Editor’s note: Last year, Donna Andersen appeared in the premiere episode of “Who the (Bleep) Did I Marry?” on the Investigation Discovery Network. The show recently aired on Discovery Home and Health, a Spanish language station, in Central America. Lovefraud has heard from viewers in Mexico and Guatemala. Following is an e-mail from a woman whom we’ll call “Blanca.”
I saw your history in Discovery Home and Health here at Mexico, and I was surprised because everything you described was like a part of my personal life.
I’m part of those worldwide victims, sadly here at Mexico there are not specific laws to deal with his kind of situation.
My story began by e-mail. I really don’t know were he found me or why I had an invitation of him in my Facebook inbox. But we started a beautiful friendship and in a short time I was his girlfriend. We had a long distance relationship and I was completely certain of his everlasting love, so even I had a job I left my family and friends to marry him and move to his city at Monterrey (1000 km away from my home). After we were married I found in his e-mail by accident that he sent pictures of his penis to a woman, when I affront him, he told me it was a thing that we used to do, but that he was not cheating on me and that he never met that woman.
He cried asking me a new opportunity and because I loved him so much I decided to give him a chance. But it was not the only thing I discovered, later I saw that he logged in to a page of sex, with “friends” and a very specific profile asking for “erotic pictures, oral sex ”¦ etc.” Every time I confront him because of his sites, he always denied and involve me into a love story again.
He convince me to buy a house in Monterrey, I suffered of psychological violence, he used to leave me alone at home if he considered that I was not a “good wife,” he yelled at me, he threatened me and it was a really disgrace for me to be so far away of my home and be a victim of such a pain.
Right now I’m in the divorce process, of course he is playing a victim now and my lawyer suggested me to demand. I had to present exams to assure that I was a victim of domestic violence, and my results show my depression and all the changes that he made me, and also they told me “you were a victim of a sociopath” ”¦ he did not love you, he used you ”¦ it was a sad thing to hear in one way and a good one to hear because I can demand and ask to send him to jail.
Like you he took all my money and left me in serious debt (mortgage). I don’t know how to be strong enough to deal with this frustration. I have to leave my job and return to my home, with no money, no job and of course no husband.
I saw in your history that you finally found love, and I hope one day I found love like you and finally be happy. I would like to share this story in your blog and thank you so much to give so much information about these relationships.
I am so sorry that you had such a horrible experience with such a man. Such men are all over the world, in all cultures.
Read the articles here and learn about psychopaths (also called sociiopaths) and how to spot them and defend yourself from them. Do not be ashamed of being fooled by one, many smart men and women have been fooled by them. At least you got out before you had children.
Now that you are away from him you can start to rebuild your life and happiness. God bless.
((((( Blanca ))))))
I am so sorry about what you experienced. You have taken an enormous step in healing by becoming aware of just what you dealt with. I commend you for remaining hopeful, and I have faith that you will find someone worthy of your love and generosity of heart. I also encourage you to read all you can about psychopathy- in order to protect yourself in the future and become aware of the red flags. Like OxDrover said, there are many articles here on LF available to you.. also book recommendations from all over the board. Bless & Best wishes.
Blanca- you were strong enough to LEAVE. Many “targets” of sociopaths don’t leave soon enough. You are still very lucky to have a supportive family back home to help you heal. Many former partners of siciopaths have been forced to disconnect and alienate their friends and families who now no longer trust them and will not help, sometimes because they are afraid the former partner will hurt them in retaliation. Read the posts at LoveFraud and learn from others in the same situation. You are also lucky that you found social workers who were familiar with the kind of person your ex is and didn’t put you through another hell because of his manipulation of the courts, law enforcement, psychologists, and the people who are there to help you. Stay strong my friend.
thank you for sharing your story. You are lucky that you have a divorce lawyer who understands what you have been through. I’m glad you escaped.
Be very careful though, because many of us who have been victims end up learning that we were set up to be attracted to narcissists because of experiences early in our childhoods. It’s important that you learn about yourself and why you didn’t see the red flags. This is important so that it won’t happen again. Many of us end up repeating our mistakes over and over unless we understand OURSELVES. There are so many of these types in the world. I’ve been ensnared by women spaths who pretend to be friends as well as men who pretend to love me. Be vigilent. Learn as much as you can.
Thank you for sharing your experiences with us all. We have all been there, some of us more than once. The problem is , we think if we find the “right” person, and fall in love, we will be HAPPY. The monsters out there seek us all out, and build a fantasy world around us. Its full of flowers, and friendship and love, and romance. We believe them, ( look at Maria Shriver! ) and we stand by them, and they are doing what ever they want, in secret. And they know the type of person who will fall for their bull crap. ( that is, attentions ) . Its women and men who believe in fairy tale romance and that they will live happily ever after.
Real relationships are built on admiration, and honesty. Two people who work as a team, to have the things they both want in life. A partner who is honest and hard working. A person who tells the truth. We find out that is the kind of person we want in friendships. Some friendships blossom into something closer.
We have to be very careful of people who hold out promises, then break them. We have to watch for signs of dishonesty, and draw the line and walk away from the next liar. We have to BE HAPPY already, ourselves, and not expect another person will be able to do that FOR us. And they should already be happy too. We walk away from people who make us feel sympathy for them, and we walk away from people just too good to be true.
I have had to learn, to make my self happy; without expecting that to come from the opposite sex. I am fulfilled already. I do what I like to do, and have many friends. So is my spouse. We do trust each other. We do fight over little things when we are sick or tired. But we do LOVE each other. Its work. Its not a fantasy or a fairy tale. Its work. Its hard work to be honest. It is work to make a safe environment for our family. But it beats the heck out of believing lies and promises never kept.
YOU will go on, and you will make a NEW life. The old one will fall away, like rubble . You will have to find a way to pay for the debts, but you have learned a good and noble life lesson.
And it will serve you well. You’re new life will have honest people in it, and really true happiness. It will be your responsibility to make your self happy inside, and out.
Good luck and God bless you!
Thank you so much for that post…it is an inspiration. Thank you.