Editor’s note: Lovefraud honors all religious and spiritual beliefs. However, we’ve heard of many sociopaths who twist the teachings of the Bible in order to keep victims from escaping exploitation.
A reader sent the following letter in order to encourage those who are in this situation—knowing they are being abused, but being told that Scripture says they should put up with it. The reader has no affiliation with the organizations posting the material; she just thought the links were helpful.
For those individuals who are of the Christian faith (and / or of any faith) and who have, also unfortunately found themselves ”¨exposed to either sociopaths / the supporters-of-sociopaths ”¨(within their very own family or spiritual setting or, as is very ”¨often the case, both) the following links may be of some ”¨help in discovering and receiving Biblical “support” in ”¨being able to acknowledge the God-given FACT that ”¨”tolerating a sociopath’s abuse” is very simply ”¦
1) NOT part of a Christians’ “bearing one’s cross”;
2) NOT something that a Christian MUST simply ”¨”just forgive and forget” in order to have God ”¨also “forgive and forget” their own wrongs;
3) NOT merely a part of a Christians’ spiritual ”¨OBLIGATION to “turn their other cheek” (70 x 7)
4) NOT a part of “loving or ‘blessing’ one’s enemies”;
5) NOT something that in anyway “glorifies” or “honors” God, ”¨nor is it in anyway a type of “obedience” to the commandments ”¨left by God to all of mankind, nor does it follow along the ”¨lines of the “will” that God has planned for one’s life.
God has a GOOD will and plan for everyone’s life and God both can and will help people to escape, overcome, heal and even, somehow, also ”¨be able to learn from the abusive experiences that you have survived.
GOD HAS THE POWER AND THE WILL to, somehow or another, use ”¨these past experiences to “transform” a person (despite all the abuse) ”¨into becoming the very best person that they can become (to themselves”¨ and to others) and can actually somehow miraculously also use these ”¨experiences to work out all together for the GOOD within their own ”¨life (Romans 8:28; Jeremiah29:11; 3 John 1:2) and in the lives of others.
Should I offer forgiveness without repentance?
Should forgiveness be unconditional?
No forgiveness for the unrepentant
Selective Amnesia: “I have no idea what I did wrong!”
Forgiveness—does it matter if the abuser is a born-again Christian?
The Christian abuser—twisting God’s word to justify abuse
What about “Love your enemies?”
Ox Drover
Welcome (((Hugs))) back Amber, and will keep you in my prayers!
Gem, the children of the darkness hate the light, and they will use anything that they know we value against us, and our love for them, or the GC is just another tool in their tool chest of evil.
I read a great post link today that Donna had posted a while back (and NO, I can’t remember which article it was on! CRS) it was by dr. Joe Carver and about our EMOTIONAL MEMORY and how we can control the emotions that go along with these memories (the bad ones) and how we can replace bad memories with better ones—because the brain is like a DVD player and can only plane one “DVD” at a time, so we must take control of the memories we “view” and not allow the bad ones to over come the emotions and turn on the “bad chemicals” that make us feell down, anxious, or depressed.
There wasn’t a lot in the article that I didn’t already “Know” but the thing is I think we need to keep on REINFORCING the good memories and not dwell on the bad ones, soo I am going to turn over a new leaf (again!) and keep on working on taking myself in hand. I can’t change what happened, Gem, or how I felt about it THEN, but I am going to focus on the greeat things of TODAY and not let the darkness over come the light! ((((Hugs))))) and my prayers!
wakingup
Thank you to all who responded and offered suggestions. I looked into all the things you said to and found it all extremely helpful. I’m pretty new around here and kind of feeling my way around, but your help has been great!!
flowerpower
Dear Ox,
Any thoughts on whether retelling our stories too much continues the memories? I find that the fewer details I relive through speaking or writing about my events, the better my outlook.
I can generically describe my story but when I look “reenact” the gory details, I stir up the negative emotions. Otherwise its just evil, and I know it and stay away and I am done with the downer thoughts.
