Editor’s note: The following was written by the Lovefraud reader “Rochelle.”
As part of the problem with my particular sociopath, the way they interpret behaviors is not like the rest of us. I have a list of examples:
What you do or say and what the sociopath hears
Expressing an opinion or feeling = ranting and anger issues.
Getting angry when he belittles and talks down to me = raging and anger issues.
Doing things for my husband and stepdaughter = I must have an ulterior motive.
Saying I like something in a shop window or magazine = me trying to manipulate him into buying me something.
Crying because I am hurting = drama queen.
Me asking him not to bring up a topic while out with friends = me being controlling.
Taking my husband to the hospital after he filed for divorce behind my back and then taking care of him afterward = me trying to get a better settlement out of him.
Changing my mind on something = hypocrisy.
His unfriending his sisters on Facebook = I can’t stand to hear that I am wrong and will give up my sisters to prove my point.
His being married 4 times = he made the wrong choices and did nothing wrong.
Having a female coworker as his best friend instead of his wife = this woman means more to me than you do.
Direct depositing my own money into my own account = stealing.
Going away for a family wedding and not staying at the hotel with the family because he SWORE I was there = paranoia. I was in another state the entire time.
Not doing things exactly the way he would = me being wrong.
Not liking being controlled by him his female coworker = me being wrong.
Me wanting sex once a week = me being a nymphomaniac.
Me buying a sandwich for lunch = me overspending.
Me loving my husband, washing his clothes, cleaning his house, cooking his meals, being supportive in all aspects of his life = I am beneath him and him not having the ability to show how appreciative he is.
bluemosaic
Hi to All,
Whew, done with work…and so tired.
Mich0101, I am getting couseling too, found one that seems to be more open, even though I did not label him this time. I am hoping that it helps me untangle the recurrent thoughts of him for starters…and let them go. I would so love to get him out of my head. And yes, I do feel like I have been to bed with the devil, maybe not, but he is certainly a close second….they all are-souless scum. I am not dating either…and funny thing is…I DON’T CARE !!!! Yeah, I have no desire for men…that is new for me. Safe for now too…cause my boundaries are in shambles… I surely would attract worse.
Dororthy2,
I will send request to LF, see if we can connect. I will keep updated here, if I get any news.
Hugs to you all, so grateful for this place…I know I keep repeating that, but somedays, it is the only place I can express how I really feel….and that means the world to me: )
Blue
dorothy2
Hi Blue!! I just got on here watching an incredible show on HBO about Beyonce. I’m here dear!
dorothy2
TeaLight……to me, such a life as they have is sadness to me. It just makes me sad. I know that I shouldn’t feel any pitty for them, I know I shouldn’t. But all I see is the f’ed up child where this all started. I actually have more anger at his mother than I do at him because she is committing emotional incest. It’s soooooo sick
blossom4th
Tea Light,
I was curious about depression and sociopaths and depression and came across a website about the subject.Seems spath has Borderline Personality.
http://sociopathicstyle.com/continuum/borderline.htm
I used to try to show compassion and try to make him feel better,encouraging him.It wasn’t long before I realized he wanted to wallow in his self-pity!
blossom4th
dorothy2,
You make a good point.I have a real problem with the people who raised spath.I guess he was impressed by alot of relatives.Although “good Catholics” there was alcoholism and gambling.Spath even learned to play the horses.Both of his parents worked,but they managed to work different shifts.The only problem with that is that as Pops went to work of a morning,Ma was coming in from the nightshift.She needed her sleep.What to do with Little spath?!!Why just tie him up to Ma all day!When Big Sis got out of school of an evening,it was her turn to babysit Little Hyper spath!
Now,the situation is that both parents are dead.Sis and her husband live almost 800 miles away and don’t want spath to interuppt their peaceful lives….so while they complain about the way he treats his family,they’d rather I just shut my trap and keep him!
dorothy2
Blossom, well, it’s not his sisters job anymore to take care of little Spath.
It’s so confusing. They are the ones responsible for there spathieness. But how is a Spath suposed to fix a Spath? It just turns into a circle. I guess there is no Spath fix. That’s why I find it so sad. Spath X’s mother ( he lives with her) just adds to his Spathiness. She enables him to be just what he is and what is going to happen to baby Spath when mama Spath is gone? He’s just going to bounce up and down off the floor for the rest of his days. Poor Spathtard. Well……if they don’t think there is anything wrong with themselves, how do they fix it.
It’s a dead end street. I only have so much compassion. My brother is a Spath and I don’t have much to do with him. Again.,,,.,many times he brings me to tears thinking about his tragic empty life.
I just don’t understand. If there was a magic fix a Spath pill, I’d give one to Spath bro and one to Spath x. There’s not.
