Editor’s note: Lovefraud honors all religious and spiritual beliefs. However, we’ve heard of many sociopaths who twist the teachings of the Bible in order to keep victims from escaping exploitation.
A reader sent the following letter in order to encourage those who are in this situation—knowing they are being abused, but being told that Scripture says they should put up with it. The reader has no affiliation with the organizations posting the material; she just thought the links were helpful.
For those individuals who are of the Christian faith (and / or of any faith) and who have, also unfortunately found themselves ”¨exposed to either sociopaths / the supporters-of-sociopaths ”¨(within their very own family or spiritual setting or, as is very ”¨often the case, both) the following links may be of some ”¨help in discovering and receiving Biblical “support” in ”¨being able to acknowledge the God-given FACT that ”¨”tolerating a sociopath’s abuse” is very simply ”¦
1) NOT part of a Christians’ “bearing one’s cross”;
2) NOT something that a Christian MUST simply ”¨”just forgive and forget” in order to have God ”¨also “forgive and forget” their own wrongs;
3) NOT merely a part of a Christians’ spiritual ”¨OBLIGATION to “turn their other cheek” (70 x 7)
4) NOT a part of “loving or ‘blessing’ one’s enemies”;
5) NOT something that in anyway “glorifies” or “honors” God, ”¨nor is it in anyway a type of “obedience” to the commandments ”¨left by God to all of mankind, nor does it follow along the ”¨lines of the “will” that God has planned for one’s life.
God has a GOOD will and plan for everyone’s life and God both can and will help people to escape, overcome, heal and even, somehow, also ”¨be able to learn from the abusive experiences that you have survived.
GOD HAS THE POWER AND THE WILL to, somehow or another, use ”¨these past experiences to “transform” a person (despite all the abuse) ”¨into becoming the very best person that they can become (to themselves”¨ and to others) and can actually somehow miraculously also use these ”¨experiences to work out all together for the GOOD within their own ”¨life (Romans 8:28; Jeremiah29:11; 3 John 1:2) and in the lives of others.
Should I offer forgiveness without repentance?
Should forgiveness be unconditional?
No forgiveness for the unrepentant
Selective Amnesia: “I have no idea what I did wrong!”
Forgiveness—does it matter if the abuser is a born-again Christian?
Yea, ErinB,
I know what you mean. “Parenting” a dog or a child, if we are cruel to them they show the effects one way or the other, and if we are nurturing and yet firm in our expectations they also should show the effects of that. I think I got better results over all with the dogs though since I started out with better DNA and more predictable! LOL I think I should have been taken out of the gene pool before I reproduced! But it is actually a blessing to me that I don’t have biological grand kids. That was one of my greatest desires, I lived for and looked forward to the day, but the one being in prison stopped him from reproducing, and the other one has decided to remain child-free since he doesn’t want to run the risk of producing another psychopath for the family.
It is a shame we can’t neuter all the psychopaths though, isn’t it. Kind of cut down on the number of them that reproduce, huh! But fortunately,, even in identical twins it isn’t a black or white issue with the genetics, there are enough areas of gray that maybe with some improved parenting the children at risk will come out okay!
I witnessed a miricle two weekends ago… and with that… God delivered me from the bondage I have lived in for four years now…. Let’s just say that I bumped into the sociopath after nearly four years.. and she got steamrolled…. not by me… but by God…she got convicted, I got delivered, and I saw a physical manifasation (sp) appear all over her body right before my eyes… she was tormented…litterly…and I was consumed with the Holy Spirit, and spoke with strength and grace….. I had no fear, faced my giant….and it all glorified Him
Well… I have been in bondage for four years now.. consumed with fear that I might run into her at some point.. I changed my habits, did my shopping on the other side of town, avoided going to places that we use to go to…everytime I’d see a car like the one she had, I get that lump in my throat… I have had dreams about her.. and I have always been sad about the whole thing.. from a mental breakdown to being generally depressed about life.. all stemming from the sociopath in my life….. a deep sadness over my spirit…….
So I went out by myself a weeks ago last Saturday night….on a whim…. and I ran into my ex-girlfriend… the sociopath… I had not seen her in nearly four years….I was in a club, alone and here she comes with a older (much older) man (money) and I see her first, walking directly towards me, and yet as my mind regesters what I am seeing… I have absolutley no fear, and as she walks by me and I elbow her… she looks at me and her eyes get as big as saucers..she mumble hello and I turn my back to her… she and her man walk on by and I turn around and he has gone, so I walked up to her and asked her how she was.. and she is horrified… she is utterly covered in thick hives… red and oozing….The hives are thick and oozing a clear fluid.. and they are actually moving on her skin… this all seems so sur-real!…. the minute before when she passed me, they were not there… She asked about my son and how I was.. I told her we are doing awesome!..I’m smiling and feeling strong.. no fear at all…I am smiling, beaming!… with confidence… I can feel myself radiating light… remember.. this is my fear.. my giant.. my abuser…. she stands there looking pitiful… and something else…she looks dead.. no life in her eyes……. and to my sorrow.. she loooks like a two dollar whore…. I cannot belive this… I tell her to take care of herself and I walk away.. straight and tall and confident.. moments later, her man comes to her and they leave……. the hives were all over her face, lips, neck and chest…….
