Editor’s note: Lovefraud honors all religious and spiritual beliefs. However, we’ve heard of many sociopaths who twist the teachings of the Bible in order to keep victims from escaping exploitation.
A reader sent the following letter in order to encourage those who are in this situation—knowing they are being abused, but being told that Scripture says they should put up with it. The reader has no affiliation with the organizations posting the material; she just thought the links were helpful.
For those individuals who are of the Christian faith (and / or of any faith) and who have, also unfortunately found themselves ”¨exposed to either sociopaths / the supporters-of-sociopaths ”¨(within their very own family or spiritual setting or, as is very ”¨often the case, both) the following links may be of some ”¨help in discovering and receiving Biblical “support” in ”¨being able to acknowledge the God-given FACT that ”¨”tolerating a sociopath’s abuse” is very simply ”¦
1) NOT part of a Christians’ “bearing one’s cross”;
2) NOT something that a Christian MUST simply ”¨”just forgive and forget” in order to have God ”¨also “forgive and forget” their own wrongs;
3) NOT merely a part of a Christians’ spiritual ”¨OBLIGATION to “turn their other cheek” (70 x 7)
4) NOT a part of “loving or ‘blessing’ one’s enemies”;
5) NOT something that in anyway “glorifies” or “honors” God, ”¨nor is it in anyway a type of “obedience” to the commandments ”¨left by God to all of mankind, nor does it follow along the ”¨lines of the “will” that God has planned for one’s life.
God has a GOOD will and plan for everyone’s life and God both can and will help people to escape, overcome, heal and even, somehow, also ”¨be able to learn from the abusive experiences that you have survived.
GOD HAS THE POWER AND THE WILL to, somehow or another, use ”¨these past experiences to “transform” a person (despite all the abuse) ”¨into becoming the very best person that they can become (to themselves”¨ and to others) and can actually somehow miraculously also use these ”¨experiences to work out all together for the GOOD within their own ”¨life (Romans 8:28; Jeremiah29:11; 3 John 1:2) and in the lives of others.
Should I offer forgiveness without repentance?
Should forgiveness be unconditional?
No forgiveness for the unrepentant
Selective Amnesia: “I have no idea what I did wrong!”
Forgiveness—does it matter if the abuser is a born-again Christian?
Dear EB,
Great minds run in the same ditch! Or is that RUT? The little jack russell terrier is in the bathroom whining–he was a bad boy and I caught him sleeping on my clean clothes folded on the bed rather than in HIS BED which is the only place he is allowed to sleep on top of my bed (he sheds hair all over the place so has a bed of his own on top of mine!) and now my clean clothes are all covered with hair!~ He’s usually pretty good about that but I CAUGHT him! UGH!!!! Murderous thoughts! So now I will let him spend the night on the floor in the bathroom all alone as punishment—he knows what it is for, as when I saw him (*and gave him a visual cyber skillet with my “Turn you to a pillar of salt” visual look) and told him to “get in the bathroom! NOW!” You should have seen how he slinked into the bathroom like I had KICKED HIM! LOL
He really is a groveling dog when he gets caught doing prohibited things! LOL He is so pitiful with it, makes me feel guilty for putting him in “solitary” confinement! Yea,, maybe I will let him out before I go to bed, let him crawl under the covers with me and sleep on my feet and keep them warm or cuddled up too my backside (I can wash the sheets and get the hair off, it is the expensive and wonderful winter light as a feather, and warm as a down coat, comfortor I don’t want “hair-ed all over.”
I used to feel guilty for showing preferences for one of my DOLLS for goodness sakes, and lined them up with their heads on the pillow to the point I couldn’T put my own head on the pillow in bed. Ok, I’ll go let the little rat out! He’s been in there an hour or so! LOL ROTFLMAO Gosh, I am so brutal! LOL G’nite!
Brutal!!!
I caught Holly doing the same thing last week…..
I haven’t been able to find my great brush/shedding tool that I know Ikept from the previous dog…..I KNOW I KEPT IT>…..
But, holly’s shedding is horrid!!! I have black hari everywhere…..
YUCK!
So yesterday, in town I picked up another set…..and me and then the kids brushed her…..eeewwww!
This morning youngest gave her a bath…..and the others vacumed……so hopefully it won’t be so gross now…..
I HATE HAIR!!! Mine, hers anyones….ew!
YOUR MEAN!!!!
🙂
Ox you should feel guilty for puttin that little fellar in the bathroom..poor thing he cant help it he he sheds – I am dog sitting Spike the boxer – he is huge and I was wrestling with him and the wieners and spike hooked me good in my left eye – my good eye! its all blood shot and and swollen I bet i have a black eye tomorrow ..poor little fellar let him out of the bathroom and back up on his bed Rat Now~!
