Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a young woman whom we’ll call “Krista.” She needs support. If you have any words of encouragement, please offer them.
I am so lost and upset. I am 22, I was with a guy for about a year ”¦ he swept me off my feet with his charm and seemingly genuine character. I am a good girl, never got into anything bad, partied in college but never got in trouble. I met my ex out of pure boredom, knew him from high school (he had a terrible “bad boy” reputation). He literally said all the right things, charmed me and I fell hard.
He got me with his sad story too (his mom passed away when he was 10 from a heroin overdose, and has 5 siblings and grew up very poor). He is an alcoholic, an ex coke head and E head ”¦ I started dating him knowing he was going into rehab and a halfway house (court ordered, he is on felony probation) ”¦ He said I was his angel and I gave his “lost soul” something to work hard for ”¦ my background in school is sociology and psychology and I come from a very good, close family ”¦ I really thought I could help him ”¦
For about 2 months everything was great even though he was not anywhere near my intellectual level (not bragging AT ALL), but I just blamed it on his past drug use and environmental factors from childhood and looked past it ”¦ Anyways, things went really bad, really quick. He got kicked out of the halfway house after about 2 months for running his mouth to a counselor ”¦ and he moved into my apartment with me (stupid idea, i know) ”¦
Bad behavior
Well ”¦ he started to beg to drink and hey, I’m 22 and I only knew him for 2 months at that point, I didn’t know if he was truly an alcoholic ”¦ well he is 100% ”¦
I remember the first time we went out and drank. He thought someone made a comment to me and he smashed the entire back windshield off a random car downtown, fled the scene and left me alone in the street and I had to meet him at the hospital ”¦ it was awful ”¦ and he cried and begged me to stay and said how sorry he was and I gave him another chance ”¦
After that I made him a resume so he could get a job, and we sent an email to a potential job for him. When I checked the “sent” box to make sure the attachment sent ”¦ I found 2 sexually explicit emails he sent out to MEN off a Craigslist ad looking for sex!?!?!?!
I immediately freaked out and didn’t know what to do, he denied it (he’s a pathological liar, lies about everything) ”¦ It took about 3 hours for him to finally admit that he was bi-sexual and had been with men. Well ”¦ I kicked him out that day, but it didn’t last ”¦ He cried and begged and said I was everything to him ”¦ and I took him back thinking MAYBE it could work if we went to counseling to try to figure out why he has sexual desires toward men.
Another apartment
Well we never went to counseling ”¦ we moved into another apartment together (BIG MISTAKE) ”¦ I wanted him to be the man I fell in love with, with all that charm and saying all the right things. He always said all the right things, his actions didn’t.
After we moved in with each other, over the course of about 9 months, I found probably 40 Facebook messages to other women (to me that’s cheating, whether he pursued it or not). He stole 23 of my prescribed Xanax (denied it, but I found the texts proving him selling them for adderal), text message from a girl at work, etc.
I tried breaking up with him several times ”¦ an example of how it went when I tried to break up with him includes: holding a butcher knife to his throat, dragging his head on the pavement out of my drivers side door, choking himself with my seatbelt, smashing a mirror over his head causing a concussion and another hospital trip, begging, promising the world to me, etc. He literally messed up 100 times, and then manipulated the living crap out of me to try to get me back each time.
Wanted to believe
I wanted to believe him SO bad that he would change and just be the nice guy he is 75% of the time. Well ”¦ I was miserable every day of my life, I didn’t know how to leave, I was scared to leave, I still “loved” him (really I just loved the idea of what I wish he was) ”¦
Finally about 6 weeks ago he really blew it over the edge. He started to bring cocaine into the apartment, started spending his entire paycheck at the bar, etc. Well this one particular night he drank about 15 beers, half a bottle of liquor then about 6 more drinks at the bar when we went out ”¦ He flirted with a girl (which I later found out he cheated on me with a week before I broke up with him) for about 4 hours in front of my face at the bar as I cried and begged them both to stop ”¦
The night ended with a phone call to the cops. He fled the scene and went god knows where ”¦ and I called my mom and we waited until 10 a.m. for him to finally get home and I broke up with him and asked him to pack his stuff and leave. He left, in a very cocky manner, denying that he did ANYTHING wrong ”¦
Harassment
Then, over a 5-week span after the breakup, he started “dating” her (he denied that), he posted himself on Craigslist for hookups with men, he committed harassment, aggravated harassment, and stalking to me, consisting of about 700 phones calls, 350 texts, 50 Facebook messages, emails, showing up at my apartment, 7 suicide threats (I’m on the train tracks and can hear it coming, I’m going to hang myself in the back yard, “I hope you like killing me”), etc. etc. etc. ”¦
Well I stayed strong for about 2 weeks ”¦ then he left a voicemail saying he got arrested and was going to go to jail for at least 1-3 years and “if you ever cared about me, call me back” ”¦ I called him back and had him come over ”¦ BIG MISTAKE ”¦
I contacted his probation officer and told her to leave my name out of anything because he clearly is getting into trouble on his own ”¦ Well once he had probation, the day after I had him over ”¦ he called screaming at me, saying the “arrest story” was a big LIE (to manipulate me into talking to him) ”¦ and his probation officer called me and said he lied (she’s not happy with him) ”¦ after that he still called over 300 times and contacted my friends to relay messages to me, etc.
