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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Recovering from the con man

Editor’s note: Andrew J. Harper wasn’t who he said he was. He wasn’t a professional drag racer and he didn’t own properties in Europe. But at least 17 women in Australia, New Zealand and the United States believed him—and many lost money because they did.

Two of his victims, Diana Mors, who posts on Lovefraud as “AJH_Victim1,” and Rebecca Bell, worked together to find the truth, and the con man was finally arrested in October, 2010. The women told their story in the January 2011 issue of The Australian Woman’s Weekly, and then in the North West Star. Read:

”˜How I caught a con man’ on NorthWestStar.com.au

With the publicity, the women have been contacted by many victims of con men. Diana, feeling compelled to help them, wrote the following article.

How to transition from victim to survivor”¦

By Diana Mors

Know why you were conned—because you are kind, compassionate and caring. Also because your were targeted and his/her mission was to “get” you.

Forgive yourself, this is so important! Initially you will feel like an accomplice; most victims do.

Understand your perpetrator. The person you let in your life is NOT the one who enters. They rely on your complicity, embarrassment and humiliation to get away with their con. You invited them in, spent money, etc.—but on a pretext of lies. This person is fictitious and imaginary, even though they are there in front of you in 3D.

Just accept that they do not/cannot/will not have a moral compass like you do. They lack empathy, conscience, ethics, principles and scruples. So yes, they can sleep at night—often quite comfortably and usually at your expense. Do not try to work them out, you cannot.

Where to from here:

Police report

Go to the police and file a report. Insist! I got fobbed off by a Senior Sgt. four times trying to get me to not report. You will hear terms such as, “It will be difficult to prove,” well just how much is involved, etc. Keep insisting. I just kept saying, “Yes I know, but I still want it reported and would like a crime number please.” I said this four times and finally got my report taken.

Also police will recognise fraud in a business/corporate context, but seem disinterested in an individual’s case”¦.. INSIST, INSIST, INSIST. Give only copies of any evidence and keep originals. This has been key to the charges on our guy going from two to 34. One of our co-survivors kept everything.

There are the laws in various states on fraud and deception. Do your homework and take a copy of the legislation (pertinent parts) to the police if you must. In Queensland the law states:

Fraud is behaviour that’s deceptive, dishonest, corrupt or unethical.

For a fraud to exist there needs to be an offender, a victim and an absence of control or safeguards.

Here in Queensland, the laws on fraud involve dishonesty in any of these situations:

  • obtaining property belonging to someone else
  • applying someone else’s property to one’s own use
  • causing a detriment to another person or entity
  • gaining a benefit or advantage for any person; and
  • inducing or causing any person to deliver property to another person

The more people that report these crimes, the more the authorities are going to have to take notice. Our perpetrators rely on us blaming ourselves and NOT reporting to continue in their craft.

It has taken years for crimes such as music piracy to be recognised in the legal system and it may take years for this type of fraud to be given credibility, but the more of us that do it the more they have to take notice. What happened is NOT acceptable AND should be reported—not trivialised

Seek support

Go to your doctor and get counseling — you can get 12 free psych visits with a doctors referral — you NEED this, for you, for your family, for your kids. You need to talk this out. You have been violated and have suffered trauma.

Lovefraud.com—get on this site and read up; it is so helpful and beneficial. Join the mailing list. And seek out information that can help you. Get the book Without Conscience by Dr. Robert Hare.

Get support and understanding. Family, friends, colleagues, us, Facebook—seek it out wherever you can. A support group like ours circumvents the need to explain how you got conned—we know how it happens and are just there for each other. You will get people who will say things like, how on earth did you get conned, didn’t you realise when such and such happened? No one can possibly understand until they have been there, and we do not want to see more people there.

Set up blog

If you want to, set up a website/blog. Set it up on Google. This may cost money; you may need a webmaster to do this for you. Use verifiable facts ONLY—if you have incontrovertible proof it is a lie, then list it. What was the lie, how did you prove it was a lie and any reference material. Be objective and matter of fact. If you can’t write it, then get some one else to on your behalf. Be 100 percent honest and keep emotion out of it.

When I set up the website on our con I was taking a risk and I knew it. If our guy was genuine and innocent he could have come after me, but I was so confident that I had the necessary facts and evidence to support that his claims were complete and utter lies that I was happy to take the chance and confront him if it ever came to that.

Accept the change

You WILL be forever changed. Accept that. It does not mean suck it up, simply you cannot go back and have the life, sense of worth, trust, comfort that you had before. Additionally though, you are now stronger and wiser.