This is what I feel is what happened…For four years I have been in bondage about her.. her beauty.. her abuse.. but yet.. I still…. loved her…. I think God was saying this to me…. You have given this woman the part of your heart that you should have been giving to me.. the part of your love that should be mine… I’m going to show you what you really love.. what her beauty really is…and He did just that in a matter of two to three minutes………One may say the hives were because her conscience was convicted by the evil she did to me and then by sight of me, but I say God did that for me.. to show me what I have been in love with.. she looked like a monster…because that is what she is.
After she left me four years ago… I went to see her three times… all three times she was cruel, and mean and looked at me with hate in her eyes.. that alone, broke my heart.. so each one of those three times, she steamedrolled right over me… I was pitiful.. I cried in front of her.. my head hung so low, and she reveled in my pain….. and the very last time I ever saw her, she did all of that but something else much worse.. she mocked God.
I told her then, that I was a christian now because of her.. because of the pain in my heart… she rolled her eyes and laughed at me….at God…. so when I saw her the other night.. her beauty is fading, she with some very old man and she breaks out in a extreme case of hives right before my eyes…. it is obvious that her life is sliding further south… bad, selfish choices, a life of using people, lying, cheating…she had used her beauty and charm for so many years to get what she wanted from people …this was my beautiful girlfriend.. my love…. then she betrayed me and then like a coward ran away…
Now…. Four years later… her mocking caught up with her……but the important thing for me is… I am free.. I am deleivered of the bondage.. I no longer walk in fear, or hang my head, or pine for the evil woman who once was so beautiful……I was delivered, and also it sealed my forgiveness about her.. something I have struggled with for four years now….as I looked at the shell of the woman before me.. the once beautiful, but evil women with the dead eyes… I felt compassion for her…..any unforgiveness that I carried in my heart was simply lifted away…..and I also received CLOSURE…. something I never thought I would ever get… and lastly, I got a little justice, although I do not revel in that….God turned the tables on her.. and on me….Before….the last image of me she ever saw was a defeated man.. a pitiful man who was crying and broken.. and she loved that she had the power to do that… now……the last image she will see of me is a man who is radiating in the Lord.
It is a gift from God that he gave this image of the true ugliness of her soul and heart that is seared into my brain…..I did all of that, elbowing her, going up to her.. not in my strength.. but in the strength of the Holy Spirit… Remember.. this was my giant.. my worst nightmare has been that I’d run into her again.. and be afraid, tremble, get sick, cry.. my instinct would be to flee… but I had absolutley no fear at all… I stood tall, and not only elbow her as she walked by as if to say “Remember me?”.. but I actually walked up to her.. this is something I could have never done in my own flesh… and the thing is…. I was kind….the first thing I say to her is “How are you doing”.. the last thing I leave with is “Take care of yourself”….in the meantime.. she is tormented… those hives are thick and covering all of her face and neck and chest.. she looks like a leper….. and as this dream-like event was unfolding right before my eyes.. I knew it was all God…..
She was not the powerful one this time.. she did not have control of my emotions or of my heart….. she was defeated in spirit and in body…..
What a amazing gift our Father God gave to me!!!!! ……I have been beside myself ever since. It was not by chance that I ran into the sociopath that night… NO WAY!!! It divine intervention at it’s best!…
He see’s our tears and hears our cries.. He saw the abuse… and in His perfect time, He heals….. Count on it!
This will change my life forever… and has deepened my faith by 1000 times. ..I realise that it is rare to receive such a gift and for it to be effective on so many levels….I am so thankful to be set free!!
I never again will place someone in my heart above Him.
Southernman,
That is a miracle for sure.
I am convinced that as long as we are able to recognize and to nurture the very essence of our being that we will see what you saw, but that until or unless we do, we are vulnerable to these soul eaters.
Your post is a reminder to lift our hearts to that which is the center of all living things in creation and it us uplifting to learn that the gift is there, resident in the learning to be so.
Thank you for that wonderful story.