I let him out and darned ifd he didn’t go BACK and get on the pile of lclothes again!!!UIGH!!! I smacked is butt(open handed one lick) and put him back in the bathroom, he is currently out on parole again and lying by my feet—I will let hijm sleep with me when I go to bed, been on the internet readingl should have gone to bed 3 hours ago, don’t know what’s got me up this later. will try it again! Nite nite!
Hello everyone!
I have been reading the posts daily and learning so much from others’ postings.
I am finding it extremely difficult dealing with the forgiveness aspect of the SPath. I stay so angry at this illness that I feel guilty for dwelling in this dark place for so long.
As some of you know, my adult daughter is a SP. We have no contact whatsoever. She is soon to have her second child…any day now….and I am so full of hurt/anger being denied seeing my other grandchild not to mention the soon to be born one.
She is naming the baby after the other grandmother. WHat a slap in my face. Am I surprised? No. Does it make me feel any differently? No.
I have to get a grip on these feelings. It serves no purpose but to remind myself that she is having a blast while I am sitting on the pity pot!
Does moving away from the area help? If I could run away and hide myself would I feel any better? No.
There is no escape from the pain of having this sit on my heart. A man I could cut loose. My child?…….oh geesh, it’s like cutting my heart in to pieces.
Realistically, I know there is NOTHING I can do to change the situation. GOD has tested me to the ‘nth degree. HOW much more can I take? No more than I can handle? WHY US?
Why were we given this horrible task to experience?
I am strong in my spiritual beliefs. HE is testing my resolve and I do not know what lesson there is in all of this. Patience? Understanding? Staring evil in the face? I just do not know.
When I see little ones with other grandmothers, it breaks my heart in two. When I see other mothers and daughters together – shopping,eating, enjoying each others’ company, it makes me so sad. It is worse than death in some ways.
How do you COPE? I try to stay busy, find things to do with friends, but it haunts me each moment of every day. I have to get through this! I know I will, but DAMN it’s hard.
Thanks for letting me vent today. I am just so angry at her that I almost hate her……..I don’t like feeling that way….I feel GUILT.
hey Guys! you should be like me an d have a Poodle!They actually have fur not hair,a nd it doesnt shed,{unless they are moulting and even then you only get the odd clump}. My Bobby is a blackminiature, hes 9 now, Birthday was on 17th March,-St. Patricks day! I got him a new emerald green collar and lead.We got him second hand 7 yearsa go, for 200 bucks, bst 200 bucks we ever spent! he is so smart and affectionate, still thinks hes a Puppy! This will make you laugh,-this poor womans husband was in jail, and she needed some cash to bail him out, and the only thing she had of value to sell was her dog! She called him Jett,-he arrived witha very bad haircut, and a cheap nasty fake leopard skin collarVery skinny..had him maybe half an hour, when David got home. Jett took one look at him and bolted.We chased him almost clear to the next suburb, no luck. Finally we went home, and I thought Id just chucked away 200 bucks. we left a bowl of dog food a nd water near the catflap on back verandah,I went downstairs at 5 am, there was jett,stretche d out on the sofa, dead to the world! Food gone! We renamed himBobby, and hes never run away since. Imagine this woman selling her Poodle to get her hubby out of jail! Id have rather left him in, and kept the dog!
When I first rang this woman re the dog, I heard a few kids hollering in the background. Bobby looked at me as if to say,
“It is the desire of my heart to be an only child.I dont want to go back there!” That was 7 years ago,and he seems very happy with his new parents!By the way, Davids Birthday, his 77th, was on the 19th March, 2 days after Bobbys. We celebrated it all together with our new”kids”, who brought flowers for David,plusa little Plaque which said,”Some Dads are like Sunflowers, head and shoulders above th e rest!And a card and dog food for Bobby.We had such a fun day!! Love, Mama Gem.XXXLove to all! Davids card read,”To the best dad in the whole of the wide world.!! We love you Dady. From your children, Abbas and Roya.”XXLovely!!
