Editor’s note: Lovefraud honors all religious and spiritual beliefs. However, we’ve heard of many sociopaths who twist the teachings of the Bible in order to keep victims from escaping exploitation.
A reader sent the following letter in order to encourage those who are in this situation—knowing they are being abused, but being told that Scripture says they should put up with it. The reader has no affiliation with the organizations posting the material; she just thought the links were helpful.
For those individuals who are of the Christian faith (and / or of any faith) and who have, also unfortunately found themselves ”¨exposed to either sociopaths / the supporters-of-sociopaths ”¨(within their very own family or spiritual setting or, as is very ”¨often the case, both) the following links may be of some ”¨help in discovering and receiving Biblical “support” in ”¨being able to acknowledge the God-given FACT that ”¨”tolerating a sociopath’s abuse” is very simply ”¦
1) NOT part of a Christians’ “bearing one’s cross”;
2) NOT something that a Christian MUST simply ”¨”just forgive and forget” in order to have God ”¨also “forgive and forget” their own wrongs;
3) NOT merely a part of a Christians’ spiritual ”¨OBLIGATION to “turn their other cheek” (70 x 7)
4) NOT a part of “loving or ‘blessing’ one’s enemies”;
5) NOT something that in anyway “glorifies” or “honors” God, ”¨nor is it in anyway a type of “obedience” to the commandments ”¨left by God to all of mankind, nor does it follow along the ”¨lines of the “will” that God has planned for one’s life.
God has a GOOD will and plan for everyone’s life and God both can and will help people to escape, overcome, heal and even, somehow, also ”¨be able to learn from the abusive experiences that you have survived.
GOD HAS THE POWER AND THE WILL to, somehow or another, use ”¨these past experiences to “transform” a person (despite all the abuse) ”¨into becoming the very best person that they can become (to themselves”¨ and to others) and can actually somehow miraculously also use these ”¨experiences to work out all together for the GOOD within their own ”¨life (Romans 8:28; Jeremiah29:11; 3 John 1:2) and in the lives of others.
Should I offer forgiveness without repentance?
Should forgiveness be unconditional?
No forgiveness for the unrepentant
Selective Amnesia: “I have no idea what I did wrong!”
Forgiveness—does it matter if the abuser is a born-again Christian?
The Christian abuser—twisting God’s word to justify abuse
What about “Love your enemies?”
Caroline
Oh Geminigirl! What sorrow for you…THREE???
What makes them beasts? Ok, I really know that answer…I think.
Is it possible that it is just Satan at work? My SP daughter has never seemed spiritual in any sense. In fact, using God’s name is vain is common place for her. Over the years I would cringe and correct her….she would do it to spite me.
The ONLY way I can accept it is to admit it is the devil at work. God could not have created such a monster…He is about love.
This just makes me accept it somewhat more than any other explanation I have read.
and you have TWO daughters like this? Unbelievable…oh the pain……..I feel so much more blessed than you……..at least I have a normal son.
I am at a loss for words regarding your situation. It just never ends, does it?…the pain….
Ox Drover
Dear Waking up,
I am so sorry that you fiind yourself with another difficult and painful choice to make.
There are some legal entanglements (at least in USA) over the father having custody/visitation rights over a child and might have to sign papers to allow an adoption.
I am sorry I don’t remember if you were/are married to him to the father and I don’t know what country you live in. (please forgive me, I have CRS “can’t remember Chit.”)
If you do sign the baby over for adoption (and you may be sure of that now but by the time the baby comes may change your mind etc.) but there are other options, like “open adoptions” so I would explore some of the available options if you do decide to give the baby up, and decide what you are comfortable with.
Another gal here, who posts under the name of BIRD, her BF took off when she was 6 mo preg and left her high and dry. She was devestated, but doing pretty well now. So, you CAN do whatever you really want or need to do. My caution here is to NOT PANIC, and don’t make any decision you aren’t SURE OF. It is difficult to make decisions when we are in such stress. (((((Hugs))))))and God bless you and give you wisdom!
Ox Drover
Dear Caroline,
There are several of us here who have adult children who are psychpaths. Yes, it hurts terribly, but when yhou get right down to the “bottom line” they will use ANYthing they can to hurt us, and if they have children, that is a great weapon in their armoury! It cuts to the heart.
I’m fortunate in that I have no grandchildren for them to use against me in that way, and grandchildren was something I looked so forward to having. The collateral damage they do to us and our families by keeping us away from the grandchildren and others we love is just part of their standard operating procedure (SOP)
My UN-born grandchildren were prescious to me, the fantasy I had of them and what all we would do together! It hurt to give up the fantasy I had so closely held for so long, but in reality my fantasy of being with my UN-born grandchildren is not much more “unreal” than yours. Your daughter will not let your fantasy come true (even if your grandchildren are BORN and mine are Total fantasy) but the result is the same, we have to give up the ideas and the desires we had so carefully nurtured of loving these children.
It hurts, because we know it COULD be different, but we have NO control over it being different! So I try to “fill my life” with other relationships with other “grandchildren” like Gem does with her “adopted family.” FAMILY is not only constituted by people related to us by blood and DNA, but by people we love and who love us. Since you can’t be grandma to your daughter’s children, find some single mother who lives away from her parents and become the “grandmother” by love of those children–((((((HUgs)))))) and God bless!
