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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Recovering from the con man

Editor’s note: Andrew J. Harper wasn’t who he said he was. He wasn’t a professional drag racer and he didn’t own properties in Europe. But at least 17 women in Australia, New Zealand and the United States believed him—and many lost money because they did.

Two of his victims, Diana Mors, who posts on Lovefraud as “AJH_Victim1,” and Rebecca Bell, worked together to find the truth, and the con man was finally arrested in October, 2010. The women told their story in the January 2011 issue of The Australian Woman’s Weekly, and then in the North West Star. Read:

”˜How I caught a con man’ on NorthWestStar.com.au

With the publicity, the women have been contacted by many victims of con men. Diana, feeling compelled to help them, wrote the following article.

How to transition from victim to survivor”¦

By Diana Mors

Know why you were conned—because you are kind, compassionate and caring. Also because your were targeted and his/her mission was to “get” you.

Forgive yourself, this is so important! Initially you will feel like an accomplice; most victims do.

Understand your perpetrator. The person you let in your life is NOT the one who enters. They rely on your complicity, embarrassment and humiliation to get away with their con. You invited them in, spent money, etc.—but on a pretext of lies. This person is fictitious and imaginary, even though they are there in front of you in 3D.

Just accept that they do not/cannot/will not have a moral compass like you do. They lack empathy, conscience, ethics, principles and scruples. So yes, they can sleep at night—often quite comfortably and usually at your expense. Do not try to work them out, you cannot.

Where to from here:

Police report

Go to the police and file a report. Insist! I got fobbed off by a Senior Sgt. four times trying to get me to not report. You will hear terms such as, “It will be difficult to prove,” well just how much is involved, etc. Keep insisting. I just kept saying, “Yes I know, but I still want it reported and would like a crime number please.” I said this four times and finally got my report taken.

Also police will recognise fraud in a business/corporate context, but seem disinterested in an individual’s case”¦.. INSIST, INSIST, INSIST. Give only copies of any evidence and keep originals. This has been key to the charges on our guy going from two to 34. One of our co-survivors kept everything.

There are the laws in various states on fraud and deception. Do your homework and take a copy of the legislation (pertinent parts) to the police if you must. In Queensland the law states:

Fraud is behaviour that’s deceptive, dishonest, corrupt or unethical.

For a fraud to exist there needs to be an offender, a victim and an absence of control or safeguards.

Here in Queensland, the laws on fraud involve dishonesty in any of these situations:

  • obtaining property belonging to someone else
  • applying someone else’s property to one’s own use
  • causing a detriment to another person or entity
  • gaining a benefit or advantage for any person; and
  • inducing or causing any person to deliver property to another person

The more people that report these crimes, the more the authorities are going to have to take notice. Our perpetrators rely on us blaming ourselves and NOT reporting to continue in their craft.

It has taken years for crimes such as music piracy to be recognised in the legal system and it may take years for this type of fraud to be given credibility, but the more of us that do it the more they have to take notice. What happened is NOT acceptable AND should be reported—not trivialised

Seek support

Go to your doctor and get counseling — you can get 12 free psych visits with a doctors referral — you NEED this, for you, for your family, for your kids. You need to talk this out. You have been violated and have suffered trauma.

Lovefraud.com—get on this site and read up; it is so helpful and beneficial. Join the mailing list. And seek out information that can help you. Get the book Without Conscience by Dr. Robert Hare.

Get support and understanding. Family, friends, colleagues, us, Facebook—seek it out wherever you can. A support group like ours circumvents the need to explain how you got conned—we know how it happens and are just there for each other. You will get people who will say things like, how on earth did you get conned, didn’t you realise when such and such happened? No one can possibly understand until they have been there, and we do not want to see more people there.

Set up blog

If you want to, set up a website/blog. Set it up on Google. This may cost money; you may need a webmaster to do this for you. Use verifiable facts ONLY—if you have incontrovertible proof it is a lie, then list it. What was the lie, how did you prove it was a lie and any reference material. Be objective and matter of fact. If you can’t write it, then get some one else to on your behalf. Be 100 percent honest and keep emotion out of it.

When I set up the website on our con I was taking a risk and I knew it. If our guy was genuine and innocent he could have come after me, but I was so confident that I had the necessary facts and evidence to support that his claims were complete and utter lies that I was happy to take the chance and confront him if it ever came to that.

Accept the change

You WILL be forever changed. Accept that. It does not mean suck it up, simply you cannot go back and have the life, sense of worth, trust, comfort that you had before. Additionally though, you are now stronger and wiser.

Can you empower yourself? Yes, join support groups such as our Facebook group ConnedInAus.

When I initially went pubic, having my photograph in the newspaper, I knew that I was setting myself up to criticism, but as I said to our Melbourne journalist, someone has to be the face of this crime.  No matter how humiliating, how embarrassing or what criticism may come my way, I knew my self esteem could handle it. I am a small business owner, single and childless, so I had no one to protect if my identity was made public. Additionally, I wanted our con to know that I was still out there chasing him. I had support in Rebecca Bell, as we had supported each other in the 18 months leading up to his downfall. I am so grateful that Rebecca then came with me to do the A Current Affair report, and had to deal with a lot of her own demons in going public.

Overwhelmingly the feedback has been positive for going public—comments of how brave and courageous we were together with the odd “attagirl” and lots of thanks for sharing our tale. There have been a couple of individuals who feel they are entitled to ridicule us, but so far they are in the minority; we do not even waste our time defending our position. In fact, others have actually come to our rescue in those instances and put them in their place on our behalf.

I can tell you I have never felt such euphoria as when our guy was arrested. It was just utter joy. Having lived on the edge of my seat for two years trying to track him, knowing he was hurting someone else and being powerless to do anything, was excruciating.

