Editor’s note: The following was written by the Lovefraud reader “Rochelle.”
As part of the problem with my particular sociopath, the way they interpret behaviors is not like the rest of us. I have a list of examples:
What you do or say and what the sociopath hears
Expressing an opinion or feeling = ranting and anger issues.
Getting angry when he belittles and talks down to me = raging and anger issues.
Doing things for my husband and stepdaughter = I must have an ulterior motive.
Saying I like something in a shop window or magazine = me trying to manipulate him into buying me something.
Crying because I am hurting = drama queen.
Me asking him not to bring up a topic while out with friends = me being controlling.
Taking my husband to the hospital after he filed for divorce behind my back and then taking care of him afterward = me trying to get a better settlement out of him.
Changing my mind on something = hypocrisy.
His unfriending his sisters on Facebook = I can’t stand to hear that I am wrong and will give up my sisters to prove my point.
His being married 4 times = he made the wrong choices and did nothing wrong.
Having a female coworker as his best friend instead of his wife = this woman means more to me than you do.
Direct depositing my own money into my own account = stealing.
Going away for a family wedding and not staying at the hotel with the family because he SWORE I was there = paranoia. I was in another state the entire time.
Not doing things exactly the way he would = me being wrong.
Not liking being controlled by him his female coworker = me being wrong.
Me wanting sex once a week = me being a nymphomaniac.
Me buying a sandwich for lunch = me overspending.
Me loving my husband, washing his clothes, cleaning his house, cooking his meals, being supportive in all aspects of his life = I am beneath him and him not having the ability to show how appreciative he is.
Tea Light,
It wasn’t difficult coming off the Klonopin because I was on the lowest dosage.Since it was a narcotic,I was careful not to increase it.Well,my neurologist at the time,did actually increase the ‘script as “take 1 or 2 tablets as needed.”I probably took the extra tablet only twice.
lifting the veil,
I’m so glad you found the moral support you needed here!Donna really has been an inspiration for all of us!And I’m glad you’re feeling better! 🙂
thank you, I had a set back last night and today, cried myself to sleep and when I was out walking my dogs I saw my ex walking past the field we walk … My heart sank and I turned in the opposite direction saying to myself , no please no I can’t deal with this…. I saw her walk past and I stood watching with a sick feeling for seeing her… I have been so down all today now and no one seems to understand the rage and anger inside me for her…. What’s wrong with me I can’t seem to get over this experience…:(
Hi everyone,
I am having a very bad day. I have been holding back tears all day at work…and let them flow on the way home. I am trying to remind myself that I need to just “float” through the pain, but thoughts of him and OW are haunting me, thoughts of our last days together, I see his face in my mind …I feel so lost. Not sure what to do. I know it is no good, I know what he is, why I did “open” inner-self to him,…just so much pain. How to pass through it?
Blue
Hi lifting_the_veil, just wanted to welcome you and to offer you some encouragement in what sounds like a very painful situation, so many people here will be able to relate to any trauma, sadness, despair that you may be feeling, so do reach out when you need to. Great to read that the posts have been helping you realise you aren’t alone. You really aren’t! Peace and love to you, it gets easier, with time x
blue:
I totally know how you feel. I just learned a couple of weeks ago about the OW and I have those same thoughts. It is incredibly painful. I am soooo sorry. Wish I could hug you!
Blue I’m so sorry to know ur having such a bad day … I can relate….. U got to release the pain and tears are such a great release…. I hope u feel better…x
And tea light thank u… Sometimes I not sure I belong here as I have seen such sad stories of horrific suffering…
My situation is complex… But in reading many of the articles here I relate to so so many … And I have read books about sociopaths…. Without consience and donnas red flags of love and the gift of betrayal and each and every word spoke to me … I have been in denial for such a long time as to what she is as its too painful to except . I have spent the past few years in tears … Just so hard to except it happened to me..:(
Thanks again for ur support.
Lifting, you have clearly had a very tough time, I’m very sorry to learn you have been distressed about your situation for years. Please don’t suffer in silence. If you don’t feel able to gain comfort and healing by opening up to trusted friend, relative or perhaps minister, you can share here safely and anonymously, no matter how complex your difficulties. The community here will support and encourage you. Take care and let us know how you are getting on x
Blue:
I was there. It does get better. It does, believe it or not. I thought I was going to die at one point, but I am still here. I don’t know what else to say. It is extremely painful, but something will change to make you feel better. I’ve been feeling this way for years. Way too long. I hope it’s not that long for you. Don’t let it.
bluemosaic wrote:
“Hi everyone,
I am having a very bad day. I have been holding back tears all day at work”and let them flow on the way home. I am trying to remind myself that I need to just “float” through the pain, but thoughts of him and OW are haunting me, thoughts of our last days together, I see his face in my mind ”I feel so lost. Not sure what to do. I know it is no good, I know what he is, why I did “open” inner-self to him,”just so much pain. How to pass through it?”
I think that it helps that I know that the ex-gf shepath – did not want me to be comfortable, aware, confident and happy. And, that I deserve to be happy and to enjoy the gifts that I have been given through life and to this day. And so, I will move through the pain that the shepath inflicted upon me – to the other side of this ordeal when there is light, warmth, loving people and, a few chuckles.
For example, I have gone through surgery and a painful recovery. I have been stuck on a cliff, slogged through life-threatening high winds and blinding snow. At the end of those treks there was health, warmth and love.
Keep your heart and eyes set on getting to the other side of the spath storm where it is much nicer.
Tea Light:
Are you around? How was your day?
I want a nap…gotta go to the gym. x