Editor’s note: The following was written by the Lovefraud reader “Rochelle.”
As part of the problem with my particular sociopath, the way they interpret behaviors is not like the rest of us. I have a list of examples:
What you do or say and what the sociopath hears
Expressing an opinion or feeling = ranting and anger issues.
Getting angry when he belittles and talks down to me = raging and anger issues.
Doing things for my husband and stepdaughter = I must have an ulterior motive.
Saying I like something in a shop window or magazine = me trying to manipulate him into buying me something.
Crying because I am hurting = drama queen.
Me asking him not to bring up a topic while out with friends = me being controlling.
Taking my husband to the hospital after he filed for divorce behind my back and then taking care of him afterward = me trying to get a better settlement out of him.
Changing my mind on something = hypocrisy.
His unfriending his sisters on Facebook = I can’t stand to hear that I am wrong and will give up my sisters to prove my point.
His being married 4 times = he made the wrong choices and did nothing wrong.
Having a female coworker as his best friend instead of his wife = this woman means more to me than you do.
Direct depositing my own money into my own account = stealing.
Going away for a family wedding and not staying at the hotel with the family because he SWORE I was there = paranoia. I was in another state the entire time.
Not doing things exactly the way he would = me being wrong.
Not liking being controlled by him his female coworker = me being wrong.
Me wanting sex once a week = me being a nymphomaniac.
Me buying a sandwich for lunch = me overspending.
Me loving my husband, washing his clothes, cleaning his house, cooking his meals, being supportive in all aspects of his life = I am beneath him and him not having the ability to show how appreciative he is.
Abuser: “Habemus Papum darling, I just wanted to share this special moment with you. I love you my angel” = my wife who is a devout catholic is in the bathroom or washing the dishes we ate the food she cooked from, so I’m just sneaking this 2 minute window of opportunity to email you from our marital bedroom, using the election of the Pope as bait, knowing you have a spiritual life. This follows my recent email telling you I am meeting with a divorce lawyer this month so I can inform my wife I want to divorce her and for her to move 3000 miles away with our 7 year old to her parents town, as parenting bores me and I lost sexual interest in my depressed wife some years ago. Fingers crossed my display of spirituality will impress you and make you forget I sexually assaulted you, and that you’ll agree to meet me so I can sexually abuse you again.
Breezesmother it’s been a tough day I’m venting 😉 x
OMG! SNICKER! Is this a Reality show?!!The “drama queen” was right out of my husband’s mouth!I can’t stand to hear that phrase today as it triggers me.The day I walked out on my husband he was calling me a drama queen because I was choking on rice!!!
Also Tea Light’s “Don’t be sad,I like it when you’re happy.” If I started crying,he would reprimand me!Afterall,ONE MUST BE ESPECIALLY TOUGH TO TAKE CARE OF SPATH!
Bluejay ~
Not sure, but think you need to be pretty far down on the food chain (undesirable) to have a commune reject you !!! I wonder if you have to fill out an application? Wouldn’t you like to get a hold of what he would have written down on that.
You and me both – never sucked into caring again!!!!
Tea Light – keep venting, you got it right, although sorry about your tough day, we all get them.
Oxy, whatever do you mean, some of her business ventures? You mean the cleaning company – Earth Angel’s Organic Cleaning = no chemicals used on your silver BEFORE she takes it home with her OR – Little Angel’s Tea Parties – professional teaches your little ones manners and serves a formal tea for mother and daughter using only real china = 5’1″, 200 lb., tatoo covered, druggie, hooker scopes out your home for a fee.
My best friend Linda helped me see the humor in my spath’s twisted thinking by repeating his words back to me while laughing out loud:
Me (in sarcasm): I wouldn’t want to come between you and your girlfriend!
Him (in tearful candor): You already HAVE!
Linda: You came between your husband and another woman. Did you actually think about that?!
An old boyfriend complained bitterly to me about his break-up with the woman living with him, after she moved out while his kids were visiting:
“She cried the whole time, and RUINED the day for me and the kids!”
Oh. Poor you. Maybe you should have taken the kids for a soda if (God forbid) you wouldn’t HELP her pack up and leave.
It’s like we all passed through The Looking Glass and the twisted characters are in our actual lives. Maybe we should eat or drink something, but so far I’ve not received any little packages with a label telling me what to do next.
Blossom, how dare you choke on rice and put him to the psychological effort of repressing his delight that you are in discomfort. Shame on you.
TeaLight!!! OMG. You got me laughing on some of your posts!!
Spath bro: (to Spath mama) I need to borrow a couple thousand dollars so I can buy some tools for work (drugs), buy some books because I’m going back to school (drugs), lost my phone (drugs), my phone got shut off (drugs), need to take my dog to the vet (drugs), I owe someone money and they are threatening to kill me or you if I don’t pay them back (drugs)……..feel free to insert excuse here and follow with (drugs)!
Abuser: “It is very important to my mother that I am happy darling”= my mother is a narcissist who abandoned me at 5 to live in a ski resort with her lover. I crave her attention and acceptance and since the death of her lover she has assigned to me the role of surrogate husband. I enjoy napping on her dead partner’s bed and wear her dressing gown if I get chilly masturbated during my calls to you which my mother helps me hide from my wife. Our Oedipal drama is played out in her assisting me in abandoning my first wife and child, and assisting me in plotting to abandon the second wife and child. My mother loves me, that’s why she works to destroy my marriages and relationships with my children. The wives simply aren’t good enough for me and my happiness is more important than my childrens. I turned out perfect when she abandoned me, so my kids’ll be fine. And if they aren’t, that will be their mother’s fault. Not mine. As maman says, I’m very easy to live with. My two depressed wives disappointed us both very much. So you better learn fast to please me or my mother and I will bond over our mutual hatred of you too and you’ll be despatched also when a fourth victim is selected.
You guys are cracking me UP!!!!
Yeah, Spath told me he likes me better when I smile. SERIOUSLY??
Fu-k off!!
Well Spath, I like you better when your oversized head isn’t up your ass!
OMG!!!!!! TeaLight! You have found your calling! You are on a roll!!!
Awesomely brilliant!