I hope this helps you make the important transition that you require to empower yourself and move forward. In sharing this information I hope you find a path to recovery.


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50 Comments on "LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Recovering from the con man"

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yes, moving from Adelaide to QLD, to be closer to the other girls so we can get a book written 🙂 I leave in 10 days! Anyone need any furniture?

Hi, Aussie girl, No, I live in New South Wales, north of Sydney, Central Coast area.Yesterday wasa the hottest night in Sydney since 1973, and it was 43 deg C all day today with 90 per cent humidity. Poor Queensland! What next? First these awful floods in Qld and Victoria in which I think 33 people drowned, now a category 5 cyclone is due to hit Cairns a nd surrounding arear around midnight tonight. Hundreds of people have been evacuated.
the weather all over the planet is going crazy.
Have to stop now as its 40 deg in Davids study!10 pm at night.
Love to all,
Mama gem.XX

Ive just used my conversion chart, and 40 deg. Celsius is 104 deg Fahrenheit.!! No wonder Im melting!
Mama gem.XX

oh dear rozzie! Thank goodness you are not going until after this rotten cyclone!!!! I’m watchng the news and having a huge worry for everyone. xxx

Gem –
whew! Glad you are in NSW – seems a fairly safe place at the moment. While QLD drowned last week and the week before, where I am in WA was burining to the ground. Then Victoria flooded and burned and now the cyclone….too scarey for words. xx

Gem, with humidity that high it is the equivalent of about 150 degrees F!

Yea, the weather, along with volcanoes, cyclones, floods, and no rain in other areas, or out of season rains and then no seasonal rains is not what we have been “expecting” in the way of weather. England and Scotland have been covered by deep deep snows this winter as well.

In the US in 1812 it was called the “year without a summer” as it was snowing in July in what are now the southern states, few crops were grown that year because a volcano named Tambora (can’t remember where in the northern Hemisphere it is) blew up that year and threw enough ash into the sky (Like the one in Iceland?) that sunlight didn’t reach the ground properly to warm the oceans and ground so the year was unusually cold and had out of seasonal snows, etc. That was also the same time as the New Madrid earthquake in the Central US (actually not far from me) did a MAJOR SHAKE UP then thousands of smaller ones for a year or so. Don’t you know those people on the frontier were wondering if the end of the earth was coming soon?

This year there have been thousands of smaller earth quakes in our area, most not big enough to be felt, but some are felt, and a few will knock stuff off the walls a bit….the New Madrid is “due” a big one since it has been almost 200 years since it really got up and danced. BTW for anyone else in my area, your home owners insurance does NOT cover earthquakes. That is a separate policy, AND it is not expensive though, like about $100 a year or something like that, but if you live in a fault zone, well worth it. Home owners does NOT cover FLOOD EITHER, but I live at the top of a hill, so not worried on that one it would have to get to the Noah Flood proportions to get me and in that case, I’m not worried!

These are snippets from the actual articles that were published throughout Australia today…

“Harper was arrested following a tip-off after two Brisbane women, Rebecca Bell and Diana Mors, set up a website to expose and catch him.”

Quotes from the Magistrate in sentencing our con:

Magistrate Ross Betts, who also ordered Harper to repay $22,244.96, said: “You have perpetuated a premeditated, malicious and cruel, cruel deception that warrants imprisonment.”

http://www.couriermail.com.au/ipad/cruel-love-rat-ends-up-in-a-cage/story-fn6ck51p-1226000781953

Other quotes:

“Andrew John Harper, 39, carried out “sophisticated” and “cruel deception” after convincing victims he was a businessman worth $1.6 billion.”

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/victoria/cruel-love-cheat-andrew-john-harper-jailed/story-e6frf7kx-1226000738509

“He even said he was receiving chemotherapy for cancer.”

*Like*

Towanda!!!! I hope that the other charges in other states will be there for him at the door and he will be arrested again as he leaves jail for the ones he is convicted of now. Then the next state and so on.

GOOD JOB ladies!!!! Score one for the the good gals! (and guys!)

Ox Drover we have at least 6 months to find additional charges and that is our greatest hope, that there will be an extradition to one of the other states waiting for him when he steps out of jail.

I’m not sure how it is there but here if a person has like 10 crimes and either confesses to them or gets convicted or makes a deal, they “group” them and even though the guy gets 10 one year sentences, he only does ONE YEAR (or part of that year as theyy are usually let out early on parole.)

The Trojan Horse psychopath that attacked our family got a negotiated 5 year sentence for an ex convict with a fire arm (the law dropped attempted murder, attempted breaking and entering, idenity theft, fraud and not registering properly as a convicted sex offender (he had raped 3 different kids at 3 different times) for which he had done nearly 20 years total. He was also a “high risk” for reoffense in Texas, but in our state was dropped to a “low risk” even after he had re-offended.

The 5 year sentence had 2 suspended, and at about 10-11 months of the 3 years left, they wanted to parole him to a half way house, but I found out it was illegal and got that stopped and they didn’t parole him for about 16 or 18 months after his arrest. He is now off parole. His parole officer did not even know he was a SEX OFFENDER (child molester with young kids).

So my frustration with the law enforcement is unless it is murder it isn’t taken seriously and even for murder anywhere from 15-25 years here is about what someone serves unless it is a cop they kill. Only 40% of the ones let out on parole finish their parole without more crimes while they are on the street.

My P-son will come back up for his third parole hearing in three years from now, he is in for murder. His first parole hearing was at 15 years post conviction, and his second 4 years later and his next one will be 3 years from now. I really can’t hope to keep him inside for the “life” sentence he was given, if I can keep him there for 22-30 years I will be very lucky. I will however, do my best. I wish you gals luck!

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