Order of protection
Well I filed for an order of protection and finally THIS MORNING I had court to finalize a “full stay away for one year””¦ I saw him at court today for the first time in 3 weeks ”¦ It was AWFUL, he came in whistling, cocky, and gave the judge responses like “yup, nope.” It was terrible. The guards/cops came up to me afterwards and told me they got a good laugh at him because of his clearly controlling, manipulative, immature behavior.
Anyways ”¦ I guess I’m writing because I am having a hard night ”¦ I KNOW I clearly made the right decision by leaving him and getting the restraining order, but seeing him today at court was AWFUL. I can’t help but to still wish he was the sweet, “genuine” person I fell for ”¦ but he’s not.
My therapist is convinced that my ex is a narcissistic sociopath who is heavily emotionally and verbally abusive ”¦ I don’t know ”¦ I just am SO scared to ever love again, SO scared I am going to fall for another jerk. I want revenge and to tell all his friends that he is bi ”¦ I don’t know anymore ”¦ I just want to stop dwelling ”¦ help?
My guess is yes…If there were posters of me up all around town saying I was a sociopath I would A.) freak out and B.) press charges. He would know you did it…in turn the police would know you did it…and then you have also fueled him to think he won by getting you in trouble and having him look like the victim. That would not be fun for you, especially if he wants to get further revenge on you for doing that to him. If you want revenge on him, there is other ways to do it that wouldn’t incriminate you or bring you harm. I suggest looking up online “revenge on your ex” websites and choose wisely for your own protection.
Dear LFR (“Krista”): I so hear you and feel your pain. Sounds like your x sp has ADHD like mine did. Just absolutely a ball of kinetic energy; right? Are we talking about the same person? 🙂
You said:
“I wanted him to be the man I fell in love with, with all that charm and saying all the right things. He always said all the right things, his actions didn’t.”
Oh yes…DISPLACED TRUST.
That’s what it’s called. We have to assume responsibility for that no matter if it is justified or not. We want to believe good from the people we care about so we tend to overlook and overlook and overlook and hone ourselves in to ‘suit’ that mutual friendship we THOUGHT existed, while all the while, they are just taking more and more of our breath away.
Mine did such a good job at that, he has threatened my life on at least four occasions “I” can recall and has attempted to will fully and negligently kill me without care nor conscious at all. In fact, found it very ‘delightful’ to see me on the edge of death because I know all his secrets and I am a legal professional until I had a massive heart attack that almost killed me (another thing I attribute to “IT”).
Yes, ‘not loving again’….but you see, that is what they want.
They want to crush us so badly for whatever reason they are so disposed to devastating those that truly care for them, they want to crush us so badly after we do NOT give them what they want, they are HOPING we will NEVER love again.
The only way to get justification for the wrongs we have been given in all this is to move on with our lives and not even give them the thought of day. They are NOT thinking of or considering US; are they? No. They are moving from ‘victim’ to ‘victim’ as we speak, plotting their ‘next escape’ to places where they CAN manipulate and dominate and control.
I found, in the start of this five year journey and adventure, that if you just refuse to participate they will move on to their next ‘victim’ because you are making it too difficult for them to use you up. It’s easier moving on to the next one. MINE is an internet dating website phisher. I wouldn’t even want to GUESS how many women he has on the line at one time. He thinks he is a real smooth and charming ladies man and he is. He can really turn on the charm but it’s only an act. A means to an end.