Can you empower yourself? Yes, join support groups such as our Facebook group ConnedInAus.

When I initially went pubic, having my photograph in the newspaper, I knew that I was setting myself up to criticism, but as I said to our Melbourne journalist, someone has to be the face of this crime.  No matter how humiliating, how embarrassing or what criticism may come my way, I knew my self esteem could handle it. I am a small business owner, single and childless, so I had no one to protect if my identity was made public. Additionally, I wanted our con to know that I was still out there chasing him. I had support in Rebecca Bell, as we had supported each other in the 18 months leading up to his downfall. I am so grateful that Rebecca then came with me to do the A Current Affair report, and had to deal with a lot of her own demons in going public.

Overwhelmingly the feedback has been positive for going public—comments of how brave and courageous we were together with the odd “attagirl” and lots of thanks for sharing our tale. There have been a couple of individuals who feel they are entitled to ridicule us, but so far they are in the minority; we do not even waste our time defending our position. In fact, others have actually come to our rescue in those instances and put them in their place on our behalf.

I can tell you I have never felt such euphoria as when our guy was arrested. It was just utter joy. Having lived on the edge of my seat for two years trying to track him, knowing he was hurting someone else and being powerless to do anything, was excruciating.

I hope this helps you make the important transition that you require to empower yourself and move forward. In sharing this information I hope you find a path to recovery.


Comment on this article

50 Comments on "LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Recovering from the con man"

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I never went after the P and it’s way too late now. I resented the time consuming hours eaten up in presenting my case, travelling to his country, negotiating language barriers etc. he had used up any financial resources I had at my disposal and in typical form skipped off into the sunset with my money and apparently dating woman after woman in an addictive search for one that he can no doubt seduce and rob…. Its 2 years ago now and I’m just glad the post traumatic stress had eased and I am also feeling much more confident within and as myself these days. I would have loved to witness his demise, and I still hold out that I may hear some news some day that will bring me great satisfaction

It is amazing to read how going after these fraudulent freaks causes so much happiness and growth! Yay!! I also can see how the actual process of catching him has increased your self esteem, revealed the kind of person you really are and toughened your spirit- ~I would NEARLY say you actually might have got more out of the experience than him in the end, and isn’t that the irony? upwards and onwards towards a better life!!

ATTAGIRLs, Diana!!!! and Rebecca!!!!!
Good for you!!! I’ve kind of followed this since his arrest and I’m happy that at least a few women/men have been able to bring these cons to heel, and to heal as well. Congratulations!!!

@Drover,
I am VERY grateful to them, gosh if it had not been for them i would still be wondering what “Dr Karlsson’s” real name was!

@Bulletproof It has been amazing to get to know the other women who were duped by this guy- we are all caring and lovely women and for me, the relationships with them has been the best thing to come out of this.

*hugs*
Roz

WOW! What a GREAT ending to a very painful story!!

Congratulations!

LL

Congratulations! I’m so glad justice has been served and he is being held accountable for what he has done. There are so many of us, including myself, who have only had the energy to go NC and try to pick up the pieces as best we can. This has truly been an encouragement to all of us!

Diana (AJH1) –

Just a quick deviation because I’ve been wondering about you the past couple of weeks – how did you go with the floods?

Hope it wasn’t too bad where you are. xx

Diana and Rebecca, I really admire you for what you have accomplished!
This took a lot of courage, and you two are also very smart!!!
Towanda to all of you!!!!!

Hey Aussie – we are well in QLD – I am now in the far north west and we have been affected by lack of supplies, fruit, veges, food and household items unable to get through due to road wash out.

Rebecca, in her usual selfless way opened her home to many fleeing the floods for people AND pets.

There have been many lessons to be learned from this experience, but one that has been completely unanticipated is the venom and vitriol that some people feel entitled to spit our way. Of course, they have not actually understood the substance and gravity of the illegal activity undertaken by our con, but now is the time to “let go” and allow them their space to revel in their arrogance, naivety and ignorance.

http://aww.ninemsn.com.au/news/inthemag/8184910/love-betrayal-and-revenge
http://www.subzerosiam.com/forum/showthread.php?p=593537

I know, once our book is published that the whole story will be exposed and the enormity of the work done to catch our con will be revealed.

