By | February 17, 2011 14 Comments

LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Looking into the eyes of a conman

Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who posts as “Eclipse.”

I met the P at the end of 2004. We both worked out at a local gym close to my home. I had been going through a divorce for about a year. I confided to him about my 19-year marriage, of abuse. We became friends for about six months. We then became involved and were falling for each other. He told me he was in a bad relationship, and that he was married, eight months into our relationship.

He told me he was trapped and was trying to get a divorce. He told me how his wife was controlling and mentally abusive to him; he was denied any affection. So knowing he is on his way for a divorce, I agreed to not leave him and wait for him to be single. I was already falling in love with him at this time. He told me how he wanted to be with my daughter and be a family.

The P borrowed a lot of money from his soon-to-be ex. He persuaded me to let him borrow what he owed to her. So I gave him an ample amount of money to give to her. He promised to pay it back once his divorce was final. Time went by and he was still having trouble getting out of this relationship. He planned next to buy a second home for her to live in. He found a house not far from his home. He worked on fixing it up for her the way she wanted, and the plan was for her to move in and get divorced.

Buying houses

This plan did not go smoothly she refused to move in and told him to sell both homes if he wanted  out of this marriage. So the P put for sale signs on both houses, he had no bites on either property, so he persuaded me to buy the second home fixed up. I was not happy with the price of $210,000, he told me she won’t settle for less. I purchased this home in Oct. 2006.

Another year went by, in deep love at this time, he still was trying to get out and was miserable. He was getting no offers on his home and persuaded me to buy his home for $192,000, and promised to buy it back after he was divorced. I told him I did not want both homes, however I did this for him. He said he would purchase his home back so I felt better. So I bought his home in Oct. 2007.

The P and his soon-to-be ex moved out; he found her a town home to rent. He moved in with his best friend and rented a room from him. In this time she got a divorce attorney and the P needed my help financially to get a divorce attorney. The P always promised to pay it all back once the divorce was final. They went through three meditations, all not settled. He had to pay alimony to the soon-to-be ex of $800 a month. He was always broke and hungry, then his mom needed to go into a nursing home.

I was letting him borrow lots of money in this time to help him out; I felt bad for him so this continued. The P told me he loved me very much and did not want to lose me. He was always scared I would dump him; I was always assuring him I would wait for him.

They went through three court days in this time. The first Jan. 2009; she did not show up—family emergency. The second April 2009, which she fired her attorney to buy time I was told. After the third court day we had plans to celebrate Aug. 2009.

No word

I did not hear from him, and this happened throughout this relationship he told me he worked for the DEA, and I could not call him for my protection. I was getting upset, and one friend from the gym, who was the P’s  friend and mine, tried contacting him also. He told me he did not like it and felt possibly he was not being truthful somewhere here. His friend, who I have known for a few years now, helped me through this time of not hearing from him. The P gave him the same story—wanting to be with me and spend his life with me and my daughter. The P’s friend believed him up until 9/2009. His final court day was 8-31-09.

I decided to look for the P online I found him on USA search sight. He purchased a home with his wife for $420,000 one month after I purchased his home. I was devastated. He lied to me the whole 3.5 years I was involved with him. We had a future planned out to live our lives together and get married.

He called me Nov.10, 2009 and told me he misses me. I told him I was in massage school and moving on. He wanted to see me; I told him I was too busy and he owed me thousands of dollars and he needs to pay me back as he promised. Then I asked him if he was divorced. He told me we can work the money issues out and that his divorce is not working out his way. He also told me he was living now by himself. Ha ha, I know the truth.


I filed a complaint on the P at the sheriff’s dept in 2009; I was advised to file a civil suit to recoup my money. I got an attorney working with me on this suit. He hired an investigator to confront the P; he lied and denied everything. From that point I was advised to take a polygraph test and I did. I naturally passed for I am telling nothing but the truth. My attorney sent a demand letter to Mr P and he denied all. My attorney sent a second letter out Dec. 2010; still have not heard a response.

I met with my attorney in Dec. 2010 and he advised me he was elected for Circuit Judge and could no longer be my attorney. He also let me know that if I pursue this case, the P is going to lie and not admit to his wrongdoings; the case could go in my favor or in his and I would be another victim of the P’s if I lose.

Calling the wife

It’s Jan. 2011. I have decided not to pursue this any longer. I have had counseling in the last few years due to the P I fell for. I no longer need any more counseling and I have moved forward in my life. I feel good about myself, and thank God for helping me though all bad times.

I contacted the P’s ex-wife and told her about what happened. She told me he was an abuser mentally and physically. We had a long talk and she asked, “What can I do for you?” I told her to get the word out about the P so he does not hurt anyone else again. I also want his wife to know the truth of her lying snake husband. She told me it shall all be done; if I need anything to call her anytime.

A few weeks have passed and I decided to look up his wife and e-mail her about all that happened. I told her all what occurred with the P. She needs to know what a lowlife con man she is married to. I told her to call if she had any questions for me.