You hang in there “Krista”. You defend and protect yourself, the same way I have been trying to do. Enforce NC and don’t listen to those whines and sob stories anymore. YOU were in this relationship because YOU CARED GENUINELY. You were only a stepping stone for “IT” and the minute you made it difficult for “IT” to use you and you served no other purpose, you were left holding that ’emotional bag’.
It doesn’t do any good to help them over and over again; each time we let them back in, we are only proving to them how weak we are. What they don’t realize is that it isn’t weakness at all. In fact, we are THE STRONGEST. We project our kindness no matter how abused it may become. Our kindness is laughed at and taken for weakness. They want someone they can control. Once the ‘spell’ is broken and they realize they can’t control us anymore, we become fodder and are tossed away like a used up and broken appliance of some kind.
I have moved beyond and past revenge; in fact once I realized what a sick person he is, I felt no wanting revenge but a strong sense of making this legally ‘right’; but I DO intend to make this ‘legally” correct at some point. I have threats he has made against me on tape; I have emails and non stop harassment and phone calls. I have had police protection for the past 8 months without him even being served restraining papers yet.
I face to face broke up with him two months ago and only the past 3 weeks it has been absolutely quiet. It had better stay that way. Three weeks ago he sent me a ‘threat’ to not force the issue of pressing any charges for the things he has done to me. NO CONTACT. I have not broken it one time in two months. HE DOES all the time. He can’t go more than 3 months without trying to get back into m life again. I will NEVER respond again. NEVER will he hear another word from me. THAT is MY justification. I told “IT” the last time I saw “IT” he would NEVER hear my voice ever again or look into my eyes and I MEANT IT. How much do I give of myself to “ITS” illness? I think I draw the line AT MY LIFE.
He can just sit there and hope to God I don’t die soon. The minute I die is when his true nightmare begins and I am not spending what little time I have left on this planet (sudden cardiac death disorder) trapped up into this drama and chaos. I have made all the necessary provisions for things to be taken care of at my demise and that is the end of it.
There are no more words left to be said; no more phone calls; texts; out of the blue visits…it is OVER. Period. It is difficult to achieve finding that spot we were at in our lives before THEY came along and blew us out of the water again, and we will never be the same; this is so true…we will be wiser and stronger and more determined in the people we choose to have around us.
MY “IT” was the first and only serious guy I let in my life in just about ten years. And it was all a lie; every bit of it. I wanted to believe he really loved me so I overlooked everything, trusting what I thought was my best friend when in reality, he was my Angel of Death and I am not letting that into my life. Not after fighting so hard to come back from the dead.
Our justification in all of this doesn’t come from ‘revenge’…
it comes from our understanding of what just happened to us and making the necessary changes in US to not allow it to continue. Taking a stand. A stand FOR OURSELVES. When we seek ‘revenge’, it only makes us like them and we are above acting as heathen as they do. But, YES: holding them accountable, whenever possible, IS only being fair to ourselves.
It has taken me MONTHS to get over the anger and vengeful thoughts to a place where now I am just ‘so over it’ and “IT” better stay away from me or I will legally HURT “IT”.
I completely and totally support you “Krista” in your persistent endeavors. You sound so strong and so determined! I just KNOW you will make it.
Don’t worry about another ‘relationship’ right now; FIND YOU.
Be nice to YOU. I wish you nothing but peace, love and light.
DUPED
Injustice, revenge, those are being had in the silence and your refusal to participate. You must be careful what you do or say or it could come back on YOU as reinforcing all the stories I am SURE they are telling. You, the liar and manipulator.
When the relationship gets to this point, NC. I refuse to dive deeper into that ‘rabbit hole’ any farther then I have already traveled. From shouting and yelling, it goes to hitting and hating and quickly with them. They tell lies about us to others to get THEM entwined into that demonic cycle.
I just don’t ‘play it’ no more. I have more important things to waste my time and thoughts on. Even if it IS only sleeping. 🙂
The more we become upset and react, they like it.
Because they are getting a reaction from us. They LIVE for that adrenalin rush they get when they piss us off or upset us. MINE has tried ‘scaring’ me for the past four years. I am not afraid of him although I do think he is sick enough he will try again. IF HE HAS THE BALLS to attempt making it past MY PROTECTION that is. We’ll see. Time will tell.
I too, have prayed and hoped that one day I would just wake up and he would be there on his knees, begging me to forgive him for all the horrible things he has done to me. Although I am not sure if I could ever forgive him, I have reached the point that I don’t even care anymore. The 24/7 sobbing for the past four years has stopped. I don’t even allow it inside me anymore because it does such drastic things to my actual, physical, heart and makes me literally ILL.