Bec and I and our co-survivors will forever be conjoined. Our caring and affection for each other an unbreakable bond. And while this outcome of love, caring, friendship has been amazing and remarkable, still I would never wish such a fate on another human being – even those who choose to judge and criticise

thanks for the feedback folks – keep it coming

Hugs,
Diana
Thanks Shabbychic – we never felt very smart – pretty gullible and vulnerable a lot of the time, but our determination to stop our con – not for us, but for the damage he had done to our co-survivors – was our driving force and our passion. It coursed through our veins like hot water. I desire for his apprehension was so strong.

Forgivemyself – justice has been a long time coming. While Bec and I have been on our con’s tail for 18 months, he has had a free reign for the last 10 years in three continents.

Lesson learned – there was an epiphany a couple of months age, when Bec’s mum asked her when this would end, and Bec had to respond honestly that it never would. I would love this to have a happy ending, but our con will, in all likelihood, be released from incarceration next week, and so again we will be vigilant, and again we will do all we can to stymie his operations. Acknowledging that this is a lifelong vigil has been an awakening in itself.

To all, stay strong and DO NOT let the opinion of others shape your mission
Diana

Hi. Today I went to church………no one I met:
Belittled me
Talked down to me
Embarrassed me
Lied to me
Love bombed me
Hurt me
Upset my friends
Checked up on me
Ignored me

It felt GOOD to be among people I can:
Trust
Turn to in times of trouble
Believe ME
Genuinely care
Are supportive
Give praise
Make me feel proud of what I achieve
Ask about my job/family

AND WANT absolutely NOTHING IN RETURN

(((((((((((((((feeling good))))))))))))))))) and not a spath in sight!

one/joy_step_at_a_time

AJH_Victim1 – i like bec’s response to her mom. it’s sound, and possible because you folks have banded together. although another survivor of my spath is suing her and is very public, we are not in the same area; and although we have had some contact she is not at ease with people she meets post spath- her trust is so damaged. there is no way we would ever form a union. many of the spath’s other victims have contacted her also – so a group/ community would be possible, albeit virtually. given that most of us we conned online primarily – that would be a pretty hard sell.

if i had a community i may have continued to work to bring the spath down. but i did not. i knew that i could go ‘all in’ or i could save myself. without support and community, i think i would have lost myself in this work. my health is not good, nor is my financial situation – so i had to take care of these things first.

i love what you folks have done – absolutely warms my heart and makes me feel there is a way to stand against evil! bless you all!!!

The “comments” to the articles were interesting to me and the survivor’s comments back to the ones making the snarky comments as well.

I read several newspapers on line and the comments to many articles are more interesting sometimes than the articles. The snarky and/or hateful comments that the readers make simply AMAZES me.

Hopefully with the photos of him out there people in AZ will at least be warned. We can pretty well predict (even without a crystal ball!!!) that he is not going to get out and get a job! LOL

I have never posted a comment before because I didn’t think there was anything I could contribute that would be enlightening or helpful. But I really must thank all of you for saving my life. Almost three years ago, an aquaintance in a substance support group of mine pinned the father of my youngest an spath. It finally all made sense after that moment and I began to heal through the blogs I’ve been reading ever since. Your stories, suggestions, books, tapes and professionals put me back together in a whole, proud and functioning woman. I am forever grateful of the time and energy all of you put into your posts. I still have hurdles to jump, with my daughter being 11, he’s still around, But no longer my parasite!! Thank you

Dear Happy2B1,

Thank you so much for sharing that, and believe it or not, it means more than you can possibly know. I’m glad that you are doing better and that you figured out what the heck was going on with him. God bless and keep on the healing path! (((hugs))))

Happy2B1,
I’m so happy for you.
The details of all our stories are parts of the puzzle and as they come together, we start to get a clear picture of the sociopath and of ourselves. Even the repeated details help to fill in the puzzle. Just like a jigsaw puzzle, there will be some pieces that are all blue because it’s the sky or green because it’s the landscape, but we still need them to fill in the complete picture. Anything you can add is helpful, especially to the newbies. I’m not so new, but I haven’t reached your stage of complete functioning. I’m more like partially functioning in my dysfunction.
Welcome, to the worst club with the best people.

Happy2B1, I’m so glad you posted! Nice to meet you!
I never really thought I could post anything that would be enlightening or helpful…
but… we all help each other, I hope you will keep posting, we all have hurdles to jump!!!

