a state i don’t think that doesn’t hold an autism conference. and safety and the dangers of the world is something i know parents with autistic kids are worried about.

right now my wife got a job at Lowes watering plants at the garden center for 4 hours a day. And i’m a wreck about it. babysitting/stalking her outside the store worried to death about her out there in the world even though she is there at 6am when hardly anyone is there and gone by the time it gets busy.

i wish with everything i’ve got that they will let her go, Maybe find a person with down syndrome to hire to feel good about themselves and all that giving back to the community and looking for something inspirational somewhere/someone else and my wife be safe and sound at home. but nope. they gave her an employee of the month plaque and i’m like imploring at the store manager that he is killing me. but my problems are so mild by comparison i feel ashamed just voicing it. doesn’t make me anyless anxious though.

Anyhow in our next asperger group i’ll mention it. in many of these conferences travel is covered to speakers. but it will have to be more autistic centered though. how to keep children/adults with autism and other disabilites safe from the dangers of the world. Too many in our population are victims of bullying… it’s a big problem. autistic children and others amongst them down syndrome and more grow up to become adults and do suffer a lot of abuse…

A simply great song by Philip Philips Home:

and Making Our way Video

Ox Drover

Ana, OMG,, I had forgotten about you reading those books! Those 3 books are my favorite books in the world! Every time I run across some in a used bk store I get them and when I have accumulated a set f all 3 I give them to some one I think will enjoy them.

They make me laugh and cry by turns.

Yea, I am feeling quite a bit better and am out of the TERROR zone again.

Just finding this article by Jessica’s aunt made me both sad at their pain, but also glad that they are heavily protesting his release.

Ox Drover

Abelrising, anxiety and pain and worry about those we love is a natural feeling. VERY NORMAL. Okay? So your concern for your wife is perfectly normal, the same time, you must allow HER TO GROW and accomplish things on her own. So I’m gonna tell you to “get over it” and quit hovering over her like an over-concerned mother. Allow her this wonderful opportunity to feel useful and able. Everyone of us worries about our kids being bullied or hurt when we send them off alone to school but if we kept them home “safe” all day they would never learn and grow. So calm down and quit worrying so much. (((hugs)))

Try not to be too anxious about your wife.I do understand your concern for her safety.At the same time,she does need to feel a sense of helping out with finances;even if it just means she doesn’t have to ask you for an allowance.But it’s good to know that you’re keeping a ‘close eye’ just to make sure she’s ok.

I was just thinking about your comment that you wish the store would ‘let your wife go’ and hire someone,say with Down’s syndrome.But what would that do to her self-esteem?!I’m sure management and other employees keep an eye on her.The job could increase her confidence!

Tea Light

Abelrising your posts have been a source of comfort and support to me this past 2 weeks, in particular your advice to another poster to go to the place within where God resides, where there is no time or space, where you can be fortified to face the world again. And your quote from Carl Sagan about humility and elation in the face of the grandeur of the universe equating spirituality. Thank you. You show great compassion to this community. I worry about my aspie friend’s social naivete. But sometimes it works miracles. For example he and his young brother were walking late one night to the subway in the city they live in in France. They were very aggressively accosted by a would be mugger. My aspie friend just told the mugger why his behaviour was unfair and unreasonable, and the mugger let them go!!



I love the “Little Talks” song by Of Monsters and Men. Love the words. It’s been one of my favorites for months now.

Tea Light

Well if Lou and Abelrising like them, I’m going to check them out…

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