The answers aren’t easy but I do know that any act of our revenge only fuels matters and lessens us as a person; they don’t care what we may do in revenge unless the law is involved! I have found that SOMEHOW they do listen to THAT.
It’s best just to find the strength to NC and if you have any legal issues with x sp, do take advantage of them because most the time they don’t like LOSING or LETTING GO and don’t take to it too easily. But WILL listen when the law speaks to them.
In the 9 years I have known x sp I have attempted to walk away so many times. Just FIVE TIMES since November, alone!
HE is the one always contacting me and I told him to stop it.
I told him to STOP all the internet/email/phone harassment and having others trying to always contact me or I would make it stop. The past three weeks has been THE QUIETEST since five years ago, for my life.
Displaced trust.
Don’t allow yourself to feel the pain…
I am a firm believer in AVOIDANCE BEHAVIORS. 🙂
DUPED
Duped- Wow thank you for responding to my story!! It sounds like you really know how I’m feeling, and yes I do believe my ex possibly has ADHD, I am not sure if its just craving of thrill though. I am very lucky I went through family court to get the restraining order ( we lived together so it is considered a family matter) and they served him the papers within about 8 hours and put the court date only 4 days later. I am lucky in the fact that he has never threatened me or my life, only his own in attempts to manipulate me. I believe he conformed himself to know how to push my buttons and what would really make me snap…if he ever hit me or threatened MY life…It would have ended immediately.
It has been almost 7 weeks since I broke up with him, about 4 weeks no contact on my end, about 2 weeks no contact on his end. It feels good not to be drained by his fake “sorry” “I’m begging you, please I’ll change” and “I’m going to kill myself”. I hate hearing the lies. I am in and out of revenge and anger mode, I am particularly bothered by him celebrating his birthday out of town on Friday when he knows I will be out of town in the SAME location, on the same street partying after my cousins wedding…I contacted his probation officer and she is going to call him and set up a probation meeting tomorrow with him and tell him not to step foot in that town, and also drug test him (I am sure he will fail)…so he might go to jail! So it feels AMAZING to have the upper hand as far as law enforcement goes. Although I am aware he could potentially get very dangerous and become a threat to me. This is the last time I will intercede with his probation officer unless he breaks no contact and I have to tell the police because of the restraining order. If I hadn’t been waiting over a year for the wedding out of town and really deserve to enjoy myself, then I would normally just avoid the situation…but he is NOT going to interfere with my happiness this time, not anymore!
I am so happy you left your ex! I am so happy you are taking care of yourself and healing from the mayhem he put you through. You hit the nail on the head when you said “I too, have prayed and hoped that one day I would just wake up and he would be there on his knees, begging me to forgive him”…that right there…is exactly what I wished for, for about 6 weeks. I still sort of wish he would so I could laugh in his face. I too have stopped crying and can’t wait to fully heal from everything!! Good luck with everything and thank you again!!
Hi eg88…
Yes, unfortunately, I DO know how you are feeling.
Funny ‘how’ I knew about the ADHD thing – 🙂
What about the bipolar thing? hehehe
Oh yah, just a ball of mess. I stupidly thought I could help and ended up being the bad guy unjustly just so there was someone else to blame. It beats IT taking responsibility, you know. THE MASTER never takes responsibility for anything because they are all knowing and omnipotent.
FORTUNATELY, me and x sp never lived together and that was by my insistence. Sure, I loved and cared about him LONG before I found out he was married because HE deceived me for many years, keeping that ‘dream’ in my head alive so it could be maybe cashed in for later. Who knows when you might need a place to sleep; a little sex; someone to love you unconditionally and will tolerate ANYTHING you do. WRONG.
I am happy eg88 you have your legal restraining order now. Oh yes, they conform themselves and mirror the images back to you of the things you WANT to hear and feel. That is manipulation and it is a part of their emotional/psychological make up and disposition. I hate to give them any sympathy but they really can’t help themselves in a lot of ways. Recognizing that does NOT give them a license to be the way they are because ALL OF US at some point in our lives need to strive for being the BEST and not THE WORST! I have no sympathy for someone who consistently does the same stupid things over and over again, my full well knowing they have had the opportunities to change negative things about themselves, the same as I have. Changes in ourselves in our life is not easy but that doesn’t mean we should stop striving and live primal.