Skylar that’s a great way of putting it, the peace I found knowing I wasn’t the only person out there in the middle of a three ringed circus was so welcomed. The pieces of the puzzled started to come together with everyone of your posts I read! I wasn’t out of my mind after all!!! The amount of help all of you give… you have no idea…
I hope someday I will be able to share how low I got in the relationship with him and the things I did in the name of “love”. But the most important part is the recovery from them and let others like us know there is a way out.
And all of you have helped!!
love and blessings…to be continued

Happy2b1:I’m glad you told us all that. I’m glad that spilling my crap is helping others. It helped me too:)

Happy2b1 –
Onwards and upwards, hey? Welcome and may you continue to find the peace that we all so richly deserve.

AJH1 –
So glad to hear you are okay. The news has had me in tears. Where I am, while you lot were drowning, we had the big bushfires (lit by some spath, no doubt) and dry, windy, 40+ degree days. Talk about one extreme to the other! Last count, 10 homes lost as well as a few holiday “shacks”.

Can’t wait to read your book – I’m writing one too, but don’t hold your breath. It’s a long, hard slog this end. xx

Today has been a tough day for me, and some of the other girls I’m sure.

AJH has a hearing tomorrow in Melbourne and we are expecting him to be released on time served.

I had a ticket on hold but could not face going.
*hugs everyone* your support has been so helpful

Roz

Dear Rozzie,

Sorry you are having a bad day of it. I can relate to you not wanting him out of jail/prison! My P-son has another 3 years to go before he can go back to the parole board and ask for release again, but he may eventually get it and when he does I have to “head for the hills” to hide out to keep safe from him.

I can only hope at least that your “pet psychopath” isn’t dangerous to you all, though I know you want to protect others from him as well.

I’m glad that you were able to NOT go and to recognize that you have difficulty in doing some things you might actually feel like you “need” to do, and to allow yourself to NOT go.

Keep in mind, “this, too, shall pass.” (((Hugs)))) and God bless.

Would you please go into depth of how to set up a blog? Mine has every person from my family, Church,and neighborhood believing things that are not true about me. I have emails etc. that show he was “setting this up” BEFORE he did this to me. Telling my loved ones I was doing things in our home, etc. for months in secret to make them think I was” crazy” and Boderline Personality. Actually everything he says I am, is exactly who he is! Since April, not one person has talked to ME. Everything goes in and out about me through him….even though we don’t live in the same state! Based on what he said about me my CHURCH will not meet with me, when I tried to tell them he is a Psycopath….they just said “every person determines their own future”. Bologna! I have seen my entire life’s work with my Christian community, My children, My friends, torn down by this one man that I was married to for only 10 months!! I have often thought of a blog….but I also know he is too strong for me, and I don’t put ANYTHING past him. But, NO ONE will take my calls, texts, emails….even friends from 30+ Years!!! I am “shut-out” totally based on his lies. I have a previous girlfriend and his Ex-Wife who have confirmed my suspicions……emails, etc. but they feel powerless and want nothing to do with him. So I have all this information, and I am still powerless.

If anyone has done a blog…please advise me……. I feel it might get the TRUTH out about what he has done to me, and others.

I just want my family back. We were a beautiful family, and then he turned them against me, using things I entrusted to him and several months of lies……JUST to take me down. Just to ruin my life. No other reason!
I just want to DO something……. Thank you and God Bless!

I want to clarify…I should have previewed all the spelling errors. (sorry) Legally I wonder about the blog? but I know others mention their psycopaths in books…… Also, could I make a blog and not actually NAME him….but address psycopaths and my own personal experiences? Any info would be appreciated. Thank you.

Ha! I might actually have “found ” my answer in another post: KatyDid said: ….”and even with proof, people defend him and hated me for showing the proof, I don’t warn people anymore, the price of honesty is too high. It’s also why I don’t expose him. I’d rather be safely leading my own life than watching my back”.

It’s so hard when he has convinced your grown CHILDREN that you are “crazy”, and has convinced them to block your texts, calls and emails. I am sitting here watching the months turn into almost a year….on the closest family ever, but I married a very HIGH level Psycopath, who has perfected his game from each woman I have talked to in his past…until he got to me! He truly has succeeded in taking everything I was! He lives 5 hours away from me, and yet I saw him at my neighbors house this past weekend! He will do anything and everything…including drive 10 hours to keep the lies circulating!