And I find that as I get older my memory is shot anyway,,thank God!!
super chic
Hi Amber, I think you did the right thing! You are in my prayers. I remember where he works, but of course I don’t know exactly which company (I’m using vague words here). I don’t live too far away from you (I’m in the north end of the sprawling mass) so I’m glad they might clean the place up. Maybe they can do random drug testing on everybody, so he won’t feel singled out. They should test all those people anyway!!!!!! I’ve wondered where you’ve been, miss you too, I understand your reasons very well. God bless you.
teacher123
flowerpower,
I think that we should learn from the past, but not re-live it as we will miss out on the present and the future.
one_step_
I am sorry that you are having problems with this person at work. I had a principal who was so negative and dismissive of my work,and he tried to get me to doubt my teaching abilities. He was so eager to tell everyone else that they were not performing to standards, but apparently only those who were better at teachingthan he was. He almost devasted a first year teacher because of his comments. The point here is that these narcissitic people? will try to get you to doubt your abilities. I had to realize that he was not the boss of me even though he was my boss. I moved jobs rather than put up with his harassment. I know if it were up to him he would have ruined me. He couldn’t do too much though as I am under contract by the district- not his personal property. When a false accusation of sexual harassment came to him he turned me into the district for investigation way before ever asking me my side of the story. At least the district sided with me and no negative paperwork was filed against me except for the prinicipal’s notes that he took of our conversations. I am sure he tried to paint me as a perpetrator of something.
OxDrover- are you sure you shouldn’t try preaching as a profession? Your biblical viewpoints are filled with clarity and heartfelt guidance. Yes some of the biblical characters had sins, some of them bad too. I guess that shows you that they were real human beings and not some heavenly host that we can’t identify with. The Bible does also try to warn us about evil/devilish influences. It says that the devil wants to steal, kill and destroy you (good). I guess that covers all of our situations. Jesus also said that we should not be surprised if the world hates us because it hated him. If we have his spirit inside us, that makes us public enemies number one to those of darker motives.
amber
Thanks Oxy and Shabby…it’s good to know that I have your support. I’ve opted to not tell my closest friends, seeing that they’ve never been involved with someone of this kind. They just don’t understand. I couldn’t be more thankful for the open arms I know are always here for me. And at the end of today, I’m feeling better about my decision. He’s partying his ass off in Miami right now (the annual trip we took every year) and little does he know what’s waiting for him when he comes home. I hope he enjoys his trip!! Keep on snorting those lines because it will only help the report I filed against you douche!!! Not to mention his 41st birthday is next week. What a way to celebrate…being investigated by the company that you worked for for 17 years!!! It’s out of my hands now. I’ve finally said what I’ve been thinking for months and feel for the first time that I’ve finally got my closure. Once it was done, this overwhelming sense of calm came over me and it’s as if a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Thanks again for your kind words. I feel better knowing that at the end of the day, I’ve done the right thing. And I feel better knowing that his little secrets are going to be exposed, and that people’s lives will no longer be in danger with his selfish and stupid acts. Pheewwww what a relief…time to allow my life to move on. Hugs to you all.
super chic
TO GEM,
If I had a flower
for each time
I thought of you
my garden
would be full !!!
🙂
🙂 🙂
🙂
geminigirl
Shabby,Aw Thanks darling! thats so sweet of you!!Youve made my day!What lovely thing to say!
How are you doing, honey? Havent heard from you in a while. Hope everything is going WELL for you, you deserve the best of everything!Love, Gem.XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
wakingup
flowerpower,
I wanted to respond to your comment about reliving the past through too many details. Since I am new here and this is the first time I am able to tell my story to people who get it, I feel that the more details I can divulge at this point is like therapy. But I hope it won’t always be this way. I want to get to the point where talking about it will not hold as much emotion for me as it does now.
The funny thing is, every time I want to tell another chapter in my story I hesitate because I now realize that I have been brainwashed for 4 years into believing that no one really wants to hear what I have to say. In writing these posts, I am realizing just how low my self esteem is and has become. I hesitate every time I write because there is still a voice inside of me that says, “nobody wants to hear your wining, you sound like an idiot”. But when I stop and remind myself that many of you are just as interested in reading my comments as I am to read yours, (and I devour everything here), I am reminded that it is ok to share and feel validated. I think that’s it… validation. I haven’t had it for 4 years and I now see how badly abuse like that can mess with a persons mind. Lack of validation along with all of the other abuse, which there was so much of.
wakingup
flowerpower I want to add, you wrote:
My ex is a poor, lost, stumbling soul who cannot find happiness. I pity him, but I will not allow him to damage our children with his misguided and toxic life. So, I pray for him because I do love him as a child of God” and that is his only hope. But I have no contact; I flee from evil because that is what controls him now. Grace is a gift, we are to love the sinner and hate the sin. God will take care of that.
(Report abusive comment
This is EXACTLY how I feel and I could not have said it any better or differently. I think I am going to change my phone number because he wont leave me alone, and it is not about our son but about him still controlling me. I came right out and texted to him that I want NO CONTACT and of course he called me colorful names, but he wont stop. I wish him no harm, but more than that I wish my son no harm, and so I feel that its best that neither of us has contact with my ex. He of course sees it as an attack on him, but it is simply an attempt on my part to protect my son.