“I will just kill myself; I am no good to anyone; I have no life and no where to go. You don’t want me, the wife don’t want me…wah wah wah….” Yet, THEY are the ones who made THEIR LIFE exactly the way it is. They don’t want to see it because they are either in denial or their brains aren’t wired the same as our’s with compassion and awareness of consequence of action.
The worst sp I know of is the one who is aware of ITS disability and uses it as an excuse for acts of evil and forgiveness thereof but will constantly do so over and over again.
IF an sp admits to having a problem and thinks a little ‘I am sorry!’ <while stomping their almost 50 year old foot) but yet does nothing to change and USES their condition as an excuse to escape one evil misdoing after another. If an sp admits to this scenario, they are NOT as sick as we perceive them to be. In fact, just the opposite…they are superior in intelligence.
Think about it.
I would start staying away from doing anything to incite him in anyway especially if you think he is prone to violence. A person such as this is very unpredictable in what to expect.
I have known my x sp for almost 9 years now, mostly by text, phone call and visits. I thought I knew him very well until his propensity for violence against me started showing itself.
Where I would not hesitate to be in his presence, before, NOW, it will not happen EVER if I can help it because I just simply do not trust him. If the heavens opened and the doves flew down with the Angels and said I could trust IT again, I still would have a difficult time with it. So, it's over for me.
I do not bother him and I wish not to have IT nor IT's acquaintances contacting me ever again.
DONT YOU DARE LET YOUR "IT" interfere with your happiness.
MAYHEM: That's a great word for it; isn't it? 🙂
Yah, our last farewell "I" accepted the invitation for a visit just so I could speak my mind and have some kind of closure. We spent a couple hours walking around town in full view of everyone and there seemed to have been a cop at every turn. It was memorable, I am sure.
Yes, don't let that sorrow overtake you the way it has me, the past five years. It completely controlled my life in every way. And it was done all from afar, mostly. Only time he came around was when he needed to 'maintenance' the relationship or wanted me for something. Most of the time, it was sex and a place to feel 'at peace' without judgement. That is a thing of the past. I was in denial the whole time believing the lies I was being fed. He just don't 'get it' yet but he will.
Thanks for your support and for sharing your story.
The validation we find amongst ourselves, here, at LF is absolutely priceless. Just know you are among supporters who definitely understand and care because we are all on this journey together! 🙂
Good luck to you too eg88.
Best wishes and Blessings…
DUPED
The level and master of manipulation that has taken place in my situation should be considered legally criminal and I have been told it is. Because I have an eventual fatal heart condition, I refuse to waste any of my ‘life time’ on this garbage but instead focus my energies on myself and bettering the quality and happiness of my life. Like Donna said: “I have found a self awareness, through the bad times…” It comes hard but it eventually comes if you allow it to.
It is painful letting go of that ‘dream’ that they fed you.
It was so perfect, it seemed; did it not?
Manipulation and mirroring. Who knows WHY they are the way they are but they are; we know that for sure. Interesting notion: “murder by manipulation”. Quite the concept but one that was very close to happening to me along with a couple bold faced attempts through negligence and disregard. Smugly too, I might add. Where sp was never afraid of anything before, suddenly IT is paying attention to consequences. They don’t like dealing with ‘consequences’ of their actions so they will either blame YOU for everything or try to get rid of you and shut you up. Neither is happening to me any longer because I am just finished with it. Like I told him: “Don’t make me hate you for the rest of my life. I am seeing you to give you the opportunity to make it straight between us, once and for all. This is it.” He couldn’t even handle that without being a smug butthead so, guess what? DUPED pulled the plug on the whole roadshow!
Five years of manipulation to the point of my demise and the amount of abuse – no, it’s over and I wake up every morning happier than I was the previous morning. It’s like my peace and joy with life is increasing the farther away I get from the vileness.
PEACE.
DUPED
Duped- WOW you blew me away again with you response. You are very educated on this matter. As far as bi-polar, I just think it is pure narcissism and sociopathic tendencies. It’s funny you wrote at the time you did, I just received my first contact from him, I have the right to contact the police, but I will let it slide until the next time because this message from him is just too enjoyable. I don’t know why he thinks I have a boyfriend, but read this
“suck my dick, already got a bf thts crazy u never loved me bitch thats wild i hope u have a shitty time i still love u to this day and think bout u every day but u hate me and always have and i cant belive u have a bf already
by the way thanks for the happy bday
and thanks for ruining my bday now u have a bf u got me going crazy now thanks alot hope u rember that i will always love u”
HAHAHAHA that was AWESOME. Not only did he tell me to “suck his dick” but he called me a “bitch” then proceeded to say he loves me. HAHAHAHA is this a sociopath or WHAT!? Wow that felt really good, I feel like I’ve won a little.