I am building a new life, but without my kids, Grand-daughters, and Church it seems very empty. But I am not where I was 6 months ago. I am beginning to accept the reality, But should a Mom have to ACCEPT that a Psycopath took all those days, months and years of mothering your kids away from you right when the GrandBabies come???? I was a 24/7 Mom…. and now, I live without them! I have tried to get them to believe me, but with him driving 10 hours as often as he needs to, to keep the lies going, and with them totally blocking me, I am forced to let him win, and just pray. The more I tried to disregard their boundaries to get them to listen to me….the more it made me look to be what he was saying about me! It really is a no-win situation. I get up every morning ….just trying to walk everyday in Faith that one day GOD will bring him down….and wishing I never had to touch or know of this kind of evil.

In actuality this is my 3rd Psycopathic relationship….you think I would have “gotten it” sooner. I always knew “what” was wrong….but “IT” never had a NAME. So 15 marriage counselors with the first husband only told me “to be a better wife” “give him more sex” etc. after 29 years of living with a man with a double-life I DETERMINED not to ever marry an abuser again. We’ll guess what? It’s way worse than just abusive or double-life…… It is a PSYCOPATH….that we need to get the NAME of out there so others are not destroyed like we have been. He passed all the “abuse” red-flags…..because everything was a LIE, every person I checked him out with was/is is snowballed into thinking he is Mr. wonderful! until we were married. Then you find out that he targeted you to destroy you. That EVERYTHING is a lie, and that he will win at destroying you.

Thank you to all on this post. Speaking of snowballs we have 15″ of snow coming with 40 degree wind so I better get prepared. Funny… we can prepare when we know what’s coming. Their disguise is we were never prepared for what was about to hit us!!

Dear bellaangel,

If you had 100 blogs set up it would NOT matter, I am afraid. People believe what they get their heads around and they disbelieve what they don’t want to hear.

You cannot change what someone else believes even with proof. That is a fact. There is a book called “A mind of its own; how your brain distorts and deceives” by Dr. Cordellia fine. I suggest you get this book, you can order it off line from amazon used book sellers for only a few bucks and it is WELL worth the read.

It is frustrating and painful that your children are out of your life, but there is NOT ANYTHING YOU CAN DO TO CHANGE THIS. I wish I had two of my sons back in my life too, but one is a psychopath himself and the other one isn’t the kind of man I wish he was either. They are out of my life. My maternal DNA donor is also out of my life as well. My “family” is GONE essentially, and there’s nada I can do about it except make my own life and slow and stop the grieving over what is NOT there.

The people at the church I formerly attended also think I am crazy and abusive to my” pooor long suffering mother” who is herself a well masked abuser who pretends to be a Christian. They are NOT going to believe me, not listen to me either, I tried. But their bad behavior is not going to come between me and my faith in my God or myself.

I too wanted grandkids and prayed for them, but now I am glad I do NOT have any to become attached to and have jerked out of my life. I just have to trust God that it is for the best for me.

Sure, it HURTS and you want to recover what you lost, but sometimes that just isn’t possible. It is frustrating when they “win” (or it seems they do) but just trust in your faith and realize that you can validate yourself! (((Hugs)))) and God bless.

Thank you OxDover. So, not do the things outlined above?I just want to understand. I don’t want to dwell….but I want to transition out of this place. So far that has been being silent. Above appears to say file police report, Set up blog etc. I do have a disk with all kinds of teen porn (and he is 45) but not enough to get him arrested. Can I use it, and how he has destroyed my reputation as fraud and at least do that? Just a little confused. Thank you though…..

Dear Bellaangel,

The problem is that if you take that disk to the police, YOU ARE THE ONE WITH IT IN YOUR HANDS, how do you prove you got it from HIM? He is going to deny it. I suggest that you GET RID of that thing, burn it. If it is child porn it is ILLEGAL TO EVEN POSSESS IT. Possession itself is a CRIME.

If you have proof it is HIS (other than just your word) then go to the police and take it and turn it over to them.

Proving “fraud” is very difficult, and unless you have EVIDENCE besides your word, you are not likely to have much success.

I know you would LIKE to “clear your name” from the slime he has spread over it, but I doubt that there is much chance of that.

You might contact a social worker or counselor and talk to them about what is provable and what is not, or call the police and talk to them. From what I remember about your story, the slander he has done to you is not something you are going to be able to “prove” a court case with. You might also talk to an attorney usually they will talk to you once for free about filing a law suit and tell you if you have a case or not.

My guess is though that EVEN IF you proved your case in court, that your friends and family will still rally around him and condemn you for filing charges. Unfortunately, getting people to change their minds about something like this is very VERY difficult. I do suggest you get the book I recommended though “A mind of it’s own” by Cordelia Fine, PhD.

