Editor’s note: The following was written by the Lovefraud reader “Rochelle.”
As part of the problem with my particular sociopath, the way they interpret behaviors is not like the rest of us. I have a list of examples:
What you do or say and what the sociopath hears
Expressing an opinion or feeling = ranting and anger issues.
Getting angry when he belittles and talks down to me = raging and anger issues.
Doing things for my husband and stepdaughter = I must have an ulterior motive.
Saying I like something in a shop window or magazine = me trying to manipulate him into buying me something.
Crying because I am hurting = drama queen.
Me asking him not to bring up a topic while out with friends = me being controlling.
Taking my husband to the hospital after he filed for divorce behind my back and then taking care of him afterward = me trying to get a better settlement out of him.
Changing my mind on something = hypocrisy.
His unfriending his sisters on Facebook = I can’t stand to hear that I am wrong and will give up my sisters to prove my point.
His being married 4 times = he made the wrong choices and did nothing wrong.
Having a female coworker as his best friend instead of his wife = this woman means more to me than you do.
Direct depositing my own money into my own account = stealing.
Going away for a family wedding and not staying at the hotel with the family because he SWORE I was there = paranoia. I was in another state the entire time.
Not doing things exactly the way he would = me being wrong.
Not liking being controlled by him his female coworker = me being wrong.
Me wanting sex once a week = me being a nymphomaniac.
Me buying a sandwich for lunch = me overspending.
Me loving my husband, washing his clothes, cleaning his house, cooking his meals, being supportive in all aspects of his life = I am beneath him and him not having the ability to show how appreciative he is.
Ruby,
You have to remember that you can’t judge EVERY man by what SPATH did to you.Yes,it is painful;very painful.Cry~Grieve as long as you have to~just take care of yourself and know that there is “something better over the hill”.Learn to identify the RED FLAGS not only in men,but people in general.Then,when you are feeling healthy and strong,and you meet a GOOD & LOVING man~~~LOVE MAY FIND YOU! 🙂
Love this……….. So positive and hopeful of finding love again.
It takes time, a long time to grieve, heal, recovery but most important to trust again . I’m not sure I will ever trust again… It would be a risk… A chance of getting hurt again. And I swear no one will ever hurt me again the way my ex did…
The thing is I want to love, I want to share happiness again, good times again with someone… But I still miss my ex, still grieve the loss but have come to except I have to move on cause it hurts too much to stay stuck in the pain. I have finally excepted I was emotionally and psychologically abused for years… And it was that cathartic moment that I cried bitter tears and I deleted her number from my phone and deleted all abusive emails and texts that I had saved to remind me as I read them over and over of the hurt and of what she did to me and thought of me.
In the presence of my Councellor I burned the last abusive letter she sent me calling me a slut and whore..
I finally after over 2 and a half years have gone no contact.
I was ready for it.
I know I couldn’t keep seeing her or putting myself through the pain of seeing her cause all I could think was all she has done on me… All the lies, deceit, manipulation… Gas lighting .
I could never trust her again as she is a pathological liar… It hurts .:(
Anyway I just wanted to say it’s not easy to trust again… I know not everyone is like that not everyone lies and deceives but my question is how do I trust again?
How do I give someone else a chance?
How do I let someone else close enough? Without getting hurt?
I’m afraid.
Also you said … About recognising the red flags in men! But we also need to know women too are sociopaths and we need to recognise the red flags in them too…. Though everything sane in me and normal says a woman could never hurt another or deceive or lie !!
What a fool I was!!!
I’m a woman who was fooled by another woman so there you are even in same sex relationships the deception and lies exsist.
I too still hope and believe in love but not sure about wanting to take another chance 🙁
Here’s a song for everyone…Don’t let them win!!!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjBwAYIxUso
Hello. Just checking to see if this comment thing works.
Happy Easter Spring flowers:
Deep roots, strong stems, green leaves, budding heads.
Dust of a harsh winter gone with the winds, a new season begins.
Pastels,vivids, shades of rose, this secret garden holds.
Every flower, a gem in it’s petal folds.
