Editor’s note: The following was written by the Lovefraud reader “Rochelle.”
As part of the problem with my particular sociopath, the way they interpret behaviors is not like the rest of us. I have a list of examples:
What you do or say and what the sociopath hears
Expressing an opinion or feeling = ranting and anger issues.
Getting angry when he belittles and talks down to me = raging and anger issues.
Doing things for my husband and stepdaughter = I must have an ulterior motive.
Saying I like something in a shop window or magazine = me trying to manipulate him into buying me something.
Crying because I am hurting = drama queen.
Me asking him not to bring up a topic while out with friends = me being controlling.
Taking my husband to the hospital after he filed for divorce behind my back and then taking care of him afterward = me trying to get a better settlement out of him.
Changing my mind on something = hypocrisy.
His unfriending his sisters on Facebook = I can’t stand to hear that I am wrong and will give up my sisters to prove my point.
His being married 4 times = he made the wrong choices and did nothing wrong.
Having a female coworker as his best friend instead of his wife = this woman means more to me than you do.
Direct depositing my own money into my own account = stealing.
Going away for a family wedding and not staying at the hotel with the family because he SWORE I was there = paranoia. I was in another state the entire time.
Not doing things exactly the way he would = me being wrong.
Not liking being controlled by him his female coworker = me being wrong.
Me wanting sex once a week = me being a nymphomaniac.
Me buying a sandwich for lunch = me overspending.
Me loving my husband, washing his clothes, cleaning his house, cooking his meals, being supportive in all aspects of his life = I am beneath him and him not having the ability to show how appreciative he is.
blossom4th
OMG!His daughters are older than that!
Tea Light
All the abuser’s father does is stalk his ex wife (the bathrobe owner) now the man she left him for is dead, because he’s after money, and his other hobby is suing companies, the local goverment etc over nonsense. He loves to do battle and annoy even in a wheelchair in his 70s. The first lesson of Spath Survivors Club is: they do not change. The second lesson is: they do not change!
dorothy2
Everyone…..this is short, sweet and oh so to the point!
http://lundybancroft.blogspot.com/2012/01/am-i-abusive-one.html
blossom4th
Dorothy,
PERFECT!!! I loved the link…I bookmarked it and will be going back! Oooh,did my husband ever twist my mind up!I remember looking at him in awe as he cowered behind his hands,calling me “abusive”!He was LITERALLY hoping I would hit him!He had occasionally pushed me to that point,but I would quickly regain my composure and realize it was a game with him.Our entire marriage was played out with me figuring out which mind game he was playing this time!
dorothy2
Blossom, the psychopathyawareness blog has some fantastic material. It’s textbook. I had discovered it early on but couldn’t take it in at that stage. I revisited it today and….wow. I guess I was ready because I drank it in.
http://psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com/page/3/
I’m not sure if that is the right ” page ” but I think if you click the home button it starts you at the beginning. It’s all encompassing. Worth the read.
dorothy2
Blossom, I ” kicked ” Spathtard in the butt once after he knocked me aside during one of his childish departures. Didn’t hurt him or anything, it was a seriously girlie kick but I felt like a POS for letting myself go like that.
So I learned today that loosing your cool emotionally in any way with a Spath is like giving them a treat…..Spath treats. NOW they tell me!! It feeds them and I will tell you this, I kept him well fed. 🙁
Bummer. Water under the bridge now.
bluemosaic
Dorothy2,
Spath used to tell me, all the time, he wanted to see me get angry. I had a very calm, loving demeanor…had he met me at 20…I probably would have kicked his ass. But he met me mid-life, in a semi-healed state, some spritual shifts ect. had occured. I think this made me more of a challenge to destroy…more pleasure for him.
As much as it sucks knowing he never loved me, that I loved “it”…it is preferable to still grieving something that was untruth.
Happy Monday to All,
Blue
dorothy2
Blue…..I JUST posted something very similar on the other thread!! The part about him not loving you, you loving “it”. Funny I just said the same thing in a little more detail.
Dotty
dorothy2
Blue…..me……..loving, yes. Calm, no.
Like I said above…..I kept him well fed. My buttons were huge and easily pushed nit wasn’t till the very end that I started to just walk away when he would be verbally abusive.
blossom4th
I was always the type to hold my anger within.So I had a calm exterior.Mild and meek,yep that was me.No wonder I became target for spath!Makes me think of the comics where you see the hornet making it’s target and heading there like a drill!
On the other hand,spath’s very first lie to me was that he HARDLY EVER GOT ANGRY.OMG is an understatement as I experienced his rage many times!
But….you can’t wallow with a pig without getting soiled yourself!So in time,I found I wasn’t able to hold my emotions in check quite so well anymore.In fact the very words I used in trying to reason with spath about this problem (BIG MISTAKE) was to tell him that he kept “pushing my buttons”.Finally he was successful at something!