There is justice 🙂

He has been sentenced to 9 mmonths total, so another 6.5 months to serve. He has also been ordered to pay 22k to victims and hotels in Victoria.

The good guys won 🙂

TOWANDA!!!!! GREAT!!!! I wish it was 9 years, but 9 months is better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick!

rozzie –

That’s FANTASTIC news!!!! I’m so pleased for you all. Also, I agree with Oxy, good for you for knowing your own limits and not pushing yourself past them. What you guys have already done, although liberating and validating and in the name of justice, must surely take its toll on each of you.

After the lead-up and then the climax of MOST good things that have taken painstaking research and execution (ie. planning a wedding and then the wedding day, planning a major function and then running it, researching a major assignment for school and then handing it in for marking) there is the “plateau” that follows. Its normal with even good stuff; its even usual to feel quite “flat” once something like that is over….

What you dealt with (and are still dealing with, although on a smaller scale now as the situation continues to roll along without your immediate presence being required anymore) was a big, bad, truly ugly thing. No wonder you will feel drained and flat for a time. Our bodies can’t run on adrenaline and drama for extended periods of time without eventually making us stop and screaming at us, “okay mate, that’s enough for now, I ain’t MOVIN’! for a bit”.

You’ve been incredible, you ARE inspirational; you just need to let your “coming down” time wash over you now. xxx

bellaangel –

“Since April, not one person has talked to ME. Everything goes in and out about me through him”.even though we don’t live in the same state! Based on what he said about me my CHURCH will not meet with me … I have seen my entire life’s work with my Christian community, My children, My friends, torn down by this one man that I was married to for only 10 months!!”

Darling girl – stay HERE. Talk to us and we will listen. Process, rant, rave and discuss until you find your inner calm and strength. If you are still wanting to set up a blog, or something like that, do it THEN, when you are more centred. I doubt that you can think straight just yet – you are so newly out from it.

“NO ONE will take my calls, texts, emails”.even friends from 30+ Years!!! I am “shut-out” totally based on his lies. I have a previous girlfriend and his Ex-Wife who have confirmed my suspicions—emails, etc. but they feel powerless and want nothing to do with him. So I have all this information, and I am still powerless.”

Keep whatever information you have – I suspect that you will need it at some point for legal reasons. Just file it all away in a box with a lid and put it somewhere out of your sight so that you are not forever tripping over it and regurgitating things that are so unpalatable for you. When the time comes to use it, you will know what to do and how to do it.

As for the porn, while I agree with Oxy that it’s a dangerous thing to hang onto and could easily backfire if the spath decided to use it against you, I would check carefully into whether you have enough evidence that it was his, not yours. Was any of it obtained using a personal computer that you still have at your home? If so, did he need a password to check in? Can you go through the “history” on the computer to find when and where this occurred? If so, are you able to print out that “history”? Perhaps a computer boffin could help you with this?

If there are publications, have you any receipts for any of it? Did he use a credit card (joint or otherwise) where a record might exist? If a joint account, can you request the transaction details from the financial institution?

If there are receipts for actual shops, can you take an independent witness with you (pay a detective if you can afford it) to visit these places with a photograph of him and get the vendors to sign a statutory declaration that he is one of their customers? Even if they will only admit to selling legal porn, it might be enough of a connection for the police to link him to the illegal stuff.

If there is absolutely NO WAY of proving the illegal porn is his, then burn it all and cut your losses.

If you ARE able to nail him for anything illegal (porn or otherwise), wait until there is a satisfactory legal outcome (convictions, jail time, community work order, whatever…) recorded against his name. THEN set up a blog if you still feel the need. That way you can choose to publish FACT and PUBLIC RECORD stuff, which shouldn’t backfire on you.

I feel your frustration because I want to do the same, but after chatting here on LF for less than four months, I am now convinced that I will wait until AFTER our property settlement (should end sometime this year) and then AFTER I report him for insurance fraud and there has been a result there as well (which I won’t go near until the property settlement is finalised).

It’s hard to be patient in the meantime, but try to look at it the way that I am doing – for now, until certain things resolve, my “job” is to lick my wounds among people who KNOW what I’ve been through and who RELATE to it. It is my job to HEAL and learn to breathe again and to get myself into a good head space, regardless of who I have lost or who is persecuting me. I come here, I post, I take on board the advice of others and I try to help other posters where I think I have the right words. I collect whatever evidence comes my way about the spath and I file it right away for later.