I feel better to this day, but I do not expect to hear from her. I know the shock she is going through from her P husband and all that occurred. The truth is out and is going to continue to keep flowing out”¦!!!!!!

Moving forward

When I look back I was only trying to help this P; I loved him and believed in him with all my heart. He ripped my heart out; all this P did was evil and bad.

This is the last few years of my life after the death of my ex-husband. I know I should have never trusted anyone. After a recent death, I should have given myself the time to mourn; even though it was a bad marriage. I know to this day I was not as clear as I am now; big mistakes for sure.

It is Feb. 2011 and I am with a nice man. For sure, I see all the difference now. He is honest and no lies or stories or excuses of being gone for so long. He wants to help me and do for my daughter and me. I have learned to trust and love again with a wonderful man this time. To all of you who have been hurt, God bless you and keep moving forward”¦

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lesson learned

He told me how his wife was controlling and mentally abusive to him; he was denied any affection

Same EXACT line of garbage.

So glad you’re out and finding happiness! and I hope you can recoup some of your losses!!!


Thank you for your story. Of course, mine is similar. However, I have not contacted any of the women that came before me. I was advised by my psychologist that this would not be healthy, because it could anger the SP and welcome more abuse towards me. When I kicked him out of my home, in July 2010, after finding out he already had another woman lined up, I did contact that woman. I emailed her very briefly explaining how amazing the beginning of the relationship will be and how he will turn around and abuse her. At the time, I did not realize he was an sociopath and could not provide her with more information. I know they are still together. In fact, I think she is even pregnant. Yikes! I wish her the best, but I don’t think I should have any contact with her in fear that I will allow my ex-path back into my life. It has been such a struggle getting past my experience. I have made huge growth already, but the experience dominates my thoughts and life, still. I look forward to the time in which I will not have such strong feelings in regards to it, and can only help to educate others.



Thanks I got the truth out and I feel much better this year God bless !!!!
Good luck to you all, we are much better out of their hands all evil ones …………


That was a brave move on your part. The lies are just appalling.. what a disgusting, ( yet typical? I should say ) psychopath you unfortunately got tangled up with. I am very glad to hear that you are with someone who loves you now. Hope everything works out wonderfully.. best of luck to you.


Thanks so much dancingnancies yes he was a good professional lier lol. Best of luck to you also,this site has helped a lot take care all keep moving forward and try to focus on the future.


Hi all, this is the former rdyzoo, I had to change my nickname, as it was an issue…Thanks Eclipse for your story. I really relate. I too, was pretty newly widowed, when my N/P took great financial and emotional advantage. I tried to sue him to recoup some of the thousands he had “borrowed” for his house, but then he moved out of state…not collectible there. It’s hard…especially when I am needing money sometimes, not to become totally resentful and angry at myself for my foolishness. I’m happily married now to a wonderful and TRANSPARENT man. I’m sorry for the loss you went through, but I’m glad that you are able to look to the future and have also found a good man!


Hi there Alwayshope and all, I know what foolishness I felt too after you realize what has happened to you. It’s the worst feeling having someone you cared about be a fraud,all broken promises nothing for real about them..
Yes Alwayshope I know how you feel when you could of used your money for something that was needed and it is gone,get’s to you sometimes for sure…all our intentions was to help while they were out to destroy. Glad you are with a good man now and happily married wonderful!
The future is all going to be beautiful for us now just keep looking forward ………..God bless


Please help, I am so confused and have been obsessed with reading these posts for the past few weeks. I need to know if my ex-boyfriend is a narcissist, sociopath or a psychopath. I can’t move on and get closure until I determine this. I am in so much pain and am living inside my head and also trying to live inside his head and I am stuck and need to get out and move on. Would you all be willing to listen to my story and give me feedback?


Hello there I know it takes a lot of time to heal inside, if you need to talk yes I will listen to you . Take care

apples of the eye

After 20 years of a lonely marriage I met a sociopath. This guy chased me hard, convinced me to have an affair with him for the past year and a half. But soon after I started the affair I found out he was unemployed and loosing his home and car to forclosure. By this time I was smitten and would do so many things to help him from helping him with rent, paying for his cell phone and food and transporting him everywhere. But then the manipulation and lies and withholding of affection started. I finally admitted the affair to my husband and moved out of my home with the hopes that my lover would love me more and stop lieing and withholding…but this only made things worse. As soon as he got a job (which I found for him) and a car (I found out later another lady lent him the down payment for) I was dumped. He’s starting to pay me back $100 per pay check….but owes me over $2,000!!


Amposter I guess a lot of us are learning from our mistakes we have made. Better things happen after our bad times, one thing I am glad he is paying you back. Most of us don’t see that happen,they slide and slither away like a snake,and don’t owe up to what they promised.
Good luck to you………..!


One question from anyone, is it possible the wife had part of this con, I still have not heard from her…


Hello I think I may pursue this case again, some people think I should do so. I am not sure I know I am strong and can do so.


I am having attorneys looking at my case ….

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