Editor’s note: The following was written by the Lovefraud reader “Rochelle.”
As part of the problem with my particular sociopath, the way they interpret behaviors is not like the rest of us. I have a list of examples:
What you do or say and what the sociopath hears
Expressing an opinion or feeling = ranting and anger issues.
Getting angry when he belittles and talks down to me = raging and anger issues.
Doing things for my husband and stepdaughter = I must have an ulterior motive.
Saying I like something in a shop window or magazine = me trying to manipulate him into buying me something.
Crying because I am hurting = drama queen.
Me asking him not to bring up a topic while out with friends = me being controlling.
Taking my husband to the hospital after he filed for divorce behind my back and then taking care of him afterward = me trying to get a better settlement out of him.
Changing my mind on something = hypocrisy.
His unfriending his sisters on Facebook = I can’t stand to hear that I am wrong and will give up my sisters to prove my point.
His being married 4 times = he made the wrong choices and did nothing wrong.
Having a female coworker as his best friend instead of his wife = this woman means more to me than you do.
Direct depositing my own money into my own account = stealing.
Going away for a family wedding and not staying at the hotel with the family because he SWORE I was there = paranoia. I was in another state the entire time.
Not doing things exactly the way he would = me being wrong.
Not liking being controlled by him his female coworker = me being wrong.
Me wanting sex once a week = me being a nymphomaniac.
Me buying a sandwich for lunch = me overspending.
Me loving my husband, washing his clothes, cleaning his house, cooking his meals, being supportive in all aspects of his life = I am beneath him and him not having the ability to show how appreciative he is.
Blue, what is it about their obsession with sex? Nutjob went banging on (pardon the pun) about a threesome, I decided to call his bluff and say ok, but it has to be with another man! He only said yes – lol! I had to do a fair amount of back pedalling to get out of that one!
I love the idea of a spath joke book – we have enough material here to make a good start!
Nutjob – Hello ‘you’ = I can’t quite recall your name right now!
Nutjob – Hello Gorgeous = If I call you all ‘gorgeous’ I won’t have to go to the bother of remembering your names 🙂
Lifegoeson, “sex” is just another activity, albeit an important in-road to targets. Because spaths do not feel ANY emotional connection to their targets, they do not bond with them. And, although sex is a powerful connector in healthy relationships, it’s simply just another bodily function in the World Of Spath. That’s why deviance is so rampant – they require more and more elevated stimulation to get off. It’s not the LOVE or SHARING but the TAKING and OBJECTIFYING that stimulates them.
Yeah, a spathspeak book would be hilarious, I imagine.
OMG. “Hello Gorgeous” is my xpath’s trademark.
How about:
I wish you were more adventurous = why can’t you do the same s**t I watch in all those porn videos because I can’t perform otherwise.
I’m sorry for the demise of our marriage = any chance you could keep pretending to be the good wife/mother front for my sick affairs cause I liked the house and life we had and occasionally playing with the kids if they didn’t interfere with my wants…what, my mom did it.
Spath: (at a counseling apt, and I can’t believe he actually said this out loud in response to her asking “so what exactly IS The sexual “issue” you were fighting about”?). Spath…..Well, I haven’t been able to bring Dorothy to orgasm. = I can’t be bothered to get off my back, with Dorothy’s hand or mouth, or my hand, on MY co-k, for longer than 30 seconds and she is so sexually retarded that she refuses to spontaneously burst into orgasm at the mere mention of the word sex. It’s all very confusing and very frustrating to me that she says she would like me to make LOVE to her when I clearly recall telling her that I see sex and love as two different things, both being things I expect to receive freely from my partner while giving as little in return as possible.
Oh, and didn’t he ream me up the a– DAYS after the appointment ( when once again he needed something to throw back at me to deflect some issue we were “discussing” about HIM) because I made the councilor so uncomfortable that she had to ask the question which embarrassed him greatly.
Dorothy2,
OMG…OMG…my spath ..yours…one in same? I was told that I was too much trouble and effort to bring to orgasm! (applying 180rule, early on, I was told he loved pleasing me in bed)…fast forward 6 months, now I am a pain in the ass b/c I need more than bang-bang for 10seconds to O. I was told I was inferior, something wrong with me!!! Even more IDENTICAL, …he told me sex and love are totally unrelated for him. He even lost the ability to perform, finish act, when I whispered to him”i love you” once during sex. Big no-no with him. Oh, why did I stay????
I am sure above post is right, sex is nothing but a bodily function to them….so sick that I let lucifer into my body….feel poisoned. I can honestly see myself being celibate now…something I thought I could never do.
Blue
Oh…..Blue…..yes, sex and taking a sh-t are both just something that needs to be done. Taking a sh-t must be dreadfully tedious for them, its soooo boring and predictable. A mundane task at best. No visual stimuli, no videos…..just a blank wall to stare at. That must be why men are so fond of “reading material” in the potty. Something to keep them entertained during the process!!
Yes Blue……he, when I had finished HIM, would ask……what about you?
Um…………….. :shock:………………tapping fingers……………..drumming fingers…………..holding breath…………….wait for it………………
Spath: Well, I’m going out for a smoke, wanna join me? = I’m sorry your time has expired and it would require me to actually give a sh-t about your pleasure and I’d really rather have a cigarette now….
OMG
When I met the nutjob he said that giving his woman pleasure was what gave him pleasure! LOL nothing could’ve been further from the truth! He was the laziest lover I’ve ever had, I had to do all the work!! He had some pretty weird ideas about what was supposed to give me pleasure for starters, but he was completely selfish. Oh god it really makes me sick that I went to bed with that pervert! He could do nothing without viagra and expect me to feel sorry for him as when he was on his own he had to take one to have a w*nk. Lol he couldn’t even get it up for that! I still don’t get why he had to take one for that if he didn’t even have the desire – as I said before, he was a weirdo!
Lifegoeson,,,,,,they are weirdos straight across the board. I honestly think that is how we get trapped. They do their Spath weirdo thing and transport us into the land of WTF. Once there, everything about this foreign land is covered in Spath slime like we have never learned to negotiate before so while we are slipping all over the place scratching our heads and mending our LATEST wound, they are saying their empty incantations of supposed love, adoration, and devotion. It intoxicates us and puts a part of us to an infantile sleep where we grow weak and needy and eager to please. The hate us for what they have done to us, the creature they have created barely resembles the toy they originally picked out at the store. It’s broken so they throw it in the yard and go shopping for a replacement.
Lifegoeson….ah yes….the old….” I get more pleasure out of giving a woman pleasure than I do getting pleasure” line. Spath x didn’t use that one, ill give him that. But that is such a common guy thing to say…..
I’m thinking you shouldn’t HAVE to say it?