Later will come my time for revenge and vindication. Later will be the time for alerting others to his evil scams. For now, I need to sit tight. Unless you can prove the illegal stuff is his, then so must you.

Even if the other two previous women don’t want to tackle him, it could still be enormously helpful for all three of you to meet and disect what you have each been through and to construct some kind of written “time line” between you all. Put it all into context so you can each wrap your heads around it better and cope better with what he has done to you all. Just talking it over will help you all to adjust and process – it’s just not possible on your own. (I know – I tried; and I was a long way along but didn’t get “there” until I landed here at LF)

Keep in mind though, that they might not be as ready as you are. I had the ex-wife prior to me on board to come to court hearings with me and everything. We had talked for days and compared stories and felt like we had really connected and found a lot of answers in each other. Then she bailed on me and hasn’t called back for over 2 months; I can only assume that it all got to much for her and that she isn’t ready at this time to take him down together. That’s hard for me (because it was such an attractive prospect) but I have had to let it go and fight my own fight.

“this is my 3rd Psycopathic relationship”.you think I would have “gotten it” sooner. I always knew “what” was wrong”.but “IT” never had a NAME.”

Don’t fret, it’s at LEAST my second (by marriage), and possibly my third (by other chosen intimate relationship) and I’m no dummie either. xx

one/joy_step_at_a_time

rozzieoz! 🙂 that’s damn fine news! good for all of you!!

one/joy_step_at_a_time

aussiegirl – e blogger is exceptionally easy to use for setting up blogs.

Hey you! x

I will come to you , my master, when I am at that stage. You will guide me through the process and I will, in turn, become a cyber-guru like you. Together, we will take over the world and blast it until it is shiny and clean and above all, spath-free.

We will emerge victorious and radiant with splendour.

I will await my proper time and your commands.

I remain, your obedient and humble cyber-slave.

one/joy_step_at_a_time

hey aussie – hate to tell you, but i find that kind of talk sexy.

I heard that Queensland is expecting a cyclone – i thought you lived in Queensland.

We use blogger.com which is affiliated with Google. Free and very simple to use.

Drover and Aussiegirl – thank you so much for your support and kind words. I am actually moving interstate in ten days time, and have been selling of furniture etc, having a MASSIVE clean-out.

it has been very cathartic but a bit draining at times. Going to Melbourne was just not something i could have coped with this week. Through this process, I have learnt how to be kind to myself 🙂

one/joy_step_at_a_time

aussie – blogger.com and e blogger are the same site.

oh oops, sorry!

one/joy_step_at_a_time

rozzie – no sorry necessary! just wanted to let aussie know. 🙂

Rozzie, I’m glad that you are taking care of yourself, it is so important and sometimes the LAST THING we do for ourselves is to take care of ourselves. A move by itself is maybe a “good” thing, but also a very stressful one as well, so keep your changes to a minimum for a few months and keep your stress level low.

Well, gang I am gonna go to nighty nite so will see you later.

one/joy_step_at_a_time says:

“hey aussie ”“ hate to tell you, but i find that kind of talk sexy.”

You big idiot! 🙂 🙂 🙂

“I heard that Queensland is expecting a cyclone ”“ i thought you lived in Queensland.”

Nope – I’m way over on the other side in Western Australia. I think Gem is QLD, as is AJH1 and as is (I think) Rebecca?

Rozzie – you are moving from SA, right? Or do I have CRS like Ox Drover?

yes, moving from Adelaide to QLD, to be closer to the other girls so we can get a book written 🙂 I leave in 10 days! Anyone need any furniture?

Hi, Aussie girl, No, I live in New South Wales, north of Sydney, Central Coast area.Yesterday wasa the hottest night in Sydney since 1973, and it was 43 deg C all day today with 90 per cent humidity. Poor Queensland! What next? First these awful floods in Qld and Victoria in which I think 33 people drowned, now a category 5 cyclone is due to hit Cairns a nd surrounding arear around midnight tonight. Hundreds of people have been evacuated.
the weather all over the planet is going crazy.
Have to stop now as its 40 deg in Davids study!10 pm at night.
Love to all,
Mama gem.XX

Ive just used my conversion chart, and 40 deg. Celsius is 104 deg Fahrenheit.!! No wonder Im melting!
Mama gem.XX

oh dear rozzie! Thank goodness you are not going until after this rotten cyclone!!!! I’m watchng the news and having a huge worry for everyone. xxx

Gem –
whew! Glad you are in NSW – seems a fairly safe place at the moment. While QLD drowned last week and the week before, where I am in WA was burining to the ground. Then Victoria flooded and burned and now the cyclone….too scarey for words. xx

Gem, with humidity that high it is the equivalent of about 150 degrees F!

