Editor’s note: The following was written by the Lovefraud reader “Rochelle.”
As part of the problem with my particular sociopath, the way they interpret behaviors is not like the rest of us. I have a list of examples:
What you do or say and what the sociopath hears
Expressing an opinion or feeling = ranting and anger issues.
Getting angry when he belittles and talks down to me = raging and anger issues.
Doing things for my husband and stepdaughter = I must have an ulterior motive.
Saying I like something in a shop window or magazine = me trying to manipulate him into buying me something.
Crying because I am hurting = drama queen.
Me asking him not to bring up a topic while out with friends = me being controlling.
Taking my husband to the hospital after he filed for divorce behind my back and then taking care of him afterward = me trying to get a better settlement out of him.
Changing my mind on something = hypocrisy.
His unfriending his sisters on Facebook = I can’t stand to hear that I am wrong and will give up my sisters to prove my point.
His being married 4 times = he made the wrong choices and did nothing wrong.
Having a female coworker as his best friend instead of his wife = this woman means more to me than you do.
Direct depositing my own money into my own account = stealing.
Going away for a family wedding and not staying at the hotel with the family because he SWORE I was there = paranoia. I was in another state the entire time.
Not doing things exactly the way he would = me being wrong.
Not liking being controlled by him his female coworker = me being wrong.
Me wanting sex once a week = me being a nymphomaniac.
Me buying a sandwich for lunch = me overspending.
Me loving my husband, washing his clothes, cleaning his house, cooking his meals, being supportive in all aspects of his life = I am beneath him and him not having the ability to show how appreciative he is.
Blossom, are you and spathole members of the same congregation? Humm, maybe he will use it to “his” advantage? Hummm. Curious…
Thanks for asking dotty I am under a lot of work stress so had a panic attack this afternoon, which led to the valium bottle, which annoyed me as I want to be off the valium, the goal was to stop them by end of January. But there we are. Thinking here about why humour can be so empowering a weapon against horrible people. Thinking of Charlie Chaplin in The Great Dictator, satirising Hitler as a prancing fool playing with an inflated globe, we can laugh at the pitiful megalomania without the satire in anyway detracting from the horror perpetrated by the actual Hitler. Sometimes shared humour reminds us of our collective humanity and decency and their outlandish pitiful ‘otherness’ as abelrising puts it. Laughing at my abuser reminds me that I am sane and he is obviously, clearly, not. If I loved this thread any more I’d propose to it! x
I concur Tea Light! We need the humor sometimes!
Radar_On,
Yes,we are members of the same congregation.He has been listening in on a phone hook up all this time,but I have a feeling that he will be physically present more often as the weather gets warmer.
I did print up alot information about spaths for the elders,and they’ve been very supportive.For one thing,they know what condition I was in spiritually,physically,mentally and emotionally before leaving him…..and they see the remarkable difference now!I’ve gone from DEAD to ALIVE!
Another thing is that they are also aware that a person can CLAIM to be remorseful or repentant,but that doesn’t mean that they are.
I’m sure that spath will try to talk to me,but I intend to be busy conversing with others,as I always am.And I will stay in areas not easily accessed by a wheelchair.I sent him a certified letter Jan 29th telling him in a respectful but firm way not to make any scenes and to leave me alone.As I could not find anything on the usps site,I don’t know if he signed for it or not.I keep forgetting to call the post office!
Blossom does he pick up his hymn book with his hand, or does it spear it with his toe nails?
Too Funny Tea Light! 🙂 Easy enough for him to turn pages-right?!
Tea Light, LOLOLIL!
Blossom, yeah, sounds like he’ll be using the church as a front, just be on guard. But im sure you already know that!
Radar_On,
Yea.But I know the elders will be watching him too.He can put an act on for just so long,now that we’ve “become smart to him.”God can throw a big monkeywrench in his way!And then if that happens,he’s out of the congregation!
Dotty, I had an experience with my abuser which your description of your ex crying reminds me of. Warning this isn’t pretty I’ll water it down as do not wish to trigger any survivors of violence. My abuser had lured me to a remote location. He assaulted me. I was in shock on the bed. He was completely emotionless during the assault. Calm. He didn’t see me as human. I was an object. He was manipulating and assaulting an object. His expression was like that of a man building a spice rack at a work bench or fitting an exhaust pipe. He was just labouring over the task at hand. Anyway afterwards he couldn’t get any response from me to routine questions like did I want go to go for a walk that afternoon? Then he started crying. He wasn’t crying because he felt compassion for me. He was crying because he felt compassion for himself, because my state momentarily mirrored to him that he is evil and inhuman. He wanted me to comfort him.
Good for you Blossom! Glad to hear that. People need to know about this evil in churches! Ughh! Makes me sick….