Editor’s note: The following was written by the Lovefraud reader “Rochelle.”
As part of the problem with my particular sociopath, the way they interpret behaviors is not like the rest of us. I have a list of examples:
What you do or say and what the sociopath hears
Expressing an opinion or feeling = ranting and anger issues.
Getting angry when he belittles and talks down to me = raging and anger issues.
Doing things for my husband and stepdaughter = I must have an ulterior motive.
Saying I like something in a shop window or magazine = me trying to manipulate him into buying me something.
Crying because I am hurting = drama queen.
Me asking him not to bring up a topic while out with friends = me being controlling.
Taking my husband to the hospital after he filed for divorce behind my back and then taking care of him afterward = me trying to get a better settlement out of him.
Changing my mind on something = hypocrisy.
His unfriending his sisters on Facebook = I can’t stand to hear that I am wrong and will give up my sisters to prove my point.
His being married 4 times = he made the wrong choices and did nothing wrong.
Having a female coworker as his best friend instead of his wife = this woman means more to me than you do.
Direct depositing my own money into my own account = stealing.
Going away for a family wedding and not staying at the hotel with the family because he SWORE I was there = paranoia. I was in another state the entire time.
Not doing things exactly the way he would = me being wrong.
Not liking being controlled by him his female coworker = me being wrong.
Me wanting sex once a week = me being a nymphomaniac.
Me buying a sandwich for lunch = me overspending.
Me loving my husband, washing his clothes, cleaning his house, cooking his meals, being supportive in all aspects of his life = I am beneath him and him not having the ability to show how appreciative he is.
Truthspeak
Rochelle, thank you for putting this sad-but-true list down for yourself, and others.
Spaths judge the “motives” of all others using their own warped yardsticks. Because they do not have empathy, a conscience, or remorse, they cannot conceive of any other human being that does NOT maintain the same motives that they do. They are simply incapable of processing a loving act as a loving act: there MUST be an agenda because they, themselves, do NOTHING without having an agenda.
Brightest blessings to you, and thank you for this
Ox Drover
Rochelle, yea, they don’t speak the same language we do! It is like translatiing Greek into English or English into Greek to understand what they mean by what they say!
Great artiicle!
Radar_On
Thanks Rochelle for your input, i’m sure each one of us can add to this list! Best wishes to you!
Truthspeak
OxD, it’s more like translating African Bush Pigmy into Klingon…..worlds apart!
EDIT ADD: (snort, cackle, guffaw) I have to add that Bush Pigmy sounds an awful lot like Klingon, but there are more clicks and pops. WHY DID I EVEN TYPE THAT?! LMAO!!
breezesmother
This is true !
MiLo
Here is a couple gems from the spath daughter.
I won’t be able to make my visitation with my son because I’ll be out of town, working on losing weight = JAIL
I’ve found a new place to live, I have a remarkable view, close to the main highway, plenty of windows, utilities included = I AM LIVING IN MY CAR
Someone stole my purse with my ID and checkbook in it = I WAS JUST ARRESTED FOR WRITING $3,000 WORTH OF CHECKS TO WALMART ON A CLOSED ACCOUNT
I’m pregnant, the father is wonderful, I can’t wait for you to meet him in the future = 8 YEARS LATER AFTER HIS RELEASE FROM PRISON
Yep, group all true statements
Ox Drover
Milo, tell’em about the business ventures she has had!!! LOL
bluejay
MiLo,
The lies that come out of these creatures mouths are non-stop. I recently learned that the spath (when he was on the run from the law) ended up at a commune, hiding out there. While I was worried about my kids, trying to hold it together (emotionally and other ways), the spath was with some guy (I suspect a boyfriend), living in a commune. He had a companion while he was gone, to keep him company. I still don’t know all the facts, but I recently learned this truth. The beauty is that we learned that the spath expressed an interest in permanently living at the commune (he really didn’t want to live there long-term, it was a ruse, in my opinion) and the commune rejected him (for various reasons). How hard is it to have a commune reject you? I bring this up because I remember after the spath went missing (and had mailed a letter to us, stating how he had lost 25 lbs., me imagining him, homeless, eating out of trash cans), you told me about your daughter, going MIA and being found living in a nice apartment. Spaths know how to take care of themselves, even if they are living on the streets. Never again will I be pulled into caring about a spath, getting all worked up.
Tea Light
Abuser: “Don’t be sad. I like it when you are happy. I like you when you laugh” = your role is to reflect to me my own false self, which is charming, virile, irresistable and flawless. If you express any fear, anxiety,disappointment or criticism of me in the face of my lying to you, misleading you, and emotionally and sexually abusing you, you will be punished with icy silence, and whatever else I think might bring you into line. So start performing happy, or else.
breezesmother
Good comment Tea Light