LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Recovering from the Internet predator

Editor’s note: Lovefraud recently received the following update from a reader who we called “Greta.”

Hi Donna:

I previously emailed you my story and you posted it on June 23, 2011 under Letters to Lovefraud: Hooked by an Internet predator. This is an update to my story.

As I wrote to you last, according to his previous girlfriend in Italy that keeps in touch with me, my ex, the predator, had persuaded a church in Florida to buy him a bus ticket to New York City. The homeless shelter in New York City assisted him through Immigration to get a ticket back to Holland. After the FBI, CIA, and Interpol completed their investigations, Immigration issued him an airline ticket back to Amsterdam on July 6, 2011. Karma is a beautiful thing…when he arrived at the gate in Amsterdam, the police where waiting for him with handcuffs. He was immediately taken into custody on an outstanding warrant for an assault on his grandmother in 2002 for which he never completed his probation, including paying 2,500 Euros. Accordingly, he was to serve a prison sentence of 4 weeks, until August 8, 2011.

When I received the email from the ex-girlfriend regarding his arrest and subsequent incarceration, (they stay in touch because she has a child with him), the police allowed him to call her upon his arrest. He told her to contact me to tell me that he was “okay” and he won’t give up hope that some day I will join him in Holland. Wow, how narcissistic is that? Like I care. As far as I am concerned, justice has been served and a month wasn’t long enough but it was well deserved. I hope I never hear from this guy again. He tore my life apart.

On a positive note, I begin training at our local Domestic Violence shelter in September to become a court advocate for women and children who have been victims of domestic violence. I want to share my experience with others to help prevent others from being hooked by sociopaths.

My husband and I are still together and we both take responsibility for the reasons we grew apart, I became vulnerable and became a target in the first place. I have come to realize that my husband loves me and I love him, unconditionally, it is real love, and we are closer than ever before. We both look at this experience as what was supposed to happen according to the Universe’s higher plan. We don’t question it, and we both learned a lot from this experience. We will celebrate our 24th anniversary this month.

Finally, I read your book, Love Fraud, and absolutely loved it! I couldn’t put it down. I want to thank you for detailing your experience with James, as well as the others he came in contact with, your spiritual experience, and your learning and personal growth. Reading your book assured me that my experience was not unique, I am not crazy, and I can get past the trauma and have a great life!

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4 Comments on "LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Recovering from the Internet predator"

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Thanks for the good news! It’s heartening to hear stories of healing. They help us know that recovery, and a better life, is possible.

Wow…Reminds me of the missing girl in Aruba! She was young and vulnerable and manipulated by a man who had money..big house…etc. And where is she now?

We need to continue educating young girls today..(and boys), how to spot a con-artist …and run from them. And, how to build up self-esteem.

So many young women get conned. I don’t trust anyone anymore. Unless I know someone well…I keep people at arms distance.

Donna, your story should be made into a movie. Rated PG for young kids to see and learn from.

Just a suggestion. We need to warn our future generations. Not enough is out there.

ToBeHappy –

Yes – education is crucial. That’s why I have developed an education program for high school and college students. If you know anyone in a position to book the programs, send them our way.


Donna, ToBeHappy

Great post from both of you. I was just reading the latest details in the ARUBA story, and there for the grace of god go I (and many others of us, I suspect).

In looking at the ARUBA VICTIM’s photos, it appears she may have posted on internet dating sites. They’re seductive, what you might see posted on match.com. I met my spath on the net, if I had met him in real life first – I wouldn’t have touched him with a 12 foot pole. I wouldn’t have been mislead by all his lies. Lies are easy online. Not so easy in real life.

In also thinking about her photos and raw sex appeal, I’m not sure why it is, but I got sucked into thinking I had to be super sexy for my spath. He stressed it, I bought into it. I changed the way I dressed, I lowered my standards, I became somebody I am not. I was “seduced” into thinking that I needed to become this sexier person when there is nothing wrong with the person I normally am. It looks like that might have happened to the ARUBA victim too.

I remember years ago, about the time that I met my SPATH, I read that “Craigslist is brimming with sociopaths”. I don’t know where I read it, and I honestly didn’t know what it meant. It was a red flag that I remember now, but at that time it went over my head.

Danger lurks.


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