Sunshine, rain, a loving touch, nurturing, pollinating, busy bees.
Such a wounderouse sight I see.
Beautiful kindred spirits swaying in the breeze.
Colors of the rainbow this secret garden holds, strong flowers it does grow.
I cried as I read your amazing words, thoughts.
Blessed I am, priceless gifts you have bestowed.
You have touched my heart, my mind, caressed my tired soul.
A special song played on the radio, I sang, danced with joy.
Thanked my creator for his beautiful flowers.
A special few days every year humanity is graced.
In death it began, a life taken/given for sins of man.
Day three, reserection, reborn.
In this garden I see what humanity is supposed to be.
Hope you give me, faith I keep.
A busy week, many hours spent, a quest begun half a century ago.
Many miles I have travelled, a set path has become apparent.
Many times in this life, scared, lost, adrift, a lonely existance I have kept to myself in these last months, wearing this humanity is.
Trust I do not have, once an optimist, now a realist.
My rose colored glasses lost in the wash.
Sociopathic women:
My community has many, phych hospital closed.
My building, 20 units, 3 sociopaths, 2 female.
One I mentioned, my best friend she said, LOL. $4,000.
The other bit me last summer $80.00, hypocondria her key.
Another took a shot a few weeks ago.
Coniving, devious I find women to be, add sociopathy.
Relentless, never ends well.
Games they play, disturbed children their heads contain.
Expect the unexpected, wise words.
Truths wrapped loosely they will share.
Watch, listen closely, they do to you.
Emotions aside, sleeve bare, logical thinking.
A tethered mind freed from the lies as Mumford sings so elequently.
Many men/women own the nature of beast.
Carefully tread, boundaries placed.
Tomorrow I will share last night.
Ciao bellas
Donna:
The comments are still not loading correctly or perhaps it is my computer? I don’t think so, but…are you still working on it? Thanks for your help.
guys can i write a blog or story? anyway yes, the 2 days i spent with one and hypocrisy was rife. she was an older female of 37, and would pick on my looks whilst in an intimate position, would shout and get angry when i was tired because she wanted sex, ”i want you inside me” she said, then i did not feel comfortable, she belittled me ‘are you 16” ”are you chinese” ”i guess guys dont moan” ”i dont want to get sent to jail and fingered by butch lesbians”, but she would talk about weird borderline illegal activities she had done with girls. spent a whole day talking about her perverted sexual exploits. i was obviously confused by all this garbage been fed but i was away from home, and we had agreed to meet for ages, well she pursued me for ages online, charming as ever and doing nothing out of the ordinary till we met, she would also stay stuff like are you in the SAS or u should join the army, she thought i was unbreakable or something, but i could feel it and it hurt, i just did not show it. also she talked about her previous harmful relationships, she was of course the victim but i know now she most definitely was the abuser. anyway later on we talked online i was still reeling but was a bit hooked, then she would deny what she said, or just say i was not open minded enough and told me to grow up. ”i thought i saw a kindred spirit in you, but obviously i am wrong to trust another crazy guy like you” yes i am too blame?? because i questioned her. always tried to 1 up me at every opportunity when i was telling her about myself. there is a lot more if anyone wants to hear it just pm me.
Recovered what you describe here sounds closer to sexual and emotional abuse than a consentual relationship. The internet is a potentially very dangerous environment to form sexual relationships and you should never meet someone in a place you can’t get away quickly and a place which is not public or far from home. There are many disordered people who use the internet to find targets for abuse and this can be physical emotional sexual abuse and other abusers of trust such as defrauding you of money. We all need to be very aware of this anew behave online in cautious and self protecting ways. I’m sorry to read of your experience with this very unpleasant and exploitative sounding person. Take care.
thanks very much tea light, and i will definitely not be meeting anyone from the internet again that’s for sure.
ladyinred,
just saw your writing tonight and wanted to say how beautifully written it was and how it deeply spoke to me to your own experience….saw myself in the words…sad now….but still here…
getting stronger by the day.
thanks again for the wisdom in words it truely touches souls.