Editor’s note: The following was written by the Lovefraud reader “Rochelle.”
As part of the problem with my particular sociopath, the way they interpret behaviors is not like the rest of us. I have a list of examples:
What you do or say and what the sociopath hears
Expressing an opinion or feeling = ranting and anger issues.
Getting angry when he belittles and talks down to me = raging and anger issues.
Doing things for my husband and stepdaughter = I must have an ulterior motive.
Saying I like something in a shop window or magazine = me trying to manipulate him into buying me something.
Crying because I am hurting = drama queen.
Me asking him not to bring up a topic while out with friends = me being controlling.
Taking my husband to the hospital after he filed for divorce behind my back and then taking care of him afterward = me trying to get a better settlement out of him.
Changing my mind on something = hypocrisy.
His unfriending his sisters on Facebook = I can’t stand to hear that I am wrong and will give up my sisters to prove my point.
His being married 4 times = he made the wrong choices and did nothing wrong.
Having a female coworker as his best friend instead of his wife = this woman means more to me than you do.
Direct depositing my own money into my own account = stealing.
Going away for a family wedding and not staying at the hotel with the family because he SWORE I was there = paranoia. I was in another state the entire time.
Not doing things exactly the way he would = me being wrong.
Not liking being controlled by him his female coworker = me being wrong.
Me wanting sex once a week = me being a nymphomaniac.
Me buying a sandwich for lunch = me overspending.
Me loving my husband, washing his clothes, cleaning his house, cooking his meals, being supportive in all aspects of his life = I am beneath him and him not having the ability to show how appreciative he is.
dorothy2
Truthy……yeah, old fashioned guy…. like when it used to be more acceptable to abuse, dominate, subjugate, neglect, deceive, etc, your wife. Ah….the good old days. He certainly was hatched many years after his time.
thedoorisclosed
To KMillerCats:
Right on!
To Be Free
So let me just express something else her, if I may.
I got an email yesterday from him that said: “Thought of the Day: Knowing what to forget is just as important as knowing what to remember.”
I replied: Are you saying I need to forget something?
Him: All the negative and things that frustrate you.
Me: In general or about you?
Him: Me. Us. Only positive and good for both.
THERE IS NO “US”. We are not in a relationship. He is with the new victim!!!!
Of course he wants me to forget all the sh*t that he has done!!
Truthspeak
ToBeFree, do you have children in common with this man? The point being: is there any reason that you are still communicating with him other than to continue damaging yourself and leaving yourself open to continued hurt?
EDIT ADD: I ask this harsh question because he will NEVER, ever, ever, evereverever say that he is sorry. He will never be made to feel ANY REMORSE. Continued contact with this man is only self-damaging, now.
To Be Free
Blossom4th: Just rereading what you posted. I started taking an anti-depressant 4 weeks ago and it has helped some but I am not sleeping good either.
I do exercise all the time. Cardio and weight training. Also, am into nutrition. That is one other thing he and I had in common. He really did have a perfect body look. When we went to the beach, everyone would just stare at him. And the man is 50 years old but looks so much younger! This was one of the things that attracted me to him. And, believe me his ego matched his looks!!
I am fit and everyone tells me how great I look but after being with him, he has bascially destroyed my self-esteem. He would say such mean things to me about the way I looked. (of course, not at first!)
dorothy2
ToBeFree……what Truthy just said.
I’d like to shake him. Firstly, I’d not ASK him any questions.. I’d just say I don’t understand.. No! First of all….NC!
I see what phase you are in though. If I had to have a name for that phase for me, it would be the “curious phase”. I just had know…..he knew he could toy with me like that. Bastard.
Well, my curiosity was satisfied this last time when I got majorly slimed. Yep…..all done. F him. If I didn’t think it would scare my dog and cat to death I’d be screaming it at the top of my lungs!! Lol. They have been through enough.
dorothy2
I was SO ADDICTED! I really was! It’s finally fading but it took NC for the process to really take hold.
dorothy2
Well ToBeFree, I really LOVED Spaths body….oddly enough, not at first. I actually was not really attracted to him in the very beginning. I became very attracted to him. Just about everyone I know just scratched their heads because he’s really not very good looking. Ahhhhrrrrrrr!!!!!!! wtf??
Ok….I need to take a break! Hang in there all!
D2
To Be Free
Truthspeaks: No, thank God I don’t have children with him! He has only been married once and has 2 children. I have 3 children from my marriage.
I am realizing the self destruction of continued contact. God help me!
To Be Free
OHHH any by they way. The sex is amazing. But now that I know he is with another, the thought of that makes me sick to my stomach!!