Dear Southernman,
WOW!!! What a mind altering and soul altering experience to see her for what she REALLY is….kind of like you saw the “Picture of Dorian Gray” sort of thing, the REAL her that is so pitiful.
My “vision” was not quite so dramatic but after the parole preparation (actually ANTI- parole prep) was done for my son, I started SEEING him and picturing him in my mind as just a TYPICAL CONVICT, animalistic, dispicable, crude, pathetic, sort of like a “Charlie Manson type.
Congratulations, Southern man, this is your FREEDOM DAY! Celebrate it each year when the anniversary rolls around! The day you saw the REAL HER! TOWAND-O!
I am utterly amazed at what happened.. so unexpected, but yet so deeply desired…. I have cried out to the Lord for so many years to take her out of my heart…. but the triggers remained.. the thoughts and memories remained.. it affected all aspects of my life…. it was bondage pure and simple….so now….. I am free… I am taking mu gift and running with it… and never look back.
Interestingly enough.. some things have happened recently that I think the Lord used to prepare me…. I noticed at the first of the year, the pain from the sociopath intensified.. almost like it happened at the beginning.. keep in mind, it’s been four long years… I was very dismayed about this feeling of backstepping…. I belive that the enemy know of my future deliverence and blessing, and he was attacking with all he had… As you noticed, I had returned here and posted comments.. hadn’t been here in a long time….the ruminating had returned as well…. In Febuary, I went to Barnes and nobles and picked out three books..The journey To Desire by John Eldrigde, Our Unmet Needs by Charles Stanley, and the most interesting choice…lol…..Facing Your Giants by Max Lucado….God placed those books in my hands. also intereasting is the dates of things… I first corrasponded with her this past week exactly 5 years ago… She slithered out of our lives exactly this past week four years ago….
God is real… God is good. I am free………
I just went to Amazon.com to order a copy of “Stalking the Soul” and WOW, though the “List” price is 22$ it is $150+ shipping to get a new copy and $35 UP to $125 to get a used copy! That must be a powerful book to have the price driven so high! Think maybe I’ll check the library! LOL
Rosa why don’t you give us a book review on it!
Southern man, I know you must be absolutely walking on AIR right now to be FREE of that emotional and spiritual ball and chain you have been carrying around! Yea, sometimes things do sneak back in the heart through the backdoor so to speak and we feel them…but I am so glad that you were able to overcome what I can see would have been a very disturbing situation.
Coming upon them UNEXPECTEDLY (BF once and egg donor once) was a great SHOCK to me, each time and it caused me to really melt down, become fearful and angry! The UNexpectedness of the encounters seemed to be the trigger for my feelings. Just look up and THERE THEY ARE. BAM!!!
Those unexpected encounters haven’t happened in quite some time now though, so possibly they will be felt differently in the future. But, in the meantime, I do not PINE for any resumption of any of the relationships with any of them. And, I no longer live in terror of their opinons of me either, so maybe that will give me strength as well.
Congratulations on your freedom SM, I am happy for you and you are blessed to be RELEASED from this ball and chain of evil holding you back!
Dear Southern man..
Congratulations. The enemy did fully assault to weaken you and I believe this was your test. God placed those books in your hands and as you were obedient, He was faithful.
This reminded me of my safe place during the storm and the verse that was used…
II Corinthians 3:16.
“whenever someone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is FREEDOM. So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord-who is the Spirit-makes us more and more like Him as we are changed into His glorious image”…
isnt that wonderful? you are being transformed by this!
Thank you for your support fellow travelers!
I am feeling better at the moment……..GOD has other plans for me and at my age, He’d better let me know sooner rather than later! LOL !
I have taken all photos down of my grandchild and daughter. Too painful to see everyday.
I think I’ll write my grandchild a letter for her to have after I die. It will be given to her at the will reading. I will tell her the truth about how I feel…how much I love her and miss her.
That will give me some relief. I never want her to believe I didn’t care or love her deeply. NEVER. My daughter will never convince her differently…..after my death. She can lie all she wants, and I pray my grandchild will NOT be like her.
Thanks again to everyone! We are in this together!!
OxDrover:
I only paid $10.00 for the book, “Stalking the Soul”.
I don’t know why the price is so high on Amazon.com.
Try this instead:
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Stalking-the-Soul/Marie-France-Hirigoyen/e/9781885586995
SouthernMan:
What you experienced was WONDERFUL!!!!
The fear taken, the anxiety removed…..
NOW, you can move on!!!
Good for you…..
Just anohter confirmation that…….it all works out the way it should…….
Look at all the lessons and information you’ve gained in the past 4 years……..
although there was a price to pay for the knowledge……you are a much better man because of it!
Good for you…..happy freedom!!!