ErinBrock
Oxy:
I know how you can keep the dog from jumping on the clothes…..
PUT THEM AWAY, WHERE THEY BELONG!
BOINK, BOINK!!
🙂
ErinBrock
Wakingup:
Oh, how my heart breaks for you!!!
IF…it’s any consolation…..I’m adopted……and I believe there are many good families who would cherish your baby.
That said……My first thought was……he’s going to have a fit and will need to sign docs…..unless you take a ‘European vacatiton’ for about 4 months…..and the stress ‘makes you miscarry’……(wink wink)…..there are churches/nuns in europe who will find an adopted home and your stbx can never find the baby.
I’m thinking an open adoption could be a nightmare for all……since the daddy-0 is an S…..he may come and go, come and go…threaten to take babay etc……
I do believe in a womans right to choose, and if it’s not too late, this may be the ‘best’ option, given all information and people involved.
With your hormones changing, you need to keep yourself ‘out of hot water’…….get a therapist, reach out (in person) for support and brain storming to get you through this……
Don’t concentrate on Him…or other woman…..that’s their problem……your plate is full…….
Make calculated informed decisions and try to keep your spirits up…….
I’m so sorry your in this predicament…….so very sorry…..
But, you’ve reached out and this tells me your a strong woman, and whatever decision you make will be the best for YOU!!!!
Take care of yourself!!!! Be good to yourself!!!
XXXOOO
EB
ErinBrock
Caroline:
My heart goes out to you…….I bid you strength and peace!
XXXOOO
EB
lostingrief
when the ex-spath begged me to get back with him seven years ago, i repeatedly said no, largely because i knew that he was not a spiritual person and i might have to put that on a back burner for him. then, he began to realize that my spiritual life was very important, so he started playing on that. ”you’re a taoist …? i can really flow with that, baby, just give me a chance and teach me.” well, he played that number, successfully, but it was when he said, ”you know, i now realize that our connection is SO spiritual and emotional,” that i finally gave in. of course, it was ALL a lie. in addition to taking me for EVERYTHING, he took my inner peace (which i had worked SO hard to cultivate), too.
they will use your spirituality — no matter WHAT type — against you by making it part of their arsenal.
freakin’ FREAKS!
today is 19 months NC! TOWANDA!!!
lostingrief
waking up:
so sorry for your situation, but you can do this. you will be okay. get as much money out of him as possible. gather family, friends, community groups for support.
and most importantly, take care of yourself.
god bless.
Ox Drover
Dear Erin,
It isn’t just the CLOTHES it is my comfortor! And Yea, I should have put them away and did before going to bed, but he has a “bed” on the end of my bed where he KNOWS is the ONLY place he can lie on it and not get into trouble. If you tell him,, “go get in your bed” he goes there, but he was being sneaky last night and getting on the clothes instead.
My friend’s Jackk russell dog will growl or snap at her when she tells him not to do something, and instead of training the dog to mind, she lets him be the alpha and he went from beiingn sneaky to being boss. I am BOSS around here as far as the critters are concerned….espe. the dogs. My friend has baby gates across every door out of her living room to keep her dog from shreading the other rooms, MY dog you can p;ut meat in the trash and he will not bother it. Her dog just tears it up to be a pain! She tells him to sit, he KNOWS what it means, but refuses. when I tell mine to sit, they sit!
I have this wonderful comfortor on my bed and there really isn’t any way to launder or wash it, and it is only on the bed in the winter time, but I don’t want dog hair and dirt on it, so I trasined the dog to sleep on HIS BED (which can be washed) oin the foot of my bed, then when it is cold he can come get between the covers when I go to bed (I can wash the sheets) and sleeps with me. He doesn’t get under the covers til INVITED TO. Then in the morning he waks me uip when he wants to go outside.
I guess I must be a control FREAK, I love dogs but refuse to let them be my BOSS and tell me what they’re going to do! It just makes for a happier relationship if they accept you as leader of the pack. Makes them feel more secure as well. Terriers are kind of hard headed but as they go this one is a good one and SELDOM defies me or does what he knows he isn’t to do.
The cat’s another story now, the only thing I “taught her” was to stay off the table, window sills and counter (mouse traps strategicly placed work great for this!) that and letting her continue to believe she is the household god. LOL Kind of like a psychopath with fur! LOL As long as you realize she is boss and bow and scrape to her every wish, she is happy.
She has figured out there is a “teleporter portal” at the front door now, that the dog uses to “teleport” somewhere. Yesterday somehow she got back out side (she lived there outside for 2 years) but she immediately wanted back through the portal into HEAVEN!
ErinBrock
Oh OX,……I’m giving you chit!
🙂
We are training Ms. Holly to not be the ‘boss’…..I HATE it when she jumps up when I enter a room and she’s with the kids!!!! Or on visitors….
They need boundaries…..or they drive ya nuts!!!
You gf’s dog sounds like a total nightmare!!!!
My parents had a Maltese that was a nightmare…..it is all in the bad parenting of an alpha dog!!!