Editor’s note: The following was written by the Lovefraud reader “Rochelle.”
As part of the problem with my particular sociopath, the way they interpret behaviors is not like the rest of us. I have a list of examples:
What you do or say and what the sociopath hears
Expressing an opinion or feeling = ranting and anger issues.
Getting angry when he belittles and talks down to me = raging and anger issues.
Doing things for my husband and stepdaughter = I must have an ulterior motive.
Saying I like something in a shop window or magazine = me trying to manipulate him into buying me something.
Crying because I am hurting = drama queen.
Me asking him not to bring up a topic while out with friends = me being controlling.
Taking my husband to the hospital after he filed for divorce behind my back and then taking care of him afterward = me trying to get a better settlement out of him.
Changing my mind on something = hypocrisy.
His unfriending his sisters on Facebook = I can’t stand to hear that I am wrong and will give up my sisters to prove my point.
His being married 4 times = he made the wrong choices and did nothing wrong.
Having a female coworker as his best friend instead of his wife = this woman means more to me than you do.
Direct depositing my own money into my own account = stealing.
Going away for a family wedding and not staying at the hotel with the family because he SWORE I was there = paranoia. I was in another state the entire time.
Not doing things exactly the way he would = me being wrong.
Not liking being controlled by him his female coworker = me being wrong.
Me wanting sex once a week = me being a nymphomaniac.
Me buying a sandwich for lunch = me overspending.
Me loving my husband, washing his clothes, cleaning his house, cooking his meals, being supportive in all aspects of his life = I am beneath him and him not having the ability to show how appreciative he is.
Paging Dr. Freud raggedy, s’all projection. They are masters of the universe not snivelling lowly pain experiencing humans
Right I’ve given up on Lou making an appearance from her Utah des res – love you Lou! x- so I’m off to pray to the Archangel Michael to allow me enough sleep for my 5am start. Thanks all for helping me through today it’s been rotten. Peace and love all x
Tea Light:
Ooooooh, how funny!!! I am here! I just happen to log in and here you all are. I read a bit earlier also, but didn’t have time to write.
I’ll write later. Can’t write now. When you log in tomorrow, please look for me. I hope you have a peaceful and restful sleep. Love you. x
TL……I think we may have been sharing the same Spath……that’s ok though….always enough craziness to go around with them. Spath x lives with Mama after Daddy Spath died he moved in to help Mama Spath. Is that not so sweet?? So now he’s in bankruptcy and living in Mama Spaths basement. I have no clue what the hell I was thinking!! Obviously I was not. At least the obvious red flags were right there for me to see……and I DID! I KNEW they were red flags!! WTF?? Over
TL….” My two depressed wives disappointed us very much”! OMG!! I just keep reading your posts again and again! I called my friend and read them to her!!
Ok……what kind of man takes a picture of himself in his mothers bath robe?!? I guess that’s a rhetorical question, huh?
Very curious about this question as is seems like such a paradox to me..
As I read about narcissism, it talks about their percived perfection and superiority. It sounds like a lot of spaths are pigs and rotten toothed slobs, drug addicts, perverts, etc, etc, etc…….
My Spath x wore rags, lived like a slob, vehicle a mess, poor health, etc..
They have to be able to see that this is not a desirable way to present ones self to the world? He didn’t seem to care. There was a little glimmer of interest in his hair but only a glimmer.
This confuses me!!
I’ve been lurking here silently for around a year and so many articles hit close to home but this one hit the closest…and Tea Light’s comments especially. “So start performing happy, or else” in my situation translated to “Why is it so hard for you to do what you’re told? You know you’re happiest when you do what you’re told, don’t you sweetheart? You NEED that.” He even went so far as to encourage me to devise my own “punishment” when I was out of compliance. And that thing of being called a drama queen when I had a normal reaction to abusive behavior? Ugh, classic. Thank you so much all of you for your writing here it has helped restore my sanity.
dorothy 2
I have felt the same thing about narcissism, and their percieved perfection and superiority. I think that they work with what they have and there is that extra “charm” they have (otherwise how did they get such great gals like us?!?)
Also, I think it refers to their general feelings about themselves- that they are better than everyone else, not just looks wise. The thing that I don’t get is how is someone both a narcissist and a psychopath? I know this is what my counselor told me my husband is and they sseem to be two conflicting definitions.
I have talked to other people who knew my husband before I met him and he was typical narcissist ITHO. But all of that other stuff about the pathilogical lying, freezing me out, gaslighting — Masks- seems to go with the psychopath personality.
I thought a psychopath was cold and confident, but a narcissist is hiding low self esteem???
Can someone enlighten me?
They are smug and controlling lowlifes. Mine used to saunter over to the dishwasher with a heavy sigh, roll his eyes and say “Gotta teach the wife everything, don’t I?” He then proceeded to reload the dishes the “correct way.”
Another time, he said casually, “Hey, take that pile of sticks over by the shed.” He then walked right past the shed himself! I said, “You just went right by there so you could have taken them!” He chuckled, “So obedient, hahaha.” THey just play games with us and try to control us like little puppets. I’m reclaiming my independence from that dumbas* !Great post, Rochelle!
Thank you Rochelle for this post. It helps to have the people whose minds have cleared from the fog of entanglement with spath’s, post their thoughts. My mind is still foggy on many things, but I can relate to having my mind bent and twisted …he often said the opposite of what he really meant and sometimes, seemed to say things just to bring me into more confusion/submission.
One of the biggest mind benders my spath did with me was to tell me “he loved how loving, emotional and caring I was”…..I was also told that any expression of displeasure or emotional upset was unacceptable…he expected me to handle anything he did/said, ” with complete emotional levity…no ups or downs of any kind!” I became upset with him over disrespect in public many times and was punished with cruelty and threats.
He would also tell me he wanted a woman who was strong and independant, but any time I stood up for myself, set a boundary or called him on anything inappropriate, I was verbally slammed and abandoned for the evening.
Great post. This experience has taught me that incongruity between actions and statements is unacceptable….Period.
If I ever date again, I will be like a sheppard guarding a bone(heart,spirit,body,mind-bones !)….till I am convinced the guy has character and a conscience.
Peace to all,
Blue