Editor’s note: The following was written by the Lovefraud reader “Rochelle.”
As part of the problem with my particular sociopath, the way they interpret behaviors is not like the rest of us. I have a list of examples:
What you do or say and what the sociopath hears
Expressing an opinion or feeling = ranting and anger issues.
Getting angry when he belittles and talks down to me = raging and anger issues.
Doing things for my husband and stepdaughter = I must have an ulterior motive.
Saying I like something in a shop window or magazine = me trying to manipulate him into buying me something.
Crying because I am hurting = drama queen.
Me asking him not to bring up a topic while out with friends = me being controlling.
Taking my husband to the hospital after he filed for divorce behind my back and then taking care of him afterward = me trying to get a better settlement out of him.
Changing my mind on something = hypocrisy.
His unfriending his sisters on Facebook = I can’t stand to hear that I am wrong and will give up my sisters to prove my point.
His being married 4 times = he made the wrong choices and did nothing wrong.
Having a female coworker as his best friend instead of his wife = this woman means more to me than you do.
Direct depositing my own money into my own account = stealing.
Going away for a family wedding and not staying at the hotel with the family because he SWORE I was there = paranoia. I was in another state the entire time.
Not doing things exactly the way he would = me being wrong.
Not liking being controlled by him his female coworker = me being wrong.
Me wanting sex once a week = me being a nymphomaniac.
Me buying a sandwich for lunch = me overspending.
Me loving my husband, washing his clothes, cleaning his house, cooking his meals, being supportive in all aspects of his life = I am beneath him and him not having the ability to show how appreciative he is.
Tea Light
Truthy, just imagine him going ”oooh mistress I’ve been such a naughty boy, please will you spank my botty” and so on. Haha! x
Truthspeak
TeaLight, it’s so repulsive that it’s morbidly hilarious.
The thing that I’ll never be able to wrap my head around was the snuff – the murder fantasies. And, I never had a farking CLUE. In the span of 30 seconds, I went from a reasonably content spouse to WTF is THIS? It was at that moment that I knew the marriage was over, but I did not know that I had any options available.
“spank my botty!” ROTFLMAO!!!
Tea Light
Truthy, thank God you made it out alive. We have similar views I think on bdsm. It’s NOT harmless fun in my book. And there’s the issue of rapid desensitisation to extreme imagery and practices. Although it’s easy to poke fun at it at the please spank my botty level. Obviously. LOL
OpalRose
Sociopath twisting words and actions – this is great. Here are some more:
I had a little fender-bender with an idiot = I had yet another accident which was totally my fault.
They know I’m eccentric = I failed to pay my admin folks on time – again.
I always give you first refusal rights = the nano second you are not entertaining me (even if it’s 2 am), I am entitled to find whatever I want wherever I want.
You keep hurting my feelings and making me feel guilty = you keep asking me to pay my part of the bills.
So you want me to pay for everything for us = you keep asking me to pay my part of the bills and I just had a major spending spree.
I know you have been having a really hard time lately and I hope you are doing better = you found yet another dating site / scam I was running.
I really would like to have more spirituality in my life and your energy is a bit muddy = I met some new age women in my pilates class and think they are hot.
You need to lose some weight and buy better clothes = I am so disappointed to be with someone my own age.
You are abandoning me again = you want to go to sleep before 2 am, how dare you.
You are so lazy = why aren’t you up and ready at 5 am like am today ?
Do you really expect me to eat that = even though I told you this morning I wanted pasta for dinner, I changed my mind.
This is such a great stress reliever !!
Truthspeak
TeaLight, there has always been paraphilia, and there always WILL be. But, the advent of internet access has allowed people to experience deviance in the comfort of their own homes, and even at the workplace using company computers.
There is a movie that I just saw recently, titled “8mm” and it stars Nicholas Cage. It was one of the most triggering movies that I’ve ever seen because it goes into EXTREME depth about the subculture of BDS&M.
Since the publication of “50 Shades Of Gray” and its sequel, bondage has now become an interest to many, many people (mainly, females) who would otherwise NEVER had entertained bondage as a sexual stimulus.
Sometimes, I personally feel that I’m witnessing the collapse of humanity – the way things are, today, reminds me of the days of depravity and excess that preceded the downfall of every great ancient civilization. Apparently, we’ve learned nothing from the past and are, indeed, doomed to repeat the same errors.
Tea Light
Haha HIGH FIVE Opal Rose!! It is a great stress outer x
You keep hurting my feelings and making me feel guilty = you keep asking me to pay my part of the bills. hahaha! ”hurting my feelings”
Truthspeak
OpalRose………tremendous and (sadly) so SPOT-ON!!!
Tea Light
Abuser: “my father goes from one woman to the next. I HATE that”= Darling, I lied to you for 6 months that I was separated from my 2nd wife because I love you and was afraid of losing you. You are my real wife, not her. She’s a good housewife, I’ll admit that, unlike the lazy baggage I married first. Frequently I would find dirty dishes in the sink on my arrival home. Thankfully my mother often came round and cleaned. My first wife hated my mother. She was jealous of our closeness, that’s the only explanation. She worked hard to please me sexually though, I’ll give her that. And she loved me. But she had dark moods. Would cry a lot. I like my women to be happy in my presence, as I’m patiently teaching you my angel. One day the dirty dishes proved too much for me to stand and I had no choice but to leave her and our young son. I bought a nice apartment. They ended up in a refuge for the homeless. It’s very painful for me. My son hates me. He’s just like his mother so sadly I have accepted that I will never contact him again. He lives near me, apparently. So my father tells me. During our annual phone call. Anyway, maybe I would have been better off with my first partner. As you know I refuse to cook. She was a good cook, I’ll give her that. And she loved me. But she had a difficult personality. Submissive in many ways, but an insubordinate streak that made the peaceful homelife I crave impossible. Anyway, wife 2. She’s beautiful, I’ll give her that. But she’s easily upset. Depressive. And darling, it’s very upsetting to me when she agrees to make love to me once a month and all I hear is “you’re dominating me, stop”. Can you imagine what that feels like? It’s very painful but the marriage must end. She and our 7 year old must move to Russia. They will have a good life there. My little boy loves me of course and I’ll miss him. It’s very important to me to be a good father. Not like my degenerate father who I hate. Did I tell you he goes from one woman to the next? I hate that kind of man. He disgusts me.
kmillercats
I didn’t get to read posts from yesterday. Just started reading them. You guys are cracking me up.
Thanks
Tea Light
Have a go kmillercats! it’s fun 😀 x