Caroline, I have just read your post, and I am so sorry. As you know, I am in exactly the same situation. I have NEVER ever been allowed to see my younger spath daughters 3 kids, even as babies. They arenow 14, 11,{I think} and18 months old. The pain never really goes away.I was hoping that my son in law{my other spath daughters ex,} would bring them round Xmas or N.Year. hasnt happened yet, and what put a knife in the wound was when we discovered he and the kids and the new girlfriend were in our area over New year, literally 10 minutes by car away from us, but never even rung us up to wish us Happy New year. Still havent seen them, last time was last easter. Im prayin g Ill get to see them for Marys 9th Birthday on 14th April, but I know Iwill prob. be disappointed again. The pain of having 2 daughters as spaths is unbelievable. Why are we being put thru this torture? Thank God,{and I do, every day,} for our new adult “kids” from Iran.Thay are so sweet and loving to us, and really need us, and give something BACK, which isa new experience for me, as all mine ever did was take take take.Im praying for you, Caroline. Much Love, Gem.XXX
PS, Caroline,DONT feel guilty, you have absolutely NOTHING to reproach yourself for. I realise now I did the very best I could, and probably nothing I said or did would have made any difference. Its the HATRED that gets me. Why do they hate us so much, these girls, when all weve ever done is love them and try to give them the best of everything? I am no nearer now than I was 30 yearsa go to understanding what makes these sick creatures tick.Maybe their self-hatred is projected onto usa s Mothers. They seem to hate the Mother more than the father.I was given a promise from God re the girls around 13 years ago, hasnt happened yet. I get impatient
So many conflivcting emotions. I feel some love for them still, but not much now. Then I feel guilty like you, for feeling anger at them treating me like dog, worse than a dog.They are INHUMAN creatures, they seem to have no remorse, no conscience, no love, no empathy, no soul. I have now been waiting almost ayear NC, since I set my boundary of one apology , wont happen, and even if she did say sorry, I know it would only be to soften me up for the next con.Dearest Caroline, at least you know you are not alone,I DO totally “get’ where you are, how your suffering, and so do all our great friends here on LF. Thank God for it! Much Love, and my prayers, Gem.XX
to everyone in my lf family,
I have read all comments and posts and my heart so breaks for all of you mothers who have children that grew up to be s-paths, etc. I have told part of my story about how I recently left my s-path and how I am struggling with raising our 2 year old, trying NC and still dealing with his harrassment while he throws his new “relationshit” in my face.
The part of the story I haven’t told (because I still can’t believe its real) is that I found out that I am pregnant again….
I left him 7 weeks ago, barely enough time for me to even begin to heal, and hardly enough time for him to move a woman into my house to play “happy family”.
The pregnancy was a complete accident, still am not sure how it happened, but the fact is that I am. I do not believe in abortion, however, I considered it this time because I cannot fathom bringing another one of his children into this world. I told him about the baby about a week after I moved out. At first, he pretended to be caring and concerned, but would always stop just short of asking me to come back. As time went on and it was revealed what was going on with his new woman, he decided he didn’t want me to have the baby and wanted me to have an abortion, of course, because how inconvenient for them! In perfect x fashion, the day before my scheduled appointment, he backed out. His excuse was, “I have to work, guess you’re on your own.” From that moment on, he’s not held back the true colors and when I asked him if the girfriend knew about the baby, he replied, “No one really cares.” I know he’s telling everyone that I did it on purpose and he’s probably trying to tell people that it’s not his, although no one is likely to buy that. I was always faithful, and he was never.
So now, he acts as if the new baby doesn’t even exist and he still calls and texts to see our 2 year old. I refuse to speak to him and I respond to very few texts. I think the pregnancy may be one of the reasons he’s not persuing me in court. But my life is shattered. Not only am I dealing with the breakup and moving out, but I have a child growing inside of me and I have no idea what to do. I really think I will give the baby up for adoption because I cannot physically, emotionally, or financially raise this child.
How can he pretend to care about our son while completely ignoring the fact that I am pregnant? I believe that in the beginning when he was pretending to be concerned he was actually listening to my pain because he was getting off on it. He knows how hard this is for me, and I think he sees this pregnancy as payback for the fact that I abandoned him.
So I had to get this off my chest. I am beyond devastated. I haven’t told anyone else yet, but that day is quickly approaching as I am already starting to show. I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I am being punished somehow, but I know God does not use an innocent human life to punish another. I have two teenage daughters from a previous marriage and of course my 2 year old. How do I explain this to my family? How do I cope with the loss and now the added stress of this pregnancy for the next six months? How will I explain to my son that I had to give away his only full blooded sibling? How do I explain the fact that my ex is intersted in our 2 year old but pretends that the new baby doesn’t exist? I have never been so depressed or scared. Oh yeah, morning sickness has been especially fun this time around.
Thanks for letting me vent, this is the first time I have gotten this out and I feel a little better.
Wow, Wakingup, you are in a pickle. I wish I could advise, but don’t know what to say.
Just remember that a lot of things can change in 6 months.
There are places you can go for counseling, I think, like planned parenthood.
His response to your pregnancy isn’t really the issue, I don’t think. If it’s his he’ll have to support it at least financially.
It would probably be better if he was out of both children’s lives on an emotional level, anyway.
I was thinking that it’s possible he is lieing to the new woman about having been with you when you got pregnant. That would explain his attitude.
Talk to God about it. Try not to worry too much! I’m sending hugs.