Our stories are similar with the manipulation, being used for sex and control. It is terrible how they act with no remorse. I love when you said “murder by manipulation”, so many times I literally felt like he was killing me, I remember specifically one time I actually told him to punch me because I’d rather feel that pain.
Have you ever thought of pressing charges, or suing for pain and suffering? I am so used to my sp being a criminal that it is easy in my case. I don’t know if yours committed criminal acts. I am happy you are waking up every day happier and happier!
eg88: Didn’t mean to blow you away! 🙂 Funny how similar all our stories are; isn’t it? Different scenarios but pretty much the same story. hahahaha: You said “very educated on this matter”. Hmm…is THAT what that was? 🙂 Yes, I suppose it was!
The farther away I push him the closer he wants to be. It’s strange. He just wants a chance to get close to me so he can follow through with all his threats. IT is hoping I fall for that ‘swoon talk’ again, which I am not, no matter how much ‘the little girl’ inside me wants to believe in fairy tales and happily ever-afters, it is not going to ever happen.
That IS strange you received a message from him just when you did…while we were talking about this. He sounds childish. You should keep a log of all the different times he has contacted you with date, what was said and time. Just keep it in a file on your desktop and when you need it, you will have it on hand. Hopefully you won’t ever need it but it will help bolster your claims if you keep a log and/or record of his contacts with you this way.
I have enough of those to fill a whole computer!
Nine years (for me) is a lot of correspondence! Some of it very nice and good and loving and some of it not so nice, good and loving. Most of it harassment and manipulation and threats!
No contact and be absolutely faithful about it eg! Don’t get sucked back into that cycle of madness. It isn’t ever going to change because they have no values as we have. OBVIOUSLY or they wouldn’t be the scheisters they are! Right?!
Yes, it is terrible that they act like they do with no remorse. It is a complete narcissistic attitude and I, for one, am not standing for anymore of it. NOT when my life is on the line. I just am not. No amount of my caring, understanding, kindness is going to make any difference to the situation so I just keep it away from me. I have made this break five times since November and he never sticks to it. I never bother him. I have not spoken a word to him since I kicked him to the curb almost 2 months ago. Told him NOT to contact me nor correspond with me any further and that I MEAN every single word I said about prosecution. That he should seek legal counsel and advice and prepare himself for what may come because I am finished with all of this and putting it out of my life.
It has been a struggle. Nah, although I have thought about suing him in civil court for pain and suffering, I don’t care about cluttering my life up with all of THAT either. The attempted murder charges he made against me are covered and I don’t and won’t worry about that until after I die. It will be dealt with at the time of my demise and he doesn’t know when that is coming; if it will ever come. IT can live with some of ITS own indecision. Let IT worry and wonder ‘how I am’. If I am still alive or dead. I have a major, major, heart condition and could just drop dead at any moment. “SCDD” they call it.
No, NO CONTACT and I MEANT IT.
I would imagine the looming threat of prosecution for an attempted crime that IT KNOWS it tried on me and I KNOW it tried on me and half the law enforcement in my town KNOWS it happened to me….I imagine that looming threat is very uncomfortable and has a tendency to push one over the edge and that’s fine with me. Break NC and come by…please….
we can get this over with in one flail swoop then.
I refuse to live this way and I refuse to not only NOT have this in my life, I refuse to CHANGE my life in any way whatsoever because of it. IT CAN CHANGE by staying away from me and leaving me alone. I have NEVER been more exasperated, insulted, disrespected and used and injured in my life because of “THIS THING”. It is not going to continue.
Yes, “mine” has committed many criminal acts and the only one he has had to answer for, so far, was a felonious assault against his ex wife. He is on probation for quite a while over that. HE is the one who did these things and nobody else. With me out of the picture, he has nobody to blame any longer.