It’s kind of mind boggling to think that there are so many spaths but no fixing them.
I’ve read quite a bit about Borderline Personality Disorder. It’s on the Narcissism continuum as is Spathopathy. I actually have a leaning towards it and the childhood conditions for it but I also have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and they have some shared characteristics. I guess everyone, or an awful lot of people have something going on that’s out of alignment. It’s what YOU do about taking responsibility for your issues and damage. And spaths don’t like the word responsibility.
Imarriedit
“So now I see that Imarriedit holds all the cards and Simon is screwed again” means:
Aw sh*t, now I’m on my own, at 56 years old, having to support MYSELF for the first time in my whole life. I’ve got to pay my own mortgage when wifey used to do it, pay my own utilities, which sucks, because I love luxuries like long hot showers while I wank, and cranking the heat up instead of dressing warm, and I have to buy my own food which stinks because I eat a LOT of junk food and wonder why I’m getting even bigger manboobs! My ex wife, “Imarriedit” really screwed me over. Poor me.
bluemosaic
Gm To All,
Spath lingo-hilarity continued…
” I don’t want any drama”…means, “when I bring on drama and start the de-value phase, I do not want to see any emotional upset from you. I expect you to take your poison and abuse with levity and a smile on your face!!! If you act upset, then you will no longer be good supply, which will piss me off.” LOLOLOLOL
My “Idget”…(his new nickname!), had such a broken body from sports, that he walked like a praying mantis. Someday, I can imagine him being at the mercy of his last victim, that he will probably marry, not b/c he loves her, but b/c he will need someone to take care of his crippled ass. And she will have suffered enough mistreatment from him, that he will most likely get little comfort in his old age…..Karma will come for him.
I read through the psychopathyawareness blog (home page) this morn. The last half focuses on “US.” What constitutes a good victim? Well, it is all there, the vulnerability that I had…permeable boundaries, allowing someone else to tell me what my self-worth was, not having strong sense of self-esteem/self-respect, and an insatiable desire for deep/pure love. Inner child issues…for sure. It did not make me sad this time, as when I first read it. I think of it as a check list for myself, on where my gaping wounds lie…the parts of me that gave him leverage.
Dorothy2 and Mich0101…this is a great read for those of us still grappling with acceptance that any other outcome was ever possible…it was not.They have zero ability to love and give of themselves. It is enlightening and will cultivate our ability to discern true character and nature of another. My openly loving, trusting nature is forever altered by this experience. I would openly laugh at a man today, if he told me I am the “love of his life” in two to three weeks! Not in cruelty, but in a refusal to buy a BS line intended to win access to my heart/body and presense before he has earned it with real love (agape), expressed through dedication, devotion, faithfulness, respectful treatment, supportiveness of who I am, reciprocity in giving of oneself, consistency in actions, alignment in statements and behavior, nurturing, caring about my well-being, and a thorough character assesment on my part.
I will become a woman who seeks approval from herself only. A woman who values myself highly and has inner self-esteem that cannot be dependant on what my mate tells me I am. Journey has been long already for me…still long ways to go.
Peace n hugs to all,
Blue
dorothy2
Imarriedit,,,,POOOOR POOOOOOR Spath x…. Yes……youve been terribly unfair to baby Spath x. I assume Spath x’ mama Spath has passed away = abandoned baby Spath x? What betrayal he must be experiencing at both of your hands.
Dorothy’s Spath X’s mama Spath is still doing all you mention as he lives for free in his late 40’s in her basement, driving his dead Spath fathers car, on her insurance. He absolutely adores her, unless she wants him to do something that hes not interested in doing. He so adores her that he is out and about on a very regular basis, in the car that is in her name, on her insurance policy, drinking and driving. Wouldn’t that just be tragically unfair, fingers crossed, if something were to happen and there was a resulting law suit? Hmmmmm……I wonder how mama Spath would feel about changing baby Spath x’ diapers with THAT load of doupie in them….
Oh that Dorothy…..look at the trouble she has caused us!!
Spath mama, who is such terrible health, she just couldnt live there without baby spath ( aka, your highness…….seriously???? ) that she bakes him Spath treats, his favies of course and makes his dinner almost every night after his long hard day at work.
Work by the way is kind of like an ” adult ” version of kindergarten. Lots of spathy playmates who drink on the job.
Oh, I could go on and on and on!!!!
dorothy2
Good morning Blue!! Can you provide a link to what you were reading?
Any word on chatting??
I love what you just wrote about prerequisites for the next relationship! It’s awesome and all good. I’m afraid I will need a couple trial runs at it though!
{{hugs to you Blue}}
Dot