Yea, the weather, along with volcanoes, cyclones, floods, and no rain in other areas, or out of season rains and then no seasonal rains is not what we have been “expecting” in the way of weather. England and Scotland have been covered by deep deep snows this winter as well.

In the US in 1812 it was called the “year without a summer” as it was snowing in July in what are now the southern states, few crops were grown that year because a volcano named Tambora (can’t remember where in the northern Hemisphere it is) blew up that year and threw enough ash into the sky (Like the one in Iceland?) that sunlight didn’t reach the ground properly to warm the oceans and ground so the year was unusually cold and had out of seasonal snows, etc. That was also the same time as the New Madrid earthquake in the Central US (actually not far from me) did a MAJOR SHAKE UP then thousands of smaller ones for a year or so. Don’t you know those people on the frontier were wondering if the end of the earth was coming soon?

This year there have been thousands of smaller earth quakes in our area, most not big enough to be felt, but some are felt, and a few will knock stuff off the walls a bit….the New Madrid is “due” a big one since it has been almost 200 years since it really got up and danced. BTW for anyone else in my area, your home owners insurance does NOT cover earthquakes. That is a separate policy, AND it is not expensive though, like about $100 a year or something like that, but if you live in a fault zone, well worth it. Home owners does NOT cover FLOOD EITHER, but I live at the top of a hill, so not worried on that one it would have to get to the Noah Flood proportions to get me and in that case, I’m not worried!

These are snippets from the actual articles that were published throughout Australia today…

“Harper was arrested following a tip-off after two Brisbane women, Rebecca Bell and Diana Mors, set up a website to expose and catch him.”

Quotes from the Magistrate in sentencing our con:

Magistrate Ross Betts, who also ordered Harper to repay $22,244.96, said: “You have perpetuated a premeditated, malicious and cruel, cruel deception that warrants imprisonment.”

http://www.couriermail.com.au/ipad/cruel-love-rat-ends-up-in-a-cage/story-fn6ck51p-1226000781953

Other quotes:

“Andrew John Harper, 39, carried out “sophisticated” and “cruel deception” after convincing victims he was a businessman worth $1.6 billion.”

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/victoria/cruel-love-cheat-andrew-john-harper-jailed/story-e6frf7kx-1226000738509

“He even said he was receiving chemotherapy for cancer.”

*Like*

Towanda!!!! I hope that the other charges in other states will be there for him at the door and he will be arrested again as he leaves jail for the ones he is convicted of now. Then the next state and so on.

GOOD JOB ladies!!!! Score one for the the good gals! (and guys!)

Ox Drover we have at least 6 months to find additional charges and that is our greatest hope, that there will be an extradition to one of the other states waiting for him when he steps out of jail.

I’m not sure how it is there but here if a person has like 10 crimes and either confesses to them or gets convicted or makes a deal, they “group” them and even though the guy gets 10 one year sentences, he only does ONE YEAR (or part of that year as theyy are usually let out early on parole.)

The Trojan Horse psychopath that attacked our family got a negotiated 5 year sentence for an ex convict with a fire arm (the law dropped attempted murder, attempted breaking and entering, idenity theft, fraud and not registering properly as a convicted sex offender (he had raped 3 different kids at 3 different times) for which he had done nearly 20 years total. He was also a “high risk” for reoffense in Texas, but in our state was dropped to a “low risk” even after he had re-offended.

The 5 year sentence had 2 suspended, and at about 10-11 months of the 3 years left, they wanted to parole him to a half way house, but I found out it was illegal and got that stopped and they didn’t parole him for about 16 or 18 months after his arrest. He is now off parole. His parole officer did not even know he was a SEX OFFENDER (child molester with young kids).

So my frustration with the law enforcement is unless it is murder it isn’t taken seriously and even for murder anywhere from 15-25 years here is about what someone serves unless it is a cop they kill. Only 40% of the ones let out on parole finish their parole without more crimes while they are on the street.

My P-son will come back up for his third parole hearing in three years from now, he is in for murder. His first parole hearing was at 15 years post conviction, and his second 4 years later and his next one will be 3 years from now. I really can’t hope to keep him inside for the “life” sentence he was given, if I can keep him there for 22-30 years I will be very lucky. I will however, do my best. I wish you gals luck!

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