If I just refuse to participate any more, I have no more involvement. There is no amount of ‘explaining’ or trying to make IT understand what IT is and what I AM and what has happened to our friendship. I just don’t care anymore. It is hard to care when someone purposely tries to kill you and you are told to ‘shut the hell up and quit whining’ about it. Then you are threatened with harm if you attempt any further steps towards prosecution. I am sorry, threats only make me more resolved in my decisions and I am not changing my mind and IT knows it. Paperwork, etc., has already been shared with the prosecutors office and they are aware of the situation.
It can try to kill me now but it will only initiate the process and beginning of his prosecution. So, if this IT wants to try sp’ing ME, I learned from the MASTER: SPATH HAS BEEN SPATHED.
Period. I need IT for absolutely NOTHING and never have.
IT was IT spinning the lies and the webs. I believed the lies.
And I thought I was smarter than that so ‘educated’ is a term that I am not sure I deserve. 🙂
Thanks for the wishes of waking up happier and happier…I hope YOU are too. I know it takes a while to settle down after the ‘big break up’ but it will come. Focus on you and your life and trying to make it as happy as you possibly can. Fill it with ‘busy’ and ‘avoidance behaviors’ and before you know it your endeavors will whirl you away into a lifetime of peace and joy. The peace and joy I know you surely deserve, My New Friend.
I am fine. I am retired now and self sufficient. 🙂 I am in constant counseling and under medical care/treatment for my heart condition. I have acquired a major case of PTSD and MDD during this experience, along with the likes of agoraphobia. It has been so bad, for many years, I should have been institutionalized because I just was not functioning as a normal person. I lost so much weight; about 65lbs within a matter of a years time; had a massive heart attack from stress, that destroyed 70% of my heart muscle, so they tell me.
I refuse to be a part of this disrespect any longer.
I like to think I am NOT becoming the monster I just defeated but can’t help but wonder. I think as long as we keep on the path of light and goodness and just-ness and right-ness, we will be alright. We have to struggle with this experience not changing us and turning us into a bitter person and allowing that bitterness to block the goodness we might be able to find in life.
Thanks eg88 for sharing. There is great comfort in like minds and experiences coming together and sharing.
Happy night and don’t take his contact lightly.
Be aware; be very aware. KEEP THAT LOG!!!
Make sure someone is aware of your situation, aside from the authorities and you may want to re think not reporting the contact. If I had a restraining order, “I” would!!!!
DUPED
eg88- Thank you so very much for your insight and wise advice! And of course you’re right…I know any kind of retaliation would make me look like “the unstable one” so I will try to put my thoughts aside and concentrate on myself. And after reading the posts between you and “duped”, I realize that your stories are much more serious and heart-wrenching than mine, and if you both have the courage and discipline to move on with your lives, then I should follow your example.
So…thank you for your advice and concern. I hope you have better relationships in the future!
If he contacts me ONE more time I am calling the police. His probation officer called me today and said she is going to have him come in tomorrow for a “spur of the moment” meeting and she is going to drug test him. I don’t know if she followed through or if he made an excuse to get out of it tomorrow…but according to facebook he is still planning on going out to the bars tomorrow night in the town that I will be in. He is so unfair and out to try to destroy my night in hopes to gain control of the situation. I guess I have to suck it up and either not go out after the wedding…or if I am drunk and angry enough…pull out the order of protection and ruin his night…How dare he! I unfortunately responded to a few of his messages today, in a very wise, sarcastic, degrading way…it felt good but I won’t respond to anything else, and if he says one more thing then I will contact the police. It is unbelievable how he can write the nastiest things to me then write how much he loves me…he is extremely bothered by the fact I have a new boyfriend (even though I don’t have a new boyfriend lol) and I think if he goes out to the bars tomorrow night that he is looking to beat him up like he did with his other ex’s new boyfriend after they broke up. Oh well…I went to an AlAnon meeting tonight which was incredible! I shared my story and the people were SO nice, a lady even gave me her gold angel pin to have during my hard time…it was so sweet of her…and believe it or not I even through out there that he was a sociopath, and that lady told me HER ex husband was a sociopath and an alcoholic! It is so refreshing to meet and talk with people who know what it is like.
Duped-I wish you ALL the best in your journey for healing and hope everything goes well with your heart condition. And thank you very, very much for the support, kind words, and words of wisdom.
Baltimore- I am pleased you have decided to not retaliate, as it could be detrimental to a healthy recovery. I am glad you are finding strength in the posts on this website like I have. I am happy I shared my story (as embarrassing as it is) because I have nice people like you who listen/read and comment. Good luck with everything. I wish they had a “Healing from a sociopath anonymous” group!!!!