Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who we’ll call “Rhonda.”
Hello Lovefraud
After having my own epiphany over this past week, concerning my ex sociopathic partner, I was led to your blog and info, as well as others, that outline the description of sociopathy, psychopathy. OMG!
Oh dear, the relevation. 2.5 yrs with someone and only waking up now – that’s me.
My ex fits ALL the descriptors. The theft, the alcoholism, the constant ‘running away’ for days on end, the threats, the lies, the questions answered with more questions, the secrets, the lot!
I have been holed up in my house this past week, over Christmas and New Year unable to go out. I feel I may be suffering from post tramautic stress syndrome. When I read the stories here from others, I knew those individuals all lived what I have lived through, but still find it unbelievable, even though I know all their stories and mine are true.
Please keep up the good work here – I never EVER thought I was capable of being duped – I suppose in retrospect I saw it coming. Its the betrayal that hurts way more than the end of the relationship – I now feel there is something terribly wrong with me, for having been so blind. I don’t have anyone to explain to, how I feel, because one would have to live this, to truly understand. I think my friends would probably think I was lying or as equally unhinged as my ex, if I told them what had gone on.
I guess that is exactly where my ex wanted me to be.
I love the articles and pieces on spirituality. All things happen for a reason and in hindsight, I think I was an accident waiting to happen. I have learned sooooo much.
Liz,
I’m sorry you are feeling that way, but glad that you are taking responsibility for your emotions. They are YOURS and you control them, she doesn’t.
The N’s put us on a roller coaster so they can trauma bond us. It’s a love/hate relationship and it has a very strong pull. You are describing exactly that, when you talk about her. They do it because it makes them feel powerful. The attraction to you is that you sense that she is getting her power FROM YOU. That makes YOU feel powerful. That’s why they call us “SUPPLY”. We actually supply them their power. It gives us a high, too.
Are you getting out and meeting people, keeping up a social life? If not, loneliness can make us weak to spaths. Join meetup groups and get a work out partner. Focus on that wonderful ball of fur.
Miss Elizabeth Bennet, I didn’t read all of you r long post above, so forgive me, but what the heck, girl!? RUN. she’s a piece of crap and that stuff about the gun keeps coming up and i am just sure she is setting you up for some damn thing. xo one joy
Elizabeth Bennett,
Hey! I’m not around much these days, but I was thrilled to read how well you are doing – how you lost 24 pounds (not an easy thing) and quit smoking. Good for you! And it sounds like the situation with your neighbor has finally come full circle. I am so excited for what your life will bring for you! I admire you for following your passion in life. I think you will be a fantastic police officer.
I myself recently lost about 10 lbs, which is all I really had to lose. I’m also going to the gym almost every day, doing Zumba, belly dancing, weights, and the bane of my existence – the stairmaster. I finally sold my condo to a great landlord who is renting it back to me for less than my prior mortgage. It has given me my freedom to take the next step, whatever that will be.
But the best part is that I have been attracting some wonderful massage clients who are like kindred spirits. They energize me rather than drain me. I get emails from them telling me I am a gifted healer and how lucky they are to have found me. This is SO validating for me after 15 years in practice and a lifetime of my own healing. I feel like I finally have something to offer to the world.
I’m also glad to hear about your kitty. My last remaining cat is very old, and her health is declining. I don’t think she’ll live 2 more months. But I know she’s had a good and long life with me since the day she was born (on my bed). I wish you many years with your little one, too.
Hugs,
Star
Liz, just read your last post. The old emotional rollercoaster……give it some time. You’ll get past it. Just don’t go back for round 3 with her next time. (((hugs)))
Sky, Star, Onstep, I have been on the rollercoaster for the past week and I’m trying like heck to get off. She started pouring it on in mid October as soon as I started my new job and carried on til this Monday, and then BOOM. I got pulled in so hard but when it came time for her to start dealing with emotions/feelings, she exploded all over me and I blame myself. This is really making me feel bad about myself so it has to stop. I am having fun with some other people and getting involved with community service, so hopefully that will help. I have been in the gym everyday this week and it is making me positive and feel like I’m taking back my own power. I am sitting here typing with one hand cuz the kitty has fallen asleep with his head in my left hand and I don’t want to disturb him cuz he looks so cute. I am also looking into getting him a dog. I can’t believe how many new people are here since I’ve been away.
ElizabethBennet
Welcome back, I know what you mean. I took a two week hiatus and lots of new names upon my return.
I understand the roller coaster.
Going no contact is best if you can swing it.
Going to the gym is great. It’s a great way of investing in YOU rather than all these crazy people.
HUGS.
Athena
Thanks Athena! I am doing as much NC as I possibly can, considering she lives right on the other side of me with only a wall between us. I am in a modified shotgun home and all of our rooms mirror each other. I could end up getting lucky though because another neighbor told me that N may be considering buying a house, so she could possibly move.
Liz, you’re spoiling Remy if you get him his own dog! Do you think he’s old enough for that responsibility?
Sky-He is already beyond spoilen rotten! LOL My biggest problemis how to manage the dog with my stupid 12 hour night shifts.
oh, yeah. maybe wait til your neighbor moves and see who moves in next door. If he barks a lot while you are gone, they